


(common side effects)

by katarinahime



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alcohol Abuse, Attempted Suicide, Bipolar Disorder, Drug Abuse, F/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Illness, Mental Instability, Self Harm, Self-Medication, Suicidal Thoughts, bipolar, rapid cycling, type 1
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2019-10-14 20:09:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 85
Words: 145,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17515187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katarinahime/pseuds/katarinahime
Summary: Naruto is messed up. No [[big deal]].Go check out the companion piece “Medicated” by @Szajnie





	1. The spiral

"Your liver enzymes came back high."

Naruto is tapping his hands on his thighs, leaning too far back in his chair. He raises his eyebrows, unsure of what to make of that statement.

The doctor's office is small, and impersonal. There's some random artwork that Naruto could swear he's seen in every doctors office he's ever been in. It even smells the same.

They're all the same.

They even speak in the same, clipped cadence. Always saying things he doesn't really understand.

"What does that mean?"

Hinata, his girlfriend, asks. Of course, she asks. She's super smart, and normal. 'Neurotypical'. Whatever the fuck that means.

She has a corporate job, she's taken time off work to be at his appointment with him. After the doctor called and said his labs were off. She's twisting a bracelet on her wrist that Naruto could never afford.

Because Naruto can't hold a job. Because Naruto can barley make minimum wage, can barely scrape together a twenty hour work week.

Because Naruto's life revolves around pills, and therapy appointments and not drinking, and trying to eat healthy, but (honestly) fuck vegetables. Naruto's life is trying to avoid self harm and trying to do yoga, or writing in a dream journal, both of which he finds utter bullshit.

Don't lay in bed too long but also don't run twenty miles in a day. It's bad for you apparently.

Both of them.

Hinata doesn't have those problems. Hinata is beautiful and wears pant suits and she wake up every morning and gets ready and kisses him and goes to work. Everyday. No problem. She comes home, and cooks dinner and cleans the apartment, because he's always managed to fuck it up. Everyday. She never forgets.

She's never confined to her bed for weeks.

She doesn't suddenly think that she could run for Congress and has a full proof plan to do it.

The difference from 'neurotypical' and… a fuck up.

"It means that we're going to have to try a different medication."

Naruto can see the look, as soon as she tries to mask it. Hinata's look of complete dread. Almost horror. It would be comical, if it wasn't about him.

"I don't want a different one." Naruto finally talks, for himself.

The doctor refrains from rolling her eyes. Every doctor hates when you disagree with them. Naruto knows enough about 'a false sense of superiority'. Doctors are always a bunch of pricks.

Hinata puts her hand on his knee. It's her way to telling him that she'll handle it. Naruto has never had a mother, but Hinata is the closest thing.

Naruto wouldn't ever think of his girlfriend as his mother, but some asshole therapist he was seeing suggested it and now he can't get it out of his mind.

"This medication has really been working well for him." Hinata presses. "We've had a lot of trouble with them before. We thought this was the one."

She's trying to mask her own disappointment. Trying not to sound like the bitch that's like "Who needs liver enzymes?" But, he's not offended. He gets it. Really, he does.

Hinata is the one who always seems to have to deal with it. Either bailing him out of jail, from countless 'public intoxication' arrests, or bringing him to the hospital when the mania peaks. When he's printed out flyers for 'Uzzumaki for Prezzident' on their printer paper and distributed them to their neighbors, or when he wrote his own bible over top a bunch of her old college textbooks.

If he had to take care of that mother fucker, he'd be more than a little concerned about him going off his meds. Meds that were working. Making him more stable.

But… he is the mother fucker.

After awhile, Naruto tunes out Hinata and the doctor. She's stressed. He wishes they weren't there. Hinata takes her work seriously, so if she took time off, he wishes they could do something together. Like get lunch.

Instead she's got a crease between her eyebrows. He can barely make out her words. "He's already been on Lamictal." "Latuda is too expensive." "He doesn't need Xanax, he has a friend that's an addict."

Naruto rolls his eyes and taps his hands.

He's not too worried about it.

They'll get it sorted out.


	2. It’s quieter than you think

He has to come off of his medication first. A clean start. Hinata and the doctor explain to him things about "half lives" and how long it will take and varying milligrams, but he didn't even retain half of it.

He just has Hinata give him the amount before she goes to work in the morning.

Her hair is pin straight, her blouse is wrinkle free and tucked in. She hands him his pills and gives him a minty kiss. She has her blazer thrown over her arm, a big canvas tote in the crook of her elbow and a thermos of coffee.

"You should get dressed today. Take a shower." She says, at the door.

"Sure." He shrugs her off. It's to make her feel better.

While she goes off and does something actually productive.

Naruto doesn't have work today. Still, there's things he's supposed to do. Work out. Eat three square meals, four servings of vegetables. He's supposed to clean the apartment, but it's hard and makes him bummed out. He's supposed to be looking for a different job. A real job. A job like Hinata. That's what he's supposed to be doing.

He eats Captain Crunch out of the box and lays on the couch for the better part of the morning. It's the depression. He wishes it was more sinister. More like the movies. But instead, it's just a weight. It holds him down and draws out his morning until there is not morning but the feelings of it havent left.

He wants to clean up. Hinata shouldn't have to do it. Not after she's worked all day. He's an adult. He can pick up after himself.

But, he can't. Or doesn't. Fuck those word technicalities.

His therapist tells him that he should think about his victories.

He hasn't been drinking. He's been clean from drugs for years now, since he's been with Hinata. He hasn't been cutting. He still has his job, even if it's only a couple hours a week.

Sometimes, those things fill him with pride. Yes, his victories. He's worked hard at them, harder than most people would think.

But then there's the crushing guilt.

'Really, Naruto? This is your best? So you just don't get shit faced every night and you deliver pizza on the weekend and you think you get to be happy about it?'

The Captain Crunch makes him feel sick, so he finally does take a shower, an hour before Hinata comes home.

He doesn't feel like working out today.


	3. Hypomania starts to feel nice

Naruto doesn't notice anything different about coming down from his medication. Though he knows Hinata's watching him. Not outright. Not like a bird of prey, circling him.

He would've preferred it.

No. She taking sneaking glances. Watching him in the morning before she leaves. Checking his dishes in the sink for what he's eaten, if he's eaten. Checking the laundry for this workout clothes.

He doesn't understand. Why doesn't she just ask? Her questions instead are thinly veiled, and he's never sure what she's actually trying to get out of him from it.

Her questions are bothering him. And his own replies are starting to bother him too. When she asks what he did today, he wants to answer with the correct responses. He really does.

He wants her to smile and him and tell him that he's done a good job. He wants to make her proud of him.

He doesn't want her watching him, but pretending she's not.

He goes to the gym. He usually doesn't like running. It annoys him. But twenty minutes of cardio a day are what's suggested to him, by his doctor.

Twenty minutes. He can do twenty minutes.

It's boring beyond belief and grueling work but he's done with it in no time (roughly twenty minutes).

When he's taking a shower, he's remembers the feeling. The feeling of soda pop in his veins. It's bubbly, and fills his with nervous energy. Even though he's just exercised.

So he cleans the apartment for Hinata, when she gets back. Mostly so he has something to do. He just needs something to do right now.

"You did a lot today." Hinata scans the unusually spotless room.

"Are you feeling okay?" She asks, giving him a sideways glance.

She's pretty. She's always been pretty, but she's especially pretty right then. So he wraps his arms around her and kisses her instead.

Is he feeling okay?

It's hard not to feel good when Hinata lets him pull her to the bedroom. It's hard not to feel good when he's kissing her, her mouth, her jaw, her neck, her chest. She's kissing him back. She's soft and warm and she smells nice and she makes sexy noises. Her legs wrap around his hips and when he pushes in, she grabs his back and gasps his name.

He's feeling fucking phenomenal.

Thanks for asking.


	4. It just never really ends well

As everything for Naruto does. It goes to shit.

"Stop telling me what I need to do all the fucking time!"

It's just the aggravation. And aggression. He feels pent up in his own skin. Like it itches. His chest feels too tight for his heart. His thoughts race and they're hard to get straight.

Of course he's aggravated.

But the aggression… he could do without.

Especially when he sees the look on Hinata's face. Like he's actually wounded her. Which he probably has. Hinata is kind, and loves him and only wants what's best for him. His angel. She doesn't deserve it.

But it's tearing him from the inside out. He just wants to break something.

He puts a hole in their bedroom wall.

Naruto watches Hinata's face crumple. She looks away from him as her eyes fill with tears. She blinks rapidly, trying to clear them but it pushes them out faster. She licks her lips to hide their shaking, and presses them tight to cover her frown.

"I have to go to work." She finally gets out, still not looking at him.

"Please take your medication."

He doesn't.


	5. Some things can’t be patched

He does patch the wall though. It's the least he could do. He walks down to the store, doesn't wear a jacket. It's the middle of winter but he needs to cool down. He uses his pizza delivery tips, so he doesn't have to bother her with it.

After the come down, he feels awful and his hand is fucked up.

He doesn't know how to make it up to her. There aren't cards for this kind of thing.

He could try and make dinner but he's awful at it. He could buy her flowers but his money is running low and he doesn't want to be completely broke if she asks him for something.

He tires to take a deep breath.

What would she like? What's a way to show her that he's sorry, that he love her so much. Because he does. He really does.

Hinata the best thing he's ever had in his life.

So when she gets home, he's bouncing on his feet, waiting.

"Welcome home. I missed you a whole lot. How was work? What did you do today? A lot of meetings?"

She hasn't even got into the house yet. She's standing at in the doorway, bags in her arms. She went to the grocery store without him. Which is fine, he guesses, but they usually go together.

"It was good." Her voice is quiet and even.

She's still mad. About the wall. Or just about him. Not mad. She's never really mad. But she's guarded. She's off. Like a wild pigeon, she's just hopping around him, but not letting him get close.

"So I was thinking. Ya'know, 'cause I love you like, a whole lot. That, maybe, I wanna get a tattoo. Like, for you. Like, maybe, your name or-"

The groceries slam on the counter. "Don't get another tattoo."

He stops. "What? Why?"

"You know why." She looks at him pointedly, and then goes about putting the food away.

"But, it's different this time. I want to do it for you."

"You don't need to. I know you love me." Hinata is trying to calm him down. She's usually pretty good at it.

She turns from the groceries and gives him a big hug. He feels like a little kid in her arms but not in a bad way. She makes him feel safe.

"I know you didn't mean to do it this morning. It's because you're not taking your medication. It will get better if you just take it."

A part of Naruto knows that she's right. She's always right.

But…


	6. Just an existential crisis

Naruto is sick of not being himself. Of not knowing what his self is.

He knows that he's not himself when he can't get out of bed. When he can't get to work on time, or at all. When he lets Hinata down.

He knows he's not himself when his thoughts are racing a mile a minute. When he can't get what's what sorted out. When he goes running all day and night and still isn't tired. When he gets crazy ideas like he'll remodel the kitchen, ( it can't be that hard) and starts trying to rip the cabinets out of the walls before Hinata can stop him.

He knows that's not him.

But, is he really him on these drugs. Is he really Naruto when he's actually Latuda. Or Lexapro. Or Lamictal. Or Abilify.

Is that really who he is?

Sure, he has a job then. Sure, he gets out of bed in the morning. Sure, that guy has normal conversations and normal thoughts.

But, is that who he is. Or is the the drug.

He doesn't want to become Seroquel.

He wants to be Naruto Uzumaki. He knows he can be. There's glimpses of him sometimes. Of who he really is. But he fades quickly and he's replaced by the depression, or the hypomania. Or the Mania.


	7. A little jaunt

Mania.

Mania is worse than any drug trip he's ever had. He's had quite a few. It's like his mind had completely exploded and his thoughts are scattered but they're still working together to do something.

Something. Anything. But it's got to be big.

His heart rate is pounding. His eyes feel bigger than usual.

"I wanna start kickboxing. Don't you think that'd be super dope. I saw a flyer for a gym a couple blocks away while I was delivering. Wouldn't that be sick?"

"It's three in the morning." Hinata's voice is so tired.

He knows he shouldn't wake her up. She's got work in the morning.

But he's so excited he can't hold it in. He's practically vibrating.

"Do you think we can afford it? I could get another job so I can do it. If you don't wanna pay for it that's okay. I'll figure it out. Then we can go to those midnight movies and you don't have to be so worried walking home because I could just like kick the fuck out of them. Wouldn't that be awesome?"

He watches Hinata cover her eyes for a moment, before she sits up.

The blanket falls away from her body and he gets an eyeful of her in a white tank top. She's always had a stellar rack, flat tummy. She's super petite, like tiny. In short, she's sexy as fuck.

He's wanted to start stretching, get ready for his kickboxing class that's sure to happen sometime in the future.

But he can definitely take a break to love his lady.

He wraps an arm around her waist and pulls her back against his chest, to kiss down her neck,

She catches his wrist and pulls it away. She's tiny, as he's mentioned, but he lets her yank him away.

Her hair shifts and catches the moonlight through their window. She's gorgeous.

"Where are you going?"

"I need to call your doctor."

Naruto rolls his eyes and watches her walk out.

Whatever.

He rolls off the bed and starts doing push-ups. He's got to get in shape. No time like the present.

"Hi, yes this is Hinata Hyuuga. I'm Naruto Uzumaki's girlfriend. Yes, no he's not okay. He hasn't been taking his medication and I think he's having an episode."

Naruto slumped onto the floor. Push-ups forgotten.

"Fuck." He sighed.

He can continue to hear her talking. Explaining his behavior. The side effects or the obvious signs. Erratic behavior. Anger. Irritability. Hyperactivity. Impulsivity. Recklessness.

He soaks in her voice. Discussing him like he's a thing. Like he's doing it on purpose.

The thing is… those are just him. Those are his thoughts. It's just the way he is. He can't control it. It's not like he's doing it on purpose. Or that he can even see it while it's happening. He has no clue. He's just living. He's just existing.

And it's wrong.

Hinata's off the phone, packing his bag.

"I don't want to go." He's rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling, but not seeing it.

"It's okay." Hinata promises.

"But I don't want to go." He insists.

"Naruto, this is the most dangerous time for you. You need to go. Please get up."

She has all his stuff packed. She's changed her pajama pants to yoga pants. She's wearing one of his sweatshirts. She had clothes laid out for him.

"Baby, I need you to go." She tells him again.

She's too small to lift him. Too little to force him. The guilt sets in. He'll listen to her, because she always knows what to do.

But he doesn't want to go.

"Maybe the coffee shop will be open, in the lobby. We can get you one of those coffee cakes." Hinata promises.

"I'm sorry, I just don't wanna go. Hina, please. I'm sorry I woke you up. I'm sorry about the wall. I promise to listen-"

"I'm not punishing you." Hinata insists, exasperated. "I'm doing this for you. You need to go."

Hinata practically drags him to the car. She opens his door for him and waits, watching him buckle. She shuts it softly. He watches her load his bags in the back. She gets in the driver's seat and insists on holding his hand, probably has a precaution, so he doesn't jump out while their on the freeway. Or at least she'll have a heads up.

He's done it before.

The panic sets in as they get closer. "Hinata please don't make me go. Please don't leave me there. Please. Please I promise. I'll take my meds. I'll go to the gym. I - I - I don't need to do kickboxing. I'm sorry about yelling at you - and, and, and I'm so sorry for punching the wall. That was fucked up. I'm so sorry, don't make me go."

Hinata gets that look on her face. The look she makes when she's about to cry. Her hands tightens on his and she looks away from him, out the car window.

"I'm not mad at you." Her voice cracks. "You need to go."

He feels like he's going to be sick. She carries the bags, in the back of his mind, he knows he should be carrying them. But he basically being dragged by his tiny little girlfriend, into the hospital from the parking garage.

She checks him in at emergency and they promise to transfer him from there.

She gets the clipboard and starts filling out his information. He gets the little bracelet, the one that doesn't come off until they cut it off, at his discharge. It's tight, not matter how loose they make it. It's like a cuff.

He doesn't want to be here.

"Hinata, please." He's still begging. Still trying to find a way out.

"You'll be fine."

"No, I won't."

"I'll be back after work, to come see you." She promises.

"We're ready to take you back." A nurse comes to grab his paperwork.

"Hey, hey, hey, make sure my girlfriend is on my chart. Make sure, cause we're not married, sometimes they don't let her back to visit. Please, make sure she's on the chart."

The nurse nods, trying to lead him away.

"Hinata. Hinata! Make sure you're on the chart, okay? Hina, make sure you come back."

She nods, wiping a tear away. She gives him a little wave.


	8. Against ALL Advice

His phone rings and he immediately knows it’s her. Of course it’s her. The hospital would’ve called her immediately. After he checked himself out against medical advice (AMA). 

“Hey,”

“Naruto what are you doing?” She hisses. 

“It’s okay, I’m fine.” He promises. 

As fine as someone can be, walking on the side walk in sweatpants and two overnight bags. He still has his hospital bracelet on. 

“You need to go back, right now.” Hinata pleads with him. 

“It wasn’t working out. But it’s not a big deal, I’m just going to go to Sasuke’s until you get home.”

It was a fool proof plan to him. Hinata probably didn’t want him to be alone, and Sasuke is his only friend that doesn’t have a job. 

“That is the worst thing that you could possibly do.” He can hear the frustration in her voice.

Jeez. He wasn’t trying to piss her off.

“I’ll come home as soon as you get off work.”

She pauses so long, he almost thinks she’s hung up. 

“Hina?”

“I can’t, I can’t do this right now. I have a meeting. I’ll call you after. Please. Naruto, listen to me. Please be careful. You’re not okay right now.”

“I will. I will. I promise.”

He walks all the way to Sasuke’s apartment. It’s in a shady part of town, and it takes him almost an hour of walking. 

When he knocks on the door, it’s not Sasuke who answers. 

“Um, is Sasuke here?” Naruto feels like a little kid who is asking if his friend can play. 

“He went somewhere with Jugo.” 

It’s Karin. They have the same last name but he doesn’t really know her from Adam. She’s just Sasuke’s friend. 

“He said I could hang out here for a little.” Naruto shifts awkwardly. 

Karin rolls her eyes, but ultimately lets him in. 

There’s more people in Sasuke apartment than he’s expected. Some he recognizes, some he doesn’t. 

Hinata doesn’t like Sasuke. Which, he regretfully admits, is kind of fair on her part. He and Sasuke both grew up in group homes. Sasuke just came later, around eight years old, and then at eighteen, he got a massive inheritance. 

Then directly after that, he kind of… became… a drug addict. Not that Naruto would admit that out loud. Sasuke’s a pill popper. An anything popper. He had enough steady cash supply to keep himself going, never hitting rock bottom. 

Back in the day, when Naruto was more fucked up, before Hinata, he used to live with Sasuke. They fought a lot. They also drank a lot. He got arrested a lot.

It’s also the place he first tried to kill himself, but he tries to never think about that. 

Right now, it’s just his friends house. 

And right now, he’s in the middle of a manic episode and he’s high on Lithium. 

Hinata was probably right.

It’s starting to feel like a bad idea.


	9. 12:30pm

He’s met Tayuya before.

Honestly she’s a little scary. 

He sat next to her, on the couch. She was watching some adult cartoon shit. But now she’s watching him. 

Not the way Hinata does. Hinata watches him because she loves him, and she wants him to be okay. 

Tayuya looks at him like she’s scanning for a gap in his armour, to stab him. 

They’re sharing the couch. It’s ratty and it feels too small and puts her in a closer proximity that he is comfortable with. Especially with the other people in the apartment starting to trickle out, little by little. 

He doesn’t want to be left alone with her. 

She’s drinking, straight from a bottle of mint Burnett’s like a psychopath. It’s around noon.

“You’re the one that’s in love with Sasuke’s girlfriend, right?” She asks bluntly. 

“Nah,” He picks a loose thread on the couch arm, trying not to look at her. 

“Not much fun trying to fuck someone that doesn’t want you?” 

Naruto grimaces. She’s right though, that’s not particularly a fun past time.

“Drink?”

“Um, it’s like only like twelve-thir-”

“Don’t be a pussy.”

He breathes in through his nose. “Alright.”

He hasn’t drank in a long time. It reacts badly with his medication. It reacts badly with his brain chemistry. It’s a bad idea. 

The drink burns his throat. He wishes it wasn’t mint flavored. Or even vodka. He wishes he was just at home. 

Fuck, he doesn’t want to be here. 

He takes another drink. 

“So, what? You just got over Whore-uno, after all that?”

“All what?” He can hear the slur. 

“The drama.”

“‘S-no drama.” He promises. Scouts honor. He’s holding the three fingers. 

He was never a Boy Scout. They do sell good popcorn though. 

He’s getting pretty hungry. 

“Pink hair not your fancy?”

“No, no pink hair’s cute. It’s just-”

Tayuya catches his eye and now he knows he’s really fucked. She’s got the look, the cat with the canary. She’s playing him into a game that he doesn’t know he was involved in. 

It’s just - what? He found someone better. He found someone that actually loves him. Who makes his life better. 

“She’s a work right now.”

“Who?” 

“My girl. My girlfriend. She’s working.” He tries to swallow but his thoughts are swirling. 

“While the mice are away, the cats will play.”

Naruto paused. “I don’t think that’s how that saying goes - agh.”

She jumped on him.


	10. When patch jobs aren’t enough

Naruto is laying on the couch when Hinata comes in.

“Oh my god, you scared me.” She gasps when he sits up. 

“‘M sorry.” He can’t even look at her. 

“I’ve been calling you.” Hinata huffs. 

“I left my phone at Sasuke’s.”

“Why?” She’s struggling with her shoes. 

“I left in a hurry.” He’s dancing around the subject. 

“Have… have you been drinking?” She almost whispers. 

“Just a little.”

Hinata looks at him for a long time, and he’s the one that looks away first.

He doesn’t want his life to be like this. He doesn’t. He doesn’t want to make Hinata upset all the time. He doesn’t want to fuck up all the time. 

He wants their house to be happy. He wants a Hinata to be happy. He wants her to come home from work and be excited to see him. 

He wants to take her out on dates. He wants to buy her gifts. 

He wants them to get married someday, and have kids. 

He wants them to be together forever. 

He can feel his foundation crumbling. Because he, himself, has taken a sledge hammer and smashed it.

He did it. He can’t blame anyone else. 

Hinata has already walked away from him. She’s at the counter. Getting things out to make dinner. Her clothes look more rumpled than usual. He’s been making her life harder. Been making her worry. She was up in the middle of the night, taking care of him. Then he checked himself out of the hospital, and went to a known drug addicts house. 

He was drinking with another girl. 

She’s making him dinner. 

He doesn’t have to tell her anything else. He can be quiet, and eat her dinner, and do everything she tells him to. He could. 

“There was a girl there. At Sasuke’s.”

He watches Hinata freeze, as the information sinks in. 

“W-w-why are you telling me that?” Her voice is so quiet.

He made her stutter. 

How long had it been since she stuttered?

“I’m sorry.” He stood up, from the couch. “Hinata I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“Didn’t mean to what? What did you do?” She’s turned away from the food, it’s still cooking but she is not paying attention. Her voice is shaking and her hands are wringing together.

She’s wearing her bracelet.

He tries to grab her hand, but she recoils from him, stepping away. 

“I need you to tell me what you did.” Her voice is hard and her eyes are harder. 

“We kissed.” He confesses it outright. “She kissed me. But that’s it. Hinata that’s it.”

She’s walking away from him. 

“Hinata that’s it! I promise!”

The bedroom door slams in his face. The door locks. “Hinata.” He knocks on the door, just like he did outside of Sasuke’s. “Hinata!” The door bends as he hits it, he’s doing it too hard but he can’t stop. 

“Shut up!” She finally screams. “Shut up! Shut up shut up shut up!” 

Naruto steps back.

He remembers this feeling. 

Of being a scared little kid. In one of his group homes. A bigger kid beating the shit out of someone in a different room. Or the adults, the “parents”, screaming at each other behind clothes doors. 

‘At least it’s not me.’ He’s think then.

But he wants it to be him. Right now. He wants Hinata to scream at him. To hit him. He wants her to let him in. He’s tall enough to lean his forearm on the door frame. 

His arm is covered in deep scars from razor blades. Those scars are covered by bright tattoos. He rests his forehead against them, wondering where it went really wrong. But every memory he has is wrong.

The real question was, when did it start going right? 

When he got Hinata. 

But it’s not right anymore. Everything is wrong. He can hear her crying, she’s shuffling around the room, sobbing. 

This is wrong. It’s wrong. It’s so fucking wrong. He doesn’t know how to make it right. 

“Hina…”

His call goes unanswered.

He doesn’t leave the door until he smells the food burning. The pot is ruined. He puts it under cold water anyways. He slumps on the kitchen floor with his head in his hands. 

His mind is still racing. Thinking of every horrible outcome to his life now. 

He wishes that he wasn’t alive.

No. That’s not true. 

That’s a cop out. It always has been. 

What he really wishes is that he could be normal. That he could be Mr. Corporate and buy Hinata a house and have kids and everything would be okay. 

He doesn’t want this.

He hasn’t realized that he’s fallen asleep until he’s jolted awake. But he hasn’t slept in two days, maybe three. So falling asleep in random places isn’t out of the question. 

His legs are stiff and his back hurts. His hand still doesn’t feel better from when he busted it on the wall. 

“Hinata?”

She’s going through the bathroom cupboards, filling a couple bags. 

“Hinata… are you taking me back to the hospital?”

He’ll stay this time. He will. He’ll pinky promise. He’ll take his medication. He’ll go to his doctor appointments. He’ll work out. He’ll eat the right food. He’ll do it. He will. 

He’ll do whatever it takes to make things better. 

“No.”

“What?”

“No. You clearly won’t stay there. And you’re coherent enough to galavant to your friends place hook up with random women.” Her voice is more bitter than he’s ever heard it. A rough, like sandpaper, but it’s grief. 

His chest pinches. It’s not the mania. 

“Hina, I didn’t…” His legs feel uneven when he realizes that those bags still mean SOMETHING. 

“Are you,” He licks his lips. “Are you kicking me out?” He can’t swallow. He can’t even move. 

His whole life is crumbling right now. Everything is coming down in little chunks. They’re going to bury him. 

“No.”

It’s steadies for a moment. 

But there’s still fucking bags right there. Being filled.

“You’re leaving.” His voice is hollow. “You’re leaving me.”

Hinata stills, hearing his voice. She doesn’t look at him though. Her face is blank. 

Her eye are puffy and read though. Her lips are swollen. She’s been crying, a lot. 

“It’s just for a couple of days.”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

“Please don’t.” Naruto flinches at his own voice. “Please. Please don’t leave.” 

Hinata’s jaw clenches. “I’m going to stay with my sister. I need some time.”

“You can have time right here. I’ll sleep on the couch. I’ll leave you alone. I won’t bother you. Whatever you want-”

“What I want,” She overrides him. “Is to go to my sisters.”

The finality slaps him in the face. He just stands there and watches her. She finishes packing. She doesn’t say anything to him. She’s getting her coat on. Her shoes. 

He can’t even move. He’s just watching her. Trying to commit her to memory. 

Her black hair goes halfway down her back. Her eyes are beautiful, and big, and he’s never seen anything else like them. Her features are small, everything about her is small. 

Her small hands are fiddling with the house keys. 

Her hands fit in his almost comically. Like a parent and child. He can fit his whole hand around hers. 

But he’s not holding it right now. He can see her bracelet shift. She opens the door. She pauses and turns to look back at him again. Somewhere in between the here and there, she’s started crying again. 

The door shuts. 

She locks it from the outside. 

Naruto can’t move. He can’t do anything.

He can’t even cry.


	11. Its called ‘mundane’ Naruto

Life is bullshit. 

It’s quiet. 

It’s also… weird… without Hinata. 

There isn’t anybody to see if he’s worked out. There isn’t anybody to see if he’s eaten what he’s supposed to. There isn’t anyone to see if he’s got to work on time or at all. 

He feels… unsupervised. 

A child without a babysitter. 

He was always a child without a sitter. But he’s never felt it more now, as an adult. 

He eats a bowl of Captain Crunch out of the burnt pot. He’s cleaned it but it’s still charred black. He doesn’t want to dirty anything else though. 

He does sleep on the couch. Even though Hinata’s not here. He doesn’t want to sleep in their bed when she isn’t their. Plus, the TV drowns our his own thoughts, so he gets grounded in late night talk shows. There’s a lot of politics but it’s pretty damn boring. 

Enough to put him to sleep. 

He does go to work though. Like he’s supposed to. Because he needs money for Top Ramen and Captain Crunch. Plus, he can’t let Teuchi down. 

The old man is happy to see him. “Your girl called. Said you were sick.” Teuchi has a thick accent, but Naruto has no idea where he’s from. 

Definitely not Italy, so Naruto has no fucking clue how he got into making pizza. But, whatever. He just delivers it. 

“You feeling better? Yes?” Teuchi asks. 

Naruto has never felt worse. “Yep. Fit as a fiddle.”

“Good boy.” Teuchi claps him on the shoulder.

He spends the weekend delivering. Driving, walking. It’s boring too. It’s just enough work though to keep his head full. He only works four days a week, in the evenings. 

Friday night. He passes out on the couch after he gets home. Saturday night, he stops and get Top Ramen and makes three packages in the burnt pot. He’s not really hungry but he eats it anyways. Sunday night, Teuchi sends him home some extra pizza. 

“I put some veggies on it. Make your girl happy. Yes?”

“Thanks man.” Naruto smiles and takes it, swallowing the bitterness. 

There’s not girl when he gets home. 

He always walks down to the pay phone outside. He puts in a quarter and punches in her number.

“Hi, you’ve reached Hinata Hyuuga. I’m sorry I couldn’t get to the phone but please leave me a message so I can get back to you.”

‘Get back to me, my ass.’ He grumbles. 

BEEP.

“Hey, ugh, it’s me. Um, I miss you. I’d be super cool if you answered when I called but… I’ll try again tomorrow. Uh, I love you.” 

He leans against the pay phone box for a moment, keeping the phone against his ear. 

“And, ya’know. I’m still really sorry. For, for everything. And… and… I really miss you.”

It’s cold outside, but he doesn’t want to give up yet. “I love you.”

Finally, he hangs up. 

He stand outside a couple minutes longer, blowing out hot air. Makes him miss cigarettes. 

Hinata’s not here to tell him no. 

He sighs again. 

His life really is bullshit.


	12. Don’t forget

Monday night, he comes home. It’s just to put his stuff away, before he goes out to the pay phone. She never answers but it’s not like that can stop him. 

He just wishes that his messages were more coherent. But he’s always been a blathering idiot so, why stop now. 

He stops dead though when he throws his back into the closet. 

It thuds on the ground. Not on a pile of shoes. He hasn’t turned on the light, because he wasn’t planning on staying. He’s got a call to make after all. 

But now…

He can’t move again. It’s like the worst horror movie he’s ever seen. But he’s experiencing it. 

After a few minutes of standing in complete darkness, he finally does it. 

He’ll regret it forever. 

The coat closet is empty. 

“No. No. No.”

None of her coats are in it. None a single pair of her shoes. 

“No, no, no, please no.”

He bursts into his bedroom. 

The bed is made. She’s been there. There's just nothing left of her.

Her clothes are gone. All of her leftover toiletries are gone. There’s not a single thing left to even indicate that she has ever lived there. 

“No, no no no no. Fuck.”

He’s ripping at tufts of his hair. He needs a haircut.

But the only thing he wants is Hinata. 

His hands are shaking as he’s feeding the payphone quarters. He’s afraid he won’t be able to punch in the numbers correctly.

“Hi, you’ve reached Hinata Hyuuga. I’m sorry I couldn’t-”

He hangs up. Feeds another quarter in.

“Hi, you’ve reached Hinata Hyu-”

Again. 

“Hi, you’ve reached-”

Again. 

“Hi,”

It’s his last quarter.

“Hi, you’ve reached Hinata Hyuuga. I’m sorry I couldn’t get to the phone but please leave me a message so I can get back to you.”

BEEP.

He can hear his ragged breathing, and he hasn’t figured out anything to say. “Hinata, it’s me. It’s Naruto. Uh, what, what, what the fuck is going on? What, what are you doing? Where are you? Why aren’t you answering me? Please. I’m, I’m, I don’t know what to do? Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it. I will. I promise. I just want to talk to you. Please. Please. I really miss you, and I’m… I want to see you. Can you please… please.. I’m sorry just-”

“Your message has reached its limit. You can try the number again.”

He hangs up on the robot voice. That’s not who he wants to talk to. 

He doesn’t know how, but by some act of god, he doesn’t walk into the street, and into traffic. 

He’s back in his apartment. 

He doesn’t want to be in it. 

It’s empty. 

She’s not here. 

She’s not coming back. 

He sits on the freshly made bed and cries. Like a big fat baby. There’s nobody to see him. Nobody to care. 

He doesn’t know how long he sits there. Long enough to need to use the bathroom. 

That’s when he sees it. His pill bottle. Unused. Unopened. With a little sticky note.

It’s her writing, so he rips it off immediately and holds it in his hands like a precious gem. 

‘Don’t forget’.


	13. Coping

He hasn’t done it in a long time. 

He thought he was past it. 

Isn’t that the way with everything? You think it’s over until, it’s not. 

He reasons with himself. Justifies it. 

He needs it. 

It’ll help him get it get his thoughts together. 

He hasn’t been able to think straight, or get his words right, or do anything since he came home and she wasn’t there. 

The razor cuts a thin, deep line into the patch of skin, on the inside of his elbow. 

His teeth clench together, grind so hard he’s afraid to break a molar. 

He’s waiting for the physical pain to clear the fog of his emotional pain. 

It works, barely. He leans his head back against the wall and watches the blood trickle down, onto his sweatpants. 

He can handle this. He can fix this. He’ll wrap it up in gauze in a couple minutes. If it’s bad enough, he’ll just walk down to the clinic and get it stitched. He doesn’t mind adding to his medical debt. It’s insurmountable anyways. 

He can fix this problem. 

This one's easy. 

He sniffs is nose as he watches it poor down, making a little dark puddle on the material. 

Just something to pass the time.


	14. Now you listen

Naruto has a carved out a pretty steady schedule. 

He’s also started drinking again. Because…

WHY THE FUCK NOT?

Basically his new motto. 

He goes to work. He comes home. He gets a quarter and calls Hinata. Sometimes he leaves a message. Sometimes he doesn’t. Then he comes inside and he makes some kind of dinner. It’s either cereal, or top ramen, or pizza, if Teuchi feels so inclined. Then, he drinks himself to nothing.

The only thing on at that time is the news. He’s learning shit he’s never expected honestly. Suddenly he’s worried about the S&P 500 and if his legislators are actually going to get anything done. 

He drinks himself asleep on the couch and wakes up sometime the next day before he has to go back to work. 

He’s asked Teuchi for more hours. He hugged him and said “Of course, son.”

Which was kind of heart warming.

He wishes he had someone to tell it to. 

When those feelings well up, he takes his seat on the toilet, lid shut. He rolls up his sleeve and unravels the bandage he’s placed there. He grabs one of the sharps he’s new collected and makes another, thin line in the addition. 

He leans back and lets it bleed for a little bit. 

Maybe those ancient fuckers were onto something with that “bloodletting” bullshit. 

He takes a long deep breath. 

There’s pain in his hand, from… you know. That time. 

There’s half a dozen cuts on his arm. 

His chest feels physically hollowed out by a melon baller. 

He hits his head on the wall a couple times. 

Each of the pains can have a four way cage match, he’ll deal with whatever one wins. 

He fishes out the note in his pocket. 

‘Don’t forget’.

He wants to. 

He wants to forget everything. 

So. Of fucking course, he has a dream about her that night. 

Not a very coherent one. He’s drunk as fuck after all. 

Plus, his dreams are like in those stories where they’re perfect memories or some shit. He dreams about weird stuff usually, like he’s delivering pizza naked but he doesn’t know it and somehow he gets bomb tips, or suddenly he’s on the news he’s just been watching but there’s no TelePrompTer and he’s just standing there in his sweatpants and he doesn’t know what to do. Usually his co-host is like Kiss or something doing the tongue thing. Weird shit. 

But, maybe it’s just a memory. Or like, a fever dream or something. 

He remembers Hinata, in college. She used to pick these flowers at the park. He doesn’t know what they’re called. Little, white. He’d pressed them into his text book, or his notebook, and he’d find them later and laugh and smiled and give her a kiss. 

He feels like a pressed flower right about now. 

Especially when he wakes up and his electricity has been shut off. 

He hasn’t ever retrieved his phone from Sasuke’s place. Now he can’t even tell the time from the microwave or the oven. 

He’s walks over, awkwardly, to his neighbors house. It’s the door next to him, on the floor. 

He knocks twice, and rubs the back of his head with the hand that doesn’t hurt. 

“Naruto?”

Iruka Umino, his neighbor since they moved in. He’s older, nice, Hinata and him used to make small talk in the hallway. 

“Hey, Mr. Umino. Um, I’m really sorry to bother you, just, my power is out.”

“Do you need to come in?” Iruka offers immediately. 

“No, no. Not that. I’m fine. I was just wondering if you could tell me what time it was. I have work, at six.” He’s shoves his hands into his pockets, his shoulders slump. 

“Of course. Just hold on a minute.” Iruka fishes out his phone. “It’s 3:50.” 

Iruka holds it up so he can see. It says 3:52. Good enough though.

“Thanks. Sorry for bothering you.”

“Wait, wait Naruto. If you have work at six, I can come tell you when it’s six. Or, a little before. So you can get there by six, of course.” He scratches a tanned cheek and laughs a little at himself.

Naruto is floored by the generosity. He blinks a couple times, trying to hold in his smile. “Wow, thanks Mr. Umino. That’s, really nice.”

“What are neighbors for?” Iruka smiles.

“Wait, sorry, but, Naruto. Is everything… okay?”

It’s a valid question honestly. He’s wearing dirty clothes. He’s hungover at 4:00pm. He’s power is shut off. 

Since Iruka has been so nice, Naruto finally caves.

“Um,” He grimaces a moment before nodding his head. “Hinata… She, left me.”

“Oh.” Iruka sucks in. “Naruto. I’m, I’m sorry to hear that.”

Naruto nods his head a little. “Yeah, me too.”

He goes to turn back to his apartment, but Iruka stops him again. 

“Hey, just keep doing what you're supposed to be doing kid. Women change their mind sometimes, you know.”

‘Don’t forget’.

Naruto blinks in startling realization. 

“Thanks Mr. Umino.”

He bursts back into his apartment and rushes to the bathroom. 

He can’t find it at first. He looks everywhere, knocking some things off the counter. He finds it, on its side, behind the toilet. 

He picks up the small orange bottle. It’s never been opened.

It has his name printed neatly on it. Naruto Uzumaki. 

‘Take your medication.’ 

He can hear her voice, clear as day. 

Quetiapine Fumarate 100 MG.

Seroquel. 

The medication he never started. 

He took a deep breath. 

He washed one down with a swig of tap water.


	15. Delivery

The pay phone rings a couple times before he gets an answer. 

“Who’s this?” The voice is dark, but awake. 

“Naruto.”

“The fuck you want?”

“My shit back. From your place.”

It’s cold outside. He remembers to wear his jacket today. It’s dark though. About three am, when he got home. He can’t know for sure though, but he left Teuchi’s a little after two, so it’s a good guess.

Sasuke sighs, but it’s nothing too telling. He’s a drama Queen. 

“Why don’t you come get it?”

Why? He could’ve came and got it weeks ago. 

Hinata told him that it’s a bad idea to spend time with Sasuke. He’s trying to listen better now days. 

“Because I needed your help, and instead I got some psycho bitch all over me. So, nah, fam. I’m good here.”

“I’ll send Tayuya over with it.”

“Very funny fuck head.” Naruto spit on the sidewalk, trying to keep his actually emotions in check. 

“If it’s not your physical personage, at my door tomorrow at noon, I’m gonna kick it’s ass.” He vows instead. 

Sasuke “hn”s. Whatever the fuck that means. 

All is serves to do is piss him off more. 

“I can find you and kick your ass too.” Naruto continues. “You’re basically a walking corpse so it ain’t that hard.”

“Are you done?”

“And my cell phone. My bags and my phone.”

Sasuke hangs up before he’s done. 

He thinks about calling Hinata again, but stops. 

It’s three in the fucking morning. She’s asleep. At her sisters house, or if she’s got a new place. She’s not going to answer. 

He could leave her another message, but…

How many times can he leave her the same thing?


	16. Better for whomest?

Naruto is startled by the door in the morning, until he realizes that he’s the one that demanded it at this time. 

He’s off the couch and there in half a second after he’s pieced it together. 

“Who the fuck are you?”

It’s twins, not very tall. Shaggy dyed hair. They have the same look that all addicts have. Dark under eye bags. The pallid skin. Shifty eyes. 

“Sasuke sends his regards.” One of them says, dropping the bags at the door. 

“The fuck does he think he is, Tywin Lannister?”

One of them snorts but the other remains impassive, hands him his phone. 

Then they just have the audacity to walk off?

Naruto doesn’t dwell on it, because he’s got another problem. His phone is dead, and he had no fucking electricity. 

He fishes the charger out of his room, he tiptoes around the unmade bed. 

He walks the entire length of the hallway on his floor until he finds an outlet. It’s a little colder out there instead of in his place, but it’s warmer than the payphone outside. 

He sits down, back to the wall. His head lulls back and he has the rub his eyes until he see those little star things in his vision. 

Seroquel is a rough medication. 

The first time he took it, before work, he could’ve passed out on his feet and got sick in a back alley while delivering.

He only takes it when he gets home now. It does wonder for his sleep. And fucked up thoughts. And the dreams. It’s better than the alcohol, that he poured out. 

He still gets to watch a little bit of the news. Elections are coming up so it’s super annoying. 

He’s startled when the phone is powered on. 

It tries to give him a thousand notifications all at once but he’s exiting out as fast as possible. 

Because,

There’s a text message from Hinata.

‘You’re calling too late and I can’t call you back. Just call me when you get your phone.’

It’s sent the day before she took everything from their place.

There are no other messages from her. 

His hands are shaking as he’s dialing her number.

“Hello?”

He almost drops it. 

“Hey, hi, Hinata. It’s me, it’s Naruto.”

“I know.” She says quietly. 

Her voice has always been little. Soft. It’s like caressing a kitten. He wishes he could record their conversations, so he could just hear it again, when he wants to. 

“So, um, what is… what the fuck is going on?” He finally manages to get out. 

“Um,” She pauses. “I don’t have very long to talk. My lunch break is almost over. I can call you after work-”

“No. No, I want you to tell me right now.” He swallows. “Please.”

“I don’t know where to start.” She admits. 

Naruto rubs his face again, trying to regain his bearings. He’s not saying things right. It’s not going right. This isn’t how he thought talking to her would go. 

“How ‘bout, why did you take your stuff from our place and never answer my phone calls.” He tries to sound as casual and not bitter as possible. “That’s probably a good place. To start.”

“You were calling me from a payphone in the middle of the night. It’s not like I could call you back in the morning.”

“You could have answered.” He snaps, before he can stop himself.

“Naruto.” She pleads.

“Did you at least get my messages?”

“...I did.”

“And?” He sounds like an impatient brat.

“I’m, sorry. For hurting you, and making you worry.” Her voice is getting tighter. “I thought this would be best.”

“Um, for whom?”

“Both of us.” She promises. 

“I’m sorry, but I think you’re doing this wrong because it’s fucking shit for me. So,”

“Naruto,” She’s begging him, but he doesn’t know what she wants. 

“Where’s your stuff?”

It’s quiet for a while. “It’s, in my new apartment.”

Naruto rubs his face and tries not to scratch it on purpose. 

“Why? What’s wrong with the old apartment?” 

Besides the massive patch job on the bedroom wall, the drinking cutter on the couch and no electricity. Besides that. 

“It’s a clean break. It’s better for both of us.” It’s a rehearsed line. 

His teeth grind together and he’s nodding his head, but he’s not agreeing with any of it. “How about, no? No. I don’t like that.”

“I’m sorry. Naruto. I’m so sorry. Okay? I just… I can’t do this anymore.” She sounds like she’s about to cry but so is he and it’s her fault so maybe she deserves it.

“Can’t do what? What? Whatever it is, it’s fine, don’t do it anymore. Just come back.”

“I can’t. I can’t take care of you anymore.” Her voice is harder now, like she’s scolding a dog. “I can’t worry about you all day. I can’t beg you to get better anymore. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry but, I can’t do it.”

“Don’t then. That’s fine. Don’t. Just, come back.” His voice cracks. “All I want is for you to come back.”

“I’ve spent four years only worried about what you want and need.” She pauses. “I can’t anymore. I’m a person too. I can’t do this anymore.”

“Do what? What? Whatever ever it is, I can fix it. I’ll fix it. I’ll do it, just tell me.”

“I have to go.” Hinata’s voice is hardened with a resolve that he doesn’t have.

Because his is breaking and crumbling. “Hey, hey please don’t. Please-”

“I’ll call you later.”

She hangs up. 

He feels empty again. His teeth press together, as he brings his knees up for his elbows to rest on. He fists his hair. He still needs a haircut. 

A new apartment.

A clean break. 

Best for both of them?

Naruto smacks his cheeks a couple of times, not sure what for. A nervous energy. So he doesn’t just bursts into tears in the hallway. 

“Fuck,” He whispers. “Fuck.”


	17. Innocent bystandards

Naruto feels like not going on anymore. He feels like taking his entire bottle of Seroquel and seeing what kind of damage that can do. He feels like taking one of his sharps and trying to fish out a major artery. He feels like taking a bus, out of the city, and buying a gun, seeing what that tastes like. 

Because life is too bitter now.

Hinata has her own apartment. She’s not planning on coming back. 

He almost feels vindictive about it. She’d feel bad then. Especially if he told her it was her fault. 

He has to reel back though. “That’s fucked up.” He holds his head in his hands, the room is pitch black. 

He’s almost afraid for his own safety now. From himself. He knows what a person, lashing out can do. He’s tried to do it to himself before. 

He gets all of his sharps and carefully puts them into a plastic baggy, and then sets them on top of the very full trash. 

Then he takes one (1) pill out of the container and puts it in a plastic baggy. He grabs all of his belts out of his drawer and take the bottle of Seroquel and puts them on top of his kitchens cabinets. Then he takes their table chairs and lays them down on their side. 

The most work possible if she loses control of himself and just tries to die.

He’s given himself the most possible amount of time to intervene that he can. 

He bags up the trash and hauls it out. 

But first. 

“Hey, Mr. Umino. I’m gonna be out, so you don’t have to come knock on my door today.”

Iruka sees the trash bag. “Hey, good on you, cleaning up the place.” He pats his arm.

“Thanks.” Naruto can’t smile yet though. “Thanks for everything Mr. Umino.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Iruka calls after him. 

Naruto turns around. Iruka is halfway through his door and he looking after Naruto worriedly. 

Will Iruka miss him? If he died? He doesn’t want to hurt someone that’s not involved.

That’s what happened last time. 

He can’t do that again. 

“Yup.” Naruto waves. “Thanks again Mr. Umino.”


	18. Long walks

He starts taking a lot of walks. Just around the city. It’s like delivering, but he doesn’t get paid. And it’s day time. People are less likely to try and jump him. 

It’s pretty refreshing actually. Even if this part of the city is kind of gross. 

Anything is more refreshing than an apartment we wants to kill himself in.

Yeah, there’s still that. 

The medication seems to be helping though. His minds not as scattered. It’s easier to be more focused. 

Just one problem. 

His focus seems to be strictly on missing Hinata. 

He wonders where her apartment is. If he’s passed it on one of his walks or not. 

He wonders how she decorated it. He wonders what she’s like without him. If she’s any different.

He doesn’t feel very different. 

Sad. Lonely. 

He’s probably suicidal. But at least this time, he doesn't want to be. 

If that makes any sense. 

He doesn’t want to die. He would prefer feeling like staying alive would be better. He really does. 

He would also like to be with Hinata again. 

If the world was about him. 

He can tell the medication is working. At least a little bit. There’s less racing thoughts. He can keep them pretty straight now, at least, he can catch a crazy thought in its tracks. Before it gets away from him. 

Maybe… maybe he is feeling different then.

Isn’t this what has always been the problem?

Medication or no medication. It’s hard to keep the feelings straight. Better? Better than what when he forgets his baseline. When he forgets everything. 

Not being able to remember how he’s feeling is actually a common symptom.

He stops on the sidewalk, and the person behind him collides into his back. 

“Watch where the fuck you’re going!” The guy screams.

“Hey man, sorry.” Naruto brushes him off. 

Everybody is like that in the city. 

Hinata always told him, to log his feelings in a journal. She was in one of this therapy appointments where it was suggested. 

He laughed in her face. “What like I’m gonna keep a diary like a seven year old girl at horsey camp?”

He remembers her face clearly looking bewildered at him. 

God, she was right, she’s always fucking right. He huffs hard enough to make himself cough. 

There’s a corner store on the next street and he pays for a notebook and a ninety-nine cent pack of pens, after the store clerks laughs at him and tells him it’s over priced after August. 

‘Sorry I didn’t time my life meltdown to match the sales.’ He frowns bitterly. 

The notebook is generic and blue. College rule. It’ll do. But it needs just one thing. 

There’s a park, it’s out of the way, but it’s not like he has someone waiting for him. 

There’s white flowers growing on the edge. He picks one, and not so daintily smashes it between the first page and the cover. 

It’s not as good as she would’ve done, but it’ll do for now.


	19. It’s a promise

He wrote he’s feelings as plainly as possible. He’s not a flowery guy in the first place. ‘Flowery’. Ironic. 

‘Feeling a little better. Still miss Hinata a shit ton. Kind of want to die. Am afraid of dying.’

It’s kind of pathetic but nobody is ever going to read it but him. 

He has enough money to get his power turned back on, but rent is coming up and he’s fucked. The power stays off. The heat is also off too. He put his kitchen table on Craigslist. Then his couch.

He’s still short. So, he carefully, reverently, he removes the mattress off the base. He tries, desperately to keep the blankets flat, the bed made, like she left it. 

But he fucks up. 

He’s never felt so gutted. He tries to smooth them back down, over and over, trying to recapture the feeling. Of when she was last there. When she last touched it. 

When he stops crying, he dismantles the bedframe and takes it back out to the empty room, waiting for it’s new home. 

He comes back, shaky to his bed. Their bed. 

His bed. He lays down, for the first time, carefully, on his side. He gets out the little sticky note he’s been carrying in his pocket every day. 

It’s lost any of its adhesive, but he balances it on her pillow carefully. 

He wonders if this hollow feeling will ever go away. 

Before Iruka comes to knock on his door, Naruto gets his notebook back out. 

‘I won’t forget.’


	20. First impressions

The walks to the park are pretty chill. Physically chill. It’s winter. But his apartment is also cold too so he’d rather sit at the park. 

He’s writing some pretty insightful stuff nowadays. Insightful for him. It’s good to track his mood. To get dressed. To get out and do something in the daytime.

Hinata liked the park when they were in college. 

She takes his phone calls sometimes. They’re usually pretty short and he tells her about the stuff he’s been doing. It’s nice to hear her voice. It’s nice to have any kind of connection to her. Naruto doesn’t push her about anything. He doesn’t ask her any invasive questions.

He wants to. He wants to know everything about her. He wants to know what she’s doing and how she’s feeling and every single detail of her life. 

It’s good enough to hear her voice sometimes though. 

He doesn’t even know why she answers. He’s just glad that she does. 

He kind of runs out of reasons to call her sometimes though. It’s a little part of the reason why he’s out. Walking around. If he sees something or does something interesting, and another excuse to call her and tell her about it.

Then he’ll get to hear her for a little. 

“Get off my curb or Jesus will come and smite you!” Someone screams down the street.

Naruto shivers a little. 

There’s a group of people that CLEARLY do not belong on that side of town. They’re wearing slacks and button ups and look extremely bewildered at the belligerent homeless man. 

Intervening in that situation holds no appeal to him. It would be something to tell Hinata but it’s kind of a weird story. 

He doesn’t feel anything until he sees a meter cop that seems to take notice too. 

Fuck feelings. Fuck guilt. 

Maybe it was some kind of deflection. Or something selfish. 

He’s been deranged before. He’s been arrested for things that might’ve gone differently if he was a little more coherent. 

Before he can stop himself, he’s busting across the street. He pushed through the group of the well-off and quickly gets to the homeless man. He starts grabbing his bags as fast as he can. 

“Come on bud,” He urges as quickly as possible. 

“Jesus will come down in a chariot of fire-”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Naruto kicked an almost empty bottle of liquor further down the sidewalk. “Look, our good pal Jezuus, he wants you to head down the block, take a left on fifth.”

It’s directions to the park. The guy can loiter their until sundown, no questions asked. As long as he can keep his voice down. 

By some miracle, the homeless guy stumbles across the street, so Naruto can turn his own righteous fury onto the group of clearly citizens of a higher tax bracket them himself.

“The fuck, you couldn’t have stopped at another block? Your gonna get the dude locked up.”

The group just stares at him, gobsmacked, until they see Naruto glance down at the cop, whose clearly slowed their pace one their target had been eliminated. 

“We’re a little lost.” The leader admits. He has grey hair but it looks more purposeful than age. “We’re trying to get here.” He points to a little printed out, mapquest esq. sheet of street lines. 

Naruto snatches the paper, feeling a little emboldened now. “These directions are janked. Just walk down that way three blocks and cross the street before taking a left. If not, there’s a little skincare kiosk that will assault you with a Dead Sea masque.”

The younger ones look down at their own papers, dubiously. 

“Eh, you can go whatever way you want. You just don’t have to harass homeless people on the way.” He turns to leave before the grey haired guy stops him. 

“I’m Kakashi Hatake.” He sticks out a hand. 

“Naruto.” He not in the business of giving personal information to strangers so he leaves off the last name. 

“You seem fairly familiar with this area.”

Naruto raises an eyebrow. “Yup.”

“Are you looking for a job?” 

Naruto stops and looks around, seeing if he’s getting entrapped by some Unification Church kinda cult set up or something of the like. 

He takes a step back. 

“I’m running in the primary elections, our 14th congressional district. We’re doing some canvassing. Are you familiar with politics?”

Naruto spent enough nights watching the news the only be slightly familiar with the language that was just used. 

He doesn’t accept the handshake. “I’m sorry but I don’t have any interest in working for some cocksucking sell out that doesn’t give a shit about what people actually need, like mental health or housing or rehab, as you’ve so demonstrated.”

“It’s fifteen dollars an hour.” Kakashi follows up. 

Naruto stalls. “Shit. Alright.”

Kakashi smirks and sticks out his hand again. “And that’ll be Mr. Cocksucker to you.”

“Fuck, sorry about that.”

“I actually appreciate your passion for the disenfranchised.”

“Did-en-french-fried?”

“No.” Kakashi blinks. “You’ve got passion and you know the neighborhood. So if you can get to this address,” He hands a business card to him. “Wearing a button up, then you’ve got yourself a job.”

Naruto grabs the card, and flips it over a couple times. He looked up sheepishly at him, wondering how he could’ve got himself, here. 

He puts up a little fist. “Fight for fifteen.”

Kakashi looks like he already deeply regrets the exchange, he blinks, exaggeratedly. “I’ll give you a pamphlet with the talking points.”

“Sure thing, boss.”

At least he’s got a cool thing to tell Hinata about.


	21. Chicken and potatoes

The outside is cold. His apartment is cold. So, no harm, no foul, freezing his ass off the in the hallway. 

His charging phone is waiting in his lap. He drums his hands on his thighs. It’s boring. But he’s excited. 

Both for a new job, and to talk to Hinata. 

“Naruto?”

He’s startled to hear someone say his name down the hall. Iruka is walking up, close to his door. 

Naruto waves a little sheepishly. 

“What are you doing out here? It’s freezing.” Iruka asks. 

A valid question. 

But of course, a mortifying answer. 

Naruto's face wrinkles a little as he rubs an eye. “Just, uh, charging my phone.” He moves to rub the back of his head, but it’s covered his hoodie. He laughs nervously. 

Iruka has grocery bags in his arms and he’s fussing with his keys. Iruka already knows why he can’t charge his phone in his apartment. He knocks on his door for him for work after all. This time though, Iruka looks a little more hesitant to just leave him to his own devices. 

“Hey, Naruto? Do you want to come inside?” 

Naruto’s first instinct is to reject the offer. He’s just being nice. He doesn’t actually want Naruto in his apartment. 

“It’s warm.” Iruka is trying to entice him. 

He’s really sweetening the deal. Naruto doesn’t know the last time he’s been warm. Even at night, he’s a shivering mess, unwilling to disturb the blankets.

“You can charge your phone in here.”

He’s sold. 

Iruka’s apartment is a similar set up to Naruto’s own. It’s just decorated so differently that it’s almost unrecognizable. 

There aren’t any pictures of families though. 

That’s what Naruto always looks for. Family pictures are interesting. He has none. It’s always telling though, who a person is in their family photos. 

Hinata has a lot of them. She stopped looking happy in them at five years old though, when her mother died. She kept them around the apartment though, before she left. 

Naruto has glimpsed Sasuke’s before. He was seated in between in mother and his brother and not even trying to be close to his father. Some dad issues would probably have been forgotten under all the trauma though. But whose he to say?

Once he went to Sakura’s house and saw her’s. She looked happy enough but she’s an only child. Spoiled. Annoyed by her parents love. An ungrateful bitch. Naruto had listened to countless tirades of Sakura complaining about how much she hated her parents, which is really awkward and uncomfortable for someone who doesn’t have any. 

“Are you hungry, Naruto?”

Iruka has no family photos. 

Naruto shrugs. 

He’s starving.

He’s been eating cereal out of the box or dried, crushed up ramen since his power has been shut off. Can’t cook. Can’t use the fridge. Sometimes he gets pizza from Teuchi but it’s also cold, by the time he gets it home.

“I was just going to make dinner.” Iruka looks at him knowingly. “Do you want chicken and potatoes or spaghetti?”

Naruto feels a little embarrassed about his neighbors generosity, so he just shrugs his shoulders. 

“Chicken and potatoes then.” Iruka decides. “What do you normally eat for dinner?”

Naruto grimaces a little and shrugs his shoulders again. He doesn’t want to answer. But Iruka isn’t looking at him, he’s getting things out and putting things away and busying himself with food prep. 

“I don’t know how to cook anything. Hinata always tried to teach me… but…”

He didn’t listen. 

He should’ve. She was always right. Always just trying to help him.

“I could teach you a thing or two. If you like.” Iruka says it so nonchalantly that Naruto is caught off guard. 

“What? Really?”

“Yeah. I’m not the best or anything but I’m sure I could help you out a little.” 

Naruto doesn’t even know what to say. 

“You don’t have to-”

“Hey, common, come wash your hands.” Iruka urges him over to the sink. 

Naruto’s throat feels tight, so he tugs off his sweatshirt first, and leaves it with his charging phone, on Iruka’s couch. The place is hot enough anyways. 

“So what are you going to call Hinata about?”

Naruto blanches. “I didn’t say I was gonna call her!”

Iruka laughs.

“Mr. Umino!” Naruto tries not to blush as badly. “Well, actually. I got a job today. I think. It was pretty weird.”

“Really?” Iruka sounds almost rudely shocked, but he’s always so nice to Naruto that he lets it slide. 

“Uh, yeah. His name is Kakashi Hatake. He’s running for some government thing?”

“Oh, I’ve heard his ads. He’s running for a house seat.”

“A chair?”

“No. The House Of Representatives. Naruto, how did you get this job?” Iruka sounds worried. 

“Oh, there was this group of preps pissing off that homeless man a couple blocks from the park. There was a meter cop and I didn’t want trouble, so I basically just pushed him across the street. Then, I was still pretty ticked off, so I went off on the group. And then, it was weird cause he asked me for directions.” Naruto rubbed the side of his cheek, trying to remember in more crisp detail. “I deliver down there ya’know, so I told him his directions were fucked, and a faster way to get there. And, that’s that.”

“Huh.” Iruka shrugged. “I guess pizza delivery would give you some more insight on the logistics for canvassing the area. Do you know anything about politics?”

“Uhhh… Nah.”

“He’s a democratic. Do you know your political affiliation?” 

“Hinata voted for Tsunade Senju, when we were in college. She used to have a little poster in her dorm room. Plus, liberals hate poor people less, right?”

He actually makes Iruka laugh hard enough for a little tear to come out. 

“I’ll go over his platform with you after dinner.” Iruka finally stops wheezing. “How about that?”

“Are you sure you’re not done laughing at me?” Naruto grumbles. 

“We’ll see.”

“Oh, shit!” Naruto freezes. “I need to get to Good Will before it closes. I have to have a button up for tomorrow.”

“You can just borrow one of mine. It will probably fit. Well, good enough at least.” Iruka offers,

Naruto leans back on the counter. “Really? Mr. Umino?”

“Of course. What are neighbors for?” Iruka shrugs him off. “You’ll need slacks too. And a jacket.”

Naruto’s chest feels tight. Iruka really is something else. He was already being neighbor of the year by knocking on his door everyday, to help get Naruto to work on time. And now, this? He almost feels sick to his stomach, but in a better way. It’s hard to explain. He’s not used to people caring about him. Or wanting something good for him. 

“Thanks Mr. Umino. I don’t know how to pay you back.” He swallows. 

“No need. But pay attention. So, before you cut potatoes, you always have to...”


	22. Someone else

Phone calls with Hinata are probably his favorite thing. Just to hear her voice, or a little laugh if he says something dumb.

“It sucks, being the oldest person, and not knowing jackshit about what they’re talking about.” He laments.

“You’ll figure it out.” She promises. 

He’s smiling like a fucking idiot. But she’s talking to him, so he can’t really expect less. 

“And everyone else is like, still in school. So they’re like, interning? I don’t remember internships making fifteen an hour, do you?”

He tries to keep her as engaged as he possibly can in the conversation. To keep her talking as long as possible. He’s always been pretty good about distracting her anyways. 

“I worked in the library for eight.” He can hear her smile. 

Only eight dollars? He’s afraid to ask her how she could’ve afforded anything in college. Especially since she was always helping him out too. 

Working has definitely been an eye opening experience for Naruto. He still can’t believe that Hinata got up everyday on time, worked and came home and did everything for him. He’s working two jobs now, just like Hinata did. 

He was her second job. 

“Oh! While I was redoing their maps,”

Naruto pauses in his story, because he can hear a knock through the phone. For a moment, he almost thought it was at his own house, but no.

“Hold on.” He can hear Hinata move her phone away from her ear.

It’s probably just a solicitor. He knocks on people’s door all day, now. And, at night too he guesses, but at night he has pizza and people actually want him to be there and they tip him. Most people just slam the door in his face during the day time. 

He’s waiting for Hinata to be really sweet and just tell them ‘no thanks’. They’re probably Mormons or Jehovah's Witnesses or something. Hinata’s never really been that into church. 

His legs stall the rhythmic matters they were making on the floor. Trails to nowhere. Like a sim, wandering the house while his brain was on autopilot. Everything is put on the back burner while he’s talking to Hinata. 

But he can’t move now. 

“Hey, are you ready?” It’s causal. A man's voice. Like he knows her. He’s comfortable with her. 

He breaks into two simple halves that are both equally pathetic. One of him is desperately questioning why a different man would be at her apartment. It’s not Neji. It’s not her dad. It’s not her best friends, Shino or Kiba. Because he knows them. Has known them for a long time. This is a different man. A man at her apartment. Why?

The other, just as pathetic half, knows exactly why. But why and ‘why?’ are two different questions. 

“Naruto, can I call you back-”

“Who is that?” He cuts her off. 

His voice sounds tighter because his jaw is clenching down involuntarily. It feels like all of him has clenched down, hard. 

There’s a long pause that is worse than any gut punch he’s ever received. 

“I promise I’ll call you-”

“Who is it?” He insists. 

“Naruto,” Her voice is hushed. Pleading. 

He’s making it hard for her. He’s putting an undue stress on her. 

This isn’t what he wants. He doesn’t want to make her upset or be more of a burden than he has to be. That’s why he’s working. More than he ever has. He’s got his power and heat turned back on. He’s taking his medication. He’s trying to practice what Iruka has taught him. He’s not eating Captain Crunch and ramen anymore (or just not as much). 

He’s trying to become someone that Hinata can be proud of. Someone that Hinata wants to be with. 

He wasn’t banking on her finding someone else.

“Look, it’s not a big deal-”

“If it’s not a big deal then just tell me.”

“I’ll talk to you later. 

“Hinata-” 

She’s already hung up. 

Naruto can’t put the phone down for a couple extra moments. 

He feels… lost.

Lost in a lot of ways. 

His purpose is gone. 

His reason for going on is gone. 

It’s gone. 

Just like that. 

Like sand falling through his fingers. 

It’s like shattering something on accident. It takes a moment, to realize that it’s ruined. Gone forever. Like a family heirloom vase that was just a little too close to the edge of the counter. One elbow and it’s just, poof, gone. The pieces are too small to glue back together. 

He lets his phone drop on the ground. 

His hands are shaking. His body is shaking. 

He could calm down, though, if he wanted to. 

If he doesn’t, he’ll hurt himself. Or someone else. He’s done it before. 

But what’s the point now? 

Why calm down? It’s a lot of work to keep himself in check. It’s would be easier to just let go. 

He can punch as many holes in the wall that he wants now. 

He picks his phone back up. He knows where he can go to wreck the most amount of oblivion. He knows just who can help him.


	23. Can’t win them all

Sasuke’s apartment is full of people. As usual. The guy is never alone. 

It smells like cigarettes and weed. The place looks like it has a rainy London fog inside it. 

Tayuya is there, who he is least happy to see. 

“Lets go do something.” Naruto suggests. 

He doesn’t want to be there. He doesn’t want to be surrounded by those people. He doesn’t really know what he wants though. 

He’s lost his goal.

He feels untethered. 

“Just shut up.” Sasuke is already fucked up. His head has fallen to the back of the couch, exposing his neck and his Adam’s apple.

“You know your tongue can fall on the back of your throat and choke you.”

“What do the fuck do you want?” Sasuke asks, his eyes still closed. 

That’s a good question. Even though Sasuke has barely managed to get that out, and it’s not exactly a perfect statement.

He has no fucking idea. 

But he’s starting to think this one is really bad though.

“I think I’m gonna go.” Naruto stands up. 

Sasuke sighs, perturbed, and raises himself off the couch like an awakening vampire. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a baggy of white pills.

“Is this what you came here for?” He tosses him the bag. 

Naruto holds it in his hands, looking at the mismatched pills. 

It’s a dick move. 

Naruto once tried to commit suicide in their bathtub with Sasuke’s illicit prescription drugs, when they had been roommates. In college. 

The connotations of this exchange are striking, and he’s disgusted. 

“I’m gonna flush these.” Naruto snarls.

I’m a moment, Jugo has grabbed the back of his coat. Suigetsu steps up from the couch next to Sasuke and whips out a switchblade from his jean pocket. 

Naruto could fuck up Sasuke any day, no contest. But Jugo is almost a head taller than him, looks like he’s on a diet strictly of ‘roids’ and raw eggs. And Naruto can punch like a motherfucker, but knives punch a little stronger. 

He throws the bag back into Sasuke’s face. 

The black haired fucker just smirks at him, mildly amused. 

Once Jugo has let go of him, Naruto heads straight to the door. 

“Get your fucking life together.” Is the only advice he has for his former best friend.


	24. He’s got the quack

Naruto has never like his therapist. Any of his therapists. 

He never had one as a kid. He barely had clothes and food, no time or money for Shrinks. 

He used to think they were Quacks. Bullshit. 

But his attempted suicide was on a timeline right with his relationship with Hinata. Right before technically.

Literally right before.

She was there, when he woke up in the hospital. Red rimmed eyes, holding his hand. He just thought she was a really tight friend.

Then on the other hand, burst into tears about how worried about she was about him and how much she loved and admired him. 

It had been a lot at the time. 

But that basically just segued into their relationship. He needed to be monitored, Hinata didn’t have a roommate, she was also in love with him.

Admittedly, Naruto thought that Hinata was weird, when he first met her. She was really quiet, and stuttered and didn’t talk to him when he asked her questions about class. But by this time, they were really good friends. She was pretty. She was nice. She laughed at his jokes.

He fell in love with her so fast it knocked the wind out of him. 

And he had been in love with her ever since. 

“So, how have you been coping?” His therapist asked. 

Naruto was bad with words. He wasn’t sure how to communicate it. “I feel like, I don’t have anything left of me. It’s gone.”

“You’ve got another job. You said you were learning how to cook. Your bills are paid. You’ve cut off a toxic friend. It looks like you’re on the up and up.”

Naruto shakes his head. “That shit doesn’t matter.”

“You’ve made some great strides. You need to see those victories. Accomplishments.”

“It doesn’t matter if she’s not there. If she not coming back.” It’s the truth.

What are accomplishments if she doesn’t see them? 

Life feels like a black and white movie. Lacking.

“You can’t base your life on something that you can’t control.”

Naruto looks out the window. He doesn’t want to control her. He doesn’t want to be mean to her. He doesn’t want to be abusive.

He just wants to be with her. 

Maybe that’s wrong? It doesn’t feel wrong. But, he’s learned to distrust some of his thoughts, as one does with a mental illness. 

“I love her.” He says, like that will solve it. 

He already knows that it doesn’t. 

“You should focus on yourself. Get some hobbies. Find some new friends.” 

“Hobbies?”

“Yes, things to do during your off time. So you’re not just sitting around missing her.” 

Naruto rolled his eyes at the completely accurate characterization. “I don’t do that.”

His therapist gave me look. 

“Okay, fine.”


	25. When in Muay Thai

“You need to try Muay Thai.”

Naruto wipes his forehead of sweat. “No thanks man, I don’t drink.”

“What? No, kid. It’s Thai kickboxing. You gotta try it.”

Hobbies. His last manic episode, he could still remember how excited he was so try something like that. He thought, better make his time without Hinata count. 

She wasn’t there to tell him ‘no’. 

Plus, he’s not manic anymore. 

The guy at the gym had to be certifiably insane. He had crazy long grey hair and been mildly obsessed with Naruto since his first class. 

“What kind of training have you had kid? What kind of fighting style do you have?” Jiraiya asked. 

Naruto shrugged. “I grew up in a boys home in Hell’s Kitchen.”

Jiraiya laughed. “That’ll do ya.”

Naruto’s first class of Muay Thai had actually been nothing like he expected. 

Guys in varying ages and fitness levels were already stretching when he got there. Some of them even had the special, Muay Thai booty shorts he didn’t learn about until later.

Then, they started jump roping. Which he felt kind of dumb about. 

But not a silly as shadow boxing made him feel. Nobody else seemed to question it, so ‘when in Rome’ or whatever.

They did beginning drills and complicated drills. Then they did sparing. 

It felt like everything good about a manic episode. He felt like some deep ingrained primal instincts came out. There was a part of it that almost scared him, like the little kid that always got the shit beaten out of him. But he wasn’t little anymore. Plus, in Muay Thai, you can throw elbows. 

Jiraiya wasn’t even teaching his class but shit his pants after watching Naruto spar. 

“You’re a fucking natural kid. Un-fucking-believable.”

“Ugh thanks.” Naruto laughed, running his hands through his sweaty hair. 

“We gotta get you a bag kid. Two hundred kicks a day. Each leg. We gotta get you on a training program. You gotta buy my protein powder. What kinda food you eating? You gotta start cutting-”

“Cutting?” Naruto blanched. His arm was wrapped still and most of the rest of his marks were camouflaged-

“Cutting weight!” Jiraiya slapped him in the stomach. 

“Oi, did you just call me fat?”

“Too fat if you wanna fight anyone good.”

Naruto’s brain wasn’t moving fast enough for him to keep up with Jiraiya. “Who am I fighting?”

“Nobody yet.” Jiraiya laughed. “You got a long way to go kid. But you’ve got a lot of potential. You’re not too old yet. You have a career in fighting, low level at least.”

Shit.

He’s been in a lot of fights, sure, but Naruto never suspected that he could actually be good at something. 

The word career posed a problem though.

He showed up to work early Monday morning, so he could talk to Kakashi in office before his team went out canvassing. He wasn’t usually in that part of the building, it was for administration and stuff like that. 

So he was surprised to see someone he actually knew there. 

“Shikamaru!”

“Naruto, what the hell are you doing here?” His normally relaxed friend looked alarmed.

“Chill, chill, chill, I work here. Do you work here?” 

“Yes.”

“Kakashi just offered me a job on the side of the road. Fifteen dollars an hour! Can you believe that?” Naruto practically bounced on the balls of his feet. 

“Fifteen… yeah…” Shikamaru shrugged. “Did you need something over here?”

“Yeah, I was waiting to ask Kakashi a question.”

“He’s coming in late today. As usual. What is it?”

“Oh, well, um I started this class, it’s a kicking boxing class. Muay Thai. But I wasn’t sure if I could actually compete or anything, if I’m allowed to do that with this job. Ya’know.”

“Canvassing is usually for college kids. If you’re not having a kegger on the weekend, you’ve already got a leg up on the competition. And if Kakashi hired a dude with face, neck and hand tattoos, I think he’ll be unbothered by Korean wrestling.”

Naruto frowned at the insults. “It’s Thai. Muay Thai. It’s in the name.”

“Whatever. Hey wait - holy shit. You know Konohamaru Sarutobi?”

“Little spoiled shit head?” Naruto asked. “He’s usually on the team that canvases in Queens.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s the shit head. Anyways, he’s a legacy kid, his family’s been in politics for awhile, he got his job on recommendation from his grandpa. To cut to the chase, his family is real worried about him walking around, canvassing and stuff.”

“In Queens?” Naruto rolled his eyes.

“Yes, I’m gonna switch your route to match his. Get his family off my back.” 

“Wait, the only reason I got hired is cause I knew my neighborhood-”

“Don’t worry,” Shikamaru huffed. “I’ll get you a raise. See if I can do any better than fifteen.”

“Dude, what the hell I thought fifteen was good?” He asked, affronted. 

Shikamaru snorted. “Don’t ask anyone inside what they make then.”

Naruto was thoroughly soured now. “Fine then, mother fucker.” He muttered, turning around. “Cool to see you then. Maybe catch you later?”

“Sure thing.” Shikamaru moved to continue down the hallways but stopped. 

“Hey, Naruto?”

“Yeah?”

Shikamaru shrugged his shoulders and sighed like he really didn’t want to say something but was forcing himself to anyways. 

“I heard. About you and Hinata.”

...“Oh.”

He wasn’t really sure what he was supposed to say about that. 

“Ugh, glad you’re doing alright.”

“Thanks man.” Naruto smiled. 

It fell as soon as he turned back around.


	26. Tons

Life was pretty jammed packed for Naruto now. He had a longer commute to work, and his new group was way more annoying, but Shikamaru did get his a raise. 

He had to pair back his days at Teuchi’s now that he was into kickboxing. Jiraiya has taken him under his wing, almost against Naruto’s will but he couldn’t complain. Muay Thai was addicting. It was an outlet he had seriously been lacking. 

Jiraiya was on Naruto about his diet more than Hinata had ever been. Luckily he was getting some “cooking classes” from Iruka every now and then. 

Everything was actually looking great. 

Even Hinata was calling him, and not the other way around. 

Only…

He didn’t want to answer. 

He had been ignoring her calls for almost a week and now it was going off nonstop. 

By the seventh time Sunday morning.

He held it in his hands for a moment, taking a deep breath. 

“Hello?” He wasn’t trying. To sound annoyed, but… he was. 

“Naruto! Hi. I’ve, been calling you…” He felt momentary guilt at hearing how worried she sounded. 

But not guilty enough. 

“Yeah.” 

“Um, well, how are you?”

“Fine.”

She sighed. “Naruto…”

“Did you need something?”

“I, I just wanted to make sure you were… alight. I haven’t heard from you since…”

“Since when? Since you’ve started seeing other guys?”

“It’s not like that.” She promised.

That lifted a little weight of his chest. 

“You’re not seeing someone else?” He had to be sure. 

“It’s, it’s not, serious. It’s just casual.”

His teeth ground together, the weight was even worse than before. His heart felt like it didn’t have enough room in his chest cavity. 

“So, you are.” 

“It’s really not the big of a deal. I promise. I’m just, trying to, get out there. Try something new. I’m not looking for a boyfriend or anything. It’s just… dating.”

“Dating?” He spit it out with such disdain. 

“Yeah.” Her voice was quiet. 

He couldn’t even figure why. Why would she be sad if she’s the one making all the decisions? She’s calling all the shots. Shouldn’t she be happy?

“Hey,” His body straightened immediately along with his idea. “Go on a date with me.”

“What?”

“Common, you said. It’s not a big deal. It’s not serious. It just dating. You said that, right?” His talking was moving faster along with his heart rate. 

“Yes, but-”

“Just a casual date. No big deal. I get what you’re saying, I go on dates all the time you know. Tons. So many, I barely have free time.”

“Tons?” She sounded dubious. 

“Believe it.” He laughed at himself. 

“I don’t know, Naruto.” 

He could hear it. The indecision in her voice. She wanted to see him! He knew it! 

“Just one. Please Hina?”

The phone was quiet.

He felt quiet. “Go on a date with me.”

He could hear the her breath whisper across the receiver. “...okay.”

Naruto’s knees felt weak but he jumped as high as he could punching the air. He wanted to scream too but he bit his lip, and cleared his throat. “Ehm, yeah cool.” He sniffed, still trying to regain his composure. “Sounds good.”


	27. Croatian mix martial artist

Naruto felt more silly than the first time he did shadow boxing. 

“Hey, Ayame?” Naruto rubbed the back of head hard enough to fluff his hair. He needed a haircut still, it was getting ridiculous. 

“Yeah Naruto?” She smiled. 

He had timed this interaction perfectly, so Teuchi would be in the back and not have to witness this train wreck. 

“I was wondering if you’d go on a date with me?” He moved from the balls of his feet to his heel, tapping his other hand on his thigh. 

“What?” She looked at him, flabbergasted. 

“I know, I know, this is kinda weird, sorry. I’m just…”

Just what? He had no fucking idea. 

This whole stupid convoluted plan was stemming from sheer pettiness and jealousy from Hinata seeing other people. Plus, he said he was dating tons like a fucking idiot. Not only did he sound like a lunatic but he hadn’t dated anyone but Hinata in years.

He didn’t even know what he was supposed to do. 

“Sure.”

“Wait what?” He gulped. 

“I’ll go on a date with you.” She smiled. 

He had to remind himself that this was supposed to be the outcome that he wanted. 

“Thanks Ayame!”

It felt weird, getting ready for a date with someone that wasn’t Hinata. It felt wrong. Like he’s cheating on her. But he can’t cheat on her if they’re not together. This is all her fault anyway, if they’re playing the blame game. 

Ayame… actually looks pretty cute for their date. She’s all warm brown hair and smiles. She’s more outgoing than Hinata is. She’s not as shy. 

She actually sings karaoke, and doesn’t mind the crowds and laughs really loud. 

Naruto orders shrimp as his main course, as a sort of civil disobedience to Hinata, sticking it to the (wo)man. She doesn’t like shrimp. Or crab but that’s too expensive to hate-eat right now. 

Unfortunately, or though some sick justice (injustice?) they’re over cooked and rubbery and sucked anyways and maybe Hinata was kind of right about them all along. 

She was right about everything. 

His date is actually spectacular. Which really fucking sucks because he doesn’t want it to be. 

He doesn’t want to get along with someone else. Even if Ayame and him could theoretically be more compatible. He doesn’t want that. 

He doesn’t want anyone but Hinata.

“Thanks for going out with me.” Naruto asks as they walk pass the park on the way back to her apartment. 

She laughs. “You don’t have to say it like that. It wasn’t a favor. I had a lot of fun.”

Naruto feels almost like he’s going to throw up when she tucks her hair behind her ear the way Hinata does.

“Look,” He takes a really deep breath and exhales hard. “I know this is kind of a messed up thing to say - and you can for real hit me if you want, but-”

“You’re still in love with Hinata?”

Naruto is floored. 

“Holy shit. How did you know that?”

“I’ve known you for a long time.” She laughs. “It’s pretty obvious.”

Naruto still cannot believe that his mind has just been read by his coworker. “That’s some Jedi level shit, Ayame you should start like a newspaper column or something.”

She laughs again.

“You’re not, you’re not mad?” He asks, just to double check that there’s not a hidden sucker punch lying in wait for him. 

“No.” She smiles.

“And your dad isn't going to Mirco Cro Cop kick me in the face when I come in for work on Saturday is he?” 

She laughs again. “No. Pinky promise.”

They actually lock fingers in their pinky promise. But what’s more surprising, is that she leans in, to lightly kiss him on the cheek. Like a little butterfly. There’s no romantic intent behind it, not that Naruto can pick up on. 

She feels like the older sister that she has always been to him.

“Don’t give up on Hinata yet, okay? If you really love her, give her some time to see how well you’ve done. Okay?”

He nods. “Thanks Ayame.”

“Of course! And get a haircut.” She ruffles his hair before they head back on their way.


	28. THE DATE

Naruto feels like he actually might die. 

He’s tapping his hands on his legs so hard he feels like he’s doing Guitar Hero drum solo. 

He took, not one, but two showers to prepare for this. He’s been stress sweating like it was his day job. He’s never even sweat this much getting the runaround from Jiraiya. 

He’s afraid that his haircut is too short, or dorky. Maybe he put on too much cologne? Maybe he’s wearing the wrong thing?

Maybe she hates him and she’s just lying to him. Maybe she isn’t coming. Maybe-

“Naruto?”

His body snaps to attention so fast, he’s up on his feet, his knee knocks the table. 

“Shit.” He barely grabs his glass of water before he’s soaked the whole thing. 

“Oh, are you okay?” 

Her voice, it’s always been soft. She’s really quiet. It’s a thousand times better than just hearing it on the phone. 

Because it’s now actually paired with her. It’s not just her voice now. Her face, just as beautiful as ever, looks at him with wide, concerned eyes. 

Naruto, through the years, has developed several kinds of coping mechanisms, or masks to hide behind. The easiest of them, or maybe the one truest to himself, is the blinding confidence and optimism. 

“Yeah, sorry about that.” He rubs the back of his newly shorn head, still not able to fully embody the ‘calm, cool and collected’ man that he had trying to channel for days, prepping for this exact moment. 

“Should we, um, sit down?” She asks quietly, glancing between the two of them. 

Standing. 

Right next to the table. 

In the middle of the restaurant. 

He could literally cry, or bash his face on the table. Could be possibly be making this “first impression” any worse?

“Yeah!” He laughed, awkwardly gesturing to the chair across from him. 

Hinata settles in the seat across from him easily. She’s wearing a soft sweater and a maxi skirt. She’s never been one to wear anything revealing or with a lot of skin, but she’s always been breathtaking to him, regardless.

His throat feels dry. 

“How have you been?” He asks.

His hands resume the rhythmic tapping, underneath the table, but this time it’s softer, less erratic, so she won’t notice. Which is utter shit because, of course she’ll notice. And she knows him. 

But-

He knows her too. 

He can see her biting her lip. He can see her appraising him, watching for little ticks. Insights. She can read him like a book-

But he can see her just as plainly. 

She twists the bracelet on her wrist like she could screw it off. 

“I’ve been good.” She settles for. 

Naruto smiles at himself. There’s a little game afoot. Who is going to reveal themselves to whom. Hinata has always played the long game. She’s filled with the side glances and the double questions, that she words to get more out of you than you’re aware. 

It’s not her fault. 

Her home life was shit.

Whereas his go to is to be loud and pretended nothing is wrong (when he can), Hinata reverts into herself, building up walls and shields left and right that she can monitor over from a safe distance. 

He’s okay with that. 

“That’s good.” He smiles. “Up to anything new?”

‘Besides dating.’ He thinks with such disdain, but hides behind a sip of water. 

“Um, well,” He watches her tuck a strand of thick, pitch black hair behind her ears and it almost breaks his heart again. 

She’s right there. In front of him. So familiar. So beautiful. 

But she’s like a stranger now. 

It’s nauseating. 

“I started a knitting class.”

Naruto raises an eyebrow. “Knitting? Cool, what are you making?”

Her cheeks tinge a familiar light pink and it does the same thing to his chest that the hair tucking did to him too. 

She’s back to twisting her bracelet. 

“I’m not good enough to make anything yet.” Her head ducks minisculely. 

Like she’s embarrassed. 

“So, what to you do at your class then?”

She looks a little surprised at his follow up questions. 

It’s a side effect of the medication. Or not side effect? A natural effect? He’s able to concentrate better. On things that he would usually tune out. It helps a lot at work. And training with Jiraiya. And now, trying to flirt with his ex-girlfriend. 

“I’m making these little squares,” She pulls up her own tiny hands as reference. “To practice the different stitches.” 

“Wait, wait, wait. Hold up. There’s different stitches? I thought knitting was the… ‘thing’, ya’know.”

Her hand covers her mouth when she giggles, and the action is so utterly, Hinata, that he can almost taste bile in his mouth. 

“There’s quite a few different stitches.” She informs him.

But now, she’s got a little glitter in her eyes, a little honey glow in her cheeks and her lips are quirked at him in amusement. 

His hands form fists on his thighs. He can do this! He can finesse his way right back into her heart. He knows he can. 

He loves her. 

He can see that she still loves him. 

He’s not a child. He knows that it’s not simple enough to bridge all the gaps between them. 

It’s a start though. 

She orders a salad. No surprise there. But when he orders grilled chicken, with a side of vegetables, she looks a little more searching. 

“Mr. Umino, from next door. He’s taught me how to cook. I forgot if I told you, on the phone.” He takes another drink of water. “Anyways, you always said that vegetables were important. And I always said that they suck and tasted like dirt.”

She laughs. 

“But Mr. Umino gave me some tips for cooking them so they don’t taste like… sadness.”

She laughs again. This time, hard. Her nose wrinkles and his heart soars. 

“Yeah, and I can’t eat cereal for breakfast anymore, because my Muay Thai coach is a sadist.”

He’s trying his very best to seem as interesting as possible. To be the best him that he can possibly muster. He’s got competition now. 

She had always told him that she thought he was funny. 

But being left on his ass has made him feel more than a little insecure about a lot of the things that she had promised him. 

“It’s exactly like Rocky. This freak has got me putting six raw eggs and spinach into vanilla protein powder. If his work out don’t kill me, I’m going to die from salmonella poisoning.”

“That’s a lot of eggs.” She looks slightly alarmed, probably imagining his grocery bills. “Do you like… what is it called again?”

“Muay Thai. And yeah! I don’t know what it was about running, but I hated it. Maybe, with Muay Thai, it’s more like.. I feel like I’m actually working towards something.”

“What do you mean?” Her voice sounds genuinely intrigued.

“Like, with running, I wasn’t getting anywhere. Not just because I was on a treadmill neither.” He laughs at his own stupid joke. “But, there’s always something to work on for kickboxing. I have to get better stamina. I have to get better footwork. My kicks are still pretty week. There’s tons of different combos. And a lot of that stuff, I can never master. But I can get better. Like, stronger, faster, ya’know?”

She nods. “But, I thought your instructor was really impressed with you.”

“Impressed?” Naruto snorts. “Half the time I feel like the guy is going lure me to his basement to wear my skin ala Silence of the Lambs. I don’t know what he sees in me but he already wants to set me up with a fight with an old student of his.”

“That’s impressive.” 

Naruto has to hand it to her. She’s being incredibly sweet to let him drone on about something as boring to her as kickboxing. It makes him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. She’s always been like that, always supported him, didn’t matter what he was doing. 

“Eh, enough about me. Tell me more about those little squares. And what’s a ‘purl’ again?” 

He wants to be the man to do that for her too. 

Their dinner is actually… really nice. If Naruto can press through the bad feelings. It’s like being homesick, except his home is sitting right across from him and won’t let him come in. 

When he walks her to her taxi, he can feel the dread rising up in him. He doesn’t want it to be over. He doesn’t want her to go away again. 

“Hey, tell me something.” His voice is quiet and serious.

He looks over at him alarmed.

“Do…” He sallows. “Does my haircut make me look like a dork?”

Her eyes widen and she burst into laughter. “No!” She promises. “I really like it actually.”

“Oh good.” He smirks. “Did you think I was gonna ask you something bad?” 

She looks away from him and doesn’t answer for a long minute. 

“Actually, I was wondering if I could ask you something. Are you alright? Have you been taking your-”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk.” He cuts her off, shaking his head lightly. “I’m sorry ma’am but I don’t just give my personal information to any random woman on a first date.”

Her mouth drops open, gaping at him. “Wha…?”

“I think that’s about… hmm, let’s say, a third date question?” He’s trying to hide his grim but he’s feeling like both the cat with the canary AND the cream. “Third date sounds fair.” 

She scrutinizes him for a long minute biting her lip. He watches her twist her bracelet. 

“Three dates?” She asks, again for clarification. 

“Three dates for personal questions.” Because he definitely plans on having more than three with her. 

“That’s fair.” She finally concedes. 

He winks at her. “Believe it.”

When her cab finally comes, she pulls him into a little hug. It’s enough though. It’s enough to feel her arms around him. It’s enough smell her. It’s enough. It has to be because that’s all he’s getting.

He watches her cab disappear down the street until it’s tail lights blend in with the city. 

His heart's pumping. His breath feels both hot and cold and he’s just so fucking happy. It’s not the mania, he knows that. 

It’s just what hope can do after feeling so hopeless for so long. 

He could fucking punch the air right now, but it’s not the Breakfast Club. He walks home instead, his hands in his pockets, smiling.


	29. It’s worth it

“Did you put meth in your coffee? Jeez.” Konohamaru whines behind him.

“I don’t drink coffee.” Naruto reminds him.

“Either way, can you slow the fuck down?” 

Naruto doesn’t like Queens. He doesn’t like that this neighborhood is nicer. He doesn’t like that their parks are bigger.

It’s annoying. He feels like he doesn’t belong. He doesn’t know this place as well. He’s stuck with a rich, pretty boy, college trust fund, clean cut child. 

But walking all day has helped with cutting weight, so there’s still that. 

“What’s got you in a good mood? Did you get your fight set up?”

Konohamaru Sarutobi, who has never had to work a day in his life, is obsessed with Naruto’s Muay Thai classes. It’s the only reason Naruto has survived canvassing this long with him. 

It’s almost flattering, getting to talk about all the stuff he does all day. He almost feels admired even. 

Deep down, he knows that Konohamaru is only interested in him because he knows nothing about him. 

“I went on a date. With my ex-girlfriend.” Naruto finally admits. 

“That sounds awful.” Konohamaru blanches.

Naruto shrugs. He has to admit, some of his feelings about missing her were, indeed, awful. But he’s never been happier, getting to see her. Getting to talk with her. Make her smile. Make her laugh. 

He loves her, still, more than anything. 

“It was pretty great. I got her to agree to go out with me again.” He beams.

“Why would you want to date your ex?” Konohamaru shivered. “There’s so many other people to date.”

Naruto looks over at him, disgusted. “Once you love someone, you love them.” Thats that.

Konohamaru blows a raspberry. “I’ll make you a Tinder. There’s some instagram baddies that’ll definitely be down for a MMA fighter with a tragic backstory.”

Naruto feels like he could punch him. Or at least throw an elbow combo. 

“That’s fucked up.” He sniffs, shoving his hands deeper into his pockets. 

Konohamaru Sarutobi doesn’t understand anything but normality and luxury. 

He doesn’t have even a hair's width of understanding, of what it’s like to be Naruto.

His medication has been helping. There’s no more racing thoughts. He’s kept a good journal of them too so he can gauge how he’s swinging, if he’s swinging at all now. He’s clean, drugs and alcohol, only that which are specifically prescribed. He’s not cutting himself. He’s not having nightmares. He doesn’t want to kill himself. He’s eating right. He’s exercising. 

That’s everything a normal person should be doing, by all accounts.

It’s just so much fucking work for him. 

It’s fine though. He’s knows that it going to take more work than the average person. Neurotypical vs him. It’s not so different anymore. He’s not hiding behind his diagnosis, making a shield for himself anymore. 

He’s swallowing some pretty bitter pills (physically and metaphorically). 

It take hard fucking work to get on track. To be a fully functional adult. 

But it’s worth it. 

It’s worth it, if he can get Hinata back.


	30. Tough Love

Jiraiya is old as shit, and crazy to match. His accent is thick, Naruto can’t believe it’s still English. ‘Th’ turns to ‘d’ and there’s always an extra vowel in every word. He sounds like perhaps one or both of his parents spoke Spanish as a first language and even though Jiraiya has photos of himself with fighters all over the world on his wall, he sounds exactly like stepping outside and closing your eyes. It’s the Bronx. 

It’s comforting actually. 

Jiraiya has taken an interest in Naruto. 

And for someone who grew up alone, it’s hard not to attach onto people that will let you. 

So Naruto takes comfort in the ‘yous’ instead of ‘you’ and the disgusting way Jiraiya talks about women. 

And the fight, that he won’t let up about. 

Jiraiya has set up sparring sessions with other members of his gym. He’s got Naruto decked out in headgear, gloves and shin pads. He feels like the Michelin man and to top it off, he’s oiled. 

But like all of his experiences with Muay Thai;

It’s exhilarating. It’s like his mania has actually been unleashed and it’s allowed to run wild. He won’t get in trouble for it. And actually, the Old Man is obsessed with it. 

Stands on the edge of the mat, watching him. Entrapped. Cheering him on. 

After practice, he feels soaked. Oil and sweat coat his body and the arm wraps he weaves on before he takes his shirt off every time, unravels, but he doesn’t think much of it. He’s about to leave. 

“Kid, get ya ass back here, I got something to show you.” Jiraiya demands. 

Naruto sniffs and lets his shoulders fall back. He has work tomorrow. The practice is hard on his body. 

But he listens anyways. 

He steps back onto the mat, where Jiraiya is standing against a hanging bag. 

“If you’re gonna fight Yahiko, I gotta teach you something special. Or he’s gonna kill you.”

Naruto frowns. “Gee, thanks old man.”

“Yeah, run your mouth. Get swept. See if I care.” Jiraiya turns to abandon him. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’ll listen.” Naruto laughs. 

Jiraiya glares. “You stupid young fucks. Mess with my damn blood pressure.”

“I said I was sorry.” He laughs, unapologetic. 

“I’m gonna teach you a nine move combo.” Jiraiya finally wheezes. 

Naruto frowns. His already tired shoulders sag. “Nine moves? How the hell am I gonna have enough time to do nine moves?”

“Once you shut your damn mouth, you’ll be surprised by how much time you got. Damn punk.” Jiraiya coughs. “Now hands up, little brat.”

Naruto’s lips purse. 

He’s tired. He wants to go home. To pass out on a bed he doesn’t have the guts to unmake. 

But…

There’s something about someone wanting him around. It’s a feeling that he doesn’t get that often.

Jiraiya believes in him. Wants to help him. He doesn’t want to let him down. 

Not like he’s done with Hinata. 

He puts his fists up against the bag. 

“Alright, you gonna right hook, left liver, right lower leg, step back-”

“I’m gonna kick and go back? I’m gonna fall on my ass.” Naruto whines.

“I’ll put you on your goddamn ass myself if you don’t shut it.” Jiraiya barks. 

Naruto goes back into position.

“Alright, now left high, right-”

Naruto gets smacked in the face. 

He recoils immediately, taking a couple steps off the mat. He doesn’t know if it’s an abused kid thing, or what, but he’s suddenly on high alert, the hair sticking up on the back of his neck. He blinks to reorient himself. 

“What the FUCK is that?” Jiraiya screams. 

Naruto swallows. 

Is this some kind of tough love, drill sergeant, bad cop bullshit? Did he do the move wrong?

“What?” Naruto asks, still bewildered.

His body feels ready to break for it. 

“What? What? Don’t what me. That bullshit on your arm.”

Naruto’s heart sinks into his feet.

Self harm scars are funny like that. Most people, recoil when they catch a glimpse. Give you a look, try and hide it. Their judgments are silent. But harsh and condemning. 

Jiraiya looks ready to beat the fucking shit out of him. His hands shake, not only from rage, but Naruto has a sneaking suspicion it’s from alcohol withdrawal, but he can’t be sure. 

“It’s-”

“It’s what, huh?”

“It’s old!” Naruto defends. 

It's a little true. The thin cuts are now ridged, red bumps. Soon, they’ll smooth out and turn a translucent white color. 

“It’s old my fucking ass!” Jiraiya screams back. 

Naruto has no idea what to do. 

He’s never been this clear headed when someone was mad at him. Or never actually cared what people thought. His medication is like clearing through a fog, resetting his computer processor, jumpstart, a reboot. 

It’s actually amazing, he’s just now realizing. 

He just wishes the mental clarity wasn’t being fully realized when he was getting his ass chewed out. 

“Get your goddamn ass back on my mat.” Jiraiya snarls. 

Naruto obeys him.

“If I catch any more that type of shit-”

“I don’t do that no more.” Naruto raises his hands a little, conceding to the older man. 

“Good! Cause I won’t need Yahiko to beat your ass for me if I see that again.”

Naruto nods quickly. 

“Now square the fuck up, don’t waste my time.”

He wants to smirk at the old man, but he’s too afraid to get smacked it the face again. 

It’s the same feeling he gets when Iruka checks up on him randomly. There’s something about knowing that people are about you. It’s like a tether holding you to the world. 

“What are you smiling about. Come on, right hook. And hit angry for fucks sake.”


	31. Ninja Ninja Revolution

He feels more relaxed this time, waiting for Hinata to show up. He’s dressed a little more casual, but he put just as much effort into getting ready.

The lobby of the movie theater looks straight out of the late 80’s/early 90’s. It probably hasn’t been renovated since then. There’s huge patterns on the carpet of overlapping neon triangles and circles. The walls are beige with a upcoming movie posters and displays. It’s smells of buttered popcorn and a little dirty, but it was the nicest theatre in the neighborhood so no complains. 

There’s an arcade adjacent to it though, which is where he’s standing and waiting for Hinata. 

He sees her immediately, as soon as she walks in. 

He lights up like a Christmas tree. It’s hard not to. She’s so pretty. She’s wearing regular clothes too, but she’s looks breathtaking. 

He waves to her over the crowd, enough for her to see him, one hand behind his back. 

She breaks into a soft smile and gives him a little wave back before making her way over to him. 

Her hair is still long, straight, dark. Her eyes are still glittery and pretty. Her smiles are still shy and perfect.

Fuck, he’s happy to see her. 

“Hi.” She greets him. 

“Hi.” He smiles. 

She tucks her hair behind her ears. “So, why did you want to come so early? The movie doesn’t start for forty-five minutes.”

Naruto can’t help the little grin that slowly takes over his face. Wordless, the arm behind his back moves to the forefront, holding a plastic cup, filled a little more than half way, of tokens. 

He shakes them enticingly between them. The coins clink. 

“Games?” She asks.

He nods, biting a lip. 

Her nose wrinkles a little as she smiles. “Okay.”

“But first.” Naruto stops her. 

He opens his free hand in front of her, expectantly. 

She looks at him quizzically, for a moment, before her mouth forms a little ‘o’. She moves to her purse, one of the straps shifting off her shoulder as she rummages through it. She comes back out, holding a little, multicolored square of knitted yarn.

Naruto trades her for the cup of tokens so he can hold it in both hands. 

“So this is the square?” He asks. 

“One of them.” She nods.

He turns it over in his hands a couple times, appraising the woven little squiggle lines. 

“It looks really good.” It’s true, too. He doesn’t know jack shit about knitting but it looks like a square, and that’s what it was supposed to be.

“It has a couple flaws.” She dismisses the praise. 

“I can’t see them.” He promises, looking at her face now instead of the square. 

“You can keep it if you want. It can be a potholder or a washcloth.”

“Thanks, Hina.” He wants to hug her, but he rubs the back of his head instead, smiling through the feeling of the cracks in his chest.

“I can hold it for you until after.” She hands to cup of coins back to him, and she places the little square back into its place. “Ready?”

“Yup! Lets go.”

Just like last time, it’s almost a relief to finally be with her again. Like a weight has been taken off his shoulders. A worry is wiped away. 

He doesn’t have to wonder about her; she’s right there next to him. 

But, things are still weird. There’s still a place between them that he can’t step over. 

He can forget about that playing skee-ball.

“Interesting first game to let me crush you at.” He grins smugly as he feeds in the appropriate amount of tokens into each of their machine. 

“Oh no,” She whispers softly.

He’s stuck on how her eyes look right into his. 

“Did you think I was going to let you win?” She finishes, with a sweet little smile. 

He blows out a breath, standing back to his full height. “Alright, alright Hyuuga. I see you’ve come to play.”

She blinks, smirking. 

Fuck, his heart hurts. 

They play skee-ball for a couple turns, collecting a couple tickets each.

“Wanna shoot some hoops?” Naruto asks. 

“You can.” Hinata says instead. 

He purses his lips for a moment, weighing his decision. “Just one round.” He promises.

After feeding the tokens in, he stands up straight, making a show of stretching. Five basketballs fall into his reach, and he starts off quickly. 

He misses his first two shots.

“It’s cause I didn’t say ‘Kobe’.” He laments. 

Hinata nods, agreeing to the ridiculousness. 

Once it becomes apparent that he is complete garbage at it, he decides to just add some flair. He turns around throws one over his head. 

“Did it go in?” He asks after it loudly his the wall of the container instead. 

“Nothing but net.” She promises. 

He smiles goofily. 

His time is running out so he decides to pick up two of them and throw them at the same time. Neither go in. He then throws one up and tries to hit it with a second. 

“Could’ve sworn I had that one.” He snaps his fingers. 

After, the machine procures him one measly ticket. He holds it up between his index finger and thumb for Hinata to see. 

“For you.”

She smiles, taking it in her hand. “Thank you.”

He drums his hands against his thighs as he scans the arcade. There’s a couple with a child, and some unsupervised middle school students. He wants a game that he and Hinata can play together. 

“Wanna race some cars?”

She follows his gaze to the grouping of race car game machines. After her affirmative nod, they make their way over to two that are connected, candy pink, so they can race against each other. 

He sets the cup between them. The machines are a candy themed race, and he picks a little green car at random. He has to glance over at Hinata’s machine to see that her’s is candy cane striped. 

“No cheating.” Hinata rebukes.

“S’not cheating.” He defends. 

“You’re going to run me off the road.”

“Am not.”

Naruto’s first move is to drive into the side of her car. 

“It’s not bumper cars.” She scolds, still smiling.

“That was totally an accident.” He promises as he runs into her again. 

She leans back into the large plastic chair to glare at him. 

He bites his lip, trying not to laugh. But he does finally shift into “gear” and start on the actually race path, he’s now second to last with Hinata trailing behind him. 

Because the game is mainly for children, it’s really not that hard to catch up to the pack. 

“Man, Hinata. I don’t even know how to drive and I’m killing you.” 

Hinata always drove, if they went somewhere where they needed a car. It’s not like he could afford one. It’s not necessary in the city anyways, but there’s a startlingly painful memory of the last time they were both in the car and he grimaces for a moment. 

He looks over at her, which he does a lot. Like a mother checking on their infant. Make sure they’re still there. Still breathing. Reassurance. 

But she’s already staring at him. 

His head ducks, embarrassed about getting caught looking at her. Which he doesn’t get often.  
So naturally he must deflect. 

“Oh my god, Hinata. Were you just checking me out?” 

He watches her face bloom into a thick, dark blush. “No.” She promises. 

“You were ogling me.” He pressed, watching her lips purse. “Objectifying me.” Her nose wrinkles. 

“I feel so used.” He laughs. 

“Stoooop.” She whines, looking mortified. 

He leans over to let his shoulder pump against hers in a little apology. He does beat her, coming in third. 

“Can you believe that?” He smirks at her. 

“You cheated.” She defends. 

He shrugs his shoulders. “I gotta do what I gotta do, Hyuuga. Don’t hate the player, hate the game.” 

She shakes her head a little, but she’s still smiling. 

“We probably have time for one more.” He glances around the arcade again.

He sees the lone Ninja Ninja Revolution game in the corner but he doesn’t want to suggest it, because he knows Hinata won’t play it. He’s already played one game that she didn’t want, and he doesn’t want to do it again. 

Hinata doesn’t ever miss anything though. 

“You want to play the ninja dance game.” She smiles. 

“No, it’s okay.” He tries to look for one more that they can play together, but she grabs the cup between them. 

“Let’s go.” She walks away from him, over to the two joined red platforms. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to do it with me?” He wants to double check. He really already knows, but he wants to make sure. 

She nods. 

“Okaaay.” If she’s sure. 

“I’ll play you.” The pack of middle schoolers were surrounded by a Ms. Pac-Man game nearby, and one of them, with ripped jeans and a tattered skateboard hoodie. 

Naruto remembered loitering around Barcade, in Chelsea when he was younger, probably dirtier and in worse clothes. Him and Sasuke, and their pair of fake IDs. Neglected kids always seemed to look older. They had to walk, their and back, because they were so broke. 

“Sure.” Naruto agrees, if only for the nostalgia. 

There weren’t very many nice adults when he was a kid. 

“Hinata?” He asks for the cup of coins. 

She hands them off to him easily, and he’s afraid to look at her too long, in case she thinks that it’s a dumb idea. But the group of middle schoolers has already moved over to watch the soon to be epic dance off. 

“You got this Inari!” One of the kids yelled. 

“He’s gonna beat you in front of your girlfriend.” Another adds. 

Naruto watches the numbers count down till his match. “Jokes on you.” Naruto mumbles to him. “She not my girlfriend.” If only as a reminder. 

Because he can’t let his thoughts get away from him. 

Hinata is not his anymore. She’s barely gracing him with her presence. 

He just gets to make the most of it. 

The game is actually a pretty easy dance of running movements and pretending to block and kick with the leg taps. The kid actually beats Naruto but he’s not bothered by it. In fact, he leaves the group the rest of his tickets and tokens. 

“I can’t believe you didn’t try and win me one of those big stuffies.” Hinata laughs. 

“I barely had enough tickets to win you one of these little candies.” Naruto laughs. “I’ll buy you a big one instead.”

The line isn’t too long, and Hinata is shocked that Naruto isn’t getting anything for himself. “I’m not supposed to eat too many carbs.” He admits. “My fights coming up.”

“But, you love popcorn.” She presses. 

He nods sadly. 

She insists that they share a small one anyways. 

It’s too good to pass up. He takes a hand hand full and throws individual pieces up in the air to catch them in his mouth. He only gets about half of them. 

The lines getting shorter and shorter. 

“You know,” Naruto starts to formulate the plan in his head, easily. “It was pretty rude of you, earlier, to just check me out like that.”

Her eyes slide over to glare at him. 

“I know I’m like, super hot now, but I’m not just a sack of meat, Hinata. I’m a person with feelings.”

“Is that so.” She frowns. 

“Yeah. I think you should make it up to me.”

“Do you.”

“Yup sure do.” He beams. 

“How would you like me to do that?” She asks, dryly. 

“Hmmm,” he puts his hand to his chin, like he’s really putting some thought into it. “Ya’know, I thinking holding my hand would smooth it over.”

Her jaw drops. 

“It’s only fair.” He presses. 

“Is it?” She finally regains some composure. 

He nods, trying not to smile too hard. He’s pretty pleased with himself. 

She rolls her eyes, before reaching out her hand to his, and intertwining their fingers. 

He squeezes her smaller hand, softly, trying not to let the butterflies hurt his tummy too bad. 

“Ahh, that’ll do it.” He smiles at her. 

He can see her little smile too. “Mmhmm.” Her eyes roll and his heart hurts again because she’s just so goddamn beautiful, he can’t even breathe right. 

“Believe it.”


	32. Mental Blockade

He hates grocery shopping.

Everything reminds him of Hinata. The way they use to walk together. The way he used to talk her into getting treats. Everything. 

He grocery shops blocks away now. The walk doesn’t phase him. He’s way stronger than he’s ever been, so it’s not much of haul. 

He’s willing to do it so he doesn’t have to feel so lonely in a place that was once meant for the both of them. 

It actually doesn’t help much. 

He cooks alone too. He doesn’t know how Hinata always did it. Cooking is boring as fucking shit. Especially since he can basically only eat chicken and vegetables right now, besides his breakfast protein drink. Iruka told him how to grill veggies so that taste better. 

That statement is only halfway true. 

Sure, it’s better but it’s still a fucking vegetable.

His heats turned on but his apartment is cold. He’s lonely. He eats vegetables on the floor in front of his TV. The only thing on is the news. 

If Hinata were here…

It’s a sick train of thought that poisoning him.

She isn’t here. 

She isn’t here because she doesn’t want to be here. Doesn’t want to be with him. 

The only good thing that comes from those thoughts, is that it’s helping him with that nine move combo Jiraiya is drilling into his brain. 

The sheer rage that makes his vision go red. 

She doesn’t want to be with him. 

She left him. 

He tries to stop. Take a cold shower. Anything to remind himself. 

“It’s my fault.” He tells his therapist.

The words are detached from himself, like he can’t feel them anymore, even though he’s speaking them. 

“I don’t want to forget that. I don’t want to blame her.”

His therapist nods. “It’s okay to feel both things.”

He shakes his head. “No. No, I made her leave. It’s my fault. I make everyone leave.”

“What do you mean by that?” Those prying questions. Hinata was much better at hiding hers.

“All I have to do is look around. There’s no one. The common denominator is me.”

“That’s not true. You have your neighbor. And your coach. Your canvassing partner likes you. Hinata still calls you.”

Naruto shrugs. He knows that those things are true.

It just doesn’t feel like enough anymore. 

It’s empty.

“Have you tried explaining your feelings to Hinata?” 

“Oh fuck no.” He gasps.

His therapist looks taken aback. 

“We don’t,” he’s reaching for the right words. “We don’t talk about stuff like that. She tells me about work and knitting and goes to the movies with me. We don’t talk about… anything like that.”

“You could.” His therapist presses.

“I don’t wanna make her mad. I don’t want her to stop calling. To stop talking to me.”

“Do you think she would do that?”

“I never thought she would leave me.” His hands go out and he laughs without any mirth. “No, I can’t tell her shit. I’m just lucky that she lets me talk to her. To see her.”

“That isn’t healthy Naruto.”

“Well, that’s all I got left.”

“That isn’t true.”

“Yeah, it is.” He insists.

His therapist tries to redirect the conversation, after seeing his mental blockade.

“Why don’t you do something that Hinata doesn’t like. She isn’t as outgoing as you. Why don’t you do something like go out with that girl again. You went to karaoke. You had shrimp.”

“That makes me feel worse.” He frowns.

“It doesn’t have to.”

He walks slowly back to his apartment. 

He doesn’t want to do things Hinata doesn’t like.

He doesn’t want to do anything, really.

The neon signs catch his eye. Deep down, he knows it’s probably a bad idea. It’s definitely not what his therapist meant. But it’s one-hundred percent definitely something Hinata would not like. 

The bell sings above him. “Do you take walk-ins?” He asks, his hands in his pocket. 

The place smells like cigarettes and the walls are covered in photos of tattoos. Their portfolios. 

“Depends what you want.” The guy at the front counter is just as covered in tattoos as Naruto is. 

Naruto pulls out the little sticky note, he carries in his jacket pocket. 

“Give me a little, I’ll stencil it out.” The guy leans a hand out to take it. 

Naruto doesn’t hand it over just yet. “I want it back when you’re done.”

The guy gives him a weird look. “Sure thing man.” He looks over the handwritten note again. “What place are you thinking.”

Naruto starts to roll up his sleeve. “It’s over some scars, if that’s okay?”


	33. It’s like a death

He knows it’s a bad idea. He does. He’s not oblivious to how far Sasuke has fallen. He’s not turning a blind eye. There’s no rose tinted glasses. 

He gets it.

Sasuke is a drug addict. Prescription pills are his vice but Naruto knows that it doesn’t just end there. It never did. 

Naruto himself has done his fair share of mind altering substances. 

He doesn’t know why he seemed to get out of it and Sasuke didn’t. Maybe Naruto doesn’t have enough money to keep up the habit? Maybe Naruto found something better? 

Naruto doesn’t know where the differences between him and Sasuke lie. 

Is it just the simple fact Naruto wanted to be better than that, and Sasuke didn’t?

But... Sasuke was his brother.

When you don’t have family, you make your own. Sasuke’s was his first. 

Then Hinata. 

And... he’s not so sure that Hinata is his family anymore. 

He wants to her to be. But Naruto has never really got anything that he’s wanted. At least not for long. 

Sasuke doesn’t pick of his phone on the first day. Or the second. Or the third. 

“What?” The voice sounds grumpy, and tired. Typical Sasuke. 

It’s almost been a week since he’s been calling. 

“Hey, it’s me.”

There’s a sigh. “Yeah, I know. There’s caller ID idiot.”

“Right, right. Wanna go get some dinner?” Naruto asks. 

There’s static movement as Sasuke rustles about. He coughs a couple times and sniffs like he has a cold. “How ‘bout breakfast?”

Naruto pauses. “It’s six pm.” 

He called him on his walk home from work. 

“Yeah?” Sasuke snaps. 

There’s a pancake place somewhere in between (if he’s being honest it’s closer to Sasuke’s but it’s fine, whatever) that they decide to meet at. 

“I’ll pay.” Naruto offers to sweeten the deal. His only condition. “Don’t bring your stupid fucking posey.”

“You got it chief.” 

Sasuke looks worse than the last time, which is really saying something. His hair is long, and sticking up in random places and matted down in others. His clothes hang on him loosely. His skin is almost translucent, with thick bags under his eyes so dark he could’ve been wearing eye makeup. 

He’s hunched over, leaning over a plate of bacon and eggs that he’s barely touched. 

Naruto ordered egg whites, turkey bacon, steamed vegetables and one slice of wheat toast. He’s smothered it in hot sauce and it’s actually not too bad. 

“So, did your s’mother finally let you out to play, or did you have to sneak past your warden?” Sasuke smirks. 

“Don’t talk about her like that.” Naruto glares. 

Sasuke laughs, sniffing a little.

“Actually, Hinata and I... aren’t... together.  
Anymore.” 

Sasuke finally looks up at him in surprise. “What did you do?”

“Assuming it’s my fault?” Naruto huffs. “Actually, that’s fair.”

He pauses.

“A lot of things. There’s more things I didn’t do.”

“Is that your cryptic, Jedi master way for saying your a fuck up?” 

Naruto bites the inside of his mouth. “Yep. I guess.” It’s bitter. 

I guess that’s why they call it a bitter truth. 

“Are you running back to me now? Wanna be roomies again?” Sasuke taunts. 

Roommates. That last ended with Naruto taking a lethal dose of unmarked pills. A childish way to hurt his friend. 

It really only hurt Hinata. 

Maybe some of his brain cells. 

“You’re such an asshole.” Naruto rubs his temples tiredly.

He worked all day. Dealing with him is exhausting. 

“Don’t tell me you know how to take care of yourself now? Now that Hinata’s not around to change your diaper.”

“I got a new job. It’s actually with Shikamaru.” 

It’s a stretch. They do wildly different things and get paid wildly different amounts but they’re technically employed by the same people. 

“You finally got a job. At least you don’t deliver pizza anymore.”

“I still do that too.”

Sasuke’s lip comes up, disgusted. 

“Not all of us get to inherit millions to blow on the worlds slowest suicide.”

“Well, you’d know all about that. You just got yours wholesale.” 

It’s a feeling he’s felt a lot lately. Like he had not fucking clue what he’s doing. What was he trying to get out of this exchange? What did he think it was going to be like?

Sasuke has always been like this. 

Not always. 

But since the drugs. Yes. Always. He’s... not a good person. It hurts to feel. Knowing that. He doesn’t want it to be true. He doesn’t want that to be his reality. 

That’s also a familiar feelings. 

Just... wishing things for different. 

Sometimes he wonders what he’d be like if he could’ve had a normal family. A mom and a dad. Who loved him. Maybe he would’ve got help earlier. 

Maybe Sasuke’s family would’ve been alright too. 

And Hinata. 

What if they could’ve all just been happy. 

What if they lived in a world where everything wasn’t so fucking hard all the time.

It’s not though. Naruto has no family now. Hinata is gone. And well, Sasuke’s been gone even longer, if he’s being brutally honest.

And just like with Hinata, he’s being stringing them along, unwilling to let go. Unwilling to cut the ties to the hot air balloon. 

What will happen if he really does. 

Adrift, alone in the atmosphere. 

He’s not ready for that yet. 

“I actually started fighting. Muay Thai.” 

“That sounds kind of gay.” Sasuke sniffs. 

“Well, you were my first kiss. So you’d know all about that.” 

Sasuke’s eyes finally don’t look so glassy and dead as they glare at Naruto with righteous fire. “That was an accident and you fucking know it.”

“Sure thing. Don’t worry? Hatake is for gay rights.”

Sasuke’s lips form into a snarl. “Listen you fucking deal-last piece of-”

“Relax. God.” Naruto rolls his eyes. “Anyways. I have a fight. Coming up. You should come.” 

Sasuke is still fuming from being called gay. Or insinuated. Homophobic much?

“I would actually love to see the floor mopped with you.”

Naruto blinks. “Thank you, for the support.”

“You got it.” Sasuke smirks. “Your paying right?”

“You didn’t even eat.”

Sasuke rolls his eyes. 

He wants so call Hinata on his way home. But he’s afraid it’ll make him feel even more empty. He doesn’t know if that’s possible. But he doesn’t. 

He burrows his hands in his pockets. He’ll take the long way home then.


	34. Impossible

The place is bigger than Naruto thought it would be. He’s more nervous than he thought he would be. 

He can’t even drum his hands on his legs. They’re getting wrapped, in legitimate wrappings. They’re initialed by one of the employees.

It’s more real than Naruto ever thought it would be. 

He’s wearing the silky short shorts. Jiraiya let him pick the color, bright orange, but they still have the gyms logo on them.

There’s no headgear in this fight. 

“So I’ll get brain damage and cauliflower ear all in one.” He snorted when Jiraiya informed him. 

Who responded with clapping him straight on the ear himself. “Maybe you’ll be quieter than.”

His skin is shiny and oil slick. 

He’s more nervous than he’s ever been for a fight. Even street fights. He’s invited Iruka. He’s invited Konohamaru. He invited Hinata. And Sasuke. He doesn’t know whose actually decided to come. He can’t tell. 

He walks out with Jiraiya. “Try not to lose too bad, okay kid. Keep your hands up and don’t embarrass yourself.”

“Got it.” The mouthpiece in clear and thick. 

It’s supposed to prevent brain trauma but there’s about to be any number of punches, elbows and kicks armed direction at his cranium so really the little plastic is only making his mouth feel funky. 

The place is full. Like every fucking place in New York is full. He tries not to grimace but the nerves are making him feel sick. 

He’s never seen Yahiko before. But he gets a cool nickname, Pain, and Naruto just gets to be himself. Which is fine. Yahiko is a real fighter. He’s made a name for himself, literally. 

He just wishes they weren’t announcing “Naruto vs. Pain” like some ominous foreshadowing.

He wishes that he could know for sure if Hinata was there. She would hate something like this. It was actually maybe even rude of him to ask her to come.

He wants her there though. More than he wants anyone else he’s invited. 

He can’t see the crowd correctly though. He can’t scan and check. It’s a legit boxing set up. There’s bright lights. He’s can see anyone’s individual faces. 

There’s something sobering about entering the ring. It feels like he’s being reborn. Everything is stripped away, literally, he’s basically naked. 

Yahiko, Pain, is probably just as tall as Naruto is. Built similar, maybe a little larger. They stand face to face. He’s a carrot top, with dark, unblinking eyes. His skin is lighter than Naruto’s, no tattoos. But he does have probably two dozen open holes on his face from piercings. They look legit, healed, like he’s had them for awhile. 

‘Amateur.’ 

Naruto has a few healed scars that look like they’re from the world's tiniest melon-baller. From a safety pin. They never lasted long before getting infected and closing on their own. 

The referee stands between them, explaining the rules that both already know in detail. 

Naruto can barely hear him. There’s music playing in the crowd too. They even have announcers but he can’t make that out either. 

All he can see is the person in front of him who is surely to beat him to a pulp in the next few minutes. Naruto is the known under dog. He’s here to sell seats, and be bet against. To make money. 

He’s not going to win. 

They’ll give him $1,000 for playing this game. 

Maybe he doesn’t want Hinata to be here for this. 

The referee instructs them to touch gloves. 

Naruto has one strategy. Just one. 

Most matches, each person dances around each other to look for an opening to strike. 

Naruto’s one and only plan is to move forward. He has no idea if this has any merit at all, but he’s hoping it’ll throw Yahiko off, make him do all the backing up. He’s hoping it’ll put him on the run, make him feel weaker. 

It happens to leave Naruto a lot more open for shots to himself. 

But if there’s anything Naruto can do, it’s take a beating. He’s had a long hard life of that to prepare him for this moment. 

Kicks aren’t actually too bad. Neither are the punches. 

The elbows… that’s he could do without. 

He only gets one hit on Yahiko for every five he gets on himself. He’s losing, by points, assuredly, if he doesn’t end up getting knocked out. 

Somehow, he survives the first round. 

Jiraiya tries to get Naruto to sit down, but he can’t. He knows he won’t be able to get back up. Instead, Naruto slowly paces, staring at Yahiko, trying to look unphased while focusing on staying conscious. 

“You got him on the run kid but you’re taking too many hits.” Jiraiya perfectly sums up his predicament. 

The second round does not go any better. Naruto is getting bruises on top of his bruises. He knows that the pain he’s experiencing right now isn’t even the worst of it. Tomorrow, the next day and the day after that. His legs are starting to buckle. His footing is starting to slip. He’s getting the wind knocked out of him. 

“I don’t even know how your still standing kid.” Jiraiya sprays his face with water. 

Naruto tried to wipe it away but it just gets oil all over him. Jiraiya wipes it off with a towel clumsily, from Naruto’s refusal to sit down.

“You need to rest.” Jiraiya tries to insist.

Naruto shakes his head, back and forth. His whole body is shaking. If he sits down, he won’t be getting back up. 

He knows that he can’t win the fight. He’s not delusional. But like Jiraiya said, he just doesn’t want to embarrass himself. 

Yahiko looks tired too, though. He’s watching Naruto pace back and forth while he himself sits down. 

Naruto knows he’s getting in his head. This is the only kind of game he could play. He doesn’t have enough skill or experience to go outright. 

But it’s working. Yahiko can’t take his eyes off him. Naruto smirks widely at him, manically, he feels crazed right now. Yahiko’s eyes widen and Naruto gives him a wave for good measure. 

“Your plan is just to mind fuck him?” Jiraiya cackles. 

He doesn’t want to do just that. He’s been practicing the nine move comb every day now.  
He wants to use it. He just doesn’t know if he can get a space in. 

Yahiko gets him in the face. 

Naruto stumbles back. He can feel it. He doesn’t have much time left. A liver shot. Kidneys. He’ll be lucky if he doesn’t pee blood tomorrow. 

Yahiko steps back to kick, but Naruto steps forward. 

He sees it. His opening. 

He lands the right hook. Left liver. He kicks the right lower leg. For the first time, he steps back. He lands the left high on Yahiko’s temple. Right knee into Yahiko’s hip. He’s in the pocket, close to his face so he strikes the elbow onto his chin. He jabs as he steps back. 

Round house. 

Time slows down as he watches Yahiko crumble down into the white mat, speckled with little blood droplets. 

He feels like a tree, billowing. 

But Yahiko is down. And he doesn’t get back up. 

The lights are bright. The noises are too loud. He’s probably got a concussion even though he wore the mouth guard. He spits it out as the referee holds his arm up. 

He won. 

He won?

“Holy fucking shit kid!” Jiraiya screams into his face. 

Naruto’s legs buckle as Jiraiya holds him up with his not so frail old man body. 

“I didn’t know you had it in ya! Oh my fucking god! I bet on the wrong damn kid… fuck.”

He won?

He didn’t know he had it either.


	35. Sleep you later

‘I lost 5 g’s on your ass’ 

Naruto stares at the text. 

His whole body feels like ground beef. His hands are swollen, and the light hurts his eyes. He can’t even begin to dissect what actually hurts on the rest of his body. It would be easier to decide what doesn’t hurt, which is not a lot of him. 

He decides not to text Sasuke back. 

Iruka was the first one that he found, by accident. He had taken an icy cold shower, to try and numb some of the pain away before leaving the lower level locker rooms. Iruka was ducking out the back exit, and bumped into him.

“You gonna be okay?” Iruka appraised him. 

“I’m one hundred percent, believe it.” Naruto wheezed. 

“I’ll bring you some food by tomorrow, okay?” Iruka clapped his should. “Proud of you.”

After he left, and Naruto was left to the arduous task of walking upright out of the building, Jiraiya asked, “That your old man?”

Yes. No. Kind of. “He’s my neighbor.” 

Jiraiya shrugged. 

“Naruto!” 

He recognized the voice instantly, upon entering the lobby. Little rich shit from Jamaica estates that plagued him daily. “Konohamaru.” Naruto braces himself for impact. 

The kid is so posh he’s wearing a damn scarf. He slams into Naruto, knocking him into the wall, unable to stand up straight, or hold his weight very well. 

“Fuck,” He wheezes. 

Udon and Moegi, who also canvas with them, are there as well.

“They’re calling you a Nine Tailed Demon, from that finishing move. I got it on camera check it out.” Konohamaru still has an arm around him still, shoving his iPhone into his face. 

A shaky film, from way closer to the ring that Naruto was expecting. He can barely see himself, which is a weird experience, almost naked and shiny, completely fucking up Yahiko. 

At least he’ll have a cool nickname next time. He could’ve done worse than that. Nine Tailed Demon. Sounds like another tattoo. 

“Ehy, lemme see that.” Jiraiya snatches Konohamaru’s phone from both of them, restarting the video. 

“Are you staying for the rest of the fights?” Konohamaru asks.

Naruto feels like he’s been attacked with a bag of bowling balls. He shakes his head no. All he wants to do is go home and go to sleep. 

“Naruto?”

His head snaps over to the sound. He didn’t even know how badly he wanted her to be there until he knew for sure. Hinata’s there in an oversized grey sweater, with a tall blonde accessory. 

“Hina,” He smiles. 

“Who's the blonde?” Jiraiya leers.

“You can have her.” Naruto sniffs. 

Ino Yamanaka glares. 

“Hi Ino.” Naruto smirks, waving. 

“Naruto,” Ino tosses her hair. “I’ll see you later, Hinata.” She hugs the much shorter girl before waving salutations to Naruto. 

Jiraiya shoves the still playing phone into Naruto’s hand before following that direction. 

“Is she going to be okay?” Hinata asked, looking after them.

“He’s harmless.” Naruto promises. He’s more worried about Jiraiya honestly. 

After a awkward moment when Naruto realizes that Konohamaru and co. are not leaving he figured that he has to do some half ass introductions. 

“Hina, this is my canvassing partner-”

“Konohamaru Sarutobi.” He sticks his hand out to introduce himself. 

“Yeah.” Naruto’s too tired to care, really. 

“Naruto’s basically our boss.” Konohamaru continues. 

“Yeah Naruto’s the best.” Moegi adds.

Naruto has barely spoken three words to either Udon or Moegi and just finds them to be Konohamaru’s obnoxious accessories. He has a sneaking suspicion that they’re trying to wing man him and that’s literally the worst thing that he could ever experience right now. 

He shove Konohamaru in the back. “You. Go now.”

So tactful. So sly. 

Konohamaru frowns at him. “Fine. We’re gonna go watch the rest of the fights anyways.”

After they’re left alone, Hinata gives him a once over. “Not to ask you any silly question,”

“You’re questions aren’t silly.” Naruto promises, holding himself up against the wall. 

“Um, are you, okay?” 

Naruto looks down at his own shaky body, holding itself up against the wall. “Psht. Me? I’m great.” He tries to smile his way out of it but he’s pretty sure it’s just a grimace of pain. 

Hinata raises an eyebrow at him. 

“Never felt better. Maybe a little hungry.” He deflects. 

“Hungry?” 

He nods, which hurts his neck, and his back, and his everything. “Starving. You hungry?”

She’s still stares at him skeptically. 

“Come on, lets go get some food. I don’t know any good places over here though.” He take a step, trying not to let his back bow over awkwardly. 

The lobby is crowded, people milling about to buy snacks or place bets. Hinata loops her arm in his as they try and wade through the crowd. Some people recognize Naruto, but luckily nobody approaches him, besides of some awkwardly snapped photos. 

“Are they… taking pictures of you?” Hinata whispers, almost to herself.

Naruto, who is already too embarrassed to discuss, shrugs his shoulders. “I am pretty cute.” 

Hinata wrinkles her nose, but he can see your blush on her cheeks. 

“Hey! Uzumaki!” He’s accosted as soon as they get outside. 

The airs cold, but it helps with the inflammation in his entire body so, it’s fine. 

What isn’t fine is the tall, lanky redhead screaming at him.

“Do you know him?” Hinata asks. 

Her fingers curl into his biceps, and he doesn’t know if she’s scared for herself or scared that Naruto will fuck around and get arrested. It’s not as if those fears are unwarranted, at least from past altercations. 

“No. Does he… kinda look like Karin though?”

“I bet you think you’re hot shit, knocking Yahiko out.” The redhead continues. He has his own dark haired girl, tied up in a bun, looking like she wants to pull him back.

“Nagato…” He can barely hear her over the other people and cars on the street. 

Naruto shrugs. “I mean like - yeah kinda.”

Hinata digs in harder, and it wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t on top of a semi fresh tattoo. 

“He won’t underestimate you again. Next time he’s going to sweep you. Wholesale.”

“Let go.” Hinata whisperers, trying to steer him away. 

“Alrighty then, sleep ya later.” Naruto taunts, waving as Hinata drags him down the street. 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” She asks, a couple stumbles down the road. 

“I’m perfect, ya’know. Super good. But, um, do you think, we could like, take a cab. Maybe. To wherever we’re going.” He wheezes. 

“It’s just a couple blocks.” Hinata promises. 

“A couple blocks?” Naruto could cry.

“I thought you were fine?” Hinata’s voice is innocent, but Naruto knows enough about her to know she’s taunting him. 

“I’m tip top. Believe it.” He stumbles again, until Hinata wraps her arm around his waist. 

“Mmmhmm.” Hinata frowns up at him. 

“I mean, if you wanna cuddle me, s’not like I’m gonna say ‘no’.” He wraps his arm around her shoulders.

“You’re so full of it.” Hinata giggles. 

“I think the words you’re looking for is smooth.” Naruto lets his head rest on top of Hinata's for a moment.

“Oh, is it?”

Naruto sniffs in the cold air. “Yup. Where are we going anyways?”

“I thought, that maybe, you’d like some ramen.”

Naruto stops, this time not out of pain. “Ramen?” He almost cries for real this time. 

Hinata smiles in triumph. 

“It’s really good, too.” She promises. 

“You know the way around here?” He asks again. 

He’s not usually in the south of the city. 

She nods. 

It feels like one of Yahiko’s gut punches. Hinata does things he doesn’t know about. Lives in a new place. Talks to different people. 

Hinata’s arms are wrapped around him but she’s not really his. 

“You’re in pain aren’t you.” She frowns. 

‘Yes. Just not the kind you think.’ 

“I told you. I feel better than ever.” He winks at her. 

She shakes her head. 

The walk really wasn’t that long. It would’ve only taken a couple minutes if he was fine. But their bungled, zombie trot took them almost a half hour. Hinata’s nose was pink from the cold. 

The place looks nice. Too nice. Japanese restaurants on this side of town are always pricey but… this one looks especially nice. 

“This place is kind of pricey.” He mumbles.

Hinata looks up to him, a little slyly. “My treat.”

 

“Oh, hey, no, I can’t let you–”

 

“Technically you’re paying“ She cuts him off. “It’s from my winnings.”

 

‘Whaaaaaa-‘ He stalls a moment, eyes widening. “You bet on me?” He asks with a laugh.

 

Her head ducks away from him, as she gives him a little embarrassed nod.

He moves to kiss her before he can think about how inappropriate that is. Now. They don’t kiss anymore. So he kinda leans his cheek against her temple, smelling her shampoo. 

She bet on him. She believed in him. 

“Thanks, Hina.” He feels weird and soft and sad and happy. 

“Come on, lets get some ramen.” She pulls him inside.


	36. Mixed state

Naruto can tell that he's off right now. He doesn't know if it's been tipped off by getting his ass severely beat, or if he's actually getting depressed again.

His body still hurts terribly. He's pretty sure one of his ribs is cracked. It hurts to breathe. It hurts to walk.

Of course, both of his jobs are strictly walking.

His head aches too. And if he thought his hand hurt after punching a hole in the wall, it was nothing compared to his hands now.

"God that fight was so awesome." Konohamaru bobs with each step he takes.

Naruto has already heard this sentiment. It's all he's heard from Konohamaru, actually. Since his fight, since his unlikely win, all his canvassing partner has been talking about was the fight.

Both Konohamaru and Udon had signed up for a beginning class at Jiraiya's. Though both of them were nonplus to find out which neighborhood it was located in.

He could tell from his notebook that he was beginning to feel bummed out. He didn't know if it was natural, from experience his disconnect from Hinata. Or from Sasuke. Or from just his life over all. Or if he was chemically lowering in his brain, lowering him into the grave of depression.

He hates depression more than mania. Sure mania was more dangerous. But depression was like wearing a weighted vest. It was like all the colors in the world lost saturation. Like all food tasted like… mush.

It was hard to explain.

And he knew, realistically, that mania was bad. That it was normal for his memories of it to distort. He knew that. That's why it's important to keep the notebook. All he had to do is flip the pages and read his own terrified writing.

Depression was worse, even still.

"How did you learn that move so fast?" Konohamaru asked.

"It wasn't fast." Naruto tried not to get annoyed.

If there's anything he's learned from being abandoned, it's not to let your feelings leak out. He had forgot that when he was with Hinata. He forgot to keep his cards close. He forgot that he can't count on other people.

He always forgets with Hinata.

She's so sweet and he loves her so much. He just wants to have that… that feeling. That connection.

But -

"It was so crazy, your like a natural."

"No. I'm not." Naruto huffs.

"And holy shit. You didn't tell me your girlfriend was so hot."

"She isn't my girlfriend." Naruto can feel the hairs raise on the back of his neck.

He's getting irritated. It's uncalled for. But he can still feel the annoyance course through him like some mind altering substance.

"Yeah but she was there. She was like all over you-"

"Yeah, except she's not." Naruto finally snapped. "She isn't my girlfriend because she doesn't want to be my girlfriend. She doesn't want to be with me."

Konohamaru looks shocked.

It is shocking. It's out of nowhere.

But Naruto can taste his own unhappiness like bile in his mouth and he wants to spit it out.

"I woke up at five in the morning and practiced that move. Until I had to get ready for work. Then, I came home and practiced that move. Until I had to go to my second job. I came home and practiced that move until I went to bed. Every single day. For weeks."

Konohamaru's eyebrows raise. He whistles lowly. "That's some serious dedication-"

Naruto's teeth grind together and he almost sees white. How? How could Konohamaru possibly interpret that as something positive.

"It's not dedication. It's pathetic. It's from loneliness. I don't have a family. I barely have friends. I lucky to even have a job."

"Bro, what are you talking about? You're literally the best at this job."

"I got this job on a freaking fluke. And once it's over, I'm going to lose my apartment because I can't find another job, because I can't pass a fucking background check."

"What do you mean? What did you do?" Konohamaru looks shocked.

"A lot of dumb shit. That's my point. Nothing I do is good, or cool okay. I wasn't even supposed to win that fight."

There's an awkward silence that befalls them, after Naruto is done with his temper tantrum.

He rubs the bridge of his nose. His headache is persistent. And after his outbursts, he's laden with guilt.

"Look - I'm sorry for freaking out on you. I'm just tired. I think."

"Well, you know we can take a break. We're literally the only ones that don't, you know that?" Konohamaru frowns at him. "Like, literally, we can go sit in that cafe for like twenty minutes and be fine."

Naruto's shoulders sag. His only strategy at trying to stick out at this job was ruthless work ethic. But he's sure, maybe; this break will be okay.

Naruto hates coffee though, caffeine is bad for his bipolar. So he orders water, and a coffee cake. It reminds him of Hinata. Of walking out of their lobby together, instead of alone.

Of happier times.

"Why can't you pass a background check?" Konohamaru blurted out. "Have you like… been to…" His voice faded off into a whisper.

"Jail?" Naruto's voice is only mildly annoyed, and patronizing. "Yeah."

"What did you do?" He gasped.

"Killed little rich punks."

Konohamaru blinks a few times, as if reassuring himself that he couldn't possibly be serious.

Naruto smirks a little. "Just stupid shit."

"Come on, like what?" He presses.

Almost like he's fascinated.

Maybe it is fascinating for a sheltered, rich kid. Who's to say?

"Fighting. Drinking. Usually just post bail after a night and shit gets dropped. I spent two months though, when I first turned eighteen."

"Why?"

Because he had Sasuke's drugs in his pocket. It's not like he was completely innocent at the time. He definitely bummed his fair share of Percocets or Xanax. But he couldn't afford that much. Both him and Sasuke got locked up and charged though, so they couldn't get bailed out.

That was before Hinata though. She would've been there in a second.

"Because I'm not Hiruzen Sarutobi's grandson." Naruto decided to snub him again, just for the fuck of it.

Konohamaru frowned again.

"It doesn't matter. But it's there. And it sits there forever. It doesn't leave. Just like the tattoos. You decided to do things on a whim and then the rest of your life you're some stupid fucking punk with face tattoos and a record."

Konohamaru frowns. "Okay, but the tattoos are kinda dope man."

"I swear to god I'll nine move combo you in the face." Naruto glares.

"Okay come on though, they really match the Nine Tail Demon persona you got."

Naruto rubs the bridge of his nose again. "Just stop talking."

"Come on that nickname is so badass."

"For the love of god."


	37. Here I go (again) on my own

"Depression can actually be normal with Seroquel." His doctor is scrolling on an iPad, not making eye contact.

Naruto frowns. Seems like that ought to be mentioned.

... maybe it was.

"We can bump you up again. See how that goes. If not, we can always add an anti-depressant."

He made this appointment himself. He finally gets the importance of the journal. Tracking the mood.

He finally gets a lot of stuff, actually.

"It seems like you've had issues with anti-depressants in the past though." The doctor continues on, eyes still glued to the screen.

Naruto nods. Anyways. He doesn't always remembers the classifications of some drugs. Or anything like that. But he's trying. He knows the one he's on now. The dosage. Baby steps.

"It's normal for bipolar. It pushes the patient into mania."

'The patient.' As if he's not sitting right here.

"Same pharmacy, correct?" The doctor asks.

"Yup."

"Emergency contact still Hinata Hyuuga?"

"Yea- Actually. No."

The doctor stops. Finally, she looks up at him.

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah, um. No. She isn't." He ruffles the back of his hair self consciously.

The doctor is still looking at him in disbelief. Hinata had been with him to almost every single appointment since he had been seeing this particular doctor. In fact, he was pretty sure it was Hinata's cellphone that they had on file.

"Would you like us to change the information?" The doctor finally asks after along pause.

"Guess so." He's not really sure what else he's supposed to do.

"It'll remove her from being able to call-"

"She won't call." Naruto informs her.

The doctor frowns.

Naruto feels bad about it, on the way home. Like he did something sneaky, behind her back. But he's a single, adult man. It would be pathetic to keep his ex-girlfriend as his contact information. Right?

Just as pathetic as still calling her. And going on dates with her. And sleeping on top of her made bed.

The corner store, where he picks up his meds, actually has a section of home essentials. There's some selection of blankets. They're cheap, and rougher feeling then the ones he has at home.

He buys an orange comforter set. The sheets feel like sandpaper and are striped with navy blue.

Unmaking their bed physically hurts his heart. He decides to move it, against another wall. With the position changed and the new blankets, it doesn't look like their bed.

It doesn't smell like her, it smells like it was made in China.

He folds the old blankets and puts them away in his closet. He doesn't have it in him to throw them out. He'll save them. Just in case. Of what? He's not sure.

It's not warm or cozy with her in it. It's cold. Colder than when he slept on top of the blankets.

He lays down more towards the middle. He's not sharing it anymore.

He can't sleep. Even after taking the Seroquel. He decides that maybe... he should look for a kitchen table. Maybe a couch.

He didn't want to. If he got back together with Hinata, what would they do with two sets of tables and couches?

But...

She has her own place now. She has her own bed. She has her own table. Her own couches.

She's doing her own things.

Naruto rubs his eyes before they can cry. He sniffs instead. 'Probably just allergies, from the new bed.' He clears his tight throat.

Instead, he pulls up Craigslist. Cheap tables or couches, places that can deliver.

It hurts. Like a dull ache. Like the bruises of his fight. It's the feelings of mending wounds.


	38. Cautious optimism

Naruto always felt weird inside the office. Like he was somewhere he shouldn’t be. Right now, though, he’s exactly where he’s supposed to be. Kakashi called him here himself. 

He hopes he’s not getting fired. He just bought a used futon and it’s definitely not gonna be enough to help cover his rent this time if he has to sell it. 

Kakashi’s late for his own meeting he set up. Naruto has heard that it’s quite common, but it’s still unnerving. He taps his hands on his thighs, trying to calm his heart beat. He takes a deep breath. 

‘Everything will be... fine?’ It’s probably the first time in a long while that he’s actually believed that sentiment.

Everything... probably will be... fine. He can get another job, somewhere, doing something. He has things he could still sell. If he gets evicted... there’s share houses all over the city. He could rent the top bunk of a bunk bed just living off of Teuchi’s tips. 

Not ideal - but Naruto has never really got to play around with ideal conditions in the first place, now has he. 

“Uzumaki!” 

Naruto’s head shoots up, his nerves for the meeting coming back a little. 

Kakashi walks down the hallway with an easy, relaxed gait towards Naruto and his empty office. 

“How are you?” He asks. He sounds like he’s just making polite, work conversations 

Naruto tries to swallow his nerves. “I’m doing pretty good. You, sir?”

“Eh,” Kakashi shrugs his shoulders, flippantly. “Nearing the end, aren’t we?”

Naruto’s throat closes. Fuck -

“You’re registered to vote right?” Kakashi follows up. 

Oh, right. The election. 

“Yeah.” 

“Good. Heard about that fight.”

Is he getting fired for that? He specifically asked Shikamaru! That pineapple headed fuck can get nine move combo-ed for all he fucking care, getting him fired.

“You won, right?” Kakashi follows up. 

Naruto nods. 

“Well, an invite would be appreciated next time. I swear, you kids never invite me to anything cool.” 

Naruto licks his lips, trying to calm his beating heart. Okay. He’s not getting fired for that. 

Maybe for yelling at Konohamaru and unloading his checkered past onto him. 

“There’s a big, banquet, party, whatever they call it on election night. Interns aren’t usually invited but Sarutobi’s family is a big donor, and it feels wrong to let one intern come and not their partner. Especially when you redid our canvassing map for North Bronx, so-”

“Wait, what?” Naruto asked.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get the actual invitation in the mail. But I just wanted to extend the invitation myself. You’ve done a helluva job here kid, and if I’m being honest, just between you and me, I wasn’t expecting a lot.”

Naruto laughs and shrugs his shoulders. He did call him a “cocksucker” at first meeting so he can’t really hold it against him. 

“But you saved our ass that day. Fixed up our mapping system and stepped up with the Sarutobi problem and canvassed the fuck out of Queens. You did good. You deserve to come to the banquet. Or whatever the hell they called it.”

Naruto tried to hold down his smile. Really, he was biting on his lip and everything. “Thanks so much Mr. Hatake-”

“Ugh, no. Don’t call me Mr. Hatake. That’s - no.”

“Sorry,” Naruto ruffled the back of his hair. “Well, I should get going, got a busy day. Konohamaru’s probably waiting.”

“Yeah, yeah, get out there. Make people vote for me. All that jazz.” Kakashi waved him out, absentmindedly shuffling through some folders on his desk. 

“Um, see ya.” Naruto was not up to speed on how to say goodbye to your boss. 

“Shut my door on the way out. And invite me to your next fight!” 

Naruto shook his head a little, laughing. “You got it.”


	39. Adult illiteracy

“So, how do you feel about doing a regular Tuesday night fight?”

Naruto blanched. “You want me to get my ass beat weekly?”

“You won.” Jiraiya scoffed.

“Barely!”

Naruto thought that today was going to be simple practice. He’d done the one fight against Yahiko that Jiraiya had wanted. He’d never suspected that there’d be more. 

But people always want more. 

“Come on, you’ve been invited to fight at the cage on Mulberry.”

“In a cage? In Manhattan. I hate Manhattan.” 

“Didn’t you grow up there?”

Naruto glares. “Precisely.”

“Stop being a pussy,” Jiraiya slapped him. 

“You can’t say that word.”

“If the president can say it, I can say it.” Jiraiya hacked. 

“That’s not - no.” Naruto rubbed his temple. 

His hands were wrapped. The pain in the right one was slow to go down and he learned that he needed to take a lot better care of them if he was going to be using them in that particular way. 

His shirt was off, and he was barefoot in shorts. All he wanted to do was practice. Instead is was standing on the edge of the mat getting chewed out. 

“Whatever Mr. Politics. Tuesday night. You could use the extra cash. It’s better than delivering pizza on the side.”

“I still do that.” Naruto defended.

“Oh, that blows.” Jiraiya shrugged it off. “Anyways, it’s MMA, so the rules are a little different.”

“MMA. As in ‘mixed martial arts’?” Naruto blanched. 

Vinson's of much bloodier confrontations crossed his mind. Muay Thai was brutal, but MMA was just plain scary. 

“Yup. I was afraid you were illiterate but now I feel reassured.”

“Well I’m sure as hell not. What martial arts will I be mixing, exactly? Seeings how I barely know the one.”

Jiraiya frowned. “Don’t get smart with me kid. I got someone to help you out. You’re gonna need help with ground work. And submission.”

“What?” Naruto felt a headache coming on. 

“Ground and pound. Chokes?”

“Is this some weird perv thing?”

“Not this time. Now pay attention.”


	40. Vindictive or vindicated

Jumping rope alone in his apartment wasn’t the worst possible way he could spend his time. 

It was monotonous. But kept him busy. 

Then kicks. Punches. Elbows. Knees. After one hundred of each, he’d do combos. Then, the combo that he was now getting famous for. 

He had his own bag, a free standing one, in the middle of his living room. Where the coffee table used to be. 

The news was on. It helped him stay informed when he got odd questions canvassing. If he was working for a politician, he felt like he should at least he up to speed. 

It was quiet. And boring. But, it was better than what he was like before. 

He wasn’t drinking. He wasn’t cutting. He wasn’t moping around, depressed. He wasn’t pathetically pinning for Hinata to call. 

He was doing things now. He had two jobs. He had Muay Thai. Jiraiya was helping him get more fights. He was seeing his doctor regularly. He was seeing his therapist. 

Most of his bills were paid. 

By all accounts. He should be doing good. He was taking his medication as prescribed. 

But he still didn’t have Hinata. 

His therapists voice rang in his ears. He couldn’t base his success in his life on his relationship with her. On something he couldn’t control. 

He had to focus on his variables. Working hard. Staying focused. 

That was easier said than done. 

Not when everything made him miss her. Their apartment, with only his things. Places he would pass that they used to go to together. 

All the new things in his life he wanted to tell her about. The new things he cooked. The new places he went. 

He wanted to share them with her. Share everything with her. Including himself. 

He felt lazy when his phone rang across the room while he was in the middle of his knee combos. 

It was probably just Teuchi, asking him to come in early. He didn’t want to let him down, but he was busy enough as it was. He knew that the canvassing job was temporary, and that he couldn’t live off getting his ass beat every Tuesday, so he needed to keep Teuchi for after elections.  
But he just couldn’t do extras right then. Not with how exhausted he was. 

He broke into a full on sprint once he saw it was Hinata on the caller ID.

...maybe he was still pathetically pinning for Hinata to call. 

“Hello?” 

“Naruto. Are you... alright?” Her voice sounded worried. 

“Um, yeah? Should I not be?” 

“I called your doctors office...”

Oh. He was quiet, not sure how to answer. If he was supposed to answer. She hadn’t really asked him a question. 

He had never really banked on her calling in the first place. 

“You... took me off the account.” 

He scuffed his foot on the already scuffed floor. He rolled his neck, if he couldn’t get the tension from the conversation, at least he could get it out of himself. 

“Um, yeah.” He decided for the truth. 

She paused. “Did I do something?”

Naruto could’ve scoffed? Did she do something? She did a lot of things, now didn’t she. 

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” He asks, with a sigh. 

“What?” Her voice sounded sad, and confused and he felt guilty. 

“You can’t take care of me anymore. I get it.”

“Please don’t throw my words in my face.” She sounded close to tears. 

He didn’t want to fight with her. He didn’t want to make her sad. He was trying to be better. He was trying to make her happy. 

“I’m not, look,” He stopped to rub his face, trying to collect his thoughts. 

The medication might’ve helped him think clearer, but Hinata was still smarter than him. And he was still a fucking idiot. 

“I took you off my account so they didn’t bother you with my appointment reminders, or my bills or anything. I’m not trying to hurt you or like, get back at you. Nothing like that.” 

It felt a little bitter to console her when this whole thing was her doing to begin with. 

“Okay,” Her voice was soft. Softer than it should’ve been. 

“Hey, do you maybe want to go get dinner?” He asked instead. 

“Dinner?” 

“Yeah, there’s something I wanted to ask you about.”


	41. Marshmallo, Bastille - Happier

The place he picked for dinner was new. Well, not newly established, but new to them. Not a place they had been together before. It was halfway in between North and South Bronx. Which was where he expected she was living now. But he didn’t ask. Didn’t press. 

He was already in the booth, waiting for her. He held his invitation in his hands, if only to still them from tapping so much. Instead, they flicked the already opened envelope over and over, front and back. 

He jumped up when he saw her come in. She was gorgeous, even in her lounge clothes. Her hair was tied into bun. 

He could tell that she looked stressed, though. The lines and contour of her face. The way she held so tight into her purse. Her eyes, darting about. 

Was it because of him? Because of his account?

He waved to her on her approach and gave her a quick hug. She smelled nice, clean, his nose above her head. Her arms on his back. 

He rubbed his chest a moment, though it wouldn’t help that kind of chest pain. 

“So, what did you need to ask me?” She blurted out immediately upon sitting down. 

She sounded more nervous than she looked. 

He watched her for a moment, twist her bracelet. It was like nostalgia, but it hurt more. 

“Do you always worry about everything I do?” He laughed. 

“What?” She frowned. 

“You sound so stressed. All I said was I wanted to ask you something.” He smiled at her. 

Her shoulders relaxed only a little as she smiled back. She didn’t let go of the bracelet. 

Naruto slid the invitation to her. 

He took a large gulp of ice water as she handled the envelope. If only to pretended he wasn’t watching her, to gauge her reaction. 

“This is yours?” She double checked.

He nodded, trying to hold back a laugh. 

Like he stole it?

“Wow, that’s such an exciting event. I’m really proud of you.” She gushed, sincerely. 

“Well, I was wondering, if you’d come with me.” He asked, tentatively. 

“Me?” 

She had the audacity to act surprised. Who else in the world could he possibly want to come with him? 

It was always her. It would always be her. 

“Yes, you.” He rolled his eyes a little, laughing. 

The waitress interrupted them momentarily to ask for their orders. 

He decided to get a sandwich this time. Jiraiya would have an aneurism if he found out he was eating white bread, but if he planned on making a living, scalping bets on Naruto’s slow defeats, than he deserved the sandwich. He still got a side salad though. 

“So, will you come with me?” He asked again. 

Since she hadn’t answered, he was feeling nervous now that she wouldn’t. 

He’d just have to go alone then. There’s no way that he would ask anyone else to attend with him. 

She was the only one. 

Hinata looked hesitant. She reread the invitation again. 

“You really want me to come?” Hinata asked again. 

Naruto hung his head in his hands. “Ugh, your impossible.” He let them slide over his face, tiredly. “Why would I ask you here, tell you about it, and ask you twice if I didn’t want you to ‘really’ come?”

“Don’t be mean to me.” She pouted. “I spent the last two hours thinking you were mad at me.”

“Why? Because of the doctor thing?” He asked, not that he really needed the clarification. He continued before she could even confirm or deny it. “I’m definitely not mad. I’m just, trying to do my thing, ya’know. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

She looked down at the table, he could tell she was trying not to frown. 

“Right?” He asked her again, softly. 

For clarification. Her validation. He was doing the right thing, right? 

Right?

She opened her mouth, but the shadow of the waitress stopped her. The food divided them and instead of last time, when he had pursued his previous question, he let it go. 

He hadn’t wanted that to hurt her. Maybe, sometimes, he feels a little vindicated. But, the brutal truth was, he was in love with her. He loved her more than he loved himself. He loved her more than anything else he’d ever loved in his entire life. 

He never wanted to actually hurt her. 

He had to admit, that every now and then, his anger and passive aggressiveness would lash out and he’d ignore her calls. Or he’d be too sassy. It was just something he had to work on.

His medication was helping. With those impulsive thoughts, and unwarranted aggravation and aggression. But he would never be perfect, never truly be whole. 

It was a thousand times better than what he was before.

Progress. Forward momentum. He had to keep going, keep trying, keep getting better. 

He held his hand out to Hinata on the table. Halfway in between them. 

It was a bold move. His stomach was clenching so hard he wasn’t sure he was even going to be able to eat his food after that. 

Hinata froze, looking at him and then down to his hand. 

It was the rickety rope bridge with the breaking boards across the two cliffs. 

Hinata’s flicked back and forth one more time, this time being met with his tentative smile. 

Slowly, she reached her much smaller hand, softly placed hers in his. His fully encapsulated hers, as he rubbed the top of it, as gentle as possible. 

He could tell. Feel it rippling off her. She was tense. She was still stressed. Upset. If not about him, about something.

“Ask me.” Naruto squeezed her hand softly.

“Ask what?” She asked, looking like she needed to swallow. Her voice almost shook, thin as a whisper. 

“The stuff you want to. Need to, I mean.” He flashed her a smiled, rubbing her hand again. “It’s okay.” He promised. 

She looked at him again for a long moment, his hand rubbing the back of her knuckles now, continuously, in little circles. 

She nodded for a moment, composing herself. “Okay.” She took a small breath. “Are you taking your medication?”

“Yes.” 

She nodded. “Are you seeing your doctor?”

“Both.”

“Your psychiatrist and your therapist?”

“Yes.”

“You’ve been getting to work on time?”

“Yep for both.” He beamed. 

She smiled a little back at him. “And, what about eating?”

“I told you about Mr. Umino, helping me out. Between him and Jiraiya, I’ve been eating clean. Cleaner than Clorox.” He almost sounded resentful about it. “This is my first piece of bread since Jiraiya got me on program.” He pokes the tooth pick holding his sandwich together with his free hand. “So don’t tell on me, mm’kay?”

She nodded, smiling. “Okay.”

“Can I ask you a question?” Naruto asked.

Hinata’s smile dropped again, and he almost felt guilty for making it serious. But it was only fair. 

“You’ve been good... right?” 

He needed to make sure. At least one of them should’ve been happy. And even though he was resentful at first, about her leaving him, he needed to make sure that she had been happy. It would take away some of the sting. 

“You’ve been doing okay, right?” He presses again.

Hinata looked back down at her food, her free hand shifted the bracelet, but her other hand was currently occupied. He squeezed it again.

“Yes.” She nodded to him.

His heart clenched a little. She was good without him. She was fine. She...

That’s what he wanted right? He had to harden his resolve. 

“Good.” He smiled instead. 

His pain could wait. 

“Okay, just one more question.” Naruto asked. 

He watched Hinata mentally brace herself. 

“Can I have a couple of your fries?”

Her eyes popped open in shock? “My french fries?”

“I have many regrets about my side salad.” Naruto admitted, ducking his head sheepishly. 

Hinata’s head tilted back as she giggled. “Yes,” 

Their hands separated. Hers going to her fries, scooping up a dozen of them and depositing them on a clear part of his plate. 

Naruto’s hands went to his lap, he rubbed them together for a moment, wanting to memorize her hand in his. If only for a second longer. 

He cleared his throat, trying to keep himself in the present. 

His time with her right now is what mattered. This is all he got now. He wasn’t going to waste it on his pointless, depressive thoughts. Those could wait till night time. 

“I can’t believe you’re eating a salad.” Hinata smiled, lightening the mood. 

Naruto slumped, looking at Hinata in despair. “I’ve got to say, not all changes were for the better.” 

He grabbed one of the fries she had graciously gifted him and dipped it into a puddle of ketchup. He popped the whole thing in his mouth. It was definitely delicious. He hadn’t had something starchy and salty for awhile. 

But there was a bitter, broken feeling been swallowed down too. 

She had not agreed to go to the banquet with him.


	42. Hard-knock life

Naruto does not have a lot of early memories. He doesn’t know if that’s normal, or from trauma. 

Most of his group homes were rough. The parents were usually not very kind. The other kids were even worse. 

His earliest memory, he wasn’t sure how old. Toddlerish? 

He was stuck in a play pen.

It didn’t seem so bad. Not if he explained it to someone else. A lot of kids were probably left in cribs, or in play pens, to sleep.

But this wasn’t like that. 

He remembered crying, and screaming for hours. Every single day. He spent the majority of his babyhood, left alone in a play pen. Only let out for eating and the occasional diaper change. 

This is where he learned a fundamental truth about himself. 

Naruto would rather be abused than be neglected. 

He was a terrible child. He was a terrible teenager. Other kids learned to keep their head down, keep quiet, keep your own stuff together and don’t bother anybody. 

Naruto would scream, throw punches, talk back, break things. 

‘Notice me.’

‘Don’t leave me alone in there.’

He remembers, the first time Hinata took him to visits one of her teachers. They were very close, Hinata even assisted in her classroom for a little one year. 

Kurenai Yuhi. 

She was nice. Nice enough.

But their was a pack-n-play in her living room, with a curly haired toddler in it. 

It was like the walls were crushing him, and he couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. Couldn’t do anything. 

He was baby Naruto again. 

‘Let me out! Please! Let me out! Don’t leave me in here!’

He had left. Abruptly. Barely giving an excuse. 

Hinata had been incredibly upset. Naturally. He couldn’t explain it. Couldn’t tell her why. Couldn’t open up about it. He just apologized and tried to brush it away. Tried to forget about it. 

But those feelings had always held him back. 

Always held him down. 

He wanted to have a family with Hinata. Wanted to have his own kids. He wanted to have to corporate job and come home to his house gorgeous. Not a roach infested apartment. They could move out to Jersey and have a fenced yard and get a dog or a cat or both. He could get a dorky minivan and drive his kids to soccer practice. 

But he couldn’t. He was a fuck up. He was the scum of the city. People like him.

He didn’t deserve those things. He wouldn’t even know what to do. He wasn’t... good enough. 

He was trying. Now. He was working hard for those things. Working hard to get Hinata back. To be the man that she deserved. 

But he would never be different from the baby, abandoned in the crib. 

That would always be him.


	43. Perfect Strangers

Eight Gates was bigger than Naruto expected it to be. It was large and clean, decorated similar to Jiraiya’s place, and the arena he had fought in. Similar flags, and walls dotted with awards. Huge sections of mats. 

First impressions don’t mean a lot to Naruto. He himself is littered it scars and tattoos. Most people assume he’s an asshole, bad boy on a motorcycle type of thing, and in actuality he has the personality of an energetic but idiotic and lovable golden retriever. 

So he tries to give other people some leeway. 

But Guy, he’s pretty sure, is a fucking lunatic. Lee, a younger, carbon copy counterpart, if not more so. 

Jiraiya had warned him that they were crazy, not that it meant a lot coming from him. 

Naruto was fairly familiar with people that were off their rocker… 

Guy and Lee definitely ticked some boxes. 

It didn’t help his opinion that the only reason they were even there was to choke him to death. 

Groundwork and submission was the real reason that they were there. Muay Thai was the best thing for striking. Not so great on the ground. Naruto was practically a turtle on his back. It was like a gorilla versus a baby. 

Lee was lightning quick, and got Naruto on the ground faster than he could get a hit off. Then it was only seconds until he got him in a choke. 

“This is fucking hopeless.” Naruto hadn’t felt this messed up since he used to get in bar fights. 

“I’m not gonna lie kid, you’re really shitting the bed on this one.” Jiraiya clapped his arm. 

Naruto could barely even muster a glare. 

It was true though. Grappling was not his strong suit. For an MMA fight, Naruto needed to work on wrestling and grappling. Honestly he had a lot to work on in the striking department too, but Muay Thai was coming to him much easier than the other two. 

He was starting to wonder if he had just had a lot of pent up aggression saved inside, and that why he excelled so much at physically pounding the soul out of someone else. That revelation was a little unnerving to know about himself, but it was nice to find an outlet that wasn’t going to put him in prison. 

Jiu Jitsu was his next focuses, as placed on him by Jiraiya. 

He needed live practice though. Real fighting.

He’s learning all kids of things. Pretty quickly too, not that he had any base line for these kinds of things. 

It was getting rather draining on his morale, to being tapped out over and over again. He knew it was helpful, and that he shouldn’t get too discouraged but he’d be lying if he wasn’t taking extra breaks for water. 

“My bottles empty.” It wasn’t even yet, he just needed a longer break that Jiraiya was willing to give him. 

Both Guy and Lee seemed to have the same stamina as the energizer bunny. 

“Hurry up.” Jiraiya snapped. 

He took the long way, over near some water fountains. 

There was another sections of mats, over behind some barriers, probably set up for little kid karate or judo tournaments. 

He saw her immediately. 

But it was like watching a car crash, or watching a fight break out right in front of you. It’s something so weird and crazy, that you can’t trust your eyes for a moment as it takes your brain an extra couple seconds to process and reprocess. 

For a second, he only thinks it’s her because he misses her, all the fucking time, and he feels like he’s hallucinating her, just putting her in this random gym. Maybe it was just another, dark haired woman. 

He knows it isn’t.

Nobody has hair like Hinata’s.

Nobody moves like Hinata. 

It’s her. 

Her thick, dark hair is tied back into a bun, to stay out of her face, the fluorescent catching on the black and shining blue. She was small, naturally, and her body was hunched over, not uncomfortably, like a fighting stance. But it wasn’t fighting, at least not any fighting he’d ever seen. He was becoming pretty familiar with most of them. 

She was moving like water, a flowing, gentle movement, but there was power in the steps. 

It was starting to look like a dance. 

But… Hinata didn’t like to dance… right?

Nor did she like fighting. He had felt the ultimate guilt even asking her to come to his big match. 

Low and behold...

Naruto knew he only had the amount of time until she finished to observe her, if she didn’t open her eyes before that and spot him in the wall mirrors. He was staring at her like some kind of stalker. He finally understood those all women gyms. 

She finished, taking a deep breath, returning to her full height, which was to the center of his chest.

“Well, well, well,” Naruto slow clapped, jumping onto her mat.

He watched, entertained as Hinata’s eyes snapped open, widening in shock as she whipped around around. 

If he had any doubts that it was actually her (he didn’t) the eyes were a give away. Nobody had her eyes. Except her sister, but still, not even then. Hinata’s eyes were unmistakable. Beautiful. Kind. But right now, disbelieving. 

“That was pretty impressive.” Naruto smiled, walking to meet her in the centers 

“W-what are you doing here?” She gaped at him, like he was ghost. 

Naruto put his hands up defensively. “I’m not stalking you or nothing. Jiraiya is paying the eyebrows over there in the spandex to give me permanent brain damage.”

She looked at him still, in a way that he couldn’t really read. She didn’t reply. 

“Plus, it’s not like I ever could’ve imagined seeing you here. Since the only cool thing I thought you were up to was knitting pot holders.” His voice was laced in a little accusation.

Hinata squares her shoulders a little defiantly. “It didn’t come up.”

Naruto snorted. “Oh, Hinata what have you been up to? ‘Hmm, nothing really, just knitting.’” His falsetto, suspiciously on point to the cadences of her voice. 

Her lips pursed a little. 

He wasn’t really looking to piss her off. Just surprised to find her here. A happy surprise. And she was actually doing- something-

“What is it called?” He asked, back peddling from the teasing that was clearly not being received in the way he had intended. 

She quirked an eyebrow. 

“The thing you were doing.” Naruto pressed.

Her fingers fidgeted nervously, in the absence of her bracelet. She bit her lip, looking down at the mats. “Um, it’s called Baguazhang.”

“Huh? Baguazhang.” He had never heard the word before, sounding the syllables out to commit them to memory. 

She nodded. 

“Well, show me some of your moves.”

“What?” She looked horrified. 

Naruto chuckled. “Come on. You looked hella fierce.”

Her cheeks blossomed into a thick blush. “Well, I was pretty much finishing up.”

“Hina, come on, just a little.” He begged. “Please.”

“Um, well, if you really want-”

“Eh, Naruto, hurry the fuck up!”

Naruto looked over to his very impatient, grey haired teacher and gestured, quite obviously between himself and Hinata. 

“You can try and get in her pants after!” Jiraiya snapped back impatiently. 

Naruto flipped him off.

“Sorry,” he sniffed. “I think he’s just pissed off because I can’t knock out Mr. Rocky Balboa over there.”

“Lee?” Hinata asked. 

“Yeah, the guy can throw me all over the mat but he can’t box for shit.”

“Didn’t Rocky win in boxing?” She eyed him. 

“Yeah sure, but he was the inferior boxer.”

“I think there’s a entire movie franchise that proves the opposite of that?” She teased. 

Naruto shrugged her perfectly correct argument away. 

“You should like Rocky. He was the underdog.” She presses, smiling at him. 

Naruto sighs, his shoulders sag under the weight of his heaving chest. “That story line gets a little old.”

He’s been living it for awhile. 

Hinata frowned. “Is it helpful? To spar with Lee?”

Naruto nods. While annoying and a little hard to deal with, it’s definitely helpful to further him as a fighter. 

“Yeah. ‘Might’ Guy over there thinks I’m pretty youthful. He’s says he likes ‘raw fighters’. Whatever that means.” Naruto brushed the sweaty hair that’s sticking to his forehead away. It’s getting a little longer again. He needs a haircut. Hinata’s eyes follow it. 

And, because he’s Naruto, he could never (ever) miss and opportunity to tease her. 

“I know you like me raw.” 

Hinata’s eyes go wide. Her mouth drops. Her face proceeds to flush a violent red. She looks like she either going to pass out right on the mats or attack him with all the might Baguazhang possess. 

Naruto tries to bite down a victorious giggle as he goes to gently pinch her sides. 

It’s not like he was lying. 

“You - oh my gosh - I can’t believe-” She sputters, smacking his hand away.

She’s smiling and glaring and he can’t stop laughed. 

“If you don’t get your ass over here,” Jiraiya yells again, leaving the threat unspoken. 

Naruto groans, resting his hands on his hips. 

This new revelation about Hinata, and even seeing her here, in this gym, was crazy and felt so lucky. And it was kind of being ruined. 

“He sounds mad.” Hinata looked over at the grouping of men, impatiently waiting for him. 

Naruto frowns bitterly.

He would rather hang out with Hinata over sparing any day, one hundred times over. 

“Come on,” Hinata walked over the the wall, grabbing some bags he hadn’t noticed before. 

“Oh shit, are we gonna ditch?” He asked, hands rubbing together and se tilts back and forth on the soles of his feet, ready to bolt, barefoot if needed. 

“No.” Hinata scolds. 

He gives her a pout. 

“I want to watch you.”

He stops for a minute. “Yeah?” 

It sounds too good to be true. Getting to hang out with her again. It’s not very often, and recently, things have been a little stressed between them. So her, wanting to spend time with him, even if it’s just getting arm barred on the ground, he feels ecstatic. 

She gives him a tiny little smile. 

Hinata’s wearing black leggings and a baggy long sleeve, which he’s glad for. Jiraiya is huge fucking prick about hot girls, and Hinata is just about the hottest one he can think of. (He’s definitely not checking his biases thank you very much.)

Lee and Guy greet Hinata easily, like they know her. Naruto’s questions for Hinata are growing now into a mental list he’s filling away for after practice. She seems to be a regular here. 

He gives a half assed introduction to Jiraiya. “This is Hinata.”

“Your girl?” He sniffs. 

“My friend.” Naruto corrects, even though he doesn’t want to. Even though the words still leave a bad taste in his mouth and a wrench in his heart.

He says it because he has to. 

Because Hinata has set up barriers around herself like roping off a VIP section at a concert. Naruto doesn’t have the access pass anymore. He gets to be in the crowd with everyone else. 

Friends. 

Jiraiya’s eyebrow raises.

Naruto’s arms cross involuntarily. “Don’t even think about.” 

Hinata eyes Jiraiya wearily before opting to instead take a seat next to Guy, which is really a choice he can only applaud her for. 

“Ready to watch me get embarrassed.” He takes a drink of his bottle that didn’t need to be filled in the first place. 

Hinata frowns at him. 

“No need to feel down!” Lee chimes in proudly from the mat. “I’ve been trained in various fighting styles for nearly a decade.”

“Oh, same dog.” Naruto smirked.

Hinata’s eyebrows quirked, not in interest, but annoyance. 

Lee’s already eyes widened. “Where at?”

“Clinton.” Naruto laughed, as Lee’s face morphed into confusion. 

Jiraiya hacks a laugh.

“Naruto,” Hinata frowned. 

“They don’t call it the meatpacking district for nothing.” It was a stupid joke, but he laughed anyways. Also technically inaccurate but the ‘theatre district’ wasn’t as funny. 

… or maybe funnier?

Hinata looked liked like neither of them would’ve been funny, and instead looked deeply displeased with the exchange as a whole. 

It’s not like it wasn’t true. He got his ass beat under 12th Ave overpass, near the Hudson Greenway more times than he was hugged as a child. 

By a lot. 

Jiraiya wasn’t really joking when he had said he was built to take a beating. 

Naruto is a little jealous that Lee is so good at jiu jitsu. He’s able to subdue Naruto, even though he’s smaller. He’s able to move Naruto around, get him in a grapple and bar one of his limbs. 

He feels more hyper aware, now that Hinata is watching. Losing is starting to annoy him more and more, even more than before.

He can hear Guy, not that he was trying very hard at being quiet. Ever. 

“Jiraiya, I know he’s pretty good but - I don’t think he’s ready to cage fight.”

He could practically hear Hinata startle. “He’s going to what?”

“He’ll be fine.” Jiraiya’s voice was old and gravelly and completely unbothered.

“Lee is throwing him around like a baby!” 

Naruto was so startled from Hinata’s voice, he lost concentration on keeping his chin down and finally looked up, letting Lee close in around his throat. He tapped out, quicker than he would’ve if he wasn’t trying to watch Hinata.

He had never really heard her talk like that. Or disagree so strongly with someone. Out loud. 

He sat up, watching her try and ramp down her obvious… furry? Was she really that mad?

“Hina-”

Jiraiya huffed. “Naruto’s not throwing an elbow on the ground right now either.”

“All they would have to do is take Naruto down and submit him.” Hinata shot back. 

… how did she know that?

Who the fuck was she?

“I don’t know who you think you are, or what you know about fighting,” Jiraiya snapped annoyed. “But Naruto could knock out from the clench.”

Naruto shook his head immediately. No, he could not. 

Guy looked between Jiraiya and Hinata, full of regret for even opening his mouth. 

“Nobody can knock out from the clench. There isn’t enough power. You just want to scalp your percentage off him.” Hinata glared.

“Oh yeah? Why not let them actually fight? Right now. And if you knew any math, you’d know my percent is bigger if he wins.”

Hinata’s nostrils flared. Naruto knew Jiraiya was fucked. “So you're admitting you just care about the money. Not the fact that Naruto could actually be hurt.

Jiraiya stood up, and Naruto was on his feet the next second, abandoning Lee. He was more surprised by Hinata’s sudden personality switch that he had let it go on a littler longer than he would’ve. But if Jiraiya was actually going to raise his voice to her, he would really show him how he can punch from the clinch. 

“Guy, get some gloves. Let’s show girly over here some real fighting.” 

Hinata stood up, frowning and stomped over to Naruto. “Your coach is an asshole.”

Naruto’s breath heaved from the spar that was ultimately ignored but his brain was swimming. “Uh, yeah. He is, sorry about that. But, um, just one quick thing.” He scratched his head. “What the fuck was that?”

She looked up at him, questionably. 

“How do you know any of that? Seriously? And you just…”

Hinata looked away from him, shrugging her shoulders. Dismissively. Yeah fucking right, like she could just throw him off like that.

He wanted answers. 

But first.

“I’m supposed to fight Lee?” He asked, openly. Just to make sure he could follow what the fuck had actually transpired. 

“Yes. Now look. You came in fast on Yahiko. But keep Lee in red zone as much as much as possible. Let him enter green, and then strike. You’re taller, you have a longer reach. Do not let him grab you, Naruto. He will take you down, and tap you.” 

Naruto stared at Hinata a moment longer. “Who are you?” 

Sure she looked like Hinata. But maybe he had just spotted some doppelgänger who was too embarrassed to tell him she wasn’t Hinata and was just playing along. 

Or like, that alien movie, what was it called? Invasion of the body snatchers. She definitely had a hot body to snatch. 

“Go get your gloves on.” Hinata pushes him over to a different mat.

What the actual fuck. 

They were actually serious. 

Lee and Guy were yelling loudly in one corner, hyping each other up. Jiraiya looked at him like he was dog that just shit on the carpet. He was holding his gloves for him, so he was going to have to go over to him. 

“Why’d you get me into this?” Naruto frowned, getting the velcro tightened. 

“No that big mouth and tits over-”

“If you say one more thing about my girl I’ll fight you instead.” Naruto snapped his hand away, just so it was ready. 

“Your girl, huh?” He drawled. 

Fuck. “Well, not exactly. But the threat stands.”

“Whatever. Just punch Lee in the eyebrows so we can go home.”

“I don’t even want to do this.” Naruto’s protest fell on deaf ears. 

Hinata, Guy, and Jiraiya lined up on the side of the mat. Lee stood in front of him, clad in green and four ounce gloves. 

However far out of left field it was, Hinata’s advice was correct. He couldn’t rush in like he had in his previous fight. He had to keep Lee on the outside, and pop him as he came in. And he could not let him get two hands on him, or he was going to be tapping out on the ground in a matter of moments. He didn’t know how Hinata came about this information, or place for that matter, but she was right. 

He definitely didn’t want to lose in front of her. 

Lee stepped up and they tapped gloves. 

Naruto took four steps back, watching Lee do the same. 

This time, he did do the dance. He needed to. There weren’t takedowns in his fight against Yahiko. He could take straight strikes. 

But Lee would throw him in a second, and he couldn’t quite take having his throat choked the way he could take a punch. 

They danced a little, coming in throwing a punch, stepping out. He knew Lee was trying to grab him. But he was bigger than Lee. Though there was no physical possible way that he could knock someone out from a straight shot, he could generate way more power just from his frame, than Lee ever could. 

“You’re going to see it. Ass soon as Lee grabs him, he’s going to break his ribs.” Jiraiya sounded too smug for someone who was just spectating. 

“It’s just a friendly spar.” Guy corrected. “A match of two youthful men, bettering themselves through genuine competition. Beautiful.”

Beautiful. Now Naruto’s front jab/right hook was beautiful. 

What was less beautiful, was having Lee wrap his arms around his waist and lift up, unsettling his legs and folding chair his body in half, onto the mat. Naruto had learned some useful thing for ground work, hooking his, body, rolling, getting flat, but it was not even a minute before Lee had him in an arm bar. 

It was a begrudging tap out. 

Jiraiya yelled at him for a full ten minutes before he was allowed to leave. He pulled on sweatshirt and sweatpants, and his jacket before walking out with Hinata, who hand kindly waited for him. 

“Do you want a ride?” She asked, the cold air hitting them as soon as the opened the door. 

“Really?” He tried not to sound too excited, about the prospect of getting to hang out with her longer. 

He wasn’t even expecting to see her today.

However… weird it was. 

Her car was gut wrenchingly familiar and clean and he swallowed down whatever heartbreak it was trying to dredge up in his already battered chest. Instead he clicked his seat belt, and turned his attention back to his very gorgeous, and beautiful… friend. 

“This is your chance to fill me in now.” Naruto prompted. 

She shrugged her shoulders a little, checking her mirrors as she got out onto the street. Traffic wasn’t as bad as usual but it was still going to be a ridiculous wait. 

“It’s not that big of a deal. It just started as a self defense course. But then, I just kind of stuck with it.” She shrugged a little.

“And it’s called Bagua…”

“Baguazhang.” She supplied. 

“Yeah. And you like it? You looked pretty good.”

Her cheeks warmed a little. “Thank you. I liked it a lot.”

“So, what made you want to try something like that?” He asked. 

The Hinata he knew wouldn’t have tried something like that. 

“I was just… trying new hobbies.” 

He could hear his therapist own advice. His own venture into Jiraiya’s. 

“That’s pretty cool. You still have to show me your moves sometime.” 

She laughed a little and nodded in agreement.

“I’ll be back at Eight Gates on Wednesday.” He told her, just in case she’d want to come then. No pressure though. 

“So… what other crazy things are you into? Skydiving? Bungee jumping?” He teased.

She rolled her eyes. “No, I’m just, branching out. Trying not to be so boring.”

“You weren’t boring.” He tried to assure her. 

She raised her eyebrows at him. 

“Really! I never minded that you didn’t want to do stuff.”

He didn’t. Sure sometimes he’d have to make an adjustment for Hinata. If she wanted to leave events early or got shy and quiet around big groups or things like that. It was just something he got used to. That’s just the way she was. He loved her anyways. 

“I minded.” She spoke quietly. 

Naruto stilled. The words that she had said before.

‘I’m doing this for me.’

How unhappy had Hinata truly been in their relationship?

Maybe he didn’t know her. At all. 

He cleared his throat, messing with the black switch on the heat vent.

“So do anything else fun? You never liked karaoke? You tried that lately?”

Hinata looked over at him. “Karaoke?”

“Yeah, I went with Ayame awhile ago. It’s not quite as fun sober but it’s still good for some laughs.”

“You went with Ayame?” She asks, quietly. 

He nodded. “Yeah, before we went to dinner. I felt like a super dork, saying I’d been seeing a bunch of people so I asked her out real quick. It was kind of stupid but she was really nice about it.” He laughed. “She was the one who forced me to get a haircut.” 

Hinata was quite for a long minute. Had he made her upset talking about Ayame? Hinata liked Ayame. 

“So… you just went on a date with Ayame?” She asked again. 

“It wasn’t really a date.” Naruto promised. 

“That’s it?” She asked again. 

“Yeah.” What part of that was she not getting?

Her forehead was creased, her mouth set tight, eyes straight ahead on the road. 

“Anyways,” He tried to interrupt whatever train of thought was making her so upset. “What other cool things have you been hiding?”

It had the effect that he wanted. Her face relaxed, and she looked back over at him, the traffic had come to a stop so they could talk a little better, face to face.

She smiled a little. “Well, there is one more thing.”


	44. New Jersey

Apartment 8 stares at him in the face. He needs to knock. He’s been standing outside of the door for too long. She’s expecting him. She had to buzz him into the building. It does not take twenty minutes to get from the entrance to her door. 

He’s taking a moment. One of those, weird, yogi, in the moment, bullshit things. Getting himself together. Deep breath.

Her apartment is nicer. It’s in the South Bronx, like he knew it would be.

At least she moved up in life. At least she got something better. 

Better than him. 

‘Be happy for her!’ He screams. ‘Don’t be such a fucking dick!’ 

Deep breath. 

He slaps his cheeks a couple times. As soon as he thinks he’ll be able to put on his stupid fucking smile. He exhales out of his nose. 

He knocks three times.

A dog barks, and he takes a step back. ‘Shit. Is he at the wrong apartment?’ He’s already formulating an apology when she answers. 

Not the wrong apartment. 

“Hi.” She smiles.

She’s wearing a soft, oversized crew neck and leggings. Her hairs down, and straight and shiny and longer than he remembers it. Her face is clear and bright and pink cheeked. She really is the most beautiful person he’s ever seen. 

A mantra flows through him. ‘Don’t be jealous fucking prick, okay Naruto?’ 

“Hey.” He smiles back. 

She steps back from the door, allowing him space to come in. It feels like entering a haunted house, a tentative but forceful step forward; high alert, bracing for the jump scare. 

The jump scare is a full grown German Shepherd. 

“This is the surprise right?” He finally gets out. 

He doesn’t know if he can’t handle this, and ANOTHER thing. 

“His name is Argus.” She beams like a proud mother. Which, she kind of is now.

He thinks about those dog mom coffee cups he could probably buy for her. 

That would be the nice thing to do. 

Instead of dwelling on the fact that dogs are not allowed at his apartment. That hers is nicer and cleaner. That she seems happy. Without him. Without his stuff. 

‘Don’t be a jealous fucking prick Naruto.’

“Dope vest.” He tells the dog, like he can actually understand him.

He’s standing, awkwardly on Hinata’s cute little door mat. His hands in his pockets. He has no fucking clue what you do with a dog. Pet them, right? They like that. He’s seen it on TV. He’s seen Akamaru a couple times. Kiba pet him, right?

Argus is looking at him innocently enough, head cocked to the side. 

“He has some… anxiety. The vest helps.” Hinata explains delicately. 

Naruto nods. 

“You can pet him. He won’t bite.” She promises. 

Sure. Petting. Hand to fur. 

“Argus.” Hinata calls him over softly.

The dog immediately moves to her, and for the first time, Naruto notices the very obvious difference between this dog and most other dogs. He’s missing his front, right leg. He moves fluidly, like that's no issue for him, and plops down at her feet, tongue out, panting softly. 

“Good boy.” She showers him in praises, ruffling his fur. “Argus, this is Naruto.”

He feels like he’s meeting one of her kids. Luckily, that has never happened to him on a date. But now, it definitely is. Her kid is just a dog. A big, scary fucking dog. 

“Hi.” Naruto waves awkwardly. 

Hinata’s lips purse, holding in a giggle. She gingerly reaches out for Naruto’s hand, bringing it down to the dogs height. His back bows to accommodate the difference, he’s much taller than her after all. 

The dogs multicolored fur is softer than it looks. Knowing Hinata, he’s well groomed. It’s long haired. His hand dips in pretty far, before it feels solid. Hinata’s hand, still on his, pulls it down, in a petty motion. 

“Like that.”

“I know.” He protests. 

“And don’t be scared.”

“‘M not scared.” He pouts. 

“Course not.” She smiles. 

She lets go, leaving him to pet the dog on his own. Argus looks completely unphased, by the strange man petting him. 

“Not to split hairs or anything… but I feel like this also could’ve come up in any number of my ‘so what’ve you been up to?’ queries.” 

Hinata blushes a little, without answering. “Let me grab my coat.” She deflects.

She disappeared further into the apartment, and Naruto knew he had to make his move. This was his last, ditch effort to get Hinata to come to his banquet. He had brought the invitation with him, and wrote on the outside of it, a message that would mean much more to him than it would to her. 

He laid it, word side up. Black sharpie. ‘Don’t forget’. He left it on her counter, for her to find later.

“Ready to go?” 

He was already back at the door, waiting. 

“Yup.” 

On the way to the park, Hinata filled him in about Argus, and his issues. It didn’t seem too bad, though. At least to Naruto. Argus’ head snapped around every time the cars on the road honked (which admittedly was a lot). He as also spooked by the rats, but who wasn’t? 

Naruto and Argus were fast friends. He even asked Hinata to hold his leash. 

“Are we going to Patterson’s or Clark’s?” Naruto asked, heading South from her apartment.

“You know your way around here?” She asked, burrowing her face deeper into her coat.

“Canvassing.” 

She nodded. “Clark’s.” 

Hinata brought a ball and a bag of treats for Argus. Naruto took both. Argus liked fetch. Being three legged wasn’t a hindering him at all. 

“You’re going to give him a stomach ache.” Hinata scolded.

“They’re treats.” Naruto argued. “He’s a good boy, Hina!”

Argus ran through the grass, snatching the ball and faithfully returning it, over and over. 

“God, who just leaves their kids out here alone? There’s literally a homeless guy passed out in that bush.” Naruto laments. 

“There are a lot of kids here.” Hinata notes.

It’s true. There are tons of kids out. Unsupervised. Unbothered by the cold weather. Some stop and ask to pet Argus, which Hinata allows easily enough. 

“Have you… ever thought about.. kids?” She asks, quietly, with a little blush, after a pair of young girls in pigtails trail off after giving Argus a good pat. 

“Kids?” Naruto blanches, throwing the ball again. 

Hinata’s blush darkens. 

“Kids. Kids. Kids. I haven’t thought that much about it.” He drums his hands on his thighs, waiting for Argus to retrieve it. “Then I’d have to move to Jersey.”

“What?” Hinata asks.

“If you have kids, you have to move to Jersey. It’s the rules.”

“No it isn’t.” Hinata laughed. 

“Is too. Jersey or Long Island. And fuck Long Island.” Argus bounds back, dropping the ball. 

Naruto stoops down to grab it and gives another long distance throw.

“And a minivan.” He adds. 

“A minivan?” She wrinkles her nose. 

“Or a Ford Focus. You know what I’m talking about? So you can drive them to soccer practice, which they will inevitably suck at. But you tell them they’re good anyways, and you have to bring rice crispies and Capri suns.”

“Oh my god. Haven’t thought much about it, have you?” Hinata laughs. “So more than one?”

“Two, obviously.” Naruto snorted. 

“Why obviously?”

“Because if you have one, they’ll be lonely. But if you have more than two then next thing you know, you have like seven kids sharing a room and one always has his dick out, the others hitchhiking upstate for heroin and ones inevitably getting his ass kicked out on the greenway.” He knows from experience.

Hinata looks incredibly sad by his answer. “You know, not every child has a sad life.”

“Yeah. Duh. Which is why my kids are in Jersey. In a neighborhood with houses that all look the same and have fenced yards. They’re mucking up soccer practice and getting treats anyways.” Naruto deflects her attempt at appeasing him on a person level. 

“So, you really want kids?” She asks for clarification.

“No.” 

“What? What about - what you just said?”

“I can’t do that shit. I don’t even know how to drive. I don’t know how to hold a baby. Look at me, do you think I’d do fine at a PTA meeting?” He poked himself in the cheek, highlighting the facial tattoos. “I don’t have a fucking ‘dad’ job. I’m not married.” He sends her an accusatory look.

She frowns. “Oh? Is that somehow my fault?”

“Well it’s not my fault.” He defended. 

Hinata rolls her eyes. “If you wanted to get married, why didn’t you ever tell me?” 

“I don’t know.” He snapped, feeling awkward and stupid. “Because I couldn’t pay for it. I couldn’t buy you a fat diamond or afford an ugly, poofy dress, or those huge cakes, and flowers and a super ugly hotel ballroom. I was barely working part time.”

Hinata almost looks mad. “Do you think I care about any of those things?”

“I care.” Naruto huffed. 

“You do?”

“Yes.” He hissed. 

“You want to have a big, ridiculous wedding?”

“With you.” He supplied. Because it’s not like he just wanted one for kicks. 

He realizes after he says it, it is the wrong thing to say. They’re just friends now. He’s supposed to be supporting her, in her finding happiness in life. He’s not supposed to be pulling up old shit from the deep and tossing right out to dry. 

“So, a big, ridiculous wedding? And two kids? In New Jersey?” Hinata asks, her voice suspicious. “That’s what you want?”

“No.”

Hinata rubs her temples. “Come again?”

“I can’t actually want that. I’m not delusional. I know I can’t have those things. I don’t - deserve them.”

“Excuse me?” She sounds mad. 

“It’s true. I’m… me. I’ll ruin it. Look at everything else.” He gave a very pointed look between them. 

Another mistake. Hinata looked like she was about to cry. 

Shit.

He took a deep breath. 

“I mean, my only viable baby momma ditched me to do Kung Fu and replaced me with a dog. Don’t worry. It was an upgrade.” It was meant to lift the mood. He bumped their elbows together, trying to cheer her up. 

He squatted down, to ruffle up Argus’ neck. He seemed to like it and perked up a little more. Naruto, taking the cue, took the pets down his body, ruffling his sides and back coat. Argus pants became faster, excited, moving his head back and forth, giving Naruto a big lick. 

“Don’t rile him up.” Hinata scolded, with no menace.

“We’re at the park.” Naruto defended, before standing up and throwing the ball again. 

There was an awkward silence as they waited for Argus to faithfully return with the ball. 

“Why were you even asking? Planning some envitro? Don’t ask me to be your donor, my bullshit is supposed to be genetic, ya’know.” He laughed again.

“That isn’t funny.” 

He stops and looks at her. Her eyebrows are pulled tight and she’s frowning at him. 

He wraps his arm around her jacket shoulders, exhaling the cold are. “I was just giving you shit, Hyuuga.”

“No, you weren’t.”

He sighs, letting his arm fall down. “Hina-”

“You actually think those things about yourself. And it’s not fair. You deserve all those things. You deserve to be happy.” This time she does really look like she’s going to cry, and Argus is aware, knocking his head into her hands, trying for a pet. 

“I’m happy.” He promises. “I’m with you.”

“You deserve to have your tacky wedding, and your overpriced house, and your two kids.” Hinata insists. “Even if you have to move to New Jersey.”

Naruto laughs. “I’d have to gain forty pounds too, and get a comb over. And get real passionate about the Eagles.”

Hinata wrinkles her nose.

“Yeah and you have to get a really short haircut and clip coupons.” Naruto laughed. 

“Oh yeah?” She finally smiled, which was what he was intending. 

“Yeah, and we can only shop at Costco. And you’ll have to decorate our house in everything from the Target dollar section.” 

“What about Dollar Tree?” She asked, finally getting in on the fun. 

“Fine, but not Michael’s okay, my office job ain’t gonna pay for shit after my background check.”

“What about my job?”

“You can’t work.”

Hinata’s face turned deadly. “Excuse me.”

“Hinata! Don’t make our kids go to daycare! That’s not fair.” He pouted. 

“Daycare isn’t bad.” 

“Yes it is. Our kids will cry all day and have to sleep in… playpens.”

“What’s wrong with playpens?”

“No playpens.” 

Hinata rolled her eyes. “Why don’t you just watch them, then?” 

“Me? I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing? Plus, I have to go to my desk job I hate because I gave up my promising fighting career for family.”

“You are ridiculous.” Hinata shook her head. “You could still fight. You don’t have to have a job you don’t like.”

“You can’t do that.” Naruto blinked. “Can you?”

“Yes.” She laughed. “You could also open up your own gym. You could teach classes. You like kids.”

“I do not.” 

“Yes you do.” Hinata insisted, amused. “Then the kids don’t have to go to daycare, they can just go with you.”

“Your commute time is going to be shit.” Naruto pointed out. 

Hinata shook her head. “I’ll just take the train. I didn’t mind it before. I just did work.”

“When did you take the train?” He asked. 

“When I was staying with my sister.”

It was like a cold water right on the fire. Oh yeah, that. ‘When you left me.’ Those words hang between them like a noose. 

‘We’re not together. We’re not having a wedding. We’re not moving to Jersey. We’re not having kids.’

It’s like he’s mentally slapping his cheeks, cause he can’t do it right now without looking like a weirdo.

‘Don’t be a jealous fucking prick Naruto.’

Instead, Naruto throws the ball for Argus again, who is now basically his new best friend.

“There’s a ton of Mexican restaurants on your side of town. What’s your favorite?” Naruto asks changing the mood. 

He’s absolutely fucking shit at it, at being her friend. He’s trying. He’s trying so fucking hard. He wants her to be happy, even if she doesn’t believe him. 

He’s doing his best. 

His best is just shit. Always has been.


	45. Sakura Haruno

Mentally, he felt better than ever. More coherent than he’s ever felt. He’s not lying on the couch depressed. His brain isn’t taking off to the races on any different tangent that crosses his path. 

He has two jobs. One on weekdays in the morning. One on weekends in the evening. 

He has two hobbies. Muay Thai, and Jiu Jitsu. Two gyms. Two coaches. He has a workout routine at home too. He has a meal plan.

Well, most of the time. 

Because he also has Hinata. His friend. He still has a hard time stomaching that word, that feeling, but he’ll say it with a smile on his face. For her.

The rest of his time, is hanging out with Hinata. Which is why his meal plan gets fucked up, because they go to dope restaurants and he can’t not get enchiladas when they go out, okay.

Hinata’s dog is super chill. He’s starting to suspect that she’s a little jealous of all the attention he’s giving Argus but the dog is the best dog he’s ever met. 

He thinks, maybe, just maybe, that yes. Everything might end up alright. 

He gets a phone call, his last day of canvassing. A phone call he was not expecting. A phone call he did not want to have. 

“Are you going to get that?” Konohamaru asked. 

Naruto stared at the screen, watching it ring. 

It feels like one of his great mistakes. Like leaving the hospital. Like going to Sasuke’s house. It feels like a decision that he’s going to regret, days from now, alone in his bed, wishing that he could take things back. 

He answers. “Hello?”

“Naruto.” 

Sakura Haruno. 

Sure his meds helped him think clearer. But apparently not about this. 

He agreed to coffee. In the morning. He had enough sense still in his to refuse to go to Manhattan to meet her. But the bus ride up to Morris Heights was long enough. Just to be sitting in Dunkin’ Donuts at 6am.

Hinata wouldn’t like this. That’s all he could think as he drummed his hands on his thighs. 

Sakura was taller than Hinata. Almost as skinny but an unnatural skinny. Hinata was built small, and round and soft. Sakura had bones sticking out of her much flatter chest. She looked even skinnier than she did in college, like she was desperately trying to achieve the off duty model look, like the likes of Ino Yamanaka found so effortless. 

“You’re not going to get a coffee?” Her voice was laden with condescension. “Want me to buy one for you?”

Naruto’s teeth ground together. 

On the surface, it seems like a nice thing to ask. But Sakura is anything but nice. 

It feels like some sick homage, or throwback to when Sasuke bought everything, because he could. Because he knew Naruto couldn’t. Just to throw it in his face. 

“I don’t drink coffee.” He pokes the top of the shimmy wrapper on the breakfast sandwich still wrapped in front of him. That he bought on his own, thank you very much. 

She laughed, hollow and fake, flipping long, strawberry blonde hair over her shoulder. “Still such a child.”

“Is there a reason for this lovely little coffee date?” He glared.

“So hostile. I remember a time you would’ve died to hang out with me.” She smirked. 

Died. Very funny. 

He remembers a time that he wanted to die. Maybe not because of her directly. But pretty close. 

Had Naruto been in love with her? No. Not love.

It was obsession. Like a brand new shiny toy, he just wanted to have her. To own her. 

It was a symptom of his relationship with Sasuke. A false friendship, rooted in two lost souls who were so broken and damaged and had no one else. It was easier to hurt someone else when you wanted to hurt yourself. Naruto and Sasuke always excelled at both. 

Sakura was the loudest girl in their freshmen class. She had perfect notes and perfected outfits. And she was head over heels, sickly, embarrassingly in love with Sasuke upon their first class period. 

Naruto’s crush on her was just as fast, just as pathetic, just as damaging. If not worse. 

He had a theory, that Sasuke wouldn’t have thought twice about Sakura if Naruto had not shown interest. 

Sasuke, who had been in the system with Naruto for tens years at that point, was a different kind of crazy than Naruto was. Sasuke was poisoned with an intense hatred of everything in life. Whereas Naruto had a blinding optimism about the future, about going out into the world and maybe making something of himself. Sasuke hated everything and looked for an escape around every corner.

Drugs. Alcohol. Girls. 

It wasn’t enough. Soon, Naruto’s own happiness was too much for Sasuke to stomach. He’d flaunt his money in Naruto’s face, offering to pay for anything and everything, making sure he knew he was inferior. Grades, too. Sasuke seemed to ace any class he stayed awake in, he always made sure Naruto saw his grades. Naruto, who was struggling to remain off academic probation after every test.

Naruto had planned on studying. Did his best. But Sasuke would drag him out to parties and clubs or have them at their own apartment when Naruto refused to go. 

Sasuke’s relationship with Sakura was a blatant move in Naruto’s face and he fell for it hook, line and sinker.

It wasn’t all Sasuke’s fault. Naruto was just as guilty, if not more so. His own feelings of jealousy tore at him, cutting down his already bartered self esteem. 

Drugs. Drinking. Self harm. Parties. 

Block out feelings. 

That’s the way most of his college years went. A fast, downward spiral to hell. 

Then there were girls. Tons of girls. Any girl to make him forget that he couldn’t have the one thing that he wanted. The one thing, hanging on his friends arm, getting railed every night in the room next door. 

Sasuke and him started getting into explosive fights. Violent fights. 

Until one day, he had decided he had enough. This was before he even know he had Bipolar. Before he knew anything about mental health. 

All he knew, was that he had stolen a bag of pills, and taken every single one. 

Forgetting one small fact. 

That his lab partner, and tutor, and mutual friend since freshman year, Hinata Hyuuga, was supposed to be meeting him to work on their project. 

Which happen to be the best thing that ever happened to him. Seems like a crazy thing, but Hinata’s declaration of love, and support saved his life.

He had never loved anyone until he had loved Hinata. 

So why? Why, was he now meeting with Sakura?

“I need your help.” Sakura finally admits, after Naruto’s long silence.

“Hmm.” The sounds is achingly familiar. Pointing to the fact that a member of their old time trio was missing. 

“It’s Sasuke.” The missing piece. “I need to get ahold of him.”

Naruto rolled his eyes, leaning back into his chair. He couldn’t believe that he had got up early and come out this for west for… this. 

“Naruto,” she moved to grab his hand but he snatched it back. 

She was a manipulating him. He could see it, plain as day. How had he never noticed that about her before? 

Her green eyes glinted, narrowing into slits.

“You know where he is.” She hissed. 

“Everyone knows where he is.” Naruto snapped back. “If he’s avoiding you, that isn’t my problem. It’s yours. Don’t drag me into it.”

“You were always such a fucking dick head, you know that? You don’t need to be such a jealous bastard.”

“You think I’m jealous?” He laughed. 

“Everyone knows Hinata dumped you.” She snapped back. “If you think keeping Sasuke away from is going to help you-”

“You’re crazy.” Naruto laughed. He knew he wasn’t supposed to say that to a girl. And he wouldn’t, to Hinata. But Sakura was not Hinata. 

“What?” The famous, Sakura bitch fit was rearing a head, and he had enough self awareness to realize that they were starting to make a scene.

“If he doesn’t want to talk to you, that doesn’t have shit to do with me.” He reiterated, just to get it through her thick five-head. “And if you ever think I’d want to be with your-”

He didn’t know if it was from fighting, or being clear headed from his medication, or both, but he could clearly see her Telegraph her move long before it came to fruition. She picked up her iced coffee, rearing her arm back. He leaned over and grabbed it out of her hand, before it could launch itself at his face. 

“You son of a bitch!” She yelled, getting everyone attention before grabbing his breakfast sandwich and successfully throwing it at his face. 

It tore open, all over the ground before she stomped out of the place altogether. 

“Meeting adjourned.” Naruto mumbled. 

A worker was already coming out, assumably to escort him out. Which was fine. He didn’t want to stay anyways. He reached down and grabbed the majority of the ruined sandwich and tossed it in the garbage along with the abandoned iced coffee. 

“Sorry about that.” Naruto laid a five on the table, even know he knew they didn’t accept tips. 

It was the least he could do. 

Why? Why had he agreed to meet her, when he knew she was like that. The altercation didn’t surprise him. Sakura was loud and spoiled and prone to violence. He had basically lived in the same place she had for years. He knew her. 

Why had he met with her? Why is he agreed to play into her little games, even if just for a moment. 

Was it the same reason that he refused to cut off Sasuke, no matter how bad things got?

Was it the same reason that he still tried to string along any kind of contact with Hinata after she had specifically tried to cut him off?

He couldn’t let go of people. Not once they gave him attention.

It wasn’t healthy. 

What he was doing to Hinata wasn’t healthy. 

It was pushy and wrong. She wanted a clean break. He didn’t let her. She wanted to be just friends. He was barely going along with that. She didn’t want to come to his banquet. 

He was still pushing it. He wasn’t respecting her. 

How many times could he make the same mistakes, over and over again?

It was early, but she’d be awake. Getting ready for work or headed to work. He decided to call her. 

“Naruto? Is something wrong?” 

It gave him a little chuckle. “When are you going to stop thinking something bad every time I call you?”

He could practically hear her sheepish blush, the way she’d look down a little. “Sorry, you usually don’t call this early.”

“Ugh, yeah.” He laughed. “I had a… meeting. Um, can I bring you some coffee? If you don’t have any morning meetings, that is.” He added quickly. 

She paused, and he was wondering if he was doing the very same thing he was just thinking about. Sticking on like a leech, weaving his way into her life when she didn’t want it. 

“That would be really sweet.” He could hear her smile. At least it was genuine, and he wasn’t ruining her day or anything. 

“Okay, okay. Cool. See you then.” He bounced a little. 

“Okay.”

“Well, love yo- I mean. Bye.” He hung up before she could reply. “Fuck.” He breathed.


	46. I love you a latte

It was a thirty minute bus ride down to Hinata’s side of town. Just a couple stops before he made it to her work. He’d only ever been there a couple times. But he knew the building. Knew her office. 

He bumped into Shino, waiting in line for the elevator. “Hey Shino.” 

The poor guy looked way too startled to see him. Well, startled for him. The guy didn’t show too much of himself on the outside. But he did stare and blink a couple times.

“Naruto.” He spoke carefully. “Here to see Hinata?”

Naruto nodded, holding up a bag and cup of coffee. “Delivery.” He laughed it a little. 

Shino nodded once, but didn’t take his eyes off him. They crammed into the elevator together. Naruto didn’t mind Shino following him to Hinata’s office. He even let Shino walk ahead of him.

He felt bad. Shino probably thought he was stalking her. Naruto wasn’t really sure what Hinata’s friends knew about their relationship. Sakura even knew that they had broken up. Not that Sakura was one of Hinata’s friends. Quite the opposite actually. 

Shino entered Hinata’s office first, under some pretense of filings. “And Naruto’s here.” He added, quite under the radar. 

“He is.” Hinata smiled, like the secret password that let him in. 

Shino was then free to head to his own office. 

Naruto wasn’t too butthurt about it. He’d rather have Hinata’s friends look out for her than not. He was just a little jealous that all of Hinata’s friends were ready to die for her and Naruto’s threw croissant breakfast sandwiches in his face and bet $5,000 against him in a fight. 

“That’s a big bag.” Hinata smiled.

Naruto handed her the to go coffee cup first, over her desk. 

“Thank you.” She smiled.

“No problem. I also got you this.” He pulled out a silver thermos, with ridiculous white looping letters ‘dog mom’. It’s wasn’t that hard to find. Those types of things were all over, but he thought it would give her a little smile. 

Her nose wrinkled as she smiled. “Aww thank you.”

“One more thing.” He pulled out a little cardboard to-go box. 

“What is it?” 

“Just open it.”

It was Hinata’s favorite. A cinnamon roll with extra frosting. Her eyes lit up at little, a small smile curving onto her face. 

Naruto bit his lip. Success. 

“What’s this all about?” She finally looked up at him, still smiling but scrutinizing. 

Naruto shrugged and looked away. Her office was meticulously clean. But also, busier than he had last seen it. More filling cabinets. More papers. 

He looked back to her. She was polished, pretty. Her hair was tied back though, something he noticed that she did a lot. She still had her bangs framing her face. 

Her face that he’d love to kiss. A face he had kissed a lot actually. A face he wasn’t allowed to kiss anymore. 

“I… I wanted to say sorry.”

Hinata’s face paled immediately. “For what?” She asked quickly. 

He finally sat down, in the seat across from her. The desk buffered between them but couldn’t weaken her wide stare. 

Would he ever stop stressing her out?

“For pressuring you to come to the party with me. I’m sorry.”

Hinata’s face softened, and she almost looked sad, her lips pouting out a little. “What happened?”

“Nothing!” He promised. “I’m just… I met with Sakura, this morning.”

Hinata’s demeanor change immediately. Her whole body changed, her hands tucked in close, her face straighten, her eyes hardened. Yep. He knew she wasn’t going to like that. It felt too reminiscent of admitting he had let another girl kiss him. 

“She’s having some bullshit with Sasuke. She’s just the same. So is he. And I realized, so am I.”

One of her eyebrows raised, but she didn’t reply. He knew that she was going to flip her lid about Sakura. Would he ever stop putting his foot in his mouth?

“I don’t take other people's feelings into consideration. I’m selfish. And I don’t want to be that way, with you. So - I wanted to tell you, I’m sorry.” 

“For what?” She asked softly. 

“For not listening to you. Not respecting you. Not taking what you wanted into consideration. I’m sorry about a lot of stuff. But, I’m sorry, about the party.” He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry that I kept pressing when you didn’t want it. I know, I do that a lot. So, long story short. I’m sorry. I’m gonna try and do better. I know I’ve probably said that a lot too.”

This was not going well. 

He frowned again. 

“I mean it this time. For reals, Hina. I’m just gonna do my best to be your friend, okay?”

Hinata had looked away, before he was done. He wasn’t sure if she was upset or not. He was trying to do the right thing this time. He was trying to crush down his selfish desires and focus solely on what Hinata wanted and needed. Her happiness. 

She didn’t look too happy. 

“So… you don’t want me to come?” She asked, quietly, her hands drawing a ring around the top of the coffee cup. 

“What? No. I don’t want you to come. Fuck - no! I do. I definitely want you to come. I just mean that - ugh, I mean I don’t want to guilt you to come. So you don’t have to come.” He paused.

Had he said that right?

“Look, I know you don’t want to so I’m just trying to let you off the hook, okay?” He dropped his back in his lap. “I doesn’t mean I don’t want you to go. I’m just trying to say that it’s okay, if you don’t want to go.”

He presses his hands to his face so she wouldn’t have to look at how stupid his was being. “I’m too dumb to talk.”

She giggled a little. “It’s okay. I get it.”

He finally looked up, breathing a sigh of relief. “Thank god.” 

Okay, so he hadn’t ruined his fledgling best friendship with Hinata. Now he could finally focus on his breakfast burrito. He’d been up for awhile now and not eaten, thanks to a woman who will remain nameless.

“Okay, I know that coffee shop is your favorite, but they never give me enough sauce packets. What is up with that? I always ask for extra - and, they give you just like, one more. It’s so stupid. They have them all there in that huge basket, why-”

“I might’ve, already, got a dress.” Hinata interrupted. 

“A dress? What are you talking about. I was talking about my burrito - oh shit!” Naruto sat up a little straighter, hot sauce forgotten. 

“You want to come to my thing?” He gasped. 

Hinata’s cheeks dusted a pretty pink and she nodded. 

“For reals? Like, for real - for real?” He asked for eloquent clarification. 

She nodded. Then, taking a little bit of a breath, she dropped the bomb on him. “It’s strapless.” 

Naruto felt like a shark, getting the whiff of blood, miles away. His eyes dilating. His throat felt dry. 

“Is it?” He managed to squeak out, feeling a little too much like a thirteen year old sexting ‘lol and then what ;)’

But in his defense, Hinata never like wearing revealing things. He was fine with that. Used to it. She didn’t need to, she was ridiculously bangable in anything she deemed comfy or cozy enough to wear. 

But this?

She nodded. Was she - flirting with him?

He felt like he might get a hard on just thinking about it. In his defense, he was going through a dry patch that might as well have been a fucking drought. Courtesy, ala the woman in front of him, tantalizing his brain with thoughts of her impressive cleavage. And shoulders. And -

Fuck, he liked the knew Hinata. 

“Is it okay if I still come?” She smiled. 

“Mmhmm.” Naruto whined, almost in pain. 

‘Dead puppies. Dead puppies. Don’t think about her tits in her office!’

“Just, a little question.” She interrupted him. 

“Hm?” He still couldn’t talk .

“You know, your big apology about being pushy. Did you formulate that before or after you wrote ‘I love you a latte’ on my cup?”

Finally something to get his mind off of just pushing her over her desk. 

Naruto blushed a little before scoffing. “Hinata, it was a coffee pun. It’s hilarious. I can’t just not write it.”


	47. Feathers are ruffled

Election Day. Deciding not to dwell on the fact that he had lost the best paying job he ever had, he decided to spend the morning at Jiraiya’s.

Live sparring Muay Thai was a thousand times more fun than doing Jiu Jitsu with Lee. He wished that Hinata could watch him thrash every member of the gym that Jiraiya put him but against, instead of get tapped out a dozen times in a row by that scrawny weirdo.

After he was done for the day, his partner throwing in the towel, he turned his attention to Jiraiya, sitting at the edge of the mat in a folding hair. As Naruto had previously suspected, Jiraiya was a hard core alcoholic. Paired with a life of fighting and the degeneration from that disease, his hands started to shake in the after noon and he couldn’t for long periods of time. Nobody really mentioned it, or when he started pour some crown royal shooters into a Pepsi bottle. It was his gym and they were all just using it. 

Naruto rested his hands on his hips, catching his breath for a second.

“Hey, you ever think about hiring me to work here?” He asked, none too subtlety.

“Why the fuck would I do that?” Jiraiya hacks.

“Cause I’m your favorite fighter.”

“Favorite fighter? Favorite fighter. Ha! You ain’t even my top ten.” Jiraiya sneered.

Naruto wiped the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand, smiling. “You don’t sit and watch anyone else’s full practices. Unless you just think I’m pretty.”

Jiraiya huffed. “Being pretty is the only thing you have going for you.”

Some of the other gym patrons laughed a little, but Naruto didn’t mind. He was the usual class clown.

“Not cause I K.O.ed in my first fight or anything.” Naruto smirked.

Jiraiya rolled his eyes. “You young fucks. So cocky. Now back in my day, nobody’d be running their damn mouth after only fighting one fight, Pretty Boy.”

“Well, I was gonna ask you about that too.” Naruto hopped up on a pile a mats next to where Jiraiya was sitting.

Two other fighters took to the mat to replace him.

“Ask me? Ask me what? What more you gonna need? I gotta spoon feed you?” Jiraiya wasn’t looking at him, watching the two new boxers.

“No thanks I’m full right now.” Naruto smirked. “I was wondering if you could get me another fight.”

“You ain’t ready for Mullberry yet. That Rocky boy Lee still kicks your ass. You got another month or two before you can cage.”

“One month or less.” Naruto challenged.

“If you wanna get your ass beat faster, that’s fine.”

Naruto stuck his tongue in his cheek, letting the barb go. “I need another boxing match.”

“Muay Thai?” Jiraiya asked.

“What other thing do I know how to do?”

Jiraiya flicked him in the ear.

“Stick to MMA kid. Too many feathers being ruffled in boxing.” Jiraiya dismisses. 

Naruto frowned. “Whose feathers?”

Jiraiya shook his head. “Don’t worry about it.” 

“Is there a rule against fighting both?” He challenged. 

“No. There’s guys that don’t want you there. And it’s better if you just don’t fuck with things that shouldn’t be fucked with.” Jiraiya actually sounded cautious about what he was saying, which was a drastic change from his usual, laid back, revolting behavior. 

“You mean someone.” Naruto read through the lines easily. “Who?”

“Don’t worry about it.” He shrugged him off. 

“Yahiko?”

Jiraiya’s jaw set. 

Naruto laughed. “If porcupine face has a problem with me wiping his ass in the boxing ring, he can bring it up with me, and I’ll give him another go.” 

Jiraiya finally turned to look at him. “Trust me kid. There’s things that go on behind the scenes with these things that you don’t wanna go poking your nose into. You’re a good fighter, stick to MMA, it’ll give you less problems.”

Naruto scoffed. “You think you can lecture me on underground corruption. I grew up in Hell’s Kitchen before it was gentrified. Before it was ‘Clinton’. Yahiko is a joke.”

Jiraiya gave him a look. 

“My job ended. And I still have one of them, but it ain’t enough for my rent.” Naruto explained. “Ya’know. City’s steep and I don’t got no roommate.” Naruto ruffled the back of his head, embarrassed to admit it.

But it was better than dragging his ass the the unemployment office.

Jiraiya took a deep breath. “You’re gonna ruffle some feathers.”

“I don’t give a fuck. Consider them ruffled.”

Jiraiya rolled his eyes again. Taking a deep breath. “Fine. Whatever. Fucks sake,  
I’ll get you a fight.” 

Naruto leaned back, triumphantly. He really needed the money. 

“And if you wanna job so fucking badly, you better start wiping those mats. You don’t just sit around my place you little shit, you got that. I’ll fire you in a goddamn second.”

“Wait, wait, wait, are you for real?” Naruto jumped up from the mat.

“Minimum wage, no benefits. But I’ll give you some hours. I won’t charge gym time.”

Minimum wage was a bummer. A steep drop from what he was getting working for Kakashi. But only having to pay for his time at Eight Gates would be a discount. He’s probably have to pick up more hours at Teuchi’s again, which would leave him less time to hang out with Hinata. Or he could get a roommate, which he really did not want to do.

As is, it would probably take all of his money from Teuchi’s and Jiraiya’s just to make his rent. He’d have to ration everything else from his tips and his fight winnings. He had a little bit of savings but it wouldn’t last very long.

He’d figure it out, either way. He always did.

“Okay, but I can’t start today, I have a thing tonight.”

“Where the fuck you think you’re going? Huh? Fucking off on the job, the first day.”

“I’m going to a party. Tonight. The vote count. It’s at this old billiard hall near the stadium.” 

“I’ll call in tonight. See what I can get set up, but I’m warning you kid-”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Naruto yelled, grabbing his jacket. “Don’t forget to vote!”


	48. The dilemma

Naruto had never gone to Prom. Never gone to homecoming. Never gone to any dance before. This is the first time, he’s ever put an actual suit on. At first, he was mad enough about having to buy one. Being strapped for cash as he was, with an unsure future for his wallet. 

But he had to admit, he looked sharp as fuck. 

One problem. 

He knocked on Mr. Umino’s door a little apprehensively.

“Naruto? Oh, going somewhere nice?” Iruka smiled. 

He was wearing a sweater and looked like he was having a nice evening in, before Naruto interrupted. 

“Sorry to bother you, Mr. Umino. I was wondering if you knew how to tie a tie?” He held it up, wanting to ruffle his hair but he had already styled it. 

Iruka smiles and lead him in, back to the bathroom. Since they had the same set up, it was eerily familiar to his own. Different soap dispenser, different toothbrush, different medication bottles on the counter but with some kind of déjà vu recognition. 

Iruka was shorter than Naruto but painstaking showed him the motions, the turns, the flips to tying the tie. Naruto almost shit himself from anxiety have the untied the perfect good tie to have Naruto do it himself. It took him about four different times before he got it the right length, and was able to do it on his own. 

“Thanks so much, Mr. Umino. You saved my ass.”

“Of course. Not everyday someone gets invited to something like this.” Iruka dusted off his clean shoulders. “Are you picking up Hinata?”

“Yeah, I’m kind of nervous about it.” Naruto admitted.

Which was an understatement of epic proportions. 

He didn’t know how it was going to go. He still felt weird, hanging out with Hinata sometimes. Like she was tiptoeing around her. Yes, he was happy to get to hang out with her. It was better than nothing. But he was still holding himself back. Unable to truly say or do the things that he wanted.

“Just relax. You know Hinata.” Iruka encouraged. 

He was starting to at least. The new Hinata. Or the real Hinata. The new parts of her and the old parts that she tried to hide. 

“I was planning on getting her some flowers. But, do you think it’s too much?” 

Naruto knew that she was going through some stuff. Some things she chose to share, others that he could infer from her hesitant behavior. He didn’t want to pile onto her. Would he be pressing her and their fledgling friendship by bringing her some gifts that she might not be comfortable accepting. 

“Always bring your girl flowers.” Iruka approved. 

‘My girl.’ 

The dilemma condensed. She was technically just his friend right now. 

But she’d always be his girl. 

“Thank you so much Mr. Umino.” Naruto waved.

“Stay safe tonight.” Iruka smiled, waving at him down the hallway.


	49. Tapas

“Flowers?”

The first thing Hinata asks when she opens the door. His blush is immediate, and he hands them off without much comment, feeling like a dork. 

Instead of having to deal with his feelings like a mature adult, he squats down and pets Argus instead. “Hey buddy.”

Agrus pants in response, tail wagging. “Looks like you missed me.” He looked over at Hinata, planning on teasing her about the same. “Looks like you - shit.”

Hinata’s head snapped over, eyes wide. “He what?”

Naruto was not talking about Argus. Wasn’t even looking at Argus. He wasn’t even petting him anymore. He was still squatting down, openly staring, gawking, dumbfounded. 

Hinata was… gorgeous. Obviously but - but -

Naruto loved Hinata. It wasn’t some superficial, infatuation, lust. He was in love with her. He had a relationship with Hinata that had been four years. He’d seen Hinata sick, Hinata hung over, Hinata having a lazy day. He’d seen her when she desperately needed a shower, in the shower, after the shower blow drying her hair. He’d seen every part of her and found her beautiful. The most beautiful person. 

But this…

“Damn ma.” Naruto whistled. 

She was wearing a face full of makeup, which was unusual for her, but done nicely, flattering, not cakey or tacky. But her blush couldn’t quite show through. The face she was making was a dead give away though, the way she tried to school her features, but they went too tight. Not to mention her little ears, poking through the fringe, turning pink. And the flush of her chest. 

Her chest. 

She shifted the bouquet to one hand, and laid the other on her sternum. “Staring is rude.” 

Naruto leaned back. “How can I not!”

He went back to petting Argus, who had laid a paw on Naruto’s leg, gently reminding him that he was still there and still interested in being pet, if Naruto was so inclined. 

Which he was. 

Naruto watched Hinata walk around her kitchen, procuring a vase from a high shelf that he probably could’ve helped her with but he was too busy staring at her ass, he hadn’t noticed until she was already done. She cut the bottom of the stems in a rhythmic little ‘thump, thump’. Watching her at the counter was something heartwarmingly familiar and something that he had dreadfully missed. 

“Damn Argus, are you really gonna let Hina outta the house like that?” He gibed, one hundred and ten percent only to get a rise out of her. 

Instead she turned form the flowers, the knife dropping on its side. Her eyes were wide, her shoulders coming up a little. Insecure?

“Do I look - should I change?” Like she somehow has an infinite number of dresses that she could just drop and switch.

Naruto was back on his feet in the next second, hands up, almost like in a Bagua stance, but more like to calm down a wild animal. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, are fucking shitting me?” 

Hinata frowned.

“You’re so hot it should be illegal. Are you even allowed outside like that? Is it like, a traffic violation?”

Hinata’s lips pursed together, thoroughly embarrassed now. 

“Are you sure?” She glance down at her dress, and back up to him, playing with her fingers.

“You’re lucky I know how to fight. I should charge you, going out like that.”

“Staph.” She whined, turning back to the flowers. 

Naruto had not really been inside her house. Not for very long. He’d come over to take Argus to the park, and he had left his invitation on her counter, super quickly. But he had never really come inside.

He took a step, off the mat. 

She glanced over at him, watching him approach. 

“Um,” He tucked his hands into his pockets, to keep from fidgeting. “Do you like them.”

The flowers. 

She turned her attention back to them, gathering them up and placing them into the vase. “They’re very beautiful.” She affirmed. 

Hinata didn’t have a favorite. She liked flowers, all flowers. So he had picked white ones. 

“They reminded me of those ones on campus. Do you remember?” He asked, tentatively. 

She was picking up the cut off stems and pieces that had fallen off. Her back straightened, listening to him. She mulled over his words, carefully, like he was asking her a trick question. 

“Yes.” She answered quietly. 

“Do you remember, when you’d put them in my books?”

He could see her, blushing an invisible blush. “Yes.” Her voice was still quiet. 

“That was really cute.” 

Her face scrunched again, her hands coming up to her cheeks, cooling them down or just hiding them from him. “Stop trying to embarrass me.” 

Trying? Naruto laughed, giving himself away. “I’m not.” He was, but what he saying was also true.

He grabbed her wrist from her face, holding his hand. “And you look really pretty.”

The words didn’t really suffice, not that he very good with words to begin with. She did look pretty to him. She looked so pretty his chest hurt. He simultaneously wanted to show her to every person in the world, just so they could also see it too, or shove her in a closet and keep her all to himself. 

“Ugh.” She groaned, still embarrassed. “Thank you. You actually look really nice too.”

“What do you mean, actually? You check me out all the time.” He wiggled an eyebrow. 

“I do not.” She laughed, pushing him away. 

“Do too. I see you.”

It’s not like he wasn’t checking her out either. Especially now. She was more muscular than he remembered. Not ridiculous or anything, just there was some actual definition in her thin arms. And even though he was doing his absolute best at embarrassing her, she stood more confidently than usual too. New Hinata even looked like she had a longer neckline, with the way she held herself. Which was only adding to her sexy factor. 

Both Hinata and Naruto gave Argus a long goodbye, reminding him of how much a good boy he was. 

“Do you want me to drive?” Hinata asked, as they walked out. 

“Nah.” He shook his head. “S’not far.” He promised. 

It was only a couple blocks away. This part of town was nicer too, he wasn’t too worried about it. Plus battling traffic and finding parking would be a bitch. 

“Are you sure?” She double checked. 

“Come on, you want me to piggyback you?” Naruto teased. 

“No.” She replied hotly. 

“Wow, I think that’s the first time you’ve ever said no to riding me.” He poked her. 

“Naruto,” She whined, her eyes scrunching closed. Her chest lit up like a burn. She caught his eyes dangerously close to her cleavage, for the second time that evening, and responded in turn by zipping her coat up to her chin. 

Fair play. He conceded. 

She linked her arm into his, sending his heart into a fluttering mess. She touched him more often, now days. He wasn’t sure if it was just because she was used to hanging out with him again or what, but he relished it every time. 

Her fingers gripped tighter as they got closer to their destination. She was nervous, for sure. He could see it on her face, even if it was painted up. 

“Thank you so much for coming with me.” He knew that this was not the usual way Hinata would want to spend her night. It did mean a lot to him, to be able to share it with her. 

She looked up and him and smiled. “Of course.” 

Of course. Naruto stifled a little smile back. 

They ditched their jackets inside, but Hinata kept her arm firmly in the crooks of Naruto’s, who did not have any qualms with that. 

“There’s so many people here.” Hinata looked around. 

There was a sea of them, milling around, drinking and eating. There was several different screens, showing different news organizations, following and counting votes or ballets. 

“You voted today, right?” Naruto poked her in arm. 

“Yes.” She promised.

“You should’ve wrote me in.” Naruto grinned, maneuvering them through the throngs of people. 

“You spent months working for Kakashi Hatake and then your trying to steal his show.” Hinata pinched the inside of his arm. 

“Hey!” He covered her hand in his. “Just cause you're smoking hot doesn’t mean you can just pinch me.” 

She pinched him again. 

“Ow!” 

“You’re being such a baby, it’s not even going to leave a mark.” She rubbed the spot anyways, soothing it. 

“You don’t get to pick how bad you hurt me.” It was meant as a joke, he was still smiling, still teasing, not realizing how that statement could be taken. 

Not until Hinata stopped smiling. 

He reeled back, not wanting them to have to talk about any of that shit while they were at the party. It was supposed to be fun. A date that only he could take her on. Something that she wouldn’t usually do. 

“Let’s go nab some food.” He redirects.

The change of topic seemed to work, and Hinata smiled. “I’m going to tell Jiraiya.”

Naruto’s shoulders sagged drastically. “Hina!”

There wasn’t actually that much food, probably catered by a donor. 

“This foods so tiny.” Naruto whispered. 

“It’s called hors d’oeuvres. It’s supposed to small.” Hinata’s arm left his, to better balance her small plate. 

“What’s that Spanish thing?” Naruto asked, walking through the table line, grabbing random things. 

“What?” She glanced over at him, looking for some context to his questions.

“The Spanish thing. Small plates. Tippy something.” 

“Tapas.” She corrected. 

“Tapas. Yeah. You’re so smart, Hina.”

Hinata wrinkled her nose again. “Why were you asking?” 

“Oh yeah. Are those, like, the same thing?” 

Hinata shrugged her shoulders, her dress shimmering a little blue. Like dark navy. “I don’t know, honestly.” 

Naruto let it drop. “Oh my god, these are delish.” He chewed a couple times, before picking up another one. “Hey, don’t eat that one.” He grabbed her wrist quickly, holding one that was the same as the piece he had just eaten. 

Her eyebrow raised. 

“It’s a crab cake.” He glanced at his plate before picking one that he thought would be a suitable substitution. “I’ll trade you this mini quiche looking thingy.” 

He dropped it on her plate before taking the crab cake out of her hand. 

“My hero.” She smiled. 

It was Naruto’s turn to feel warm in the cheeks. He leaned his head back, into head collar, trying to swallow his mouth full of crab bake. “Shut your butt.”

“Naruto!”

“Fuck.” Naruto ducked his head, next to Hinata’s. “Quick, make a break for it.”

“What?” She blinked.

“Hey! I was yelling for you.” Konohamaru popped up, through the crowd to people. 

Naruto signed, glaring at Hinata for a moment before addressing his previous partner. “Hey Konoha- oi wait, your a boujee asshole, right?”

“Naruto.” Hinata frowned. 

Naruto gesture to Konohamaru’s coordinating pocket square, defensively. 

Konohamaru nodded quickly. “Yes. You stated this before.”

“Right, right. Would you happen to know the difference between hors d’oeuvres and tapas?” Naruto grinned. 

Hinata covered her mouth, hiding her smile. 

“Of course.” Konohamaru smiled. 

Naruto grinned triumphantly at Hinata. “Did you hear that, Hina? Of course.”

She smiled again, prettily. “Of course.” She reached over and pinched him. 

“Hors d’oeuvres is French for ‘out of work’ meaning out of the meal. Usually one bite. Tapas are a meal, but can be consisting of hors d’oeuvres, in Spanish would be called ‘entremése’ so-”

“Wow,” Naruto cut him off before he could continue on. “I too am hors d’oeuvres then.” 

Konohamaru laughed, but Hinata just shook her head before taking another bite. 

“I was actually looking for you to ask you something.” Konohamaru continued, unbothered. “Will you buy me a drink at the bar?”

“Wow, that’s so flattering. Really, so sweet? But I brought a date.” Naruto wrapped his free arm around Hinata.

Konohamaru soured. “Come on.” 

“Fuck no.” 

“But can you just-”

Naruto maneuvered them away, feeling the slippery, smoothness of the fabric on top of her skin. He let his thumb slide across her back. 

“You shouldn’t say things like that.” Hinata tilted her chin, up to him.

“Huh?”

“About your job.”

“Oh, you got my nifty little French joke.” He smirked. 

“I’m serious.” She pressed, looking into his eyes, earnestly. “You have a job that you like. You don’t have to degrade yourself or make jokes or make excuses.”

Deflection with jokes has always been his modus operandi. Old habits and all that. 

“So, hors d’oeuvres is just one bite foods. The possibilities are endless. Tic-tacs? One bite. Pizza rolls? One bite.” 

She turned her face away from him, hiding her smile, but he kept his arm around her.

“Mini corn dogs.” He continued. “Honestly does the criteria just depend on what you can fit in your mouth? What if you have a way bigger mouth?”

“You have a big mouth.”

“Hinata. So rude.” He smirked. “Especially when I know exactly what fits in your mouth - ow!” 

He jumped, pulling his freshly pinched arm away. 

“You deserved that one.” She sniffed, popping her last piece of food in her mouth. 

“I’m gonna pinch you back.” Naruto promised.

Hinata, quick on the uptake, and his usual bullshit, smirked. “Are you?” 

“Believe it. You’re not gonna know what hit you.” Naruto took her empty plate and slid it under his own. “Constant vigilance Hyuuga.” He wrapped his arm around her again, letting it slide over her back. “You’ll be in steady state of terror.” His hand slid down the small curv. “Always wondering when I will - strike.” He timed it perfectly while (gracefully) copping a full handful of her very round ass. 

“Naruto!” She hissed, jumping a foot away from him. 

He could finally see the blush through her makeup. 

“Please don’t Bagua me.” He presses his hand together in a prayer, under his chin. 

“No promises.” She glared.

“Hashtag, worth it.” He smirked.

He scanned the crowd, just to double check that nobody else had seen him goose his poor best friend and love of his life. A long, but accurate title. Everyone else seemed to be grouped together, talking, laughing, eating and drinking of hawkishly standing next to the TVs at the bar, watching the painstakingly long process of the vote count. 

“Want to play a game?” Naruto asked, afraid of the lull in conversation. 

“Is this you trying to grab my ass again?” She folded her arms, staring him down. 

“No, no. I’ll do that later.” He vowed, giving her a little wink. 

“Incorrigible.” She huffed. 

“What’s that game that Ino plays? Know what I’m talking about?” He prompted. 

She blinked for a couple seconds. “That, really old game? When she worked at that flower shop?”

“Yeah?” He honestly couldn’t remember how old it was. 

“Where we guess people’s professions?”

He snapped his fingers. “That’s the one.”

She smiled a little. “Well, okay, I guess.” She tucked an errant piece of hair behind her ears. “Do you want to pick someone?”

Naruto hummed, tapping his hands. “Alright. Alright. What about that old guy over there?” 

She stretched her neck, looking over to where he had nodded to. “Hmm, a doctor?”

“Wrong. He’s a lawyer.” Naruto smirked. 

“That’s a good guess.” Hinata’s shoulders dipped admittingly, before squinting. “And your evidence?”

“His gaudy lapels.” Naruto gestured, inconspicuously to his own neck. “Doctors have some humility at least. Faced with the raw truths of life, and death!” He turned on her dramatically. 

She stifled a little laugh behind her fingers. 

“And!” He added. “I know him, he works for the campaign.”

She dropped her hand, eyes widening. “You cheater!”

Naruto dipped his head, smirking, unashamed. 

“I can’t believe you.” She laughed through her own glare. 

He gave her a little wink. 

“I get to pick this time then.” She sniffed. 

Naruto watched her, unashamed and unabashed. She really was beautiful tonight. Her jewelry, her hair, her makeup, her amazing and ridiculous dress. They all added to the effect, but he didn’t give a shit about any of it. It was her. She was so beautiful, so gorgeous, he felt unworthy to have her arm in his. To have her smiles. To have her laughs. To have her attention. She made his chest tight and his palms clammy and his knees weak, and all he wanted to tell her was how amazing she was over and over again. 

He had called her pretty? How pathetic. It didn’t even begin to scratch the surface of how he felt about her. About how much she meant to him.

“That guy.” 

He blinked, trying to replace himself in the game. “Which one?” He hadn’t been following her eye sight, he had just been staring at her. 

“The redhead.” 

“Hinata, there’s a lot of redheads, how am I - oh shit. Yeah never mind that’s really red.” He laughed. 

“Told you.”

“Okay, you can go first.” More than being nice, he was just trying to give himself another minute to come up with something good, having just got the one glance. 

She hummed next to him, biting a glossy lip, tilting her head a little. “Now that I think about it he actually looks familiar. Like I’ve seen him before.”

“Yeah - Yeah. I know exactly what you mean.” 

She looked at him quickly. “Are you just teasing me?”

“No. No! Honestly.” He laughed at her dubious pout. “Really. I could totally be wrong but I think I know him from somewhere.”

“Really? Where from?”

“I think… I think he beat the shit out of Sasuke one time.” Naruto lit up, smiling at an old, old memory. 

“Are you being serious?”

He laughed at the absurdity of the situation. “Yes, dead serious. Okay, we used to go to the skate park, on that pier, near Chelsea. Same place that I broke my arm, twice in a row, doing the same trick. Have I ever told you about that?”

She nodded. 

“Anyways - different time. Sasuke was running his mouth, about something. As fucking usual.”

Hinata nodded a little. Yes, that was usual. 

“And then, this kid, like way younger than us, like out of nowhere, sucker punches him right in the face.”

“Seriously?” Hinata asked, wide eyed. 

“Yeah. That happened a lot actually. But anyways, this tiny, scrawny kid, beats the living fuck out of him. Like for real, thrashed him. My arm is broken at the time, and I still try and jump in and like pull this feral kid off him. I swear, he was high on PCP or like - something.”

“Really?” Hinata squeaked. 

He couldn’t help but smile at the abject horror on her face. 

She might’ve got a shit deal, growing up with the kind of dad that she did, but for the most part, Hinata had been pretty sheltered. Also, being a naturally reserved person, she would’ve avoided most places that those kinds of things went on. 

“Okay, make your guess quick.”

“Quick?”

He nodded. “Cause we’re gonna go find out.” 

Hinata looked about as excited as if Naruto just suggested that they go get colonoscopies. He rubbed the goosebumps on her arm. “Don’t worry, I’ll do the talking. Promise. I just wanna see if I’m right.” 

Hinata let out a breath. “Okay.” She didn’t sound as sold on it as him, but reluctantly agreed. “I still think I’ve seen him somewhere. Maybe on CNN. Maybe a reporter?” 

“Good guess, he is dressed nice, but not overly nice. Like he put effort into looking normal. But for the love of god please don’t watch CNN, they’re corporate shills.” 

They started their short pilgrimage over to the stranger. 

“What am I supposed to watch? Fox?”

“Ew, Hinata, what is wrong with you?” Naruto stuck his tongue out. “No actually, I prefer podcasts now. Less opinions. More news. And it’s only like twenty minutes. Plus if anything crazy happens, like breaking news throughout the day, your phone tells you anyways.” 

Hinata looked at him, blinking a little. “Wow, that’s actually… really interesting. I didn’t know you were… into that.” 

Naruto winked at her. “I’m full of surprises. Maybe you should hang out with me more.” He smirked to himself, because, they actually were hanging out a lot lately. Between Eight Gates, and talking her into coming to Jiraiya’s, and taking Argus to the park, and trying out new restaurants together, it was almost like they were dating. Friend dating. But… dating. 

“I’ll show you my favorite ones after.” He promised. 

She smiled. “Okay.”

Naruto threw their plates in the trash before approaching him. “Hey, I’m Naruto Uzumaki.” 

“Gaara Sabuku.” His voice was lower, and he stuck his hand out for a firm handshake. 

“This is my gir-” He coughed, trying to cover up his word fumble. “Friend. Hinata Hyuuga.”

Hinata smiled and shook his hand as well, not that Naruto could even meet her gaze after almost introducing her as his girlfriend again. Old habits or wishful thinking?

“Sorry to bother you, but I was just wondering if I knew you from somewhere?” 

The redhead man, Gaara, cleared his throat. “I’m a representative, from Brooklyn. I wasn’t up for re-election this year so I just came to show my support for the other democrat candidate. We are neighbors after all.” 

Naruto finally glanced at Hinata, giving her a little smile, because she had actually had a good guess. 

“Oh, congrats congressmen, but I was actually thinking, from before that. Like, middle school, high school maybe? Maybe that skate park, on the pier in Manhattan. You know the one?”

Gaara’s face had not changed since Naruto had struck up the random conversation, and for a second, he felt a little foolish for doing it. But Gaara, still stone faced, asked, “Pier 62?”

“Yes!” Naruto pointed in triumph. “That’s the one.” 

Gaara continued starting, and nodded, just once. “I do recognize you actually. Less tattoos, correct?”

Naruto laughed and nodded, because he was sixteen, definitely less tattoos. Not none, but less. 

“I probably owe you an apology-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey man. No need for that.” Naruto interrupted quickly. How many shitty things had he done in his own life? There was no way he would go around bringing up other people’s pasts, especially if they had come such a long way, changing for the better. Good on them. “Unless it’s for those sick tricks. I was just telling Hinata about that board you had. It was custom right? With that crazy badger on it?”

A total lie, but he was just now remembering how cool that skateboard had been. 

“Oh, that thing.” Gaara sounded almost embarrassed, but his face still remained unchanged. 

“Naruto!” An arm clapped him on the shoulder. 

He startled for a moment, before seeing Kakashi, coming in for a handshake. 

“Good to see you! Did you just get here?”

Kakashi pursed his lips but did not deny his late entry. “Good to see you too. And Mr. Sabaku! Nice to see you as well.” 

Naruto watched the two politicians shake hands. “Hey, Kakashi, my friend and I were just playing this game. We’re guessing people’s professions. Now hold on, hold on.” Naruto grabbed his chin, theatrically. “I’m getting, ‘The Bronx’s new representative’ vibes.” 

Kakashi laughed a little. “Hey, we’ll see in a couple hours, now won’t we.” He moved to excuse himself before pointing to Naruto again. “I’m still awaiting my invite.” 

“I promise, I’ll text you.” Naruto laughed. 

Kakashi had barely taken a step away from the group before Shikamaru popped out of nowhere. Which is saying a lot for Shikamaru Nara, who probably hadn’t used that much energy since he was a toddler. 

He was wearing a nice suit, with a tall, blonde on his arm. 

“Naruto. What the hell, I was planning on introducing Gaara and Kakashi. You totally stole my brownie points.” 

“What?” Naruto laughed. “That was totally an accident. Do you know Gaara too?” 

“He’s my fiancé’s brother.” Shikamaru lazily gestured to the woman next to him. 

“Temari Sabaku.” She introduced herself, unbothered by Shikamaru’s lack. 

She had a nice smile, and pretty green eyes, and her assertiveness would probably compliment Shikamaru pretty well. 

“Congrats man. I didn’t even know you were getting married. Mazel tav.”

“I’m not Jewish.” Shikamaru rolled his eyes. 

“What? Really. I totally thought you were Jewish.” Naruto wracked his brain, blinking. He looked over to Hinata for back up. “Did you think he was Jewish?” He whispered quietly. 

She shook her head, letting him down, softly. 

“Is it because I’m a lawyer?” Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. 

“No!”

“Whatever. Do you want a drink?” Shikamaru turned his attention to his own fiancé. “Naruto, lets go get them a drink.” 

It seemed weird, coming from Shikamaru, who would rather not do anything for anyone. But maybe he was a little different with his fiancé. Naruto also felt uncomfortable just ditching Hinata with two brand new people but Shikamaru was staring at him expectantly. 

“Same thing, right?” He asked, just to be sure. She was a little different now days. 

She nodded and smiled. So hopefully she wouldn’t be too mad. 

The bar wasn’t that far away, near the back next to the bathrooms. 

“Look. You’re my friend, and I know you have some… issues, or whatever, so I want to be completely transparent with you.” Shikamaru started, after they had placed their order. 

Naruto looked at him, a little shocked. “Shit, what’s wrong?”

“I’d rather not get involved in other people’s BS, but you’re a good guy, your blatant anti-Semitism aside.” 

“Anti-Semitic! I was trying to be nice! Whatever. What are you talking about dude?”

Shikamaru took a breath, looking like he would rather be doing anything than have this conversation. “Hinata is dating my friend. Choji. Or was. I’m not trying to start shit. She’s just here with you, and I know you guys have a lot of history. I just don’t want you to get fucked over. Okay?”

Naruto’s back straightened. His jaw clamped down, on instinct, thinking about Hinata with someone else. He’d seen Choji. He could take the motherfucker. Probably do some pretty good damage. Enough so he wouldn’t talk to Hinata again. 

He took a quick breath though. Hinata had told him. Friends. Choji was her friend. 

He had to trust her. Racing thoughts would probably always be something that he had to battle with. Aggravation. Aggression. But that wasn’t a fucking excuse. He couldn’t just blow up and freak out on people. 

He took another deep breath. “Thanks man.” He choked out. 

Because it was nice. For someone to actually think of him for once. Shikamaru tapped him on the shoulder, giving him a half hearted smile, which was a lot of effort for him too, before grabbing the two drinks from the bartender. 

Naruto waited for a glass of red wine for Hinata, but headed to the bathroom instead of following behind Shikamaru. He didn’t have to go or anything, just splashed some water on his face, cooling himself down. The last thing he wanted was for Hinata to notice if there was any lingering snappiness. 

He loved her. And even if they weren’t exactly together, he trusted her. Above anyone else. If she said Choji was her friend, than that was that. He still might be boilingly jealous of her spending time with another man, but he could keep that under wraps. He took a deep breath before rejoining the group. 

“Thank you.” Hinata smiled, taking a little sip.

“You didn’t get a drink?” Shikamaru asked. 

Naruto laughed a little, awkwardly. “I don’t drink.” 

Shikamaru gave out a hollow, ‘ha.’ “Yeah right. I distinctly remember you drunk at-”

“Temari, what were you saying about your wedding venue?” Hinata interrupted, cutting off any one of the hundred drunken escapades that Naruto had gotten himself into since meeting Shikamaru at eighteen up till then, eight years later. 

Naruto looked at Hinata, a little shocked that she would interrupt someone like that. But this was the same woman who adopted a dog and knew self defense. She was different. The same, but new. 

“It’s in a hotel.” Hinata smiled. 

The significance of the words weighing on him. Of what he had told her. She slipped her arm back into his as they listened to Temari tell them a little about her wedding details and giving Hinata a little tips for random things, if she was getting married anytime soon. 

Naruto tried not to dwell on how fucking amazing that would be. 

After awhile, the group excused themselves and Naruto and Hinata we’re back on their own, which was probably best for Hinata anyways. 

“Let’s leave now.”

Hinata’s eyebrows raise. “The votes aren’t even counted yet.”

He shrugs. “Yeah? The votes are gonna be the same if we’re here or not.” 

She frowns at him. “You shouldn’t just skip out like that.”

“I don’t work for him no more.”

She glanced up at him. “Are you sure? You were having so much fun.”

He shrugged, because sure. But Hinata had definitely been out too long, and too late, for her usual comfort. And it wasn’t much fun knowing she wasn’t having much fun. She had done him such a solid, coming out with him tonight. It was enough for him. 

Plus he had more fun hanging out alone with her.

“You know what would be more fun?” Naruto asked, already dragging her towards where their coats were. “If we grabbed some take out and went and watched some Netflix with Argus.”

He was completely pandering to what he knew Hinata expressly loved. Not that he didn’t love that too. 

Her saw her eyes light up a little. “Are you sure?” She double checked, incredibly selfless. 

“One hundred and ten percent, Hyuuga.” He squeezed her shoulder. 

Her little smile really did it for him. 

The air was a little chilly and Naruto immediately took off his jacket and draped it over Hinata’s own. Her dress was much chillier than his button up and dress pants and if anything the extra coat just made them even. 

“Naruto, it’s too cold.” She tried to argue. 

“I’ll be fine. It’s not too far.” He promised.

“Let’s just take a cab.” She tried to persuade him. 

Naruto shook his head. “I’ll be fine.”

“But, but - my feet hurt.” She changed tactics, knowing that he couldn’t, or wouldn’t ignore her plight, even if he would discredit his own. 

“You aren’t even wearing heels.” Naruto smirked at her. “Piggyback.”

“No.” She frowned. 

“Come on.” He wiggles his eyebrows.

“No. Naruto. I’m serious.”

He stood low, letting his arms move out to his sides, creating room for her. She huffed, before hitching up her dress a little. 

His hands gripped her thighs, and he had to remind himself that he couldn’t do anything naughty outside in broad daylight. Or nightlight. The fabric felt like water over top of her skin. He let his thumb slide over it for a moment before getting back to business. 

“Sorry.” She whispered, clearly embarrassed. 

“Jeez Hinata, Argus probably weighs more than you. Plus, I’m super buff now. I can punt guys three times your size.” He hiked her up higher.

His mouth twisted. The feeling of her legs around his hips was not a foreign one. Just one dearly missed. Not to mention her entire body pressed against his back. Her arms around his neck. Her face was pressed next to his, her breath tickling his ears and neck. 

Nobody really gave them any weird looks. There were much weirder things on the streets than just a couple giving a piggyback. 

They stopped at a little twenty-four hour, dive. It wasn’t too expensive, just burgers and fries. 

“Pinky promise you won’t tell.” Naruto reaches out his finger. 

Hinata had already been deposited on the ground so they could order. She held up her pinky finger. “Yes, but next time you have to get a salad. Jiraiya already put in your fight weight, so you can’t go too far over it.” She reminded him. 

“I know I know. I promise.” He smiled. She had remembered all that? “Wait, double pinky promise.” He insisted.

“Why double?” She asked, already moving her other pinky next to his. 

“Because I’m gonna get cheese fries.”

Hinata’s face scrunched as she laughed and Naruto felt that overwhelming feeling that he remembered from actually being with her. The need to just kiss her. Like the natural way someone says ‘ow’ when they get hurt. Like a primal need. ‘Kiss her beautiful face.’

He did not, obviously. Obviously meaning that they were not together and he didn’t want to send her reeling into not speaking to him again.

Sure, Hinata has been touching him more than usual. Her arms in his. Hugs. She had let him come to her apartment, told him about her dog, and even her dad. Things were different.

But different enough to give her spontaneous kisses? 

Nope. 

Instead, he ordered an obscene amount of food for just two individuals who had just have three hours of hors d’oeuvres and drinks. 

He carried the bags and Hinata carried herself back to the apartment, which was only one block. 

They were greeted by a very happy Argus.

“Argus!” Naruto yelled. 

The dog immediately stepped back, lowering his head. 

“Shit.” He dropped the boxes on Hinata’s counter, slowly approaching the scared dog. “Argus. I’m sorry. I’ll be quieter.” 

Hinata disappeared back into her apartment, retrieving Argus’ vest.

“I feel so bad.” Naruto frowned, as Hinata comforted her dog. 

“He’ll be okay.” Hinata pet him, giving him a little kiss between the ears. 

He was, after a minute, back at Naruto’s feet, accepting all the pets that he could want. “See,” Hinata beamed. “All better.” 

Hinata’s living room was smaller than Naruto was expecting. Her couch, more of a loveseat. Which meant that, they got to sit closer together, than they normally would. 

“I think I’m going to change. I don’t want to ruin my dress.” She debated, before sitting down.

“Okay.” Naruto shrugged. 

“It’s so pretty though. I don’t know when I’m going to wear it again.” She looked down at herself, touching the fabric. 

“It is pretty.” Naruto agreed, a little offhandedly. 

“It’s the nicest thing I own.”

He rolled his eyes. “You look pretty in everything you wear. But you could probably wear it to one of those Michelin star restaurants.” 

“Thinks so?” She debated, still looking down at her dress.

Naruto nodded. “Course. They’re all in Manhattan though. Ehk.” 

“There’s one in the Harlem.” She suggested, quietly.

“That’s not… the worst.” Naruto conceded his hatred of the entire island that he was “raised” on. 

“Maybe… we… could go… sometime?” She asked, her voice soft. 

Naruto sat up straight on her loveseat. “You want to go on a date with me?” 

Hinata nodded. 

“A real date?”

A Michelin star restaurant was not a friend date. Not one that Naruto had ever been on. 

Hinata was not giving him a friendly look, either. “Yes.” 

He licked his lips. “You want to go on a date with me?”

Hinata looked down, shifting her bracelet around, before meeting his eyes again, and nodding quietly. 

Naruto swallowed hard, trying not to just up and yell like a fucking idiot. “That would be… awesome.” He bit his lip. 

Hinata smiled, before turning away, a little embarrassed. “I’m going to go change.” 

After the door to her room shut, Naruto could finally take a breath. “Fuck yes!” He whispered, quiet enough not to scare Argus again. Instead he gave him a couple of extra good scratches behind the ears. “High five. Maybe. Lil’ high five?” He laid his hand out for Argus to shake. 

“Much appreciated man, I’ve been working on this for months.” Naruto smiled. 

Argus tilted his head, letting his tongue hang out. “Good boy.” 

It was a couple minutes before Hinata came back in a long sleeve and joggers. She had let her hair down, some pieces still curling around her face. She scooted onto the seat, up against him, not even trying to sit in her own spot. Naruto’s arm wrapped around her easily, letting her fit into him like a missing puzzle piece. 

“Did you pick anything good?” She asked, looking up at him. 

Her face had been washed clean. 

He had been too busy trying not to piss himself with excitement. “My bad.” He laughed. “I was too busy with my main man.”

Argus rested his head on Hinata’s lap. 

“Well, we can watch whatever. Someone from work told me Russian Doll was pretty good. Or-”

“Can I kiss you?” Naruto interrupted. 

Hinata’s neck snapped over, her face flushing a deep red. “Now?”

Naruto rolled his eyes. “You’re beautiful.” He promised. 

Hinata looked at his own eyes, making him feel a little naked. Like she knew everything about him. Which she did. But like she could look inside him. Maybe she could. 

He wait, with bated breath, on whether or not she would grant him his kiss request. Instead, she leaned in on her own and kissed him. Her lips were softer than his, and her kiss was light and tentative. Exactly like her. He tilted his chin down, leaning in, kissing her harder. He had missed this. Was afraid that he’d never be able to do it again. 

She pulled away, a thousand years too soon, blushing like a stop sign. “Your foods going to get cold.” 

Food? Food! He wanted kisses woman! But it was fine. This was enough for now. Hinata liked things slow anyways. He could do that. Whatever she wanted.


	50. Triangle choked

Watching Hinata do her Bagua routine was actually pretty relaxing. She moved like silk in water. 

Not that Naruto needed anymore “relaxing”. He had his own practice he needed to be ready for, after Hinata was done. But between working at Jiraiya’s gym, and delivering for Teuchi, Naruto was exhausted. He was still fitting in his own workouts and spending as much free time with Hinata as he could. 

He was burning the wick at both ends. 

If it wasn’t for the fact that he was actually interested in watching Hinata, he probably would’ve fallen asleep in his chair. 

“Come on sleepy head.” Hinata waved her a little from the mat.

“‘M not sleepy.” He promised. 

“Of course not.” She gave a knowing smile, her lips a little quirked in amusement. “But you might want to do some jumping jacks before we walk over there.”

“Wait, are you done already?” He couldn’t stop the yawn after it, and decided to stretch with the movement. She was right, he needed to wake up a little bit. 

He was scrimping and scraping together every penny. He had a ridiculously expensive date he was planning for Hinata and he wasn’t about to let her down. And by ridiculously expensive, he was talking $275 per person base line. For sushi! In Harlem. He was starting to think Michelin was French for scam. Scam stars sounded more appropriate for a $550 date without drinks or tax. He was still working minimum wage for both jobs, Teuchi’s had tips and he also had fights, but he was still poorer than his ideal. 

Naruto has never worked with ideals though. 

He’d work 70 hours a week for however long it took to get Hinata to that stupid sushi place. And just his fucking luck, everything would have shrimp and crab in it. 

But promises were promises and New Naruto didn’t go back on what he said he was going to do, 

Hinata held her hands out. Naruto grabbed both of them in his own, but stood up completely unaided, just letting their held hands rest at his side, pulling her closer to him. 

“Ready for practice?” She asked. 

She had to lean back to look up at him. Not for the first time, or probably for the one millionth time, did he just stare at the contours and slope and colors of her face. That, which made her so pretty. What made her Hinata. 

He nodded. His voice would crack too much if he replied vocally. 

“Are you sure.” Hinata moved in closer, standing on her tiptoes, using their laced hands to pull herself farther up. 

“Yes. I’m a thousand percent ready for Eyebrows to put me in a triangle choke for the thousandth time.” Naruto teased. 

He shouldn’t be surprised at how quick Hinata was now. He had just watched her whole practice routine. But it was very fast. He blinked, impressed, as she held his chin in her hand, like a mother scolding a child. 

“Lee and Gai-Sensei are very important to me. They are helping you. You need to be respectful to them.” Her face was had pinched eyebrows and a pinched mouth. She was being serious. Which… was kind of fucking hot. “And you are very good, I don’t like when you talk about yourself like that.” 

Naruto’s eyebrow raised. The only time he could ever beat Lee is if it was straight kick boxing. He was horribly inept when takedowns were involved. But he loved and respected Hinata so he wasn’t going to dispute that with her. 

“Got it?” She pressed.

Yeah. Super fucking hot.

He tightened his hand hold on her remaining hand, and snaked his free arm around her waist. It was rather simple Jiu Jitsu basics. The lift, throwing off her balance, if only ever so slightly, distracting her just a hair's width enough to plant a little kiss on her lips without her Eight Trigram Palm-ing him in the face. Or kneeing him in the groin. 

He was both impressed and vexed by her self defense abilities. 

“Naruto.” She blushed, eyes blazing. 

“I got it.” He promised, letting her go. 

He really should’ve been taking this practice seriously. His first MMA fight was coming up, and Lee could still fold him around like a soft pretzel.

This was definitely giving him the vibe that Hinata was right, that her suspicion that Jiraiya didn’t give a fuck about him was correct. 

But Jiraiya had caved and scheduled him in both MMA and boxing. He had also given him a job. Given him more than enough gym time. He also doubled his practices with Lee to prepare. 

He had to care… a little. 

“Fucking Christ kid. You know how to box. You have to strike when he steps in.” Jiraiya snapped, after Naruto had been tapped out, an innumerable amount of times. 

“We’re practicing. I’m not going to jab him in the face.” Naruto defended. 

Especially not after Hinata had just asked him to be nicer. 

Jiraiya stood up off the bench and marched over to Gai and Lee, who were both hyping each other up loudly. 

Hinata filled Jiraiya’s absence, handing him a water bottle.

“Any of your profound wisdom?” He asked, both cheekily and sincere. 

She smiled, a pretty little smile, making his heart thump. “Mmhmm.” She nodded. 

“Yeah? Come on.” Naruto nudged her playfully. 

“Have you thought about winning?”

“Oh yeah?” He laughed, stepping closer to her. 

“Yeah.” She smiled, letting him grab her hips. He could still feel her protruding bones through his gloves - grappling gloves were fingerless. 

She let her hands go up to his biceps, her little smile, her fingers flexing on the inside of his arm. Her eyes, that were locked in his, and so wide and so unique, dropped from his immediately, as soon as her fingers felt the wrapped cloth on his his arm. Examining the tape job.

“Are you hurt?” She glanced back up at him. 

He pressed his lips together. What a question, really. It was the most hurt that he had ever been. More than the time with the pills, in his apartment bathtub. More than anything else. 

The lowest point of his entire life. Sitting alone in his bathroom. Drunk. Cutting deep little lines on the inside of his arm, to pass the time. Waiting to die. 

Because his life line abandoned him. 

But he didn’t die. 

And she didn’t abandon him. 

She was right here. Now. And in her absence he had pulled his fucking ass out of the gutter and became something. Something alive.

He hadn’t really been anything before. He had been dangling on her to her like a lifeline, being drug along like a broken anchor. Being kept alive on her sheer force of will. Love. She loved him enough to live. 

Except the load had crushed her. Ground her down under that immense weight and destroyed her. 

She hadn’t really left him. She had just done what she had to do to stay alive herself. 

Had it hurt him? More than anything else that ever had in his miserable existence before that. 

But-

But. They were okay. Now. She was here. He was there. Together. And they were okay. 

“Not anymore.” He promised. 

Because it was true. 

He had to work at Teuchi’s after practice. A full shift. But he had missed out on enough time with Hinata. He was getting it anywhere he could.

Even if he had to guilt her a little. 

“Hinata. I don’t have Netflix. We need to see the next episode.”

It was a farce. Of course. ‘Just let me come be near you.’ A pathetic and desperate request. 

Fuck it. 

“Come on Hina.”

“I have work tomorrow.” She tried to reason. 

“I do too! I’m opening.” Simple logic. They would suffer together. 

“She’s going to die and wake up in her friends ridiculously decorated bathroom again. We haven’t made any progress so far.” She frowned, her own distaste for their new show. 

“I’ll bring you that cinnamon dessert pizza.” 

Her eyes were downcast, on the ground, refusing to look at him. Until they they locked back up, caving instantly. 

It really was a stupid idea. 

He didn’t get done until one in the morning. But being with Hinata again had the same kind of feelings of being young and incredibly stupid and not really giving a fuck about it if he just got to hang out with her. 

She was in pajamas, and exhausted and kept one eye open while watching Russian Doll.

“Who the fuck is this random dude? He’s dying too?” Naruto asked, half a cinnamon dessert pizza down, basically laying on Hinata’s side, absentmindedly stroking Argus’ fur. 

“You picked this show.” Hinata shrugged, just as sleepily. 

“Nahuh. You said someone from work said it was good.” 

“They lied.” She yawned. 

“It is good.” He defended. 

“Your eyes are close.” Hinata laughed. 

“No they aren’t.” He nuzzled closer into her arm. 

“You’re going to fall asleep.”

“Am not.”

He wasn’t sure how long later that was, but when he did wake up, Netflix was a dark grey, asking if they were still watching. Hinata, also now asleep, head lulled to the side, face relaxed. She looked so serene, and like four years of memories, of waking to her sleeping, curled against him. 

His phone was vibrating in his pocket. That’s what had woken him up. His heart nearly dropped through his ass when he saw Sasuke’s number. 

He got off the loveseat, as quietly as he could without waking up Hinata, making his way over into her kitchen. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Naruto whispered, quietly, leaning against her stove. 

“Yeah.” Sasuke’s voice sounded just as annoyed but deeper and snappy. 

That was a small load off. He held down another yawn, glancing at the clock on her microwave. “What are you doing? Its four in the morning.”

“I know you talked to Sakura. What did you tell her about me?” Sasuke snapped. 

Naruto had half a mind to immediately hang up the phone. He was tired of that bullshit. Tired of these exchanges. Tired of this runaround. Also, just plain tired. 

“Nothing.” Naruto rolled his neck, trying to wake himself up for his walk home. It would be dark and cold and necessary, as soon as he hung up. 

“Fuck off. Nothing? I know you’d tell her anything she wanted. You probably just wanked off to the fact that she let you go see her.”

Naruto blinked a couple of times. “Are we done here?”

“Don’t pretend like you don’t have a jealous boner over Sakura. Gutter rats don’t change.”

Naruto could hear the smile on Sasuke’s face. “It was good talking to you too.” 

“You’ve always been jealous of Sakura and getting dumped by your stupid little b-”

“If you don’t keep Hinata’s fucking name out of your goddamn mouth, I’ll put my fist in it. Got it?” Naruto snapped, bracing his arm on her counter top. “I don’t give a single fuck about Sakura or whatever bullshit runaround you two are still doing. Go fuck yourself.” He hung up angrily, realizing that he wasn’t as quiet as he should’ve been. 

Especially when both Hinata and Argus were watching him, from their cuddled positions at the couch. 

“Everything okay?” Hinata asked him, quietly. 

“Of course.” Naruto smiled, making his way back over to her. “I’m with you.” He dropped down and gave her a little kiss on the temple. 

She smiled, letting her eyes close at the contact. It was cute, watching her be happy and sleepy and cuddly. But he had to go. 

“If you didn’t need to lock your door, which you definitely do need to do, I’d tuck you in.” Naruto tucked a little piece of her face framing bangs behind her ears. “But you definitely do need lock your door.” He pressed.

“Don’t go.” Hinata pouted. 

It made his heart swell too big for his chest. She wanted him to stay. She wanted him to be around. Finally. He kissed her again, this time on the cheek. 

“I’d stay anytime you wanted me to. But I don’t actually have the gym keys on me right now.” New Naruto might’ve been responsible and thought ahead, but he was also a cockblock and a party pooper apparently. 

Hinata pouted a little, in her comfy blanket cocoon before nodding and getting up. 

“Will you be safe, going home now?” She asked, a little worried, checking the time. 

He shrugged, not really wanting to hash that out. ‘Most likely’ was his answer but he didn’t want her to stay awake and worry about him. 

“I’ll bring you a coffee in the morning.” Naruto promised instead, giving her a kiss at the door.

“That’s too early.” Hinata shook her head. 

“I know. I just want to see you.” He smirked, watching her blush a little. 

He slipped his shoes and coat on, zipping them up. He gave her one last kiss. “Go to bed.” He reminded her. 

‘I love you.’


	51. Welterweight

The scale read an exact 169.99.

Naruto scratched the back of his head, rufflings his sweat slick hair, letting out a low laugh. “Nice.” 

The official, weighing him didn’t even bat an eye. He signed his chart, with the same boredom of an underpaid office worker. 

“Gloves.” Naruto handed over his gloves, to be double checked and reviewed. 

Hinata and Jiraiya on the other hand, were fuming together, finally finding common ground - being pissed at him. 

“What? I made the weight.” Naruto pointed back at the scale he had already stepped off of. 

“By one ounce.” Jiraiya snapped. “Fucking fatty. You’ve been shoving your face from that falafel cart again haven’t you.” 

“No.” Naruto denied. 

The falafel cart was outside of the building their gym was in. It wasn’t his fault that it was cheap and delicious. 

Hinata’s anger was much quieter. Simmering in her furry. Probably having to do from the fact that Naruto had just spent the last hour and a half on a exercise bike wrapped in a trash bag.

“It was the cinnamon dessert pizza.”

Naruto gasped audibly. “Hinata, how could you?” 

Hinata’s stone face remained unchanged. 

“Dessert pizza!” Jiraiya’s normally red, ruddy face turned purple. 

“Well, I mean this wouldn’t be a problem if you let me go up to middleweight.” Naruto sniffed, grabbing a bottle of water so he wouldn’t pass out. 

The game official looked up from his check board and snorted. 

“If you say middleweight one more fucking time I’m gonna snap you in half.” Jiraiya spit. 

“Gloves.” The official held them out for him to slip his hands into. The worker velcroed them himself and wrapped one piece of tape around the wrist, initialing it with a sharpie when he was done. 

“They’ll come grab you as soon as the mat dries.” He finished before leaving them alone in the locker room. 

This wasn’t the first fight of the night. As usual. Neither was it the last.

Naruto fucking hated being in Manhattan. It made his skin crawl and his mind twist. But he only had to be here for the fight, and then they would get the fuck out of there. 

“I think Ino is here.” Hinata muttered, looking down at her cellphone, literally one second before said blonde waltzed right into the locker room like it was her own. 

“There you are. It smells disgusting down here. Like testosterone and moldy towels.” Her nose wrinkled so hard Naruto thought it would be permanent.

Not that she wouldn’t pay to fix it. 

“Hey Ino.” Naruto waved a gloved hand. 

“Naruto.” She grimaced over at him, like she was annoyed to see him and not at his own fight and his own locker room. 

Jiraiya sat up a little straighter when she had entered the room but thankfully didn’t do anything too disgusting, yet. 

“This is my boyfriend Sai.” Ino gestured to a pale, dark haired guy next to her. Probably Jiraiya’s deterrent.

“Hey.” Naruto gave another little wave over to the guy.

He was a little taller than Ino, dark hair, pale skin, with a really creepy smile. 

“Stop fucking around and get ready.” Jiraiya snapped. 

Naruto rolled his eyes but tugged off his long sleeve with an easy pull of from the back of his neck. He shucked off his joggers just as easy, leaving him almost naked except for a pair of bright orange compression shorts. His new signature fight look. 

Jiraiya had a container of Vaseline for his face and a spray bottle of what smelled like tanning lotion. 

“Wow Naruto, are you trying out to be one of those Twilight wolves?” Ino smirked. 

Naruto had no schema for that information, closing his eyes as Jiraiya shot him straight in the face with the oil bottle. “What?” 

“Or like one of those slutty car magazines.” Ino gave a pointed little look at Hinata. 

“Oh, Hinata, you got some secrets? Hmm.” Naruto laughed, squinting as Jiraiya smeared Vaseline on his cheekbones. 

“No!” Her cheeks blooming a violent red.

Naruto knew that they were just teasing her but her ducked head and little pout were just so cute. 

“Maybe Naruto can hook up Sai with a work out routine.” Ino was still very pointedly staring at him. 

Naruto smirked, scoffing audibly on purpose. “Art History major?” He wasn’t really sure what Sai did, but he was wearing a cropped black leather jacket and Dr. Marten’s. If Naruto saw him in a club, he wouldn’t have guess that his preference was for any girls, even ones like Ino Yamanaka. 

“Naruto.” Hinata hissed. 

Fuck. He was supposed to be being nicer to her friends. 

He racked his brain for a way to make an apology or play it off as a joke before Sai shrugged his shoulders easily, still smiling easily. “It’s okay, I’m not compensating for anything.” 

Naruto’s apologies stalled abruptly, then died like an old car. “What the fuck did you just say?” He asked, more earnestly than upset. 

“Sai!” Ino squealed in delight. 

“I said you have a small dick.” Sai tilted his head, still smiling. 

“Wha- Hey. Hinata.” He looked towards the only other person in the room that could disputes the fact, that he did not, indeed, have a small dick. “Hinata-”

“We’re going to go sit down.” Hinata grabbed her purse and stuffed some miscellaneous things into it. 

“Hina!” 

She gave him a little wave before following out her friends. “Good luck.” 

Oh yeah. His fight. 

The one that was about to happen in a matter of minutes. 

“Focus up.” Jiraiya smacked his cheeks lightly, getting his attention. “The way these types of matches go, is that you’re paid per round. Momochi’s been doing this awhile. He’s gonna toy with you a little, and then, round five or six, he’s to decapitate you.”

“Decapitate me?” Naruto blanched. 

“They call his right hook the cleaver.” Jiraiya smacked Naruto’s own right arm. 

“I’ve just been on a bike for over an hour. I can’t go six rounds.” 

“That’s what you get for eating dessert pizza, tubby.” Jiraiya spit on the floor. 

A knock on the locker room door singled him out. 

“Time to dance.” Jiraiya walked out first, holding the door open for him. 

He was barefoot, walking out on the cement, up to the cage. There was even more people there than had been back in the Bronx for his Muay Thai match. He could hear music, and an announcer speaking his name, which would’ve filled him with pride, if not for the fact that he was focus solely on the fight that was about to happen. 

The mat was freshly washed, blood splatter from the previous fight. He swung his arms purposefully as we paced his length of the cage, feeling like a tiger, waiting for its show. 

Naruto didn’t recognize the referee. Not that he needed to. 

Zabuza Momochi was probably ten years older than Naruto, taller and thinner. He’d have a longer reach, he mentally cataloged. He had a darker complexion too, and had about a dozen or so sword tattoos on his back, that Naruto spotted as he entered the cage. 

The door slammed, and locked them in. 

The rules were pretty straight forward and already memorized by both parties. A matter of decorum if anything. 

The fighting ring did something strange to Naruto. The adrenaline or the energy from the mat didn’t take him over, like some people. It felt like injecting pure heroine into his brain, oozing a calm over him. 

He could see Zabuza’s right arm, a butcher knife tattooed down the length or his forearm. Mental note to lead left. Naruto wasn’t a southpaw, but he’d fight any way he needed to not to get embarrassed in front of thousands of people. Zabuza also had taller, skinnier legs. A weak point. 

Just as his mind found a calm within the ring, his body felt like pop rocks. His skin felt itchy, pulled taught over his muscles. Like a thousand wild horses ready to be released. 

He rubbed his gloved hands together once before knocking his knuckles against Zabuza’s. 

They both took one step back. 

He couldn’t rush in like with Pain. Zabuza had longer arms and would righty him straight unconscious. 

Instead, Naruto stepped up and aimed a kick at his thigh, so hard he could’ve blown out his knee if he had aimed it any lower. 

He had to give Zabuza credit though, he stepped back, his face unchanged. That was okay though. He didn’t need to the validation to know that he had just Charlie horsed his muscle. 

Naruto stepped up to lay another one, targeted in the same exact spot. 

He could see Zabuza’s jaw clenched. He was poking the bear. Zabuza threw a quick right, out of anger, too close to his chest to have enough power.

Naruto caught it in the mouth, busting his lip. He didn’t dodge. He took it straight on, so he could have a straight kick to the hip, buckling him down, knocking Zabuza on his back. 

Classically, in Naruto’s Jiu Jitsu training, he’s been absolutely shit. Lee can toss him around the mat like a wet washcloth. But, Naruto can’t drop a knee into Lee’s rib cage either. Which is exactly what he does to Zabuza. Following him onto the ground, he pounds his knee so hard into his side he’s sure he at least cracked a rib or two. 

Zabuza aims a hit to Naruto’s face again, but now, on the ground, he can’t get enough power. It hits him in the nose, but there’s too much adrenaline to know if it’s broken or stung. It doesn’t matter at all though, because Naruto lands a right/left combo straight on Zabuza’s face, full powered punches. 

Zabuza goes to grab him, trying to go into ground work, but Naruto drops an elbow straight into his bicep, and immediately followed with a hammer down onto his face again. 

The telltale signs that you’re losing, are the inability to protect the face. The hands fall too low. Naruto can see it in Zabuza, whose face is now right open. 

He could’ve probably rolled them, put him in a choke and submit him. But he’s hated that feeling, in every practice for months. Plus, that’s just not Naruto’s style. He’s now coming from a boxing background and the rush from the fight is better than any drug he’s ever taken. Striking is his game and he does it well. 

He hammer fists down on Zabuza’s face repeatedly until the referee physically pulls him off. 

The sound rushes back into his ears perfectly timed for him to hear his win, decided by knockout. His hand is picked up again, and his smiles through the bloody lip on his face. 

The cage is unlocked and a couple of volunteer medical professionals all climb in around the unconscious man on the mat and Naruto makes his departure. 

“What the fuck!” Jiraiya throws his hands up, meeting him back in the hallway. 

“What?” He shrugged. 

He’d won. 

“You couldn’t have waited to do that? Like round three or four?” He grumbled. 

Naruto shrugged. He’d got enough money to take Hinata on the date he’d been planning. Plus, he’d had the time of his life finally getting to fuck someone else up instead of being submitted all day in practice. 

“I’m hitting the shower.”

It doesn’t take him long to get ready. The water is cold and doesn’t warm up, but it helps with his face and his swelling lip. His nose isn’t broken, but it bleeds for a couple minutes and he’s definitely going to have a bruise on the edge, going up into his eye socket. 

He’s back in jeans and hoodie, his backpack packed. 

Hinata is easy to locate, waiting outside of his room with Ino and Sai. The dick jokes mostly forgotten. 

“We barely got to sit down.” Ino complained.

Naruto ignores her completely.

“Hey.” He smiles, feeling the numb part of his fat lip stretch a little sensitively. 

“Jiraiya already left, but he says one of the doctors can look at your nose.” Hinata looked at his face a little critically herself. 

“Yeah you basically went ape shit.” Ino smirked at him. 

Naruto flipped up his hood. “Hoohoo.” 

“Cesar is home.” Ino presses her hand against her chest.

Sai kicked his Dr. Marten heel into a crack in the concrete. “Are you guys done yet?”

Naruto shrugged, turning back to Hinata and inclining his head towards the exit doors. “Lets bounce. I’m fucking starving.” 

Hinata looks like she’s going to argue, but with a swish of her blonde hair, Ino heartily agrees. “Thank god. This place is dingy af. Manhattan has so many good places.” 

Ino is already headed out the back exit, Sai in tow. 

“Wait, wait, wait. They’re coming with?” Naruto’s shoulders sag under the weight of his backpack and social pressure to have to be nice to his girlfriends friends. 

“They came on the subway and asked for a ride back.” She reasoned. 

“And we have to stay here?” Naruto’s lip, though slightly disfigured was still curled in distaste. 

Hinata slipped her arm into his, slowly leading him to the exit. Her arm in his. “How often are we over here?” She asked softly.

Well, he was fucked. If Hinata wanted to stay than that was that. Her hand moved down into her hand, lacing their fingers together. 

It was dark, pretty late. But it was a Saturday, so they didn’t have to be back at a certain time. 

“It’s a nice night.” Hinata smiled. 

She was right. It was balmy, for a winter night. There wasn’t too many people crowding the sidewalk. 

“It smells like shit.” Naruto huffed, sidestepping a rustling pile of trash. “Fucking rats.” He spat.

“There’s rats back home too.” She smirked at him, almost amused at his 

“We don’t live together.” Yes, he was being a brat. He pulled her closer to him, saving her from the vermin pile as well. 

He took a deep breath, recentering himself. ‘Don’t be a fucking dick.’ 

“So what do you wanna go do?” He tried to save it, using his free hand to wipe his nose, double checking that it wasn’t bleeding again. 

They were coming on closer to the parking garage. Sai and Ino walked ahead of them, almost dressed the same. Tight pants and leather jackets.

Hinata looked more comfortable, in a pale purple maxi skirt, and warm, oatmeal sweater, with a thick coat and scarf. Cozy, and a pretty normal outfit for Hinata. 

“Is that a new scarf?” He asked, squeezing her hand again, distinctly aware that she had stopped responding to him. Miffed by his attitude most likely. 

Not that she didn’t have every right to be. He was being a brat. 

“I made it.” 

“No shit?” He stalled their walk, turning to her. “Lemme see.” 

“Right now?” She looked around the street, her eyes darting around to the other randoms walking about. 

“Yeah. Put up.” He reshouldered his backpack, leaving his hand free, not willing to let go of hers. He held that hand out, palm up, wiggling his fingers like she owed him money. 

He could see her little blush popping up on her cheeks. 

“What’re hiding? Mad hickeys? Am I gonna have to go apeshit again and fry a mother fucker up?” 

“Stop.” She pouted her lip out a little. 

He bobbed his hand impatiently. 

She reached her hand up and under the scarf, loosening the knot with one hand, and slowly unraveling it under her thick curtain of hair. Naruto finally let go as she finished, catching the long end before it could touch the ground and be condemned to the city. She transferred it over to both his hands easily. 

He gave her a little whistle. “This looks pretty good Hina.”

“I think I dropped a couple stitches here and there.” 

“Blah, blah, blah. Look at this damn good scarf. I ain’t seen nobody else make nothing like this.” 

She cocked her head to the side a little. “Trust me, there are these ladies that can knit a thousand times better than that.” 

Naruto blew his lips out. “Psht. Where them hoes at. I ain’t seen shit.” He knocked now the hood of his sweater and threw one end around his neck, like a hula hoop. He wasn’t suspecting the fibers would be so itchy but it didn’t deter him.

“Hey, that’s mine.” She made a move to grab it back, a small smile on her pretty lips. 

“Hell naw, the scarf heard you talking shit. ‘S mine now.” He tugged is his hoodie back up over his ears, leaving the scarf around his neck, the two longer pieces laying on his chest. 

He took a step away from her following Ino and Sai into the dark garage. 

She latched onto his arm, giggling. “Give it back.”

“Fight me for it. Muay Thai means eight limbs but they call me ‘Nine’.” He bobbed his head forward abruptly, almost like he was going to head butt her, but stopped short and planted a quick kiss on her mouth. More than a peck, but too fast for her to kiss back. 

Her nose wrinkled in embarrassment as she reached for the scarf again, unbothered by his posturing or peacocking. 

“Can you stop making out and unlock the door?” Ino yelled, now almost half a football field away, standing at the locked car. 

Hinata squeaked an apology, quickly dropping Naruto’s arm, shuffling to grab her keys in her purse. Naruto instead grabbed her a little under the waist, hoisting her up against him, and started peppering her face and neck with kisses. “Naruto!” She giggled. 

“Kiss me back woman!” He demanded. 

She settled herself, bracing his shoulders. Blushed and thoroughly embarrassed, she finally leaned down and kissed him. Closed mouth and softly. 

Naruto shook his head. “Try again.” 

She looked like she was about to say ‘no’, but she her thick lashes fluttered as she looked back at his eyes. Her eyes, so interesting and pretty. Her pale skin and rosey little blush. Her hands on his shoulder tensed, her elbows bent, her soft plush lips pressed into his purposefully. Her mouth opened and Naruto could’ve died a happy man. It had been a long while since he had kissed her like that. She was hot and soft and smelled just the same, and tasted even better and he loved her so fucking much he couldn’t even really sort that out so instead, he just stretched his neck up higher, following her kiss as long as it would last. 

“Boo!” Ino jeered from the car. “It’s cold out you whores.”

Hinata pulled back, blushing, tucking her chin down embarrassed. 

Fine. Naruto lowered her back down to the ground, taking pity on her. Finally. She found her keys in her purse, unlocking it for her impatient friends. 

He took her scarf off too, handing it back to her. She had the equivalent redness of a sunburn to cover down her neck and chest. She wrapped it around quickly, over her hair, sucking her face down into the warm and covering. 

He slung his arm back around her, holding her close to his chest as they made their way to the car. “So whatcha wanna do? Bet we could find a good pastry shop, still open.” He squeezed her shoulder. 

She blinked in interest, popping open the trunk of the car for him. “That sounds nice”.

He shuffled around his backpack for his wallet before dumping it in the back, and shutting it for her. 

He hopped into the passenger seat, buckling up. Wherever they were going, it was going to take forever. Driving was the worst possible way to get around in the city, but safer than walking around that late. He manually locked his door just thinking about it. 

After Hinata got her own self situated, she leaned back to look at Ino and company. “Anything you guys want to do?”

Naruto opened up the visor, checking out his lip and nose in the tiny mirror. 

“These are your stomping ground Naru.” Ino reaches up and pinched his ear. 

He slapped her hand away half heartedly like a gnat. 

“Why don’t you show us your hometown?” She continued, unbothered. 

Naruto caught his own blue eyes in the mirror. He was right, the hit to the nose was going to bruise up into his eye socket. “Clinton?” He asked, for clarification, and for lack of anything else to say. 

Because what he wanted to say was “Fuck no.” He didn’t but he felt it. He could see the distaste on his own face. He licked his lip to relax the scowl, feeling it sting on the open part. 

“Not much to see.” He sniffed instead. 

“There are quite a number of theatres down that way. Probably a couple of photo opportunities.” Sai suggested, to Ino. 

“Photos? What, you some Instagram baddie or some shit?” Naruto closed the visor, abruptly. 

“I’m every kind of baddie.” Ino tucked her bangs behind her ear. “Common Hina.”

Hinata, hand on the wheel, one on the shifter, looking at Naruto blankly. Had she picked up on his utter hatred for that proposed idea? He was unsure. But she was looking at him, waiting maybe?

“Hinata?” Ino asked. 

She blinked back to life and gave her best friend a little smile. “Is everyone okay with that?”

It seemed aimed at him, if anything. Everyone else gave the affirmative, but Hinata turned her attention back to him.

“Yeah, broadway traffic. Sounds fun.” He lifted his hoodie back on, hiding his face from hers, and leaned back into his chair. 

The drive actually wasn’t that terrible. Pretty standard for the city, and the area. They found another parking garage to ditch the car at. It wasn’t that well lit, but they were probably safe in a pack of four, none of them being clueless tourists. 

Ino and Sai broke ahead a little, stopping at interesting graffiti or a well decorated stoop for Ino to pose at and get a couple snapshots. 

They were just meandering their way through the streets, looking for a bar or a restaurant with a manageable wait time. 

“Something wrong?” Hinata asked, grabbing her hand in his. 

The sound of the city, the honks or yelling from further away, the rhythmic clomp of their feet as they walked. It helped draw him out of his memories. Of this place. He could remember it like the back of his hand, but also, spot the new shops and new street art. It was a weird, churning feeling deep in his chest. 

“I’m not going to lie… I fucking hate this place.” Naruto finally huffed. 

Hinata transferred his hand in hers, and wrapped her arm around his midsection, snuggling close to him. “Sorry.”

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder. 

“You’ve never told me much about it.” She spoked, quietly. 

He shrugged. “There ain’t much to say.” 

Besides his first memories of crying alone, as he got older, they didn’t get much better. Playing in group homes was rough. Fighting was plenty and any adult interference was few and far between and usually only resulting in a smack for everyone, so it was better not to bother. As he got older than that, escaping the house was the fun part. Walking around the city, maybe the playground, maybe shoplifting some candy. 

Then he met Sasuke. Skateboarding, weed smoking, flirting with girls. Anything to waste the time. 

“Tell me something.” She pressed. “About when you were little.” 

He chewed his bottom lip a little. “Uh… When I was little? I wanted to be a Westie.”

“A Westie. Like the gang?” 

“That’s all people talked about back then. Before they got put away. Somebody went missing, someone getting stabbed, it was the Westies.”

“You wanted to be that?” Hinata blanched. 

“I was little.” He shrugged. “When you’re getting the shit beat out of you everyday, you wanna be the strong man. You wanna have the boot on their back. You wanna be someone that nobody’s going to fuck with. Plus it’s not like I really understood what any of that actually meant.”

She pressed her lips together, thoughtfully, but didn’t say anything. 

“Every night, the streets were just crawling with hookers.” Naruto continued. “I’d sneak out just so I could stare at them.” 

Hinata turned to him, aghast. She softened upon seeing his smirking, just waiting to get a rise out of her. It was true though. 

“If you stared too long, they’d yell at you to fuck off. Unless you had money.”

“How old were you?” 

“I dunno. Ten?”

She looked at him shocked. 

He nodded. 

“That’s… disgusting.” She whispered quietly. 

He almost didn’t realize how bad it had been until right then. 

“I used to think that was like the pinnacle of what a woman were supposed to look like. Tiny dresses, massive heels, the big hair. Ya’know?” 

Her cheeks reddened in the lamp light. He made an angry cat noise, nuzzling his nose in her hair part, separating her bangs from the rest of her hair. “Don’t get to sassy, my tastes have since evolved.” He whispered in her ear, nipping it. 

“Oh have they?” She pulled away,

“Definitely. They’re more tailored to really short, quiet, successful woman with three legged dogs that do Baguazhang and have big tits- ow!” He laughed through her arm pinch. 

“That’s a very specific set of tastes.” She sniffed. 

“Well, when you love someone, you love someone. Ya’know. It doesn’t matter if they start doing different, cool shit like knitting or leading projects at work, or whatever. That’s just cool new stuff to talk about. Know what I mean?”

She nodded, swallowing. “Yeah.” She whispered quietly. 

“I love you.” He promised, squeezing her closer to him. 

She looked back up at him. “I love you too.” 

His chest filled, and his heart clenched at he smirked. “Fucking better.” 

She frowned at him. “Oh really?”

He nodded cockily. “Yeah baby. We’re meant to be. It was be kinda shitty if you didn’t love me.” 

It had been. When he thought that she hadn’t anymore. 

Her blushed deepened even more. “Are we?” 

“Hell yeah! You better believe it Hina. It’s me and you. Forever.”

He watched Sai and Ino step up to a line, about a dozen people long out the door of some bar. 

“Even though I don’t wear short dresses and tall heels and have big hair?” She teased. 

He glared at her laughing a little bit. “I love you.” He reiterated. 

Her looked away, blinking quickly. 

“It’s only a twenty minute wait!” Ino yelled back at them, before stepping back into the end of the line with Sai. 

“Are you okay with a bar?” Hinata asked. 

He hadn’t told her anything about his drinking problems, just that he had said in front of her to Shikamaru that he didn’t anymore. He nodded. “Do you think they have nachos?”

She frowned. “You need to eat healthier, mister. You shouldn’t have cut like that today.”

Weight. He had to remind himself. He didn’t cut anymore. 

“After the nachos.” He promised.


	52. Sushi Inoue

Naruto rubbed the back of his neck nervously, scuffling his feet on the hallway floor, giving the door three quick knocks. He shoved his hands in his pockets, rolling his shoulders to relieve the stress and tension. 

Turns out taking a couple hits to the face effects more than just a fat lip. 

Naruto felt a little bad for bothering Iruka, especially when he opened the door with a book in hand, his finger in between the pages, marking his spot in the biding. 

“Naruto, how are you?” He smiled easily enough. 

“Hey, you know me. Best of the best and everything.” He laughed awkwardly. “Um, but, I was wondering if I could ask you a question?”

“Of course. Come in.” Iruka stepped out of his doorway. “Congrats, by the way. On your win.”

“Thanks. Yeah, it was easier than I thought.” Naruto laughed. 

“And the election.” He added. “You seem to be winning left and right.” 

Naruto shrugged his shoulders, a little embarrassed by the praise. 

Things were actually going pretty well for him. Sure, he was working a lot, but at least he had a job. Or two. And he did win his fight. He was spending a lot of time with Hinata.

Just one problem. 

“Actually, I was wondering if I could ask for some advice?” Naruto finally asked, a little tentative. 

“Yeah. Of course. What’s it about?” Iruka placed his book on the kitchen table. 

“So, I’m trying to take Hinata to this super uppity restaurant in Harlem. Sushi Ino- something.” 

“Sushi Inoue?” He clarified. 

“Ya, yeah that’s the one.”

Iruka’s eyes widened a little, nodding. “That’s a very nice place.” 

Naruto huffed. “Yeah, it’s expensive as fuck too.”

“Is that the problem?” He asked, carefully. 

Probably worried that Naruto was going to ask him for money.

“No no no. No. I got the money for it.” He promised. 

And he did. It was a pain in the ass to scrimp for it. Winning his fight by knockout had helped. But Jiraiya was right, it wouldn’t have hurt his wallet to go an extra round or two, not that he could turn back time or anything. 

“The problem is though, I need a credit card to reserve it.”

“You don’t have a credit card?” Iruka sounded surprised.

“Nah. I went to my bank, and I only qualified for a secured card. Limit of $500. Not enough for Inoue’s.” 

“Oh I see.”

Naruto sighed. “Yeah. I was thinking on applying for some credit cards online but-”

Iruka shook his head, stopping him mid thought. “Don’t do that, it’ll hurt your credit. Those cards are no good anyways, steep rates.”

His credit was already fucked. Not even fucked, gang banged. He had not kept up on his student loan payments, and until recently, almost every medical bill he had gotten, lived in collections. It’s not like making it worse would even matter. 

“You can use mine.” 

It took a minute for Naruto to process the words. “Whoa, wait? What?”

“I’ll use my credit card to reserve it and you can just pay me in cash.” Iruka explained, with an easy, dismissive explanation. 

“Wait seriously?” Naruto asked again, stepping back to appraise all of Iruka. 

His body language was relaxed. The older man seemed almost bemused by Naruto’s reaction. 

“You would really do that for me? What if I like fuck off and never pay you back or some shit?” 

Iruka smirked. “I think it'll be possible to track you down.”

Oh. Right. Neighbors. 

Naruto tapped his hands on his jeans a couple times. “You’d really do that for me?” 

“Naruto,” Iruka frowned. “I trust you. You’ve really cleaned yourself up. You’re on a good track. You deserve to take Hinata out on a date like this.” 

Honestly, he was speechless. He knew Iruka was a good guy. He had helped him out more than any neighbor would. Especially in the city. 

He couldn’t believe it. 

“Wow, I dunno what to say.” Naruto blinked. “Fuck, I mean, thank you. That’s what I meant. Thank you so much, man.”

“Of course.” Iruka smiled. “Make it a good one, okay?” 

It was going to be the best one. 

“Oh,” Naruto beamed. “Believe it.”


	53. Can’t stop me now

The blonde sat across from his spinning a straw around the rim of a fizzling Diet Coke, teal blue eyes narrowed into slits. 

Naruto swallowed. “I’m buying you lunch, why are you... glaring at me?”

Ino steepled her fingers, peering over at him like the King Pin. “What are we doing here?”

“Jesus fucking Christ, I try and do one nice thing.” Naruto huffed under his breath, rolling his eyes.

“What did you say?” She voice dropped deadly.

“Bitches be crazy.” 

Ino’s eyes bulged out of her head. “You’re such a brat! Ugh, look you better have a good fucking reason, dragging me out on my lunch break. I know I’m hot as fuck, but if this is some kind of sick date or something I swear to god-”

Naruto blew his lips out in a huff. “What? Don’t even joke. I don’t like you.”

If he had thought Ino was glaring before, it didn’t hold a candle to the dangerous snake slits she was giving him now. It like staring down the barrel of a precious gem colored shotgun. 

Naruto’s hands came up above the table, holding her at bay like charging bull. “Calm down. Damn. Friend. Friend. Friend. Friend. Hinata’s friend. In that role - that specific one, I like you very much. As Hinata’s friend only.” 

Ino sat back in her chair, picking up Diet Coke and taking a long drink out of the straw. Keeping her lips pursed, scrutinizing him for a few moments longer. “Her best friend.” She corrected. 

Naruto conceded easily. “Yeah. For sure. A little pretentious, but whatever. You’re Hinata’s best friend. And, that, is why I asked you to lunch.” 

The admission felt heavy. His shoulders sagged a little, and he glanced around the little sandwich shop to see if anyone else had noticed them arguing. 

It was New York, and nobody gave them even a glance. 

“I need your help.” Naruto huffed again, pulling at his collar. 

He had worn a button up. This was important to him, even if he was completely bumbling it. 

“Fuck, you’re making me sweat.” He felt less nervous locked in a cage with Zabuza “the cleaver” Momochi. 

“I’m listening.” Ino finally clipped. 

Her face and demeanor still hard. Naruto had to admit, Ino was a bad bitch. A good ride or die for Hinata for sure. Especially since his babe was a little on the quieter, push-over, side of the spectrum. Ino really was a good “best friend”. 

“I’m going to buy Hinata a ring.” 

It was like a bomb had been detonated, right inside the Blimpie’s. Ino’s eyes widened, her hands came up shaking vigorously, and then started slapping his arms as fast as humanly possible. “Oh my god, oh my god, Jesus fucking Christ! Oh my god. What the fuck. You’re going to propose! You’re going to propose?” 

She stopped, in a single second completely composing herself. “Don’t you think that’s kind of soon?” 

“Soon? We’ve been together for four years. Almost five, actually.” Naruto realized, almost shocked.

“Nah uh uh.” Ino shook her head. “You’re forgetting your little breaky breaky, right in there. Technically you’ve only been together for a little bit. Not even a couple months. That hardly qualifies you for rings.”

“Wow. You are such a b-” Naruto stopped, realizing that, as previously made clear, that this was Hinata’s best friend. 

Who would definitely tattle on him if he called her a bitch. 

“Beautiful person.” Naruto sniffed, clenching his teeth, nodding so he wouldn’t lose his mind. “And thank you. So much. For bringing up that little break we took. Really. That was so kind of you. And a perfect way to clear some things up.” 

He cleared his throat. “Yes, Hinata and I took a break. A little more voluntary for her than it was for me. Whatever. It’s fine. And that was a perfect time to sort some stuff out. Ya’know. Clear my head, things like that. Got some priorities... prioritized.”

Naruto closed his eyes, rubbing a hand down his face. He honestly couldn’t have made this lunch more worse if he had tried. 

“And, marrying Hinata, is on the top of that list.” He finished, half expecting Ino to go back to hitting him. 

She raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. 

Naruto temper flared, for a moment, his teeth grinding together. He took a quick deep breath to tone it down. “You know what? I don’t actually need your permission to marry Hinata. I love her. She loves me. I was doing this, as a courtesy. To her. Not to you.” 

“Courtesy? What like asking me for my blessing or some shit.” 

“Absolutely the fuck not. I just told you, I don’t give a shit what you think.” Naruto stalled again, realizing that this story was going to sound terrible when Ino was relaying it second hand to Hinata. “And I mean that with the utmost respect.” 

“Of course you do.” She replied, monotone, glaring as she sipped her Diet Coke. “So what do you need me for, exactly?” 

Finally. The crux of why he had even ask her to lunch. “I need help. With the ring.”

“Like picking one?” Ino seemed to take a complete one-eighty, leaning back in her chair, face relaxed, leisurely sipping her Diet Coke. 

“Not exactly.” Naruto ruffled the back of his hair, awkwardly. “I want to get her something small and simple. Not because I’m cheap or anything, just cause I know she won’t like it if I get it too big. Too flashy. Ya’know? And... I really want her to like it.” 

“Something ‘Hinata’.” Ino supplied. 

Naruto nodded. “Yeah like her bracelet.”

“Her bracelet?” Ino asked. 

Naruto frowned. Yes, the bracelet she wore every single day and took immaculate care of. Her bracelet. What kind of best friend was she?

He nodded anyways though. 

How many times had he thought about her bracelet and anguish over the fact that he couldn’t get something like that for her? Now, he could. And he wanted to. And not just for shits and giggles. It was going to mean something. Something deeper than anything had ever meant to him, only rivaling the tattoo that he had got in homage of her. 

“Well, you’re in luck Naru.” Ino smirked. “I know the exact jewelry store she got the bracelet.” 

Oh. She was that kind of best friend. 

“And, for the record, you do have my blessing.” 

Naruto sat back, looking at Hinata’s best friend in a new light. He had known Ino just as long as Hinata. She had dated Sasuke, for a moment. She had been around for a lot of the shit they had all went through. 

“Thanks.” Naruto accepted, awkwardly. 

“And if you ever hurt my girl again, I’ll beat the shit out of you. I don’t care what kind of moves you got now. I’ll do it.” Ino punctuated her points and pressing down on her napkin, threateningly. 

“Eye-eye cap’n.” Naruto gave a floppy, half hearted two finger salute. “Now, the address to the jewelers, if you don’t mind.” 

Ino burst into laughter. “If you think I’m going to miss out on a second of you picking a ring, you have another thing coming. Get the fuck up, let’s go.” 

She moved to grab everything on the table, before Naruto saved the last bit of his sandwich. “Relax. Jeez.”

“You’re just lucky I’m going to keep this a secret. Hinata would freak if I told her you were eating white bread. I thought you were on salads only.” Ino pinched his cheeks. 

Naruto rolled his eyes, grabbing his drink and sandwich. “Everyone obsessed with what I eat now?”

“Well, Hinata wouldn’t worry if you weren’t trying to drop pounds like a thirteen year old bulimic.” 

They made their way out of the Blimpies, and out onto the street. “I don’t think there’s anything I could do that Hinata wouldn’t worry about.”

Ino rolled her eyes. “Give your babe some credit. You do some stupid shit.” 

Naruto shrugged, tilting his head to her before taking another bite of his sandwich. 

She wasn’t wrong. 

“So, when are you gonna pop the big Q?” Ino asked, leading them down to the bus stop. 

Naruto knew exactly when he was planning on asking. And where. It was already planned out. But he couldn’t even let a hint of that get out, lest Ino prove her big mouthed reputation. 

“We have some things to talk about first.” Naruto deflected. 

Which was true. They did. He had some apologizing to do. Hinata herself had more than just hinted that there were some things that she was also dealing with, that he was ready to hear. Whenever she was ready to share. 

“Are you even sure she’s going to say ‘yes’?” 

Naruto scoffed. “Of course.”

Ino raised an eyebrow.

“Like ninety percent sure.” He paused. “Maybe eighty. Seventy-five at least.” He blinked a little. “Wait do you think she’ll say ‘no’?”

Ino just rolled her eyes. “You better have that talk quick then, Lover Boy. You sound like an election poll.” 

Naruto rolled his eyes, taking another bite of his sandwich, mumblings mimics of Ino’s voice. 

“Aye! You gonna eat the rest of that?”

Naruto stopped, and glanced over at the the random homeless guy, maybe mid thirties, dirty, wearing three layers of clothes with a couple different bags. 

His hands shook and his eyes were shifty. Either on drugs or was something from some kind of mental disorder that was untreated. Probably both. 

Where was this guys family? His friends? 

Is this who Naruto would’ve been? Without Sasuke? Without Hinata?

“This?” Naruto looked down at the food in his hand. “This ain’t shit. Trust me.” 

He reached into his pocket for his wallet, watching the guy evenly for any signs that he might lunge for the whole thing. Not that one kick to the chest wouldn’t blow the guy into next week. He turned a little away from Ino, his shoulder blocking his wallet from her glance. He didn’t really have that much cash on him, he’d been mugged a lot so far in life, and there were ATMs on every corner if it was really necessary. But he had a couple fives and a one. He grabbed them folded, with the one dollar bill on the outside, trying to make it appear that he was only giving him a single. 

“There’s a place on East 114th. It’s my girls favorite.” Naruto dropped that on him casually. 

The guy stalled for a minute, probably getting a lot more “fuck off”s than hand outs. He started fumbling along with the “God bless you”s and Naruto quickly waved him off. 

“No worries. Stay safe man.” 

Turning quickly away from the stranger, and finding Ino much closer than he expected. He grabbed her arm lightly, pushing her a few feet away. 

“Don’t talk to strangers.” He admonished her, ironically.

“Holy shit.” Ino stared at him. 

“What?” Naruto sighed, bracing himself for the legendary Yamanaka sass. 

“You’re a big softy!”

“Psht.” Naruto’s lips snarled upward, distastefully. “Fuck off.”

“You are! Hinata was right, you’re just big old teddy bear. A little sweetie pie.”

Naruto could feel the heat on his cheeks. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Her and Kiba got into it one time, about you being an asshole. Hinata swore up and down that you’re just a little rough around the edges and heart of gold. I wasn’t buying it, but whatever. Us girls all have our favorite flavor. Who am I to judge? I mean, I dated Sasuke, I can’t warn her off assholes, know what I mean?” 

Ino talked with her hands a lot, Naruto noticed. He watched her somewhere between mild distaste for the topic of conversation and complete regret for ever seeking her out in the first place. 

“But she was right! My girl. Can you imagine? You. Naruto Uzumaki, a nice guy? Wow.”

“Look, I just didn’t want him around. I gave him a dollar and sent him down a couple blocks. Get over it.” He took another hate bite of the last of his sandwich. 

Ino shook her head. “No. Uh uh. I’m not buying that.”

“You can buy whatever you want.” Naruto spoke through a mouth full of bread. 

“Close your mouth.” She scoffed. “Plus, we have to focus on what you’re buying.”

Yes. 100% regret for including her.


	54. Don’t go messing with things

He could tell, that as soon as he said it, he made her nervous. 

“Talk?” She repeated, quickly, but in the little, quiet way her voice peaks. “Talk about what?”

He couldn’t see her face on the phone, but knew her wide eyes, blinking nervously. Her pouty lips pressing together tight. 

He laughed, not to make fun of her obvious worry, but to help diffuse it. “Babe. We talk all the time. Everyday. I love talking to you. What are you stressing about?”

“Yes, but we don’t specifically state that we’re going to talk. That implies there’s something specific to be talked about.”

“I just meant like, hey come over tonight but let’s not watch TV the whole time so we can hang out and talk. I mean, if you want to come with specific topics, that’s fine by me.” Naruto smirked. 

He could actually hear Hinata’s pout. “No, you’re the one-”

“Yeah, yeah Hyuuga. I get done at nine. Don’t forget your note cards.”

He felt bad. He didn’t want to stress Hinata out. He shouldn’t have used the words “hey I wanna talk” because it did sound way too close to “we need to talk”. But, in his defense, they really did need to talk! 

He wanted to move on in their relationship. He wanted to jump off the high dive into something way more than either of them had ever done. He wanted to marry her. He wanted to get a house with her. He wanted to be equal partners and support her in life and all of that cheesey bullshit.  
And it wasn’t some fake ploy to get her to be with him again. He really, truly, wanted those things with her. 

And to do that, they needed to get over a ton of bullshit that surrounded their very long relationship. And devastating break up. He needed to apologize for all the things that he had done wrong, and tell her how he had genuinely changed and he much different he wanted things to be going forward. 

He knew that she had things that she needed to say too. 

Of course, he would much rather let that shit go under the rug. Nobody wants to hash shit out. Nobody wants to strain a fledgling relationship. 

It was still necessary. 

He was never going to let them get to the place that they were before. He was never going to put the burden of their entire relationship on her. He had been selfish, and he had used her. Abused their relationship by not putting the same amount of effort in as she had. He had been complacent, and let her take the brunt of everything.

He couldn’t use his upbringing as an excuse. Nor the fact that he was bipolar. The truth was, that yes, he hadn’t known how to take care of himself really, or manage his disorder and the side effects.

He had been “raised” by nobody, thrown in a group home that just made sure he didn’t die. His friendship with Sasuke which had started out as a bond between two children, left on their own by society, to also an incredibly toxic situation. Sasuke paid for Naruto to live, and Naruto looked the other way on his blatant drug abuse and subsequent addiction, and somehow, in their deep bond, a rivalry brewed under every surface, dragging in Sakura Haruno, who Naruto now couldn’t even stand. 

His own mental health, taking a complete nosedive until his erratic suicide attempt that had pushed him and Hinata together. 

And even though he loved Hinata more than anything or anyone else in the world, he had to come to terms with the fact that their first relationship wasn’t healthy. It was wrong. It was built on an unstable foundation of a caretaker and patient. 

He had to recognize that, apologize to her, and try and move on from that. 

Move on to a healthy relationship built on mutual trust, and love, and support. 

He had to get all that out on the table before he asked her to marry him. He had to set those boundaries.

He was going to take care of himself this time. He was going to contribute equally to whatever kind of family they decided to have. She wasn’t going to take care of him anymore. She could love and worry about him, but he needed to take care of himself. 

And even though his condition and those side effects would always be there, he knew how to manage them now. It was his responsibility. 

So, all in all, not a very fun conversation to have. But a necessary one. 

Maybe she had a reason to sound nervous?

He was trying hard not to be as well. 

Working at the gym was probably his new favorite job. Nothing against Teuchi. It was a lot of cleaning, but also, he could get a workout in all the time. He’d used the lulls of time after wiping down equipment for getting in his kicks, his punches, elbows and knees, jumping rope, combos.

He’d started running and biking even more now, to try and keep the weight off. 

The bell dinged above the counter in the middle of right kicks. He didn’t even look up from his bag. 

“Make sure to sign in.” He called over there, anyways. He could double check it when he was done.

A good high kick effect more than just his legs. It was a full body workout. Hands up, legs back, full torque. Complete concentration. Nothing could throw him off.

“Working hard or hardly working?”

Naruto’s left foot pivoted to the sound, his arm coming out quick to steady himself. The kick coming out a little wonky, but could you blame him?

Hinata, freaking babe, Hyuuga, was just chilling, on the mat, in her sexy ass pantsuit, pin straight hair. 

She quirked her eyebrow a little. “That last one was a little sloppy, you better not count it.”

Naruto leaned his head closer to the bag, his little shit eating grin creeping up on the corners of his mouth. “That’s funny, you know what else I like really sloppy?”

Hinata’s playful face narrowed.

He laughed, and decided to let it go with a little laugh. “What are you doing here so early?”

She shrugged her shoulders, arms still folded over her chest. 

“You miss me and can’t stand to be away from me?” Naruto bit his bottom lip. 

Hinata rolled her eyes and turned away from him, the apples of her cheeks looking a little darker than normal. 

Natural pushed off the hanging bag and walked off the mat to her. He knew the real reason she was there. He had stressed her out with all the “We need to talk” business. 

“I hate to disappoint you, but this place is kinda boring.” Naruto wrapped an arm around her, pulling her into a side hug. 

“You’re sweaty.” She complained, but didn’t pull away from the hug. 

“Ya.”

“And I’ve been here before.” She reminded him gently. 

He nodded, kissed her temple. “True. Alright, I’ll stop messing around and let’s see if I can get some shit done now. Maybe we can bounce a little early.”

“Naruto.” Hinata frowned disapprovingly. 

“I won’t bail if people are still here.” He promised, laughing at her cute grumpy pout. “Friday isn’t a booming evening. People usually go out, ya’know.” 

There was only a couple people in the gym, anyways. It wouldn’t be hard to clean the parts that weren’t being used. 

He made his way over behind the desk, reminding himself that he did not need to double check that someone signed in. Because that someone was his cutie patootie girlfriend. Instead he fished out the basket of cleaning supplies. 

It’s was kind of rinky dinky, some Clorox spray and rags, broom and dustpan and an old school mop and bucket. 

He nabbed a spray bottle and rag, to tackle the equipment he had just been using. 

“I’ll help.” Hinata offered, reaching out toward his hand.

Naruto stepped one foot down, and turned around, slipping out of her grasps, like a football juke, or one of those hockey deke spins. 

“Nah. You don’t wanna ruin your sexy clothes.” 

Hinata scrunched her face, embarrassed. “These are my work clothes.” She corrected quickly. 

“I know what I said.” 

She snorted, letting the back of her knuckles brush her blushing cheeks. 

He shot the bag a couple times with the spray, following it with the cloth. 

“That stuff smells lethal.” Hinata complained.

Naruto shrugged. “It’s gotta be. Ringworm is a bitch for wrestlers. Or any of that kinda shit you don’t wanna get rolling around the mat.” 

Hinata nodded following the conversation. 

“I mean, s’not like you’d know. I’ve never seen you rolling on the ground.” He meant, in light teasing. 

Hinata tucked a piece of hair behind her ears. “Yes you have.”

Naruto stalled, grabbing the bag dramatically, resting his face against the freshly cleaned canvas. He was wafting in the bleach and losing brain cells. “Daaaaaaaamn Hinata, why you do me like that?”

She blushed. “Stop.” 

“Me stop? It’s you. You’re doing it!” 

She giggled a little, shaking her head. “Back to work.”

“Mmmmm, yes ma’am.”

He finished cleaning the bag and then quickly sprayed down the mat he was on, folding each section up as he went. 

“So tell me about your day.” Naruto prompted, not wanting his special guest to get bored. 

Hinata shrugged a little. “Just work. Nothing special.”

Naruto smirked. “Yeah, sure. Don’t hit me with that same old, same old B.S.”

“What about you?” Hinata asked, sitting down on a pile of mats that he had just added to. 

“I worked till two at Teuchi’s last night, and then I did an open till close today, so I can have off tomorrow.” He wink at her. 

Their date was tomorrow. The date that he had big, big plans for. 

“That’s a lot.” Hinata said quietly. 

He knew she disapproved of him working so much, but he wasn’t like her. He didn’t have enough skills to just have one job. Not in this city. Especially living alone. It was different when they lived together, but-

“I have my fight coming up.” Naruto interjected, if only to cut off his own train of thought. “Muay Thai.”

She nodded. All of his fights were already marked in her planner, as soon as they became solid. She was real supportive like that. 

He started sweeping the area, quickly.

“Are you nervous?”

He looked over at her. “Nah.” He smirked. 

But she was. She always was. It was cute. 

“You know I got it in the bag.” He pauses to lean on his broom, trying to lighten her up a little. 

She nodded. 

He swept up the little pile of dust into the pan. “I’ll be right back. Gotta get some water for this.” 

He crossed back the gym, checking on the couple of guys that were working out, making sure nothing was going out of place. 

“Aye, toes straight Chief.” Naruto yelled over at one of them at the speed bag. 

The guy good naturedly waved him off. “Yeah, yeah.” But corrected his foot work anyways.

He took the bucket back to the sink and turned it as hot as possible, which really wasn’t that hot, but it was an old building. The detergent was just as strong as the spray but he’d gotten use to that weeks ago. Hinata was sure to wrinkle her nose though. 

Maybe he could open a window for her. 

The door dinged again, as he was moving the bucket slowly back to the corner of the gym he was working on. 

“Make sure to sign in.” He yelled, grabbing the mop and a wet floor sign for when he was finished. 

“I’m actually here for something else.”

Naruto looked up, balancing all three, awkwardly shaped and weighted items. 

A tall, red head, dressed in a black suit, red tie with some weird print on it. Clouds, maybe? Manhattan causal. He stood at the desk, looking vaguely familiar, like maybe Naruto had seen him on the street sometime. 

“Uh, sorry man, we’re not looking to buy anything.” Naruto tried to let him down easy. 

The red head rolled his eyes, pointedly annoyed. 

‘Fucking dick.’ Naruto frowned. 

“Yahiko would like to talk to you.” The redhead replied. 

Yahiko? The motherfucker he’d swept a couple weeks ago? 

“Me? What he wanna talk to me for? I don’t run anything here. Old man will be back in the morning though if he-”

“We know where he is. Yahiko wants to talk to you.” He cut off.

Naruto frowned. “Yeah? Why don’t he come in and talk to me then? He need an invite? Is he a vampire or some shit?”

He could tell that he had just pissed Ginger off. His narrow, pale face darkened. “It would be a mistake on your part not to accept his offer.”

Naruto dropped the bucket with a little splash, leaning the mop and the sign on it. He stood back and up to his full height and took a step forward. 

“Would it?” He countered. 

He’d been threatened by much scarier men then this pathetic noodle in a suit. 

Plus, he’d already shown once that he could take Yahiko down on a one on one. 

Who the fuck did he have to be scared of?

A like hand and quick pinch on the inside of his arm shook his attention for a moment. Hinata was at his side, arm in his, looking a whole lot less certain about the guy. 

It wasn’t until the unique and oddly colored eyes of the guy shifted around the gym that Naruto noticed that everyone else had stopped what they were doing and crowded around, also coming to his defense. 

Six against one didn’t look so great, especially for the poor stiff. He took his defeats in silence, swiftly and quietly exiting the premise. 

There was an awkward lull, after the abrupt departure. Naruto laughed a little to fill the silence. “Wow, them Mormons are something. Missionaries must be wylin’ after that play, am I right?” 

The guys laughed a little and headed back to their stations, one of them donning a hoodie to head out. 

“Hey, lemme know if you need a spot!” Naruto turned to called over to the guy at the weight bench, realizing that Hinata was still on his arm. 

“Told you this place was real boring.” He wrapped an arm around her to squeeze her against him, lightly.

She gave him a little look. 

“Side eyeing me?” Naruto blew out a breath. “Well, Sassy Pants, why don’t you go sit down while I-” He toed the bucket. 

Hinata, in all her stubbornness, picked up the wet floor sign for him to carry over, and plopped herself down on the freshly dried pile of mats. 

Mopping was a relatively easy task, much faster than sweeping, really, beside the dry time. But he just had to tent up the yellow plastic and that was that. 

“Like my sweet skills?” Naruto winked, holding his hand out for Hinata to jump down. 

Hinata nodded slowly. “I didn’t even know that you knew how to clean.”

Whoops. 

Another sore spot. 

Obviously.

How many times had he left their place a wreck just because he couldn’t get his ass off the couch? Or because he was hyper focused on something else. Or - news flash asshole - he just didn’t respect their relationship enough to put in the effort that was needed. 

Well, that’s what he was planning on talking to her about tonight, wasn’t it. 

“Psssht.” Naruto slipped over the blip. “I keep my place spotless baby, you should see it.” 

Like she wasn’t going there right after?

The rest of the evening went similarly. Easy talking and hanging out while Naruto cleaned the parts of the gym that were not being used. Slowly but surely, the patrons cleared out and Naruto was locking up. 

He hauled out a thick, black, heavy duty utility trash bag out of the front door, dropping it on the side stoop. Hinata stood next to him, zipping and buttoning herself in, tucking a black scarf up and around her neck. He missed the locked three times, too busy checking her out. 

“Whoa, sexy, is that a new scarf?” Naruto paused. 

Hinata frowned at the nickname, tucking herself deeper into her scarf, trying to hide her blush in vain.

Muffled through the scarf. “Yes.”

Finally, managing to tear himself away from how cute she was, he jammed the lock into the keyhole, turning the deadbolt. Jiraiya didn’t fuck with any alarm systems or things like that. 

He shoved the keys back into his pocket, before turning back to her. “You already know what I want.” 

She rolled her eyes, smiling. “Throw the trash away first, silly.” 

Obviously.

Naruto pursed his lips and bobbed his head sassily, before hauling the trash bag over his shoulder. It was mainly old cleaning stuff. Paper towels and old water bottles. Nothing too gross. Not like the trash at home. Household trash was like a compost pile before it was taken out. One of his least favorite household chores. Maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad if he took it out more often? 

He’d ask Hinata later. 

“I always thought it was weird, locking up trash.” Naruto mumbled as they approached the dumpster at the back of the building. 

“If you don’t lock it, other people will fill it before you can.” Hinata reasoned. 

“I know, I know.” Cause he did, he understood the logic. “It’s just real inconvenient.” The fished the keys back out for the lock.

Hinata shrugged. Such is life. 

“Plus the neighborhoods getting bad over here. Don’t want nothing weird turning up in your garbage that you can’t explain.” He swung the trash bag back for some momentum, yeeting in with a heavy ‘flump’. The lid slamming back down on the metal lip. 

Hinata looked down at the ground, shifting her feet. 

Naruto rubbed his palms down his hoodie, like that would somehow clean them off. 

“Yeah, that little in and out place across the street, the one with the Chinese couple.”

“They were from Taiwan.” Hinata corrected, softly. 

“Oh yeah. You’re so smart babe.” He beamed over at her, locking the bar back up. “Anyways, that place got all busted up a couple days back. Like guys gotta work that hard to get overpriced chips?” He scoffed. 

“They has that ramen you liked.” Hinata interjected.

“Sure did.” Naruto frowned ruefully. 

He was strictly forbidden from ramen for weight related purposes. 

“Anyways, they already got cameras up and everything now.” He continued. 

They started the walk back to where ever Hinata had parked her car. Naruto had walked from home this morning. It wasn’t that far, but as we was explaining, this place wasn’t where you wanted to leave a vehicle for long. 

“Can’t be too careful.” Hinata pulled up close next to him, grabbing his hand in hers. 

Naruto squeezed her hand in his. “Yeah, but I betcha they wished they had those before hand, huh?”

She shrugged thoughtfully. “But they’re open?”

Naruto nodded. “Yup, didn’t even miss one day. Dedication.” 

“Do you wanna stop and get some ramen?”

Naruto stalled, weighing the options. They were stopped right next to the place in question, busted front windows and all. 

Yes, he did. “I can’t. My Muay Thai fight. Gotta make weigh in again or my girls gon be mad at me.” 

She scoffed, unamused. “That’s not why I was mad.”

She wasn’t mad that he didn’t make the weight. She didn’t even want him at the weight. But Jiraiya was viciously against him bumping up higher. He said it should be hard to maintain, it would give him an edge against his opponents. Being naturally bigger and fighting. 

It was just ruthless and grueling on his body. 

“Hey, why don’t we-”

“Help!” 

Naruto and Hinata stopped dead in their tracks, Hinata pulling even closer to to him, pressing her entire body against the side of his. 

Just a couple feet away, was a mini side street. One that connected to the backs of the buildings, where the garbage was stored. Like back at Jiraiya's place. They were also used to cut through, if you knew your way around the place. 

A woman, tall and thin with a thick top bun, stepped out halfway. “Help! He took my purse!”

It was immediate. He didn’t need to think about it or weigh his options. 

Someone needed help.

He could help. 

He literally got paid to kick people’s ass. 

He took a step forward. Hinata’s hand clamped down on his to keep him close, but he flexed his hand, fingers splayed, hers slipping from his. 

“Wait!” He could vaguely heard her behind him. 

But it was like in the fighting ring. The world was stripped away and he was the only real thing left. Him and what he had learned how to do with his body. 

Like every other moment of his entire life, Naruto knew immediately he should’ve listened to Hinata. 

Especially when he was instantaneously grabbed as soon as he stepped foot in the alley way. Luckily, getting fucked up by Lee enough times to know a thing or two about body weight. He grabbed onto the guy just as hard, and used his own momentum to flip both of them on the ground, Naruto side up. 

What he extra-extra wasn’t expecting, was to get kicked off of him by another person. 

Two on one was not an ideal situation. But Naruto was pretty confident that he could at least get away from them. It was much harder to catch and hold a person than it was to try and evade. 

One moved to kick him on his stomach, which any fighter knew was a lot worse situation to be in. You defend on the back. Easily. All Naruto needed to do was flip onto his back and he could kick them off him. 

That plan immediately went out the window when he was struck in the back. Hard. With someone that was not a persons fist. Two quick succession of a blunt object to the back, was enough of an opportunity for them to grab his arm and get them into a bar, one of them with a forearm to the back of his neck, grinding his face into the dirty street. 

“You’re dumber than you look.” 

Naruto had to focus his eyes, which was difficult because he was looking up from the ground, at an angle. Tall, crop of orange hair, and Naruto had been right, those holes were piercings, dotting Yahiko’s whole face. 

“Which is saying something.” He finished with a laugh. 

Naruto grimaced, just his face muscles moved against the gravel on the ground hurt. “I work with what I got.” He breathed shallowly. 

“That’s funny.” Yahiko sniffed, stepping closer to Naruto’s face. “You think you’re real funny huh?”

Every breath cramped the part of his ribs that had been hit, he tried to keep them even, not let the severity of the situation spook him like a cat. 

“I’ve been known to crack one here and there.” 

Yahiko let out a dark humorless laugh. “I’ve been trying to get a hold of you.” 

Besides tall, dark, and fucking weirdo coming into the gym a couple hours before hand, that was news to him. 

“You want my number or something. Lemme let you down easy, but, uh,” Naruto squinted under the deepening of pressure from the two men on top of him. “I’m taken.”

Yahiko didn’t laugh that time. “You think this is a joke? The old man ain’t around to protect you anymore.”

Naruto had no fucking clue what that meant. “Are you mad me? Feels like your mad at me?” 

“You think you can waltz right in here, start scalping money out of the fighting pool? Just cause the old man has connections doesn’t mean that we can just let you fuck up a good thing we all had running.”

Jiraiya’s warning replayed in his mind for a moment. 

‘Don’t go fucking with things that needn’t be fucked with.’ Or something along those lines.

Well look at him now. 

“Don’t pretend I kicked your lights out just ‘cause I’m Daddy’s favorite.” Naruto smiled. 

Yahiko’s eyes darkened. “Listen. I’m gonna fuck you up. Teach you some manners. Then when I’m done… who knows. Maybe I’ll fuck your girl up.”

Naruto’s eyes followed Yahiko’s to Hinata, pinned on the alley wall with the girl that had yelled for help in the first place, and the redhead. 

“Give her a little taste of Brooklyn. Know what I mean?” Yahiko winked before standing up, over him.

Naruto’s whole body stilled. Like when he’d get too riled up at the hospital and they’d just have to sedate him. It was like an ice bath of calm. 

Naruto’s voice was very calm, even, matter of fact. “That, was the wrong thing to say.” 

He took one, deep breath, and within the next heartbeat, he was gone. The beast replaced him. He saw red and like an out of body experience, he watched more than he felt the movement, jerking forward, dragging his face into the ground, cutting open his skin, but loosening the hold on the back of his neck. Enough for him to twist, and punch the lights out of the guy on his left side. 

That monster in him couldn’t revel in the sheer beauty that took, to knock someone out from the ground.

Because he had already locked on to his next target. The right side guy, who was desperately scrambling to regain his hold on Naruto’s arm. Instead, Naruto locked his arm around the back of his neck and threw his body weight, bouncing his head into the concrete. 

Like a sixth sense, he felt Yahiko’s kick coming before he saw it. For whatever reason, Yahiko wasn’t coming in with a Muay Thai style kick, with power, and the throw of his whole body. He was just stomping him, like a regular street fight. Naruto could’ve laughed. How many times had he been stomped on, in the street? Even just counting middle school alone.

The kick to the face should’ve hurt worse than it did. Adrenaline? Or maybe, Naruto had well and truly fucking lost it this time. 

He grabbed onto his calf with both hands, and twisted, rolling himself on the ground, twisting Yahiko at the knee, a weak point and flinging him onto the ground. 

Yahiko was a Muay Thai fighter. 

Yahiko was not a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu fighter. 

The ground was Naruto’s forte now. He could’ve snaked around him, grape vined and choked him out. But like fighting Zabuza, Naruto didn’t want to finesse his way out. Didn’t want to keep it clean. Naruto wanted to go ape shit. 

And he did. 

It took him a couple punches to Yahiko’s face to realized that his piercings were tearing up his skin on his knuckles. But not even that was enough the stop the barrage of hammer fists raining down on him. 

He didn’t stop until Hinata was physically grabbing his arm. “Stop! Naruto!” 

He blinked a couple of time. It didn’t sound like the first time she had said it, either. 

“Let’s go.” She tugged him up. 

Naruto wasn’t done yet though. The redhead stood a couple steps away, like he thought about making a break for it but second guessed himself. He picked wrong though. 

Naruto stepped out of Hinata’s grasp and rounded on the guy, closing the gap between them and Sparta kicking him in the chest. 

The guy, who looked as strong as a ritz cracker, flew back into a pile of garbage, smattering rats into the street. 

“Fucking rats!” Naruto raged. 

“Naruto. Please. Let’s go. Please.” Hinata sounded like she was about to cry, or crying, grabbing his hand and tugging him back to the street. 

He had one more thing to do first. 

The three guys lay exactly where he had left them. Like dead body chalk lines on the street. 

He crouched down next to Yahiko, patting down his thighs, and the front of his coat, looking for his wallet. 

“Last time I got a thousand for fucking you up.” He informed the groaning lump of bloody mess he had left behind. 

A small, brown leather trifold was in his left, front pocket. 

“Next time, you can schedule me through my manager.”

“Naruto, please.” Hinata pleaded. 

He took a few breaths, trying to calm down. To focus on her. He grabbed her upper arm, trying to give her a once over. But she was not having it. 

“We need to go. Please.”

He touched her hair, for a second, nodding. 

Focus. He breathed. Hinata needed him. She wanted to leave. He needed to do that for her.

She grabbed his bleeding hand, tugging him out of the alley way. The skinny, top knot sat on the ground, leaning against the wall, holding her throat coughing. 

“Damn babe, you do that?”

Hinata didn’t even glance at him. 

“Babe, I knocked a guy out from the clench. Did you see that shit.” 

“Stop.” Hinata choked out. 

Her hand was clamped down on his like a wrench, tears poking out the edges of her eyes. 

“Okay.” He conceded immediately, finally seeing how worked up she was. His thumb rubbed against her hand and they hurriedly made their way to her car. “Okay.”


	55. Here I Am

Naruto had disappointed Hinata a lot in his life. That was something that for the past couple months, almost year, he had desperately been trying to work on. To change about himself. His one driving factor in life. 

Yet there he was. Bloody knuckles. Sobbing girlfriend.

He fumbled around, unlocking his apartment door, watching her shoulders shake. He’d never really felt guilt like this before. Maybe because he’d never made her cry like that before either. Of course, he’s disappointed her countless times.  
He’s made her cry a couple tears here and there from being a thoughtless jerk.

But he’s never done anything like this. 

She was so distraught, he wasn’t he sure how she has managed to operate her car at all to get them there. He had to wrap his arm around her to maneuver her through the building, and it felt wrong to have to let go to get them in. 

Her arms came up around herself, for self soothing, or to just try and stop from falling apart, he wasn’t really sure. Her new scarf wet with tears, her makeup smudging down her face, her lips quivering as she desperately tired to keep her mouth shut. To be quiet. 

He had never felt so low. 

He pushed the door open, reached inside and flicked on the closest light to the door frame. He wrapped his arm around Hinata again, tucking her close to his body, walking her across the threshold of the apartment. He kicked the door shut and used his free hand to turn the lock, not bothering with the little chain. 

He escorted her straight to the futon, wishing he still had the nice couches that they used to have. 

Naruto had been really worried about Hinata seeing the apartment. She had decorated it nicely, and had made it pretty homey. Naruto had sold all of their furniture for rent money. Now it had the same furniture as some rundown bachelor pad. Which is was. 

“Hinata, I’m so sorry.” Naruto pulled Hinata as close as possible to him, rubbing down her back to try and soothe her. 

This was not the first time he had apologized. He had been a broken record in the car. But it was true. He wasn’t just saying to calm her down. He felt horrible. Awful about had transpired. 

“I should’ve listened to you. I, I don’t know what happened. I’m so sorry.” 

His voice didn’t even seem to reach her as fat tears rolled down her cheeks. 

Naruto’s own hands, trying to grab purchase on Hinata anywhere they could, we’re still bleeding. Yahiko’s piercings had done a number on him, which was probably not helping the situation at all. 

“Hinata, I didn’t mean to hurt them that bad. I don’t know what happened. I was just, I wasn’t… thinking straight. Or, I don’t know. I don’t know, I’m just really sorry babe.” 

The more she cried, the more she was deaf to his apologizes, the more panicked he became. 

What if that was the straw that broke the camel's back. The thing she would never be able to forgive him for. No matter what he had done, she always found a way to let it go. To move on.

What if it wasn’t that way this time. What if she left and never came back. Like last time. But, for real this time. No more taking his phone calls. No more dates. 

For real. It would be over.

He didn’t know if he could survive that feeling again. He almost didn’t last time.

“Hina, please, I promise I won’t do anything like that ever again. I’m so sorry. Babe, please-”

Hinata finally looked over at him, almost like she was shocked to find him there, holding her. 

“Y-you, think I-I’m m-m-mad?” Her breathing caught in her throat, shuttering her chest. 

Naruto winced at her stuttering. She never did that anymore. Except for when he really fucked up. Like when he had told her that Tayuya kissed him. It made him sick to his stomach to even think about that. 

Hinata’s shaking hand came up to the side of his face, ghosting over his skin. It stung immediately, reminding him that he had drug it all over the ground. He was probably going to die of some kind of infection, the city was disgusting. 

“I th-thought you w-were going to-” She choked, swallowing down another sob. 

“You thought I was gonna lose?” Naruto frowned a little. “Babe, it’s okay I’m fine.”

“I thought you going to die!” She corrected, angrily. “I was so scared. And they hit you with that, th-that thing. And, and there was more of them then you and, and,” she grabbed onto his hoodie, fisting the material, and burying her face into his chest. 

Naruto wrapped his arms around her, holding her close and letting her cry. As long as she needed. 

Which was apparently awhile. He’d lost count of how long Hinata was crying, and she wasn’t slowing down at all. By the time it was pitch black outside, he knew he had to intervene. 

“Hina,” he rubbed down her back, trying to bring her back to reality a little more. “Babe. Calm down okay?”

She pressed her face deeper into his sternum. Not the progress he was trying to make. 

“Baby, for reals. I’m okay. It’s over.” He promised. 

She didn’t even budge. He blew out a quiet breath. He’d forgotten how stubborn she was.

“Hinata.” He grabbed her arms, lifting her away from him, gently. “Look at me. I’m fine.”

Her face turned to him, eyes still watery, lips pouting. Maybe he was being a massive dick, letting her have her time to cry it out, but it felt like watching a wounded animal slowly dying. He needed to put her out of her misery as fast as possible. 

“You don’t look fine.” She sniffed. 

Naruto frowned. “Ouch, babe.” 

She ignored him, sitting up to look at him more critically. “Some of those scrapes are kind of deep. We should clean them out.”

“Alright.” He agreed easily. If that’s what she needed to feel better. “Just gotta find the peroxide. I know it's around here… somewhere…”

“Should be under the sink. Unless you got rid of that too.” She sniffed. 

Saltier than a bag of chips. Naruto side eyed her, wondering if he should comment on it, or just let her be. She had just went through a pretty traumatic experience. And maybe it really was that hurtful to see everything that they had together, gone.

He knew how he felt sometimes in her apartment.

Would she even understand that he had to do it? Not just selling it for the money. But the same reason he replaced the blankets on the bed. He couldn’t stay living in a place that was made by her, without her.

How could he tell her that though? That he loved her and equally couldn’t stand to live in the place they shared together. Would she understand? 

He went and retrieved the bottle of peroxide and a brand new roll of toilet paper. 

Hinata frowned. “Don’t you have cotton balls?”

“Nah, I don’t wear nail polish.” 

Her eyes fluttered a little. “What? That’s not the only purpose for cotton balls.”

“Oh yeah. What’s that thing you put on your face?” Naruto asked, have distinct, and fond memories of sometimes catching Hinata doing her morning and night routine. 

“Toner.” She smiled, grabbed the bottle and the roll from him. 

He watched her roll the white paper into a little lump and carefully poured on the liquid, clear as water, before recapping it and setting down on the floor by her feet. 

She grabbed his hand softly, like a nail tech. “This is going to sting.” She cautioned. 

He rolled his eyes. “I know that - ow!” He jerked back quickly but she clamped down on his hand, not letting out of his grasp.

“What the hell is in that thing? Gasoline? Vodka?”

“Don’t be a baby.” Hinata pulled his hand back, closer to her, at a more comfortable, working angle. 

“I’m not being a baby.” He grumbled. “I think that shits expired.”

“It doesn’t expired, now sit still.” She jerked his hand back, again, giving him a warning look. 

She had wiped her tears away while he was gone in the bathroom, but her eyes were still red, her makeup feathered. She sniffed, every now and then, her lips still shaking, if she wasn’t pressing them tightly together. 

She really had been shook up. 

He did his best to sit still on his first hand, but right the right drop of her arm, and catch at the light - he froze. 

“Other one.” Hinata held out her flat palm. 

Naruto reached up with his other hand, and instead, grabbed her forearm, pulling it closer. 

“Wait-” her voice caught.

He didn’t. His other hand came up to push the jacket fabric down, exposing what he hoped to be desperately wrong about. Raw, red skin, shining bright with irritation, and already darkening into bruises around the prominent part of her bones. It would only get darker in the next day or so. 

“Naruto,”

That's not what he wanted. One hundred percent, specifically, not what he wanted to happen. That’s the entire reason he was willing to beat Yahiko’s face in. He didn’t want Hinata to get hurt. He wanted to protect her. He never, ever, ever wanted someone to have even the slightest thought about hurting her. 

“Naruto.” She yanked her wrist of his grasp and grabbed his face, softly because it was kind of fucked up. “Hey, I’m okay, okay?”

No. It was very much not okay with him. 

“Let’s finish cleaning you up.” Hinata pressed, grabbing his other hand. 

He wouldn’t fight her anymore. He’d already done enough today. He didn’t even flinch. He felt numb now. 

Hinata’s sobbing made a lot more sense. 

Seeing her wrist made him feel. Empty. Powerless. Like a failure. 

When she was done with his hand, she pulled his face closer, guiding him by the shoulders. She peered close, dabbing down his temple and cheeks softly. He could hear her quiet breathing, feel it against his face. 

Her eyes blinked every now and then, laser focused on the task at hand. 

Her eyes were so pretty. She was so pretty. So beautiful and amazing and special it made his heart ache. How did one person have the right to look like that? Make him feel like that?

Ever since she left him, she felt like sand running through his fingers. He wanted to have her but he couldn’t, she was running through his fingers and he was desperately trying to scoop her back up. 

It’s just what he did though. He ruined things. 

“Can I check your back?” She asked quietly, as soon as she was finished. 

He stood up off the futon, and shrugged his sweatshirt off, and the shirt underneath. He paused at the way Hinata snuck a look at him. He was thinner than before. Way more muscled than before.

He didn’t really feel like teasing her. Instead turned around and sat next to her, his back facing her. 

“Does it hurt?” She asked quietly. 

It hurt when it happened. But after his major freak out, he didn’t feel much of anything. Now, it felt like a sharp cramp he’d sometimes get from running, maybe something was a little messed up but he could just work through that. He did it enough with his hand. 

Her fingers pressed in and his back arched away from her immediately, his jaw grinding closed. Yep, that hurt. 

“Sorry.” She whispered quickly. 

“It’s okay.” He relaxed his back again, purposefully. 

“I, I don’t know what to put on it.” She sounded like she was about to cry again. 

He turned quickly, still holding his shirt and sweatshirt. “It doesn’t need anything. Don’t worry about it babe.” 

She looked back and his face, and her eyes started to water immediately, probably at getting another good look at how fucked up it was. 

“Hey,” leaned over to wrap his arm around her again, awkwardly, unsure of what to say to sooth her. “It’s fine. I’m fine, your fine.” He left the shirt and sweatshirt in this lap to reach his other arm around her too. “Everything’s fi-”

Naruto had only seen her Bagua a handful of times, but her speed never seemed to stop impressing him. 

He was a little less pleased when she snatched the inside of his arm, turning it over for a better angle. 

She sucked in a quick sharp breath. 

Yikes. He had kind of forgotten that he would have to explain that. 

“Okay, before you get really mad, I’m sorry I got another tattoo after you told me not to, but-”

“You think I care about the tattoo!” Her voice was at the same octave as a dog whistle. 

Oh. Yeah, maybe the multiple self harm scars were the real hang up. Duh. 

“There’s so many of them.” She lamented, almost to herself. Her thumb dragged down the even line of them, as if she was trying to wipe them away. “Why would you do that?” Her voice was soft and watery and heartbroken. 

“Um, I was, kind of, going through a hard time, for a little bit.” He tried to explain, awkward and choppy.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She demanded.

Naruto looked down at the ground, rubbing the back his hair. The words swished around in his brain. Getting his thoughts together, getting things out the way he wanted them, was never his forte. A symptom of bipolar. But this was important, he didn’t want it to come off accusatory. 

“You… weren’t… answering my phone calls.”

The words hung between them. Heavy. Silent. 

She looked to him with those, gorgeous, wide eyes that he loved. And he knew, instantly, that she was internalizing everything, and blaming herself. 

“No. No babe. I know why you left. Really, I do. Okay? This shits on me.” He nodded his own head, prompting her to accept his words. 

She was not reciprocating, and he knew he had to lay everything out. 

“Alright. So when you left, I kind of… didn’t have a good time. But, I got my act together. I got sober - uh,” He fumbled, catching himself too late. But that was the time to get everything out, he guessed. “Cause, I kinda started drinking again. Rough time and all.” He cleared his throat. “But, totally sober now. One hundred percent, I promise.”

He took a deep breath, trying to reorient himself with everything. “I had to sell the furniture for rent. I started taking my medication. I went on a lot of walks so I wouldn’t try and k-… um… never mind. Then I got the job working for Kakashi. You started talking to me again. Things got better, ya’know?”

He rubbed her back again, to remind himself that they were together now. 

“I know we went through a lot of shit. But we’re good now. Right?” He asked, since she had not said a single thing since he had started talking. 

She sat there, still, silent. 

“Hinata. You leaving me was the absolute, worst thing that has ever happened to me to date. Which is kind of saying a lot, cause I’ve been through some shit. But, this past year, has really changed me. And, as bad as everything was, I think, it was for the better.”

Her blank mask finally cracked a little, her eyebrow coming up. 

Sort of a good sign.

“I can finally be the guy that you need me to be. I know I fucked up tonight, and I’ll probably fuck up again at some point, cause I’m me, ya’know? But, I want to be there for you, the way you are for me. I want to be with you, whatever you want.”

He swallowed, hard, wishing his brain would work right, just this once so he could really tell her how he felt.

“I love you. I just want to be the guy that you want to be with. Like, forever, ya’know. Whatever you want. I just wanna be with you.”

A little tear leaked out of the corner of her eyes. He reached up to wipe it away with his thumb. 

“Forever?” She asked quietly. 

He thought about the ring in his pocket, and nodded. “Yeah.”

She leaned back in close, resting her cheek against his collarbone. He wrapped his arms around her, cuddling her close. He really did love her. Loved everything about her. They way she felt against him. How she smelled. Her small arm wrapping around his back, cuddling him as well. 

He’d sit like that however long she wanted. She had a lot of shit to process today. 

He rubbed down the soft fabric of her jacket, leaning his head on her hair. 

“I have something to show you too.” Hinata broke their silence abruptly, sitting up and pulling away from him. 

Naruto paused, silencing himself on purpose.  
Because honestly, he had no fucking clue what she could possibly want to show him. 

She stood up slowly, and he moved to follow her but she put her hand on his shoulder, gently pushing him back down. 

Alright. Whatever she wanted. He sat back, and waited, wondering if he should put his shirt back on. He felt like some, trailer park, asshole, with his pecks out. The sweatshirt was mingled in the shirt and he started pulling them apart when Hinata dropped her coat and scarf. That wasn’t the weird part. What made him pause, was when she started unbuttoning her shirt. 

Now he was working with one hundred percent of his fill and undivided attention. 

If there was one thing that life had taught him so far, was to pay attention to when a girl was taking off her shirt. And this wasn’t any girl. This one was his favorite girl. 

The only girl, really.

He’d be lying if he didn’t think that she was just going to show him her tits or something. Maybe she felt bad for him, he hadn’t gotten laid since the last time he slept with her. So imagine his surprise when she finally shrugged off the blouse, to reveal something even more interesting. 

He could see the artistically drawn lines before she even unhooked her bra. 

“What is that thing called? A sucky-something.” Naruto asked quietly. 

She sat back down on the futon, this time she was back facing, and she swished the curtain of hair to one side. 

“A lotus.” She corrected softly. 

“Wow, I was way off.” He snorted at himself. 

“You were probably thinking of succulent.” He could hear her smile, as she peaked over her shoulder at him. 

“I was. You’re so smart babe.” He laughed. “But, it’s a lotus.”

“Mmhmm.” She hummed. 

“It’s beautiful.”

“Sai drew it.”

“Huh,” Naruto shrugged. “Guess he’s good for something.”

“Naruto.” She frowned.

“Why did you pick a lotus?” He asked. He had been joking anyways, Sai wasn’t all bad. “Can I touch it.” 

She nodded.

Her skin was soft, it had healed nicely. Of course, Hinata kept everything clean and perfect. 

“Something Guy-Sensei told me.” She took a deep breath. 

He watched as her shoulders tightened. 

“The truth is,” She sounded anxious, and Naruto didn’t know if it was residual, from the rough night that they had or what. 

“I haven’t been okay either.” She breathed again, calming herself down.

He grabbed her closest arm, rubbing her across the bone with his thumb. “What do you mean baby.”

She swallowed, hard, he could hear it. “I haven’t been okay at all. I’ve had, a really rough time. I’m seeing a therapist, and I’m trying to work through things, and I have been. I think. I’ve been getting better, but-”

She paused, looking away from him. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked quietly. 

His question being a lot more valid, since she was in control of most of the contact for a while.

“I was so scared, of what you’d think of me when you found out I wasn’t perfect. Or totally fine. Or, less than what you thought.”

Naruto felt the guilt, sinking like a stone in his stomach. He had put her on that pedestal, on an unattainable plane and never stopped to think that it could be wrong. Or how that could’ve made her feel. Like she couldn’t talk to him or confide in him. 

That wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted to be her equal partner. 

“That’s weird.” Naruto rubbed her arm down again, feeling the goosebumps. 

She jerked a little to look at him, because that’s not really what you said to a woman who was opening up her soul to you. 

“Because I don’t think there’s anything that you could tell me that could make me think anything less than you being the most perfect woman I’ve ever met.”

Her face softened a little, her blush rising on her cheeks and even onto her shoulder. 

“And, I want to let you know, that I’m better now. I know I couldn’t be there for you, in the past. And I’m really sorry for that, ya’know. If I could change that, I would. There’s a lot of things I wish I could change between you and me, believe it. But, I can't. I can only do better now. Be here for you now. And I want to.”

He paused to try and gauge her expression, but he was too nervous now. Just pouring his heart out to someone was terrifying. He knew it was Hinata, and she was the most gentle person he knew. But still. He breathed. 

“I want to be the person for you, as you are for me. Ya’know? We can be that persons for each other.”

He licked his lips, and swallowed. 

“Am I making sense?” He double check. Because sometimes he didn’t. 

“Yes.” She put her hand on his knee gently. 

“Is, uh, is that maybe, something that you might want too?” He cleared his throat.

“Yes.” Hinata promised, looking into his eyes. “Like partners.” 

“Hell yeah!” He smiled, relieved to hear her affirmation. “We were the best partners in college, it was like for- four- what’s the word called, like showing what’s gonna happen in the future?”

“Foreshadowing?”

“Yeah, that. God you’re so smart babe.”

She blushed again, looking down at the ground. “We did a lot of projects together didn’t we?”

Naruto nodded, thinking back to really shy Hinata would bumped around like the world's tiniest mouse, but was by far the the nicest girl in any of his classes. 

“We were the best.” Naruto smirked.

They definitely weren’t. Naruto’s work ethic then was abysmal at best and Hinata was too shy to argue with him about it. 

“You were so shy.” He leaned forward to kiss the back of her shoulder blade. 

“Past tense?” She rolled her eyes. 

“You’re way better now.” Naruto promised. 

“I’m still not ‘Ayame singing karaoke’.” Hinata frowned a little. 

Oh hell no. There was no way Naruto was letting her talk herself down. Not now. Not ever. 

“Baby you have a freaking tattoo! That’s badass. You took out a girl in a street fight. We don’t have to do stupid stuff like karaoke for you to be totally awesome.” He pulled her closer. “Plus are you for reals gonna throw the one friend date I’ve had that wasn’t with you, in like five years. It was just Ayame, she’s like, my cousin or something.”

Hinata rolled her eyes at him, but she couldn’t hide her rosy cheeks and her little smile.

“Nah, you’re the one.” Naruto promised. 

She breathed out a little huff, rubbing down her cheek with the back of her hand. 

“Forever.” He leaned forward, reaching his neck out so he could kiss her cheek over her shoulder. 

“Forever?”

“Baby, I done already told you!” He shook her a little, with a playful grin.

He leaned back a minute, looking at the scuff marks on the back of his hands. Deep scratches that probably looked similar to his face. Their dinner was ruined for tomorrow. There was no way that they would let him in, looking like that. Meaning all of his proposal plans were also ruined. 

They were both sitting on his futon, sans shirts. Hinata had her bra on, still, covering her boobs, just unhooked in the back. She was sitting straight against his chest, facing away from him. Naruto could wrap his arms around her like they were taking cheesy prom photos. 

Should he do it now? 

It felt cheap, and he didn’t want her to think that he didn’t value her enough to put in the effort.

But he loved her. And he just wanted to ask her. Just to know. He was tired to the anxiety, of hauling it around all the time, wondering what she was going to say.

He took another breath. 

“You know how we were the best class partners?” 

She nodded, not disputing his obvious lie. 

“I kinda think that we’d be the best partners in everything.”

She nodded again. Obviously. They were dating, it was kind of a given.

“But I think we should have cooler names for each other.”

“What?” She asked, quietly.

“Like calling you my girlfriend is kind of lame, ya’know.”

She frowned.

“We should have cooler ones. Like I was thinking some up, and maybe I could call you something different. Like more badass, to fit your new personality. Know what I’m talking about?”

She paused, clearly still miffed that he said he didn’t want to call her his girlfriend. “No.” 

“Work with me babe. I was think for you, I could call you… my wife.”

She leaned back, her face completely blanketing in shock. “Naruto,” She warned. He wasn’t supposed to joke about things like that. 

She was in luck though, cause he wasn’t. 

He reached for the tiny box in his pocket. “Don’t worry, it comes with a cool new name for me too.” 

Her eyes widened to astronomical proportions as soon as she was the box. Shit got real. 

He popped it open, revealing the VERY simple, silver ring. 

“I asked Ino for some help with it.” He added, feeling like he was giving a school project and he wasn’t sure what else to say. 

“Oh shit, I forgot.” He moved to slide off the futon, forgetting the very obvious, one knee tradition. 

Hinata stopped him, reaching out and plucking the box from his hands, cradling it protectively in her own. 

“You bought this for me?” She whispered, reverently. 

“Yeah, of course it’s for you baby.” Who else? Silly woman. 

“You, want to… marry me?” She double checked.

“Yeah. Did I not make it obvious. Oh fuck! I didn’t say the ‘will you marry me?’ line! I’m ruining the whole thing. I’m sorry. I didn’t plan it like this. I was ganna do it after dinner tomorrow, but I kind of ruined that by getting all fucked up. I’m sorry, I know you wanted to wear your dress again. But if you give me a little bit of time, I can’t try and save up for it again.”

He was interrupted by Hinata’s quiet sniffle. 

And he’d made her cry again. Fucking fantastic.

“Baby, Hinata. If, if you hate it or don’t want it, like we can just pretend this never happened. I’m so sorry. I probably should’ve asked you what you actually wanted. I know I just jump to conclusions and shit and I get carried away, I’m really sorry-”

“I love it.”

Naruto stopped. “Yeah?” That was promising.

“I love it so much.” She took a shuddering breath and wiped a couple tears away. 

“I tried to match your bracelet. Ino knew the place. She forcibly brought herself along.”

Hinata looked like she wasn’t hearing much of what he was going on about. Her eyes were transfixed on the little black box. 

“Can I put it on?” She asked. 

“Baby, yeah, it’s yours.” He smirked, rubbing her arm again. 

“Yeah.” She whispered, kind of far away again. 

She plucked it out of the little fake velvet, styrofoam rolls. It was small, held in her fingers, she held it up to the dim light, getting a better look at the simplistic design. Carefully, she slid it on to her left ring finger, pressing them together and pushing her hand a foot away from her face, appeasing the look of it.

“It’s a little big.”

“I can get it resized.” Naruto promised. “Sorry, I should’ve known you’d have tiny fingers.” 

She laughed a little. 

He still felt a little on edge, his heart in his throat. She had not said if she agreed or not. Which was not promising. 

“Um, it’s okay if you don’t-”

Hinata’s lips smashed into his so hard, for a millisecond, he thought she punched him. He leaned back, his shoulder blades hitting the back of the futon, feeling the cold bar pressing against his skin. She slid fluidly, hands on his shoulders, legs slipping around his waist. Her kisses, hard and lingering.

Well then. He swallowed, hand coming up to her hips. A pleasant turn of events. 

He sat up straight, pushing her back slightly, just so he could kiss back with the same effort. Fuck, it felt so damn good to kiss her again, to touch her skin. His hands trailed from her hips up to the back of her ribs, just to feel her. She smelled just the same, comfortingly familiar, like walking inside your home after a long trip.

Her kisses were more rushed though, and hard. Like she was worried that she had to get in as many as possible. His hands crept into her hair, letting the pieces run through his fingers, gently placing them on her neck. His kisses were slower, trying to replace her intensity with passion instead. He’d probably really stressed her out today, and he felt morally obligated to calm her down. 

If by kisses, well, that was fine by him. 

After a couple minutes of pretty heavy making out, Hinata leaned back a little, shrugging the bra straps off, letting it fall down next to them. 

Fuck. 

She was like one of the seven wonders, no matter how many times he’d seen her, it was still amazing to him. 

She leaned back in to kiss him, softly, but she rolled her hips and he almost bit her lip off. He wrapped his hands around her waist and hiked her up, standing from the futon. She was incredibly light, he could’ve easily done that before, he started working out. But now, yoked as fuck, he could’ve done it one handed, no sweat. As it was though, he took great enjoyment in getting to touch her so he wasn’t going to sacrifice that just to prove how strong he was.

She startled at the abrupt change in position, latching onto his neck and shoulders. 

“Sorry,” He breathed, making his way to the bedroom. But there was just no way he was going to go any further with her on that gross ass futon. 

Not that his room was much better. The mattress on the floor with the shitty orange comforter set was the only thing left in there, besides his pile of clothes against the opposite wall that he needed to go the the cleaner. Plus his journal sitting on the side of his bed, which he needed to hide cause it stored a lot of personal information that he didn’t really want her to see. Plus, he kept her sticky note in it like a stalker. 

So he made the executive decision to keep the lights off. 

He couldn’t really blame her when she screamed a little when he dropped them on the mattress since is was much lower than she was expecting and in completely different position. 

“Sorry.” He laughed, kissing her again. “I didn’t mean to - ow!” 

She pinched him. 

“Sassy.” He nipped at her cheek, his teeth grazing her skin. 

She shoved him, and he realized that making fun of her might not be such a good idea. The apology died on his lips though when she maneuvered herself on top again. 

Very sassy. 

Hinata didn’t give herself a lot of credit. She was not a very assertive person, in her eyes. But, when the shit hit the fan, with his mental health, she had took over and took control of everything. His appointments, his medication, everything. Plus, her job was pretty demanding, and she did that really well too. 

But sex was a different story. Getting Hinata to go on top was like coaxing a wild animal out of its enclosure. It took time, and sweet words and praise and sometimes begging. Which was weird, because she was fucking amazing at it when she wanted to be. 

Now?

She kissed down his throat as her hand snuck into his pants, all the air leaving his chest. 

“Holy shit.” He breathed, almost coughing. 

He could feel her smirk against his skin, coming back up to his cheek. She gave him a light kiss on the lips and he could barely pucker his, his mind blanking on anything that wasn’t her hand working in his pants. 

He had to do something, before he shamed himself forever and came before even getting started. But to be fair to himself, it had been a long fucking time since anyone had so much as even hugged him, let alone done this! And she knew what she was doing too, little-

“Minx.” Naruto ground out, pushing his head back into the pillow.

“Hm?” Hinata hummed against his neck, where she was probably leaving a gigantic hickey. 

He need to act. Finally, managing to get his mind/body working again, he got his hands fumbling around her sexy work pants, trying to get the little, black polished button undone, sliding her pants down her back side and grabbing a handful cause, holy shit he’d missed this. 

Hinata abandoned torturing him for a moment, to shimmy the pants the rest of the way off, which was a break for his clouded mind. He drug his hand down his face, letting out a breath, trying to get it together. He was better than this. He could do this. He could rock Hinata’s world, no problem. 

All of that went out the window when she crawled, back on top, completely naked. 

Her hands pressed against his pectorals as she ground down on him. 

“Ready?” She asked in a silky smooth voice that felt like Dove milk chocolate. 

He whimpered like a one day old puppy. Which she took as a yes. 

“Oh, my Jesus, fuck.” His fingers tightened onto her hips bones so hard he felt like he could snap them. 

Her back arched as her thighs met flush against his. “You okay baby?”

He shook his head no. If she was going to fuck him like that he was definitely not okay at all. 

Her fingers slipped down his chest and onto his flat stomach, feeling his abs. Abs of which he was not flexing for her enjoyment, but because every one of his muscles seemed to be tightened in his distress. 

Yes, old Hinata took lengthy for play, and desperate pleading to ride him. 

Now? Now he was thinking about asking her to switch. He couldn’t survive this with any shred of dignity unless she slowed way down. 

Which she was not at all. 

She set a brutal pace, that was so good, it was almost wrong. “Fuck, Hinata.”

She ignored him. 

He felt like he was just desperately hanging on to dear life. 

She needed to slow down. 

But no. She was actively trying to kill him with her magic pussy. Which was fine, he guessed. There were worse ways to die. 

“I’m gonna cum.” He felt like she deserved a fair warning.

“Okay.”

Okay. Okay? That’s well she had to say? Well, fine then. 

He breathed through his nose, trying anything to calm down a little. “Hina,” his teeth ground together. “Hinata,” he could feel the beads of sweat on his forehead. “Fuck.”

He came harder than he ever had in his damn life. He felt like he had just had a stroke. Loss of motor control. Loss of speech. 

“Fuck.” He managed to garble out. 

Hinata leaned forward, laying against his chest, tucking herself to one side so she was off center. “You did good.” She promised.

“Shhh,” he huffed, grumpily. 

It had not been his best work. One hand moved to her back, rubbing over the lines of her tattoo, the other hand on her arm, holding her close to him. 

“Give me five minutes. I’ll rock you like a hurricane.” He vowed. 

She kissed the line of his chin. “Like Scorpions?”

“Better than Scorpions.” He promised.

“Better than Scorpions?” He could hear the tease to her voice. “Well that’s four minutes, fifty-nine seconds and counting, mister.”

Naruto smiled like the stupid, happy, dopey idiot that he was. He kissed her softly on the top of her head, rubbing her soft skin, thankful to anything that was listening, that she was back here with him.


	56. When you thought things couldn’t get better

He’s in the weird in and out stage of sleep, that comes from waking naturally. It’s not the abrupt, awakening from an alarm clock. It’s soft, gentle. It’s already sunny, in the room. He can feel it behind his eyelids. 

The buzzing sound is from a cell phone but he’s still disoriented, and it’s not urgent enough for him to care to get it. 

Unless it was Hinata! He thinks, quickly. His eyes snapping open. Why would she call him this early? Did she need him?

He rolls over to the edge where his phone should be plugged in and basically smacks the sleeping woman in the face. 

Hinata, one arm rolled under her head like a pillow, the other draped softly across her torso. She laid behind him, close enough that he realized their legs were intertwined. 

They didn’t wake up in each other’s arms like some stupid romcom. Of course they cuddled, cause cuddling Hinata was like the coziest and nicest thing ever. But it was unrealistic to sleep like that. They both moved in their sleep and it made his arms go numb. 

Her face, that was previously relaxed in sleep, now scrunched as she shrunk back from his carelessness, let out a tiny little confused whimper. 

“Fuck! I’m so sorry Hina.” He wrapped his arms around her quickly, cradling her against him. 

She blinked up at him, her bottom lip pouting out, clearly unhappy with how she was woken up. 

He hadn’t realized that the phone had stopped buzzing, until it started up again, shaking in his pants pocket on the other side of her. 

“I thought that was you calling me and I got worried and kinda hit you in the face but it was like one hundred percent an accident I’m really sorry. 

She blinked at him again for a second, just waking up herself, before letting out a soft breath through her nose, nodding easily. 

He leaned down, peppering her face with a couple quick kisses.

“Why did you think I was calling?” She asked, looking at him, clearly, tucked into his orange comforter, right next to him. 

“I dunno I was just confused for a sec.” He shrugged her off.

Her eyes narrowed a little onto his face. “How hard did you hit your head?”

“They didn’t hit my head!” He laughed. He got kicked in the head. That’s different. “You’re usually the one calling me. And you’re not usually here.”

Hinata didn’t look convinced. “How much do you remember?” 

“From last night? Oh baby,” He could help the little smile playing on his lips as he leaned in, scooting his hand up her arm down her, circling the spot that he knew her tattoo would be. 

Or at least a rough estimate. It had healed perfectly, into her skin. Not raised up, like some of his tattoos, done in less than stellar conditions. Hers was beautiful. Unexpected. An almost thrilling surprise, and interesting one.

She blushed a little, tilting away from him, tucking her chin a little. 

“I can’t wait to see that tattoo while I’m hitting you from the bac- ow!” He jumped, dissolving into a little chuckle, but not retreating from her pinch. 

Instead, he scooted down, even closer to her, head hand moving from her back, over her shoulder blade, down her arm, lifting up her tiny forearm in his much larger hand, until he reached her hand, sliding his flat against hers. He bend up his wrist, hers going backwards softly, showcasing the plain, silver ring, right above the bracelet that it had been created to compliment. 

Yes. He remembered last night. And he would never, ever forget it. 

“I can’t believe it didn’t fall off last night.” He smirked, using his thumb to nudge the band up ring finger. 

Her her snapped shut, her fingers folding into a fist resting in his palm. ‘Mine.’ Her fingers folded tight, not allowing him to remove it. 

He smiled, leaving it be on her finger, and her hand relaxed, back onto his, admiring it. 

“Do you like it?” He asked. Yes, it was insecure. Yes, Hinata had already told him how much she loved it, profusely. But he’d also like to hear it again.

Especially because it was so small, so simple, so plain. He had picked it that way. Her bracelet, the only jewelry she really wore on a regular basis, was from the same designer. Fashioned in a similar way. He knew that she wouldn’t like anything too gaudy or flashy. 

But still. 

He didn’t want anyone to think that he was trying to be cheap, or didn’t love or value her enough. 

He knew that her opinion mattered more to him than anyone, but still. 

It was the shadowy whisper of a child that never had his own possessions besides second hand clothes, two sizes two big with holes and stains, stored in a trash bag. Material things didn’t matter to Hinata, but they mattered to someone who stood outside store front windows, wishing they could just pick their own shoes or had pants that fit.

Hinata didn’t like anything that drew any attention to herself. 

But all Naruto could think of was jewelry commercials or magazines with massive rings, with the word carrots, which he didn’t even understand but knew it meant pretty big. Big shiny diamond and platinum bands. 

“I love it.” She promised, separating his fingers, lacing hers with his. 

She loved this one. He affirmed. And he loved her. He smiled, kissing her hair on the top of her head. 

Hinata’s opinion mattered. It was one of the few things that truly mattered to him. 

The phone buzzed again. 

“It’s rang a lot.” Hinata commented quietly. It was a kind and light prompt. She meant, answer your phone. 

“Yeah. But now that I know it’s not you,” Naruto kissed down onto her temple, her cheek bone, the corner of her mouth, the side of her chin.

“It could be Teuchi. Or Jiraiya. Or Guy-Sensei,” Hinata reminded him quietly, tilting her head still so Naruto could kiss her. 

“They all know I’m supposed to be going on a superfly date tonight. So,” He tired to lean down to kiss lower but he couldn’t bend down anymore with looking completely ridiculous. 

He shimmied lower in the bed, inching down, cursing how tiny she was. “How’d you get so little?” He grumbled, trying to push the blanket pile out of his way. “You need to eat more.”

“I eat.” She giggled, amused by his struggle. 

He wrapped his arm around her waist, hauling her higher onto the pillows. 

“I said more.” He huffed, trying to kiss her neck. 

She ducked her chin down, trying to protect herself, giggling. “What should I eat?”

“Is that a sex thing?”

“No!”

“Sure.” She kissed her jaw bone again, as she drew her shoulders up. 

“I’m actually kind of hungry.” She moved her hands to his face, covering his mouth. 

“What do you want for breakfast?” He spoke through her fingers. 

“What do you have?” 

He reached up and pushing her hands off his face, blowing a raspberry on her cheek, trying to break through the jaw bone and collar bone fortress she had created around her very ticklish neck. 

“I have frozen chicken, eggs, spinach and protein powder.”

She wrinkled her nose. 

“That’s what I thought.” He laughed. “Let’s go get pancakes. I know you like those cinnamon roll ones.”

She hummed approvingly in response, smiling, giving him enough room to infiltrate. He was ready to dive bomb with kisses, but stopped dead. He leaned back instead, moving a hand around the back of her neck, tilting her head back. 

“...the fuck?”

“Naruto,” 

No. She couldn’t just ‘Naruto’ him. 

Thick, red marks around her neck. Almost like her wrist. He’d had marks like that himself once or twice, but seeing them on Hinata was revolting. Haunting. One of the worst things he’d ever seen. From being choked.

They’d choked her. 

Because he fucked up. 

It was his fault. 

He rolled back onto his side of the mattress, rubbing a hand down his face. 

“Naruto,” She pressed, rolling against him. “Hey,” She scooted higher, resting her chin on his shoulder muscle. “I’m hungry.” She reminded him, gently, softly. Not pressing, but trying to pry him back out of his mind fuck. “Let’s go get pancakes.” 

He’d put Hinata in a situation where someone hand to opportunity to physically assault her. 

He did that. Because he didn’t listen to her. It was his fault. 

He had let her get hurt. 

He could distinctly remember the feeling of getting Yahiko to the ground. The pivotal point where he knew that he had won, that he had him. 

His apologies to Hinata felt a little more hollow now than they had last night. Did he really regret hurting someone that hurt her? No. Not really. 

“Please?” 

He looked back down at her. Her bangs were mused. The minimal makeup she had worn the night before was smudge ever so slightly under her eyes, giving her a sexy grunge look that she would certainly hate and wash off as soon as she saw it. Her skin was smooth and pale, flawless, the apples of her cheeks holding a little more pigment than the rest of her. He knew that just a couple of well timed words would send her body into a shocking red flush.

Not that he was in the mood for that. Not when he felt the all consuming, crushing guilt of knowing he had failed her, yet again. When would he ever stop hurting her? He never wanted this. 

He wanted to make her happy. 

He couldn’t take it back, couldn’t remove the bruises from her body. 

But he could get her pancakes. 

“You better give me a bite then.” 

“What are you going to get?” She blinked.

“I’ll probably have to get some stupid egg-white, spinach, vegetable bullshit.” 

Hinata’s eyes narrowed. “I thought we were getting pancakes.”

His lips quirked, appreciating her ‘concern’. “Just pancakes allowed?” He asked, already knowing the answer before she nodded. “Alright then.” It was an easy loss. “Do you think they still have those Nutella banana ones?”

“Probably. Those things aren’t really seasonal.”

“You don't need to be so sassy.” Naruto huffed.

She leaned back, eyes widening, mouth dropping for a second. “No, Naruto, I wasn’t, I wouldn’t-”

He hid his smirk by kissing her cheek quickly, before rolling over to stand. He peaked over his shoulder to see her little pout, her realization that he had done that on purpose. 

“Hurry up Hyuuga, I’m starving.” 

He pushed up off the mattress with one arm, letting the blanket fall off and he heaved his body up, going to stand - and immediately falling onto the hardwood a couple inches lower. A sharp, digging pain in his back, almost knocking all the breath from him. That had hurt a lot less last night. 

“Are you okay?” He could hear Hinata’s concern, evident in her voice. 

He clenched his teeth together, letting out a breath through his nose, forcing his body into a standing potions without using the affected side as much as possible. 

“Course.” He smirked over at her. 

He would be, at least. 

The faint buzzing of the cell phone continued, not that he let it bother him. He made his way to the half empty closet, and held his breath as he stepped into a clean pair of boxers, his jaw feeling like it was going to snap as he clenched back any sound, pulling a long sleeve black shirt over his head.

“You should really get that.” She pressed. “It could be important.”

“You can check it if you want.” He shrugged, looking for a clean pair of pants.

He could hear her shift the material around. “It’s says ‘Spoiled Brat’.” Her voice shifter higher in questioning inflection. 

He smirked. “It’s Konohamaru.”

“He’s called… eleven times. Maybe he needs your help?”

“What could he need me for? He’s a rich little brat.”

“Spoiled brat.” She corrected, jokingly. 

He let out a little laugh, giving up on the pants. “Thank you.” 

“You should still answer. He might need you.” She pressed. 

He turned away from the closet, to look at her. She was still tucked into the bed, hair tucked behind her ear, looking at his phone. 

He walked back over to her side, deciding to wear his pants from yesterday. He grabbed them off the ground, holding back the wince, and quickly pulled them on. 

She held the phone out to him.

“Thanks, hey! What do you think you’re doing?” He glared down at her. 

“Hm?” She smiled, but quickly pulled the tangerine colored comforter up under her nose, hiding from him. 

“Get up! Come on, you talked me into pancakes and now I have a desperate need. Let’s go.”

Her voice was muffled from under the blanket. “It’s cozy.”

“Don’t even. You’re bed’s way better. I’ve seen it. It looks like the inside of Urban Outfitters.” 

Hinata rolled to the side, wrapping herself into the blankets. 

Honestly, Naruto would like nothing more than to just fall onto the bed and cuddle her for the rest of the morning. But, he had definitely lied to her about how bad his back had been hurt. He knew it wasn’t too bad, it would definitely heal up on its own. He just didn’t know how long he could hide that from her, or if he was really hiding it at all. Hinata always knew everything. He definitely couldn’t hide it from Jiraiya, and Lee would crumple him like tissue paper once he had his arms locked around him. 

He had really been so stupid the night before. 

“I’m gonna go grab your clothes.” Naruto decided on.

He liked Hinata when she was like that. Happy, teasing. Not stressed out and sobbing. 

He answered his phone in the living room. “The fuck do you want?”

“I’ve called you like a dozen times.” Konohamaru whined through the receiver. 

“Yeah, almost exactly. You’re like a clingy girlfriend.” He tucked the cellphone between his cheek and his shoulder, bracing himself on the back of the futon, bending down like a geriatric old man, to grab Hinata’s clothes and his own. 

“The gyms locked.” 

Naruto paused. “Are you sure?”

Jiraiya knew he wasn’t coming in today. 

“Yeah, I’ve been standing outside for like an hour. Udon and I are freezing.”

Naruto sighed, making his way back into the bedroom. “I’ll be there in five.” He hung up the phone, shoving down into his jean pocket. 

He dumped Hinata’s clothes onto the bed, where she was still rolled up in the blankets. “Let’s go.” He clapped his hands twice, feeling like a high school gym teacher. 

“Come cuddle me.” She counter offered. 

Tempting. More tempting than other things he had to do that day. But now, besides the fact that his back was totally fucked, he needed to go unlock the gym before getting pancakes. 

“After pancakes.” Naruto promised. 

“We need to go check on Argus.” She reminded him. 

We. We need to. Naruto chewed at the bottom of his lip, to stop himself from looking like a fucking idiot. He really liked to be “we” again. 

“Okay. We need to go unlock the gym first, before pancakes. And then we can go get Argus, maybe go to the park.”

Hinata smiles, with petal pink cheeks. “Okay.”

“But first,” Naruto kicked the side of the mattress softly. “You gotta get dressed, lady.” 

Her beautiful, wide eyes blinked at him, darting between his face and the pile of clothes on the ground, her blush starting from a light, healthy glow to a deep flush. 

“Oh my god, are you for real being shy right now?” Naruto scrutinized her with narrowed eyes. “Are you serious?”

She ducked her head back under the blanket. “Stop.” She begged. 

“Hinata!” Naruto chastised, smiling. It was more of a tease. Because he found it super cute, almost irresistible when she got shy like that around him.

It reminded him of when they first met, nostalgic. And kind of sexy, in, admittedly, maybe a creepy way. 

“Fine. I’m gonna go brush my teeth. You have two minutes.”

He’d give her how ever long she wanted. But it was more fun to mess with her that way. 

He pasted his brush and got to work, shrugging his teeth, which was all fine and dandy until he saw his pill bottle on the counter, staring, peering, glaring at him in supreme judgment.

“Fuck,” he hung his head, toothbrush hanging on the side of his mouth. 

For the first time since he had decided to start taking it, he’d forgotten. 

He couldn’t take it now. It would make him way too tired to hang out with Hinata, and he wasn’t going to let that ruin his day with her. He’d already gone and fucked up their dinner date, the least he could do was pancakes and the park. 

He splashed cold water onto his face, and ran it through his hair. He needed another haircut. Deodorant, yes, cologne, maybe not. 

“Mmm, old spice.” Hinata smiled, leaning against the door. 

“Look at me, look at you. Now look at me, look at you. You’re really cute.” He leaned down, trying to give her a kiss. 

“Don’t. I have morning breath.”

He kissed her cheek instead. 

“Can I use your toothbrush?” She asked, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. 

“Ew Hinata, that would be like us kissing. Gross.”

She rolled her eyes, stepping past him to the sink. 

She used to get ready, every morning that very bathroom. How soon would they get to live together again? They hadn’t talked about it. They had time though, they weren’t in a rush. She had agreed to marry him. They were going to be together, forever, and he wouldn’t mess it up this time. 

“Come on let's go, I’m starving.” He whined. 

“Stop being a baby.” She smiled, slipping her shoes on. 

“I’m not being baby.” He shoved on his own, busted up tennis shoes. 

“You should bring a coat, it’ll be cold at the park.” 

“Alright.” He agreed easily. He opened up the closet, pulling out the only shitty, cheap coat he had that he hadn't gotten for working for Kakashi. 

That nicer coat, and the nicer loafers were the only thing left in the closet. Besides his gym bag. 

He remembered when the closet was overflowing with Hinata's things.

The remembered the sound of this bag hitting the empty ground, the first time he realized that she was gone.

“Are you okay?” She asked. 

He looked over at her and nodded. “Yeah, ready?”

She tightened the scarf around her neck and nodded.

She opened the door, stepping into the hallway.

“Okay, the real question, is should I get hash brown with my pancakes? Cause you took like, forever, and I’m starving.” He turned to locked the door. 

“Naruto.” Hinata’s hand fisted into his jacket material. 

“What? Too many carbs? Should I get eggs then. I could just order two breakfasts, but then I’m still back to too many carbs.”

“Naruto.” It was a hissed whisper, scared. 

He glanced over at her quickly. “What? Are you okay?”

“Are you Naruto Uzumaki?”

“Uh yeah whose…” he trailed off, turning to find four NYPD officers. 

Oh. That’s who's asking. 

“You’re under arrest for six counts of assault and battery.

Shit. 

This was not good. 

“Hands against the wall, please.”

Naruto took a step back. 

“Naruto,” Hinata cautioned him. 

It was one thing to beat the shit out of some randoms. It was entirely another to not listen to the police. 

“Don’t you have to read me my Amanda’s or something?”

“Miranda’s.” Hinata corrected, quietly, her hand still clamped down onto his coat sleeve. 

Naruto held his keys out to the side of him, in front of Hinata. She didn’t move to take them. 

One of the officers moved to Hinata’s side, reaching out to pull her away. “Ma’am, you need to step away from-”

“Don’t fucking touch her.” Naruto snapped, pushing her further back with the outstretched arm. 

Hinata sucked in a breath. “Naruto, just listen-”

The cops weren’t very impressive. They brought four of them though, so clearly they thought that he was going to be. Which was a fair assessment, watching how they made a formation against him. A straight line, right in front of him. He could pick of each one, easily. The one closest to Hinata first. 

He had maneuvered Hinata further back though, getting her out of the way. He wouldn’t make the same mistake as last time, he wasn't going to let her get hurt. 

The first one that ventured to reach for him was sloppy. Instead of the Officer grabbing his arm, Naruto grabbed his instead, pulling him off balance by jerking him closer. All he had to do was kick his knee out and he’d be down.

“Naruto! Don’t!” He could hear her shriek. 

He let go abruptly, letting the officer stumble and catch himself on ground. 

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. 

It was just like last time. No. No. He didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to disappoint her. Fuck. Why was he always doing this shit? Why? Why couldn’t he just be the way she needed him to be? 

Fuck.

He put his hands up quickly. “I’m sorry-”

He thought he got shot. Just for a millisecond. The force into his chest. 

His legs buckled immediately, falling back into his door, catching the door handle into his back. 

Two sharp barbs, sticking into his chest through the black material of his shirt, exposed by his unzipped jacket. 

His jaw never felt anything until that. He felt his eyes flutter. Who knew a taser could do more damage than a blunt force hit to the head. He could handle that better. “Fuck.” He coughed.

“Don’t hurt him, please.” 

“Step back, ma’am!” 

He couldn’t get up. He couldn’t help her. “Fuck.” 

He could feel them zip tie his hands together. He heard the stupid, cliche lines they all have to say. The “rights” he had. Fucking joke. 

“Do you have any weapons. Do you plan to harm us in anyway.”

“Fuck you.” He groaned. 

He could feel them press their knee into his chest, leaning over him, feeling the pressure on his back. He couldn’t hold it in anymore. He was too fucked now. All the air left his chest around the same time he gasped.

“You’re hurting him!”

“What is going on out here? I want to see some badge numbers. Now.”

No. Fuck no. Not Mr. Umino. 

He could feel them going through all of his pockets. His phone. His wallet. 

The wallet. 

“Look what we got here.” The cop smirked holding up the trifold wallet.


	57. And it goes like this

Naruto had been arrested before. 

A lot.

It had just been awhile. Since he had fucked up that bad. 

He had honestly, legitimately thought that this wouldn’t happen again. Because he meant what he had said to Hinata. He thought he was better. He thought he could finally, finally be the guy that she needed him to be. 

What a fucking joke. 

Except nobody was laughing. 

Well. Someone was. There was manic laughing coming from a holding cell, somewhere further down the hall. 

Booking was pretty self explanatory. Photos. Finger prints. He’d be put in a “large” cell, no bigger than his bedroom, with two dozen other people. 

“Uzumaki attacked one of his arresting officers.” One of the CO’s commented to the other. 

Naruto rolled his eyes. Fucking barely. “I promise to play nice on the playground.” 

“Shut the fuck up.” Both CO’s snapped. 

Homey.

“There’s no fucking way I’m cleaning up that lunch room brawl.” One of them frowned. 

“You can put him downstairs.” 

Naruto tuned them out. He had bigger things to worry about. Like when he made bail and had to face Hinata. He needed to formulate an apology that wasn’t “I’m sorry I’m always fucking doing this shit.”

She was going to be so mad at him. What if this was too much. He’d already broken his promises. It hadn’t even been 12 hours since they had got engaged. 

Would she even still want to be engaged to him?

He wished he could rub his face. His hands were starting to feel dead. 

“Get up Uzumaki. Let’s go.” 

Naruto let out an heavy breath before heaving himself off the metal bench he had been patiently waiting on. He was taller than the CO. He could probably take him if he wanted to. 

But he’s all the way inside Central Booking. He’d been there before. Not for more than an hour or two. Just chilling out in the pen, literally what he’d imagine a pig pen to be like. Until his bail hearing, and Hinata would post it immediately, like she was sitting around waiting for it. 

 

Which… honestly she probably had been all those times. 

God he was the fucking worst. 

Naruto rolled his neck, following the blue clad officer in front of him. He didn’t want to think about how much he had fucked up Hinata’s life right now. 

“I’ve just gotta say, thank you so much for my new outfit. It looks like I’m in a Yeezy photoshoot.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Now the socks and sandals look I could do without.”

“You’ve already been tased once today. You’re aware there isn’t a limit in here like there is out there.”

Naruto paused, weighing the validity of the statement before shutting his mouth. 

The elevator ride down was a tad awkward, to say the least. 

The hairs rose on the back of Naruto’s neck, like his body was coming to the severity of the situation faster than he was. The floor that he came out on was sterile white, with dark grey slate doors. Complete silence. 

No. No. “Wait, what the fuck?” Naruto jerked back. He could feel his heart rate going, his blood pressure skyrocketing. 

This has never happened to him. He’d never fucked up this badly. 

How many times was he going to think that and be proven wrong. 

“This floor is on lockdown inmate. Silent. Means no more jokes.”

He wasn’t an inmate. This was just holding. It was just supposed to be holding. 

“Hey, hey, hey, come on man. I don’t need this.  
I’m- I’m not gonna do anything. Come on man, please don’t-”

The CO reached up onto his chest, clicking the black radio. “Open.” 

It clicked, unlocking. He could hear the heaviness of the door as it rolled. The echoing, so loud in the quiet. 

“Step in.”

It was as small as a closet. Concrete. Metal frame bed, no blankets. A toilet. No sink. 

He couldn’t breathe. 

“Don’t I get like, a phone call? And a bail hearing. Or an. Ah rain… ahraine… What is that called?”

“Step in! Now!”

He could feel it. 

That feeling, like everything he’d been through, everything that made him - him. A man. It was like he could feel it physically being stripped away. Torn from him like flesh and bone. 

Rendering him the child. 

Scared and alone. 

The door shut behind him. 

“No. No. No. Please don’t leave me in here.” 

It was already closed. 

He stepped towards the bed, but stopped. He didn’t want to sit on it. He didn’t want to stay in here. 

He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think. 

“Fuck.” He chest clenched. 

Hinata would come get him. She would. 

She would? Right?

“Please. Please. Please, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

He crouched down, trying to grab his hair but his hands were still cuffed together in front of him. He tried to steady his breathing, but he didn’t feel in control of his body anymore. That feeling, that it was in control of him. 

Not good. 

He only missed one dose. This had to more than his own fucked up bipolar. He knew solitary fucked people up but he’d been there all of ten seconds. 

He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breath. 

He could see his tiny, little baby chubby hands gripping the plastic blue of the pack and play. 

Don’t leave me in here. 

He could hear the echoing footsteps of the CO leaving the cell.

He could hear his bag drop on the empty closet floor, the lights off, too scared to know what he already knew. 

She’s gone. She isn’t coming back. 

“I’m sorry.”

What was he sorry for? Everything. Everything he’s ever done? For being him? For the mistake of being alive.

He could feel the cuffs cutting into his skin. 

“Please.” 

Come cuddle me. Let’s get pancakes. You should wear a coat. The park will be cold.

Her circled his words through his head, falling back onto his ass on the concrete floor. 

He could hear the sound of his voice but not the way he was making it. An unnerving experience. Well, he knew he was having a complete break down, but experiencing it is different then understanding it. 

He didn’t have to hear himself for long though. 

The ear splitting sound of an alarm, the shut off of the lights. 

Silent floor. 

He’d already broken the rules. Now he had a whole floor of inmates, pissed off.

A perfect way to start the day.


	58. Bonds

He sat on the floor, legs crossed, head leaning against the metal of the cot. His hands - he’d definitely fucked up there. He’d dug in a little too deep with the cuffs. Red, raw, a little traces of dried blood on the edges. They laid in his lap, watching the damage that he’d done. There wasn’t much else to watch. 

He made that stupid mistake, of paying attention to his breathing. He hated that feeling, of manually pumping his chest. He couldn’t unthink of it though after that, with nothing else to take up the brain space. He felt the air whistle through his nose, feeling his chest heave up. He closed his mouth, pausing, holding it. Slow, out. 

In. Out. 

How long had he been down there?

He didn’t know anything about law. Or his rights. 

He just had the hope that New York Jail system wouldn’t leave him there to die. Just hoped that Hinata wouldn’t let that happen to him. 

It was boring. Obviously. Nobody said prison was supposed to be the time of your life. It was supposed to be repentant. Reflective. 

Reflecting on what exactly? His joyous upbringing. His wonderful academic achievements? His lively and prosperous college experience? His life long friendships?

What a fucking joke. 

The only thing he had going for him was Hinata, and he couldn’t make that relationship go well if his life depended on it. 

And it kind of did. 

He opened his mouth, sucking in another deep breath, this time through his teeth. 

The door slid open. 

He blinked a couple times, chewing the bottom of his lip. 

He thought he wanted to get out. 

But what was he supposed to say to Hinata now?

You’d think that maybe that’s what he would’ve been working on. Instead of keeping himself alive. Taking breaths. 

“Lets go.” It was a different CO from earlier. Same, fake, authoritarian posturing. Same underlying fear of him. 

The correctional officer had a radio, a baton, a taser, pepper spray, but both him and Naruto knew, that if he really wanted to, Naruto could probably do whatever the fuck he wanted to him. At least for a little while, till more guys came. 

The CO was just lucky that Naruto wasn’t a rabid dog anymore. He had an owner he was keen on getting back to. 

He pushed back against the metal frame, trying to shimmy his way up. No hands. Fucked up back. 

He could see the CO smirk. 

Mistake number one. Underestimating him. Naruto bit back a little smile.

Sure big man. Think what you want. 

Naruto knew the truth. 

The floor didn’t feel the same way to him leaving as it did coming down. Like the first time you discover roaches in your apartment, growing up. Feeling sick to his stomach, not being old enough to know what Raid was. After a couple days, just learn to turn the light on before you get out of bed, don’t open up certain drawers. You get used to it. 

Didn’t mean he wasn’t happy to leave it behind though. 

The noise difference from the floors was striking. It was almost overwhelming. Talking. It hit him as soon as the elevator doors ‘dinged’ open. 

People. 

He never thought he’d be relieved to be dumped in a group cell. His heart dropped when the CO stopped him short, to sectioned off room.

“Come on man, I won’t pull any shit-”

“Shut up.” The guy rolled his eyes. “Sit.”

He was cuffed to the chair, and left at the desk. 

Breathe in, expanding his chest. Breathe out. His stomach clenched. He’s fine. Just breathe. 

“Knock knock.” 

Naruto blinked, trying to glance over his shoulder. “What the hell?”

“Come on. You’re not going to make a Jew joke?”

Naruto’s head lulled as he rolled his eyes. “For the last time, I legitimately thought you were Jewish, okay?”

“You sure did.” Shikamaru stepped through the door, hair neatly tied back, clad in a suit and briefcase.

“You look like a fucking dork.” Shikamaru smirked, startling Naruto out of the storm brewing.

“It’s called fucking fashion Shikamaru, look it up.” 

Shikamaru snorted. “You’re like a hobo, but clean.”

“I don’t think I’d call anything here clean.”

“That’s true. Look let’s get down to business. You’re about to have your bail hearing.”

“Wait. What? Are you my lawyer?” 

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. “Why the fuck do you think I’m in here?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t get a phone call yet or anything.” He had been waiting on it. 

“That’s because you resisted arrest and got your ass thrown downstairs. Not to mention your charge is for six accounts of aggravated assault and battery. This isn’t what I would call a good situation for you.”

Naruto’s stomach churned. “Have you talked to Hinata?” 

“Who do you think called me genius? Look, you can worry about her later. We need to focus on your bail hearing. This is important, you can either get out today or you’re fucked.”

“What do you mean fucked?” Naruto had never not posted bail. 

Besides the very first time. When he got three months for drug possession but that was almost eight or nine years ago now. 

“I mean, a judge won’t grant you bail, or will make it so high that it’ll be impossible to bond you out.”

They could do that? “Okay. What do I need to do?”

“You don’t need to worry about too much, I’ll do most of the talking. Just make sure to not look like a damn thug.” 

Naruto looked down at his tattooed arms, knowing that his neck and face weren’t doing him any favors. 

Shikamaru’s eyes followed the gaze and he rubbed his eyes tiredly. “I know, I know, you look like a fucking MS-13 member. Just sit up straight, pay attention, if the judge asks you a question, don’t lie and address them as ‘your honor’.”

He nodded, once, telling him that he’d understood him. 

“This is just your bail hearing. They’ll set you a different court date, which will probably be in a couple weeks. Everything is so fucking congested here. People aren’t meant to live on top of each other. It’s against our nature. We’re not rats. It’s bad for our psychology.” 

“I hate rats.”

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. “I don’t know too many fans. Anyways, we’ll be able to talk more after this. Whether you’re out or not.”

Naruto nodded, taking a deep breath, trying to settle his nerves. The ‘or not’ part was suffocating. 

“Alright then. I’ll meet you down there.” Shikamaru had to luxury of standing from the desk, and walking from the room, freely, giving him one last parting wave. 

Naruto had to wait a good five minutes, until he was collected. It felt good to finally be uncuffed, but it was immediately cuffed onto a string of five other inmates. Shikamaru was right. They were like rats, in a pile on top of each other. Or like bees in a hive. It was a long walk and a long wait, to meet with the judge. 

The courtroom was small, and it wasn’t like when it was in the movies. There wasn’t a sitting gallery. The judge looked beyond done with his day. 

“Uzumaki, Naruto.” The judge ruffled around a khaki colored envelope, muttering around his case numbers and the names of each of the six individuals.

Naruto’s ears perked at Uzumaki. Nagato Uzumaki? Was the redhead named Nagato. Karin had red hair. That’s… weird right? 

And he was getting a full fled assault charge for that guy? All he did was kick him! What a fucking baby. 

“Mr. Uzumaki. You have had multiple arrests since your first offense eight years ago. You are being charged with assault against six individuals, including a woman. You resisted officers upon your arrest. You are clearly a violent, repeat offender.”

“Your honor, it I could-” Shikamaru tried to cut in. 

“You’ve said your peace. I’m placing Mr. Uzumaki’s bail at ten thousand dollars per charge.”

Sixty thousand dollars? That was his bail. He’d have to bond out at six thousand. Who just had six thousand dollars in cash? Definitely not him. He didn’t even have enough money for rent that month. 

“Should Mr. Uzumaki make bail, I think it would be safest for the City or New York to not have him on the streets. He will only be bonded out onto an ankle monitor, and will be place under house arrest until his trial date.”

Naruto looked to the ground, trying to keep his composure. So, even if he could come up with six thousand dollars in cash to bond out, he’d basically be in jail in his own house. 

Breathe. Breathe. 

“Should that so happen, I am placing him into the custody of a third party that can vouch for his whereabouts and ensure he is not at risk of skipping his trial date.”

He honestly didn’t even know what that meant anymore. There were too many ifs. If he could make bail. If he could find a third party. If. If. All those ifs for what, to be stuck in his house for weeks until he would ultimately have to come back. 

“I have a third party packet, filled out already your honor. If I could approach the bench.”

Naruto stopped. 

What? 

Already filled? Shikamaru knew this was going to happen?

He knew. ‘You don’t need to worry about too much.’ Bullshit. Shikamaru fucking knew this would happen. He knew and didn’t warn him 

Breathe, Naruto. You can’t freak out in front of a judge. Breathe. 

“Alright. I’ll approve this packet. Mr. Uzumaki. Your bail is being place at sixty thousand dollars, and you will be remanded to the custody of,” the Judged paused, looking back to the top of the paper. “Hinata Hyuuga.”

Fuck.


	59. Little Orphant Naruto

Old Hinata and New Hinata were like entirely different people. But the situations seemed to remain the same. That wasn’t her fault. She was just a victim of Naruto. 

Naruto and his inability to live life correctly. 

In his defense, he had kind of had a shit deal. A foster kid, shuffled around in group homes. Paired with a wickedly complicated mental illness. He had really been shafted in life, honestly.

Usually, Naruto tried not to dwell on that. Usually, Naruto tired to battle life with overwhelming optimism, the ‘fake it till you make it’ kind of attitude. 

There was a natural cycle to that though. (Such is cyclical bipolar.)

He worked, and he pushed and he pretended everything was fantastic. And for awhile, he could believe it. Like the beginning of college. Or the beginning of his relationship with Hinata. Or his new fresh start now. He thought that he could keep that up. Being happy. Being normal. 

It always. Always. Went to shit. 

That was his life. College ended in him trying to commit suicide in a bathtub. Hinata and him ended when she left him, after too, too, too damn much. And now, be had went out and ruined his “fresh start.” His “new life.”

But it has never been that. Never. It was just Naruto. His old, fucked up life, cloaked in something he thought could make him happy. 

That was the sick joke, though. The dark punchline. That he was never meant to be happy. He was never meant to live a life like that. 

He had been born in the fucking gutter, raised by the worst this world had to offer and had since just been pouring his misery back onto the world. 

He should’ve just ended it a long time ago. The cycle. His life.

What would life be like? If he had died when he intended. What would Hinata’s life be like. He knew she had a crush on him, but they weren’t together. She would’ve gotten over it. They all would’ve have. 

How long would he draw this out now? How much was he going to ruin her life? To keep up this charade. 

“Can I smoke in here?” 

“No. Sorry.”

Shikamaru sighed, rubbing his eyes. 

“Would you like coffee?” 

He nodded. 

Naruto watched Hinata at the counter. She stood differently than Old Hinata. She had straighter posture. She wore less baggy clothes. She joked with him more. 

Or she did. 

She had been tight lipped, arms folded, eyes narrowed since he had got there. She had talked to the Officer, told them where they could put the box that made sure he couldn’t step a single inch outside of her apartment. She had signed all the paperwork, making her legally responsible for his court appearances and any of his possible violations while awaiting trial. 

Old Hinata, (or maybe Naruto should be referring to her as Young Hinata?) she had been an awkward, stuttering mess, bringing him into her apartment, after staying at the hospital with him. She was been so worried about everything, wringing her hands, tucking her hair behind her ear, stumbling over her words.

New Hinata hadn’t done any of those things. Not even close. She had ticked off all of the Officers boxes and promptly escorted them out of her apartment. 

“I got stuff to make pancakes.” 

It took a minute for Naruto to register that she was talking to him. “Okay.” He replied, quietly. 

She had went about making them for him, leaving Naruto and Shikamaru at her tiny table three feet away. There were only two chairs, so after she was done, she just leaned against the counter. 

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow at Naruto’s plate. “Nutella and bananas?”

“It’s delicious.” Naruto’s voice felt exhausted and flat. 

It was his favorite.

“I have a question.” 

Naruto raised an eyebrow.

“Why did these people attack you?”

He shrugged his shoulder a little. “He didn’t want me fighting Muay Thai.”

“Because you beat him before?” Shikamaru asked for clarification.

Naruto nodded. “Yeah. Um, I wasn’t projected to win, so he probably lost out on some money. Didn’t want me mucking up the prospects again?”

“Don’t you think that’s a little far fetched?” 

“What?”

“That sounds like some late night TV shit.”

Naruto scoffed. “Are you kidding me? I’ve seen mother fuckers get stabbed over a dime bag, let alone on thousands.”

He looked between Shikamaru and Hinata, still not looking one hundred percent sold. Dubious. 

“You two wouldn’t get it. ‘Money isn’t everything’ until you don’t got none. People like that, they don’t take too kindly to someone stepping in a chipping off their dollars. My own coach was ready to take a hit at me for ending a fight at round one. You don’t think losing out on thousands of dollars on me wouldn’t make a guy a little ready to jump me?”

“So is there anyone else lying in wait for you?” Shikamaru asked, clearly annoyed and maybe a little condescending. 

“Maybe.” He couldn’t keep the sneer off his face. “His coach. His manager. His bookie. Anyone who lost on a favorable bet, that I upset.”

“That’s insane.”

“That’s life.” Naruto countered. 

He remembered the hookers, standing out there in winter. One going missing and the rest still stepping out the next night, not by choice, but because they fucking had to. 

He remembered drug dealers paying him in change for the candy machine, just to stand at the edge of the park looking for cops. How many people had pulled a gun on him, a child, just to be sure. Just so they wouldn’t get caught or miss out on money. 

He remembered the gang members, beating people over things less than forty dollars. Debts that Shikamaru or Hinata could’ve paid off with cash on hand right then. 

It’s a hard knock life, he could practically hear Annie singing it. 

Maybe Hinata was his Daddy Warbucks.

“Well on that cheerful note, this is basically it.” Shikamaru yawned

“What do you mean?”

“All you have to do is chill here for a few days, and then you’re home free. We just have to use the video evidence at the Chinese convenient store-”

“Taiwanese.” Naruto and Hinata corrected at the same time. 

Despite how empty he currently felt, it made him quirk a little smile. 

“Whatever. And we’ll just submit that to-”

“You can’t use that video evidence.” Naruto cut him off. 

“Why the fuck not? That’s the only thing that proves they baited and attacked you. And why the fuck you would do what you did and that you’re not some maniac that needs to be locked up.”

“I’m not the only person that’s going to be on that tape.” Naruto glanced over at Hinata and back. “Contrary to what the judge said, I don’t hit women.”

“I already know about Hinata.” Shikamaru countered. 

Yeah. They had loads of time to talk. Apparently. And fill out packets and such. 

“It’s self defense. That’s literally what the tape will prove.”

“You don’t know that. I got a three months, suspended time served drug misdemeanor when I was eighteen for having three vicodin in my pocket.”

“You didn’t have me then.” Shikamaru countered. “You do your job, and I’ll do my job.”

“What is my job exactly?”

“Don’t step your goddamn pinky toe out of this apartment. Don’t even look at alcohol, I’m not even kidding, if you even so much as ingest vanilla extract or drink kombucha I’ll fucking kill you. And pretty self explanatory, don’t do drugs, kids. That’s it. Don’t violate the ankle monitor. That is your only job.” 

That’s seemed… too easy...

“I,” Shikamaru paused to drink out of his mug. “I will get the video footage submitted over to the prosecutors. It’ll take a couple days. More than likely, they’ll drop the case altogether. It shouldn’t take more than a week.”

“What happens if they don’t?”

Hinata shifted at the counter. “Naruto-”

“What do you mean? You want to know worse case scenario?”

Naruto nodded.

Hinata shook her head. “He doesn’t need to worry about that.”

Shikamaru used the most, professional, clinical voice Naruto had ever heard from him. Like he was a doctor, giving him a terminal cancer diagnosis. 

“Assault and battery of the alleged nature are usually felonies punishable by approximately one to twenty-five years in prison.”

Naruto dropped his fork. 

“But that’s not going to happen.” Hinata pressed. 

“One to twenty-five?” Naruto echoed. “I’m being charged with six of those.”

“That’s six to one hundred and fifty.” Shikamaru confirmed his thoughts.

Naruto felt sick. He could spend the rest of his life in prison. The rest of his sorry fucking life. Even the best outcome, six years. What the fuck would his life be life after six years inside? After he was a fucking felon?”

No more Hinata. No more friends. No more fighting career. There’s no way those things would wait around six years for him. He didn’t deserve them now, let alone after that. 

“That’s not going to happen Naruto.” Hinata pressed. “Shikamaru is going to email the tapes, and it’ll just take a couple days for everything to gets taken care of.”

Naruto looked down at his pancakes. 

“Going to trail is not what you want. Getting them to drop the charges is best case. Okay?” 

He nodded his head.

“Listen to Hinata.” Shikamaru tilted his head back and finished the rest of his cup. “I gotta get going. Temari’s going to be up my ass.”

It was late. After being released, Naruto came to learn that he had spent about twenty-two to twenty-three hours in solitary confinement, and about nine hours waiting for his bail to post. So it was now Sunday evening. 

Hinata had work in the morning. 

She sat with him as he swallowed down the pancakes. He couldn’t taste anything after he had heard the words “six to one hundred and fifty”, but he finished them anyways and thanked her. 

“I just tried to get anything I thought you’d need from your place.” 

There was a cardboard box. She had done his pile of laundry that he had bagged, waiting to get washed. The pillow from “his side” of the bed back at his place. He grabbed his orange container of meds from the bottom as soon as he saw it. He had now missed two doses of it and needed to take it as soon as possible. Naruto’s whole chest dropped when he saw his notebook.

“Did you read this?” The words flew out of his mouth faster than he could process them. 

The notebook. Basically every pathetic, fucked up thing he had ever thought, written down and saved in there since she left him. What the fuck would she think after reading some of the things in there? Things about him wanting to die. Things about her her that were so deep they bordered on obsessive and unhealthy. 

The first page is wilted white flowers and sentences scribbled like a child. ‘Feeling a little better. Still miss Hinata a shit ton. Kind of want to die. Am afraid of dying.’ 

So fucking pathetic. 

He felt sick, after she didn’t even answer.

“It doesn’t matter.” He decided, quickly. “Can I take a shower?”

“Yeah, of course.”

He reburied the notebook with the pile of his clothes, and picked out a couple pieces that he would need.

“The towels are under the sink.” She informed his quietly.

He nodded before shutting the door. Locking it. He turned on the sink before the shower, taking one of his pills with a handful of water. He needed to calm down. He could feel in building up inside of him. He had made a promise to himself. To Hinata. That he was different now. He couldn’t freak out on her. He couldn’t. The night, months ago, that he screamed at her and punched a hole in their wall had been burned into his memory. 

She didn’t deserve it. She had bent over backwards to help him get out. She was letting him stay at her place. The only thing she deserved was Naruto groveling at her feet. 

Not being a snappy ass little shit. 

He tried not to take too long in the shower. He cleaned the prison feel off of him, staring down at the thick black contraption on his ankle. He tried to tackle his resolve. 

He was losing. 

The overwhelming feeling of being suffocated by the entire universe filled him. He shut the tap off. 

He quickly redressed himself, making his way back to her bedroom. 

She had changed into pajamas too. Softly, comfy clothes. 

“So I got the couch?”

Hinata froze, turning to stare at him. 

He didn’t mean it literally. One, because her couch was a tiny love seat. 

Second: He meant it as a joke. Echoing an achingly familiar parallel in their relationship. The first thing he said, walking into her apartment. A long, long time ago. He could practically feel the stomach pain, the sore throat, from it being pumped of the lethal dose of drugs he’d downed. 

“This isn’t like last time.” Hinata promised him, trying to make him feel better. 

It felt like last time. 

“It’s not.” She insisted. 

“I was just joking.” He dismissed her. 

She played with her fingers, looking across the canyon between them. “Do you… maybe want to watch something?”

“I think I just want to lay down.” 

“Okay.”

She had put his orange pillow on the side closest to the door. Which is where he slept the last time they had shared a bedroom. He stood there awkwardly, for a moment, ruffling the back of his damp hair, before approaching her bed. 

It was smaller than his bed. Their old bed. It felt newer. Stiffer. Her blankets were softer though. Probably more expensive than the one he randomly grabbed at that bodega. 

She turned the lights off and clapped her hand softly for Argus, who had since been chilling on a big dog bed near the TV. 

Hinata laid down on her side, Argus at the foot. She really was short. 

He couldn’t sleep. Even though he hadn’t in his cell. Even though the Seroquel made him drowsy. 

He couldn’t sleep. 

He wanted Hinata’s alarm clock and the red numbers tick down into the wee hours of the night. 

He couldn’t tell if she was awake or asleep either. 

Breathe. In. Out. He couldn’t tell what his fucking problem was. Was he swinging into hypomania? Was he feeling panicked about the possibilities of this case? Was he having residual panic of being in isolation? Was the guilt of even engaging Yahiko going to consume him. 

It came out, a soft whisper. 

“Do you think, it would’ve been better if I had stopped calling you?”

She tensed in the bed immediately. She was awake. Her fingers reached over to him, on his bicep curled inwards. He could tell, her hands were on his tattoo? Could she feel those scars? Did she know how broken he honestly was? Truly. He would never be fixed. Did she understand that? Did he understand that?

“Like, if I had left you alone. Like you wanted. If I would’ve let you go. You dated, you did new things. You think you’d be happier? Without me.”

“No.” Her voice was quick and hard. A promise. “I didn’t leave you because I didn’t want to be with you. I needed to take care of myself. So did you. But I’ve never stopped loving you.”

“You don’t think you’d be better off if you didn’t?”

“I don’t understand.”

“I think you’d be happier without me.” Correction - he knew she would.

“What are you talking about?” Her voice cracked. “You love me. You said you wanted to be with me forever. To marry you. You promised.”

“I do.” Naruto felt her fear now. Why had he even brought it up? He was so fucking dumb. “I love you. More than anything.” 

“Then stop asking me things like that.” She sounded like she was on the verge of tears. 

“Okay. I’m sorry.” Naruto paused, feeling the ache of his chest. 

Sorry for what? Sorry for hurting her so much. Sorry for causing these kinds of problems. 

“For everything.” 

“It’s okay.”

“I do love you.” Naruto promised. “I do want to be with you. You’re… the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Hinata tightened herself around him, kissing the side of his face. 

He exhaled. Okay. He could do this. He could survive this out. He could do what he had to do. He would.


	60. Your job and mine

Naruto really didn’t feel any better. He felt like an empty eggshell. But, after making Hinata almost cry last night, like a dick, he settled something within himself. He was going to do the Naruto thing, and make this shitty situation as best as humanly possible. Or at least try. 

He kissed Hinata as soon as she laid back down on her pillow, after hitting snooze on her alarm clock. 

“Good morning?” She blinked. 

She still looked tired, which was his fault.

“Good morning beautiful.”

“You’re in… a better mood.” Her voice was careful, quiet.

He should apologize. But he knew that Hinata would just say it was okay. She was too kind. Too sweet. Loved him too much. Didn’t want him to take the blame for being shitty. But it was true, he had been.

He looked around her room for… something. “So, what do you do to get ready for work?”

She sat up next to him, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand. “Um, I have to take aaaaaaa-” She was cut off by a gigantic yawn. “A shower. Excuse me.”

Who says excuse me about a yawn? Naruto bit back a smile, lovingly bemused. 

“Then I feed Argus. Make some coffee. Take him out.”

“Okay.” He nodded, committing that to memory.

He rubbed the back of his hair down. It was getting ridiculously long now. He didn’t know when he’d be able to get another haircut, but he didn’t want to think about that right now. 

“Um, I can feed Argus and start your coffee.”

Hinata blinked at him. “You don’t know how to make coffee.”

He shrugged. “Google knows.”

She pressed her lips together, sucking them in a little to hide her smile. “You’re going to google it?” 

How else did people learn stuff? 

Naruto leaned in next to her, tucking the hair behind her ear, to he had full access. He lowered his voice into a gravely whisper. “Yup.” He popped the ‘p’ before standing up from her bed. 

Hinata let out a little snort. “I can just show you.”

Naruto threw his head back. “I don’t need you. I have google.”

A lie if he ever told one. He’d always need Hinata. 

She was giggling now, rolling her eyes. “Okay, well, if you’re that intent on making it, you can use the French press. It’s easier.”

“French press. Got it.” 

He walked out to the tiny kitchen, already googling “what is a French press”. 

He knew he was acting weird. He felt weird. Off. 

He was just trying to get himself sorted out. He had a problem with that sometimes. Getting everything in his brain sorted and placed. He didn’t want to upset Hinata again, trying to hash out his feelings out loud. 

Naruto poured in the boiling water, following the wikihow article to a T, putting the lid on it but not pressing the little strainer down yet. He put a four minute timer on her microwave and got out a thermos, creamer and sugar. He’d let her do all that herself though, since it was based on preference and he didn’t know what she would want. It felt about as wrong as putting hot sauce on someone else’s food, that was a sacred decision that shouldn’t be infringed upon. 

But, didn’t movies show like secretaries knowing exactly what their employers drank? How did an office admin know more about their boss than he did about his girlfriend?

Fiancé. 

“Argus, where’s your food?” He was mostly talking to himself, but the dog was right next to him. 

Argus immediately set down in front of his bowl. Which was empty. 

“Good boy.” Naruto praises him anyways. Cause what was he really expecting? For Argus to give him the exact location. 

Naruto pauses, looking at Argus. Whose bowl was right in front of a little kitchen cabinet. He cracked it open, and sure enough. 

He didn’t know why it made him smile. Because Hinata was organized and efficient? That seemed like a stupid thing to love about someone. 

But he loved everything about Hinata. 

“You look… happy.”

He didn’t have to wait long for Hinata to get ready. She was never really “high maintenance”. She wasn’t like those girls with full faces of makeup and fancy hair everyday. She just never seemed that into it. Honestly, unless she was wearing a lot, he couldn’t really tell anyways if she was wearing none or a little anyways. Not that he had ever cared if she did or didn’t.

She was just the way he remembered her every morning. Pant suit. Fresh face. Long, thick dark hair, pin straight down her back. It was getting really long. 

Pretty. Sexy. He might’ve been a little biased, since he was in love with her and all.

“Damn,” he smirked at her.

She blushed, looking away from him, approaching the counter, getting her coffee ready. 

“How do you make your coffee?”

Hinata quirked an eyebrow, giving Naruto a little glance.

He shrugged. “Just feels like something I should know. For tomorrow.”

Her look stayed level for a few seconds before turning back to the counter. “Okay.” She finally decided. He didn’t know what she was thinking, about him, about this. But she agreed. 

She showed him how much creamer she poured in and then sugar. She finished up her coffee and placed the lid on it. Easy enough for him to remember. 

“Argus,” His name wasn’t even fully out of her mouth before he was brushing up against her pant leg. “I’m going to take him out. I’ll be right back.”

Naruto nodded. 

After the door shut behind her, he leaned back onto the counter. He looked around her apartment, like he was surveying his new lands. He took a deep breath, trying to keep up his fake positive attitude he had going. 

He could this. 

He could make the best of this. It would be fine. 

Her apartment was small. Cute. Homey. All he had to do was stay in it. Shikamaru’s words. His one job. It didn’t look like there was any alcohol in here. He wasn’t sure if she just didn’t keep it around or if she had made it scarce because of him. And she sure as hell didn’t have any drugs around. He knew that as a fact. 

All he had to do was stay inside. 

Easy peasy?

He rolled his head around, cracking his neck, taking a deep breath. Except he had never, ever been one to just sit inside all day. Besides when he was depressed. 

He would have to though. He didn’t have another choice. Because the only other option was lock up. To be away from Hinata. And that wasn’t something he was going to pick willingly. Ever. 

Hinata made it back into the house with Argus. “Okay. I’ll come back on my lunch break. And I was thinking about stopping at your place before coming home tonight, in case you need anything else than the stuff I grabbed.”

“That’s okay, you don’t have to do that.” 

“I cleaned out a drawer for you, if you want to put your stuff in it.” She told him, casually. 

It wasn’t a casual invite. He was putting his clothes away. In her apartment. 

He swallowed. “Okay.” 

It’s not like last time. She promised him it wasn’t like last time. 

It felt like last time. 

He didn’t want that. He didn’t want to repeat the last four of five years of his life. He didn’t want Hinata to feel like she was taking care of him again. He didn’t want to fall back into the pattern of throwing the weight of their lives onto her shoulders. 

He wanted to move on. For fucks sake. He felt like they were back at the very beginning. 

And he knew the ending of this story. Hinata, leaving him. 

He didn’t want that. He was supposed to be better. He was trying so hard to be better. 

He just… had to try harder. He guessed. Cause he had no other choice. Try harder or give up. And he couldn’t give up. He would just dig his heels in and grind it out. 

“You can call me anytime. If I’m in a meeting, I can probably still text you if you need me. You’re,” Hinata tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear, grabbing her mug. A big tote of files hung in the crook of her arm. “You’re going to be okay?”

Naruto nodded. He had to be. 

“Okay.” She nodded too. 

She was near the door, her keys ready, but she stopped, and made her way back over to Naruto. She stood on her tiptoes, grabbing his arm, leaning up to plant a little kiss on his cheek. 

She leaned back to look at him. He knew she was worried about him. She was always worried about him. ‘Well, you do some stupid shit.’ Ino said. He wanted to do better. Be better. For Hinata. 

He reached out, grabbing the back of her neck softly (it hadn’t been that long ago that she’d gotten fucking choked) and kissed her how he actually wanted to. 

Her cheeks were a little pinker after that. 

“Go kill it.” Naruto nudged her back to the door. “Argus and I are going to be fine. We’re going do dude stuff. Bro stuff. It’s gonna be lit.”

He knew that Hinata saw right through him. Cause she always did. But she smiled anyways, wrinkling her nose at how dorky he was sounding. “Okay. I love you.”

“I love you too.” Naruto promised. 

“And promise to call me if you need anything.”

“I know.” 

“And if Argus needs anything you can call-”

Naruto rolled his eyes, smiling at how mother hen she was being. “Get out. You’re going to be late.” He walked over to her and the door, reaching around her to unlock it. 

“I just want to make sure everything-”

“Everything’s going to be fine.” He promised her. And himself. “Seize the Day. Carpe diem or whatever. Let’s get this bread.”

“If you need anything-”

Naruto placed his hand on the dip of her back, softly shoving her out the door. “I know. I know. I love you. I’ll call you.”

“Careful!” She turned to look at him, dangerously close to the edge of her apartment. 

His feet were still inside her door. On her little welcome mat. 

“I am.” He promised. “Now go be a boss ass bitch.”

He watched as she almost smiled, her cheeks darkening, but forcing her face into a frown. 

“I love you.” He said forced. It was nicer than saying ‘goodbye’ again.”

“I love you too.” They had already said it.

“Go to work.” Naruto pressed, smiling. 

She was kind of cute.

“I am.” She promised, still not moving. 

“I’m shutting the door now.” Naruto grabbed the handle. “Stairs are that way.” He pointed. 

“I know, I know, I’m just-”

“Have a good day.” Naruto shut the door in her face, locking it. 

He wasn’t trying to be harsh. He just didn’t want her to be late. Didn’t want her to worry about him so much. Didn’t want to make her life harder than it had.

He wanted to make her life easier. He was just ripping off the bandaid. 

He looked to Argus, standing at his feet. “It’s just you and me now, kid.” 

Argus tipped his head, his tongue falling out to the side, panting. He was used to getting extra treats when Naruto was around, which was probably the only reason that he liked him so much. Which was fine by him.

“Where does mom keep the treats.” Naruto asked him. 

Argus’ ears perked up immediately. 

“Let go find them.”

His phone buzzed on the counter. Hinata was already texting him? There’s no way she was even out of the building yet. 

‘Don’t give Argus too many treats.’

Naruto glanced down at his three legged friend. “Foiled again.”

He texted back. ‘Who me? I would never.’

“She won’t know if we just do a couple.” Naruto reasoned.

Argus sniffed approvingly. 

The phone beeped as she texted back. ‘I know how many are in there.’

That was probably true. She probably counted all the pills in his bottle just to be sure he was taking them as well. 

“You’re mother is overbearing.” Naruto smiled, his heart kind of warmed by it. 

‘I dropped the treats in the sink.’ 

It was a junkie joke. What every pill popper had ever told his doctor once or twice. 

All she sent back was a frowny face. 

“Okay Argus. Just one. Cause you’re the best boy.”

Argus licked his hand, approving. 

Naruto leaned back, looking around Hinata’s apartment. It wasn’t going to be like last time. He’d keep her apartment clean. He’d do his job. Exactly like Shikamaru said. He wouldn’t be a lifeless hobo, draining Hinata’s life force. 

He was still in the game. He wouldn’t quit.


	61. Playing House

Calisthenics. Urban workout. The prison experience routine. 

The last one felt ironic. 

Whatever you wanted to call it. It was just working out with your own body and whatever you had on hand. Push ups. Sit ups. Planks. Squats. He tried to do them in like a circuit, kind of a HIIT-esq way. 

Of course he couldn’t forget shadow boxing. His bread and butter. He remembered the first time that he did it at Jiraiya’s gym. He felt like a fucking dork. Now it felt comfortable and familiar. The motions. 

Boxing would always be his favorite part of fighting. Jiu Jitsu was just necessary. 

He moved her love seat out of the way to give himself enough room to move around naturally with the footwork. He did a couple of kick combos as well but he didn’t want to do too much and accidentally break something. Her apartment was small and he was tall and had a long reach. 

He made sure to put her couch back, smoothing out the rug and straightening the coffee table. 

Hinata said that she was coming home for lunch. And it was nearing that, general lunch time. So he hopped in the shower, so he didn’t smell like he had been doing push ups all morning. When he went to grab clean clothes, he’d forgotten to put his clothes away. 

He pulled on a long sleeve and some joggers and tried to not just ball up everything into the drawer. Down at the bottom was his notebook. He held the flimsy college rule in hands. It was torn and used up. Did she really read it? Honestly it could go either way with Hinata. She was respectful but also overbearing sometimes. She already knew he was just a mess. Would her reading it be any worse? 

He didn’t want her to know he was a mess though. Sometimes, he wished that they could start over. And maybe she’d just ask him out on a normal date. And maybe he never had his crazy break down. And maybe they just dated like normal people and she never knew any of this crazy shit about himself. 

He knew that fantasy could never exist. He didn’t ever take care of himself until… well… until just recently.

But he wished it could be true. That he could just be like her normal boyfriend that didn’t need all the extra stupid shit. 

He flipped to a new page in the book.

‘I don’t feel like I belong in this place or with her. But I wish I did. I wish I could be better.’

He flipped that sour note over, and instead wrote down his new modified workout. He still needed purpose. Needed goals. He didn’t want to be the guy at the beginning of the notebook. He felt like he could slip into it at any moment. The hopeless, lost feeling. 

No. Not this time. Goals. He needed focus. 

The only thing he had ever been good at, was being a fighter. His career had just started. He’d only got two fights in so far, but he knew he had a shot at it. At least small time. Enough to make (very) humble living off of. And it would keep him on track. Keep him focused. The training was hard, but he could schedule it differently if he was depressed or if he was getting hypomanic. It was something that he could keep up with, that would keep him on track. 

He wouldn’t let all the progress he’d made just go to shit while he was stuck in Hinata’s apartment. He might not be able to make gains without access to weights, a bag or a live partner, but maybe he could minimize his losses. 

Damage control. 

“Babe,” Hinata called into the apartment. 

He turned to look at her bedroom door. He hadn’t even heard her come in. He closed the notebook with his pen keeping the page, and shut it in his drawer. 

“I’m in here.” He told her, just so she’d stop internally freaking out about him perhaps not being there. He smiled, thinking about his poor lady’s crazy thoughts. 

She met him at the bedroom door, looking around him, to see if she could get at hint at what he was doing.

“Taking a nap?” She guessed. 

“No, I was just putting my stuff away. I forgot to do it earlier, so,” He smoothed down his damp hair. 

“Did you take another shower.”

“Yeah, I was sweaty.”

Her face scrunched, obviously disgusted with the possibilities of how he became that way. “What were you doing?” She asked quietly, like she really didn’t want to know but felt morally obligated to ask. 

“Watching cops.” He smirked. 

She did not look amused at the Step-Brothers quote.

“I was just working out a little.” He laughed

“Oh?” She blinked. 

He nodded.

They were both still standing in the doorway to her bedroom, so he gently grabbed her around I the arm and turned her, back to her living room/kitchen. 

“Hungry?” He could hear the smile on her face, even though he was looking at the back of her head. 

“Starving.”

“You didn’t eat breakfast?”

“I did.” 

She had gotten him cereal, which he used to really liked. A lot. But he just had a small bowl that morning, nothing too crazy and he washed out the bowl and spoon, and put them back after they dried. Which is probably why she thought he didn’t have anything. She wasn’t used to the Naruto that did dishes. 

It’s okay. She’d have time to get used to it. He had time to show her he was different. 

“How was work?” He asked, sitting down at her tiny table. 

“It was fine.” She settled it dismissively. 

Probably worried about him the whole time. Naruto brushed his tongue on the inside of his teeth. “You look pretty fine.”

She scrunched her face up, leaning back in her chair a little. “Eat your food.”

Naruto popped open the lid of the styrofoam take out she had brought. 

“You’re trying to make me fat.” He smirked.

Hinata rolled her eyes, looking down at her own food, deciding not to engage in his childish behavior.

“Maybe you like me better fat.” 

“You’ve never been fat.” Hinata finally huffed, throwing one of her own French fries at him. 

“Don’t you like me better jacked?” Naruto flexed, which was still visible through the material of his shirt but lowering the impressive nature of his gains.

“I always like you.” She dismissed him. 

“You want me to go up a weight class.”

She blinked up from her food, pointedly. She had made her feelings on that subject known before. 

“Which class you want me in?” Assuming he wasn’t taken to trial and sentenced for the next six to one hundred and fifty - forevers, ending his career. And life.

Hinata made a big show of dolloping ketchup on her styrofoam and ignoring him. Because he already knew. They’d already had this conversation. But he’d rather repeat things that have to talk about what was actually going on.

Make it just seem like a chill lunch than their reality. 

“Alright. Fine. What do you want my exact fight weight to be?”

Hinata used her index finger to shift her bangs out of her eyes. She needed a trim. “I don’t want it to be your fight weight. I want it to be your real weight.”

She was very anti weight cut. 

Naruto looked into her eyes for a second. They were ridiculous, honestly. Such a pretty grey. He’d never seen someone with eyes like that before. Besides her sister. But Hinata’s were prettier. 

“Okay. Lay it on me.”

“One ninety-nine.” 

Naruto pursed his lips, raising his eyebrow. “We’re just blowing past middleweight into light heavy huh?”

She nodded confidently. 

“There’s a lot of big mofos in cruiserweight too. I don’t know if my kicks will measure up in Muay Thai.”

Hinata’s eyes fluttered. “You know you have good kicks. Don’t fish for compliments.”

“I need your validation, Hinata!” Naruto said it with enough passion to play if off as a joke, which it definitely was not. 

But too loud. 

Argus’ head dipped, pressing his body against Hinata’s legs and her chair. 

“Oops. Sorry buddy.” Naruto grabbed a handful of his fries and dropped them onto the floor next to him in his peace offering. 

“So, 199.99? Hm.”

“Don’t get greedy.” She pat Argus’ head, tucked onto her lap.

“That’s like almost thirty pounds I have to gain.”

Hinata scoffed playfully. “Don’t pretend you’re still 170. You weren’t even really 170 on your fight. You would’ve drank a glass of water that day you would’ve been over the limit.” 

“Wrestlers do it all the time.” He reminded her. 

She smiled. She had really pretty smiles. Almost perfectly straight, with a little dimple, and straight white teeth. He swallowed, staring at her. “You won’t have to at light-heavy.” Her voice sounded victorious. 

“Yeah, who am I kidding. I’m liable to go over 199 if I don’t watch it.” He smirked, shoving more fries in his mouth.

“Not likely.” Hinata promised. 

“You don’t have a scale.” Naruto shrugged. “So it’s like roulette. We’ll just chance it.”

Naruto watched her smile halt a little as she looked down at her food. “I don’t think scales are healthy.” 

He doesn’t know why she was justifying it. He was just pointing out the fact, not saying she should buy one. She never had one. No big deal.

“It’s not like you need one, you’re hot as fuck.” 

His comment didn’t work the way he had intended. She was staring at her food weirdly, lost in thought or something. 

He knew something was up with her. But if roles were reversed, Hinata would’ve been able to read his damn mind. At least that’s what it felt like sometimes. Naruto knew Hinata well enough that he could see her little cues, like when they were out and she wanted to go home but didn't want to say it. Or if he was doing something she didn’t like but didn’t want to tell him. But Hinata knew everything, like everything. And she knew exactly what to say to make him feel better too. 

Naruto was not as equipped. 

“Excuse me, Ma’am, hello, I’m hitting on you.”

She looked up and frowned at him. “I heard you, you don’t need to be so rude.” 

“Well you ain’t blushing enough. What else do I got to say?”

“Nothing!” She scrunched her nose, smiling again. “Be quiet and eat your food.” 

“Yes ma’am.” Naruto smirked at her. 

It was nicer to pretend that he was fine. That they were fine. Like playing house. 

Like he wasn’t on an ankle monitor, remanded into her custody. 

Much better to not think about it. Or talk about it. Or acknowledged it in any way shape or form. 

She couldn’t stay for long. Traveling to and from work and ordering the food had probably took a big chunk out of her time. She most likely had a meeting or a deadline coming up or something. She didn’t have a lunch break as strict as some places like retail where you have a set thirty. She could take time out of the office anytime as long as there wasn’t a meeting and she was on track for her project deadlines. 

It was easier to get her out the door that time. She seemed a tiny bit less worried knowing that he hadn’t set her place on fire or bailed and was sent back to jail during the morning. 

“I’m taking the treats with me.” She decided, after inspecting the bag and finding it too empty for her liking. 

Both Naruto and Argus whined in complaint. 

“Be good.” She waves salutations.

“Me or Argus?” Naruto leaned against her counter. 

She smiled at the door. “Yes.” 

After she left, Naruto scanned her apartment again. He had done that a thousand times so far today. It felt like walking over to the fridge repeatedly, only to find the same things still there. 

He had already worked out. He didn’t want to do all the same things again and risk over training. It was better to just do a certain amount if sets per day. Plus he didn’t want to have to take another shower and waste her water and rack up her bills.

What could he do? His hands tapped rhythmically on his thighs, looking to her tiny table. The food bags had been cleared and thrown away, but there were a couple crumbs, mostly on Naruto’s side, that had been left behind. 

Which is how Naruto found himself on hands and knees, scrubbing Hinata’s floor, the old fashioned way. 

It started off with just wiping down the tables. Then chairs. Counters. Cabinets. The tiny appliances. Baseboards. 

Her apartment was already pretty clean. Hinata kept everything tip top, always had. Even the first time he had first walked into her apartment, all that time ago. 

It had been spotless. ‘Sorry, I, um, I d-didn’t have a chance to clean up.’ He could hear her voice clear as day as soon as she unlocked the door. He remembered just looking around it, hands in his pockets, wondering what the fuck she would possibly need to clean up. 

Argus sat next to him, dutifully, like a sentinel, watching over him as he cleaned away. It was mainly like dusting. It really wasn’t ‘dirty’. 

Just something to pass the time. 

“What do you do all day, Argus?” Naruto scratched the back of his head, ruffling up his hair, playfully.

Argus replied with heavy dog breaths.

“Throw some ragers?”

He ended up on his back, laying on the floor, throwing on of Argus’ balls up in the air. Hinata must’ve trained Argus not to play inside, because he laid next to Naruto, dutifully, never moving to grab it himself. 

Naruto felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He answered it without even looking at it. Didn’t matter to him. He’d talk to anyone right now, bill collector, cold call polling, whatever. 

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s me.”

Naruto perked up immediately. Hinata! He got off fucking lucky. “Hey babe. What’s up? Are you done?” 

“Yes. I’m at your apartment.”

Naruto deflated back onto the floor. He didn’t want her over at his place. He wanted her here with him! 

“Anything specific you want me to grab?”

All of his shit was junk anyways. He didn’t really need anything besides the stuff she had already gotten him. 

“I don’t think so. I told you, you didn’t have to go.” 

“Well I’m just going to grab some more clothes. I didn’t really glab a lot the last time. I just want to make sure you have everything you need.”

Naruto smiled at her voice. Everything he needed? He got to be with her. He was staying with her. What more did he need? He didn’t say that thought because that’s embarrassing and stupid. 

“Nah I’m good. Just grab whatever you want then.” He shrugged to himself, setting back onto the floor. 

Nothing else to do but to just keep waiting for her to come home. 

“Are you sure?” She drew out her voice a little, it ending higher, turning up in a question. 

She was being really cute. And sweet. He blew out his breath, rubbing his hair. He just wanted to come back so they could hang out. He didn’t want anything-

“Hey, wait. There’s actually a couple things you could grab for me…”

Naruto stood up when she entered the room, finally glad that she was back. 

“Hey.” He smiled, awkwardly watching her come in.

But when he saw Argus, right at her feet, pressing his head into her hands, panting excitedly… his shoulders deflated.

Was he really acting just like her dog? 

She was carrying a box, settled into her arms easily. She smiled softly at Argus, and looking up at him.

He choked back a sigh, rubbing his hands against the front of his pants, taking a quick breath. He smiled back at her. “Lemme grab your bags.”

It was mostly his stuff anyways.

It wasn’t much of an offer. She was clearly holding them just fine. And was only a few steps away from her table or the counter or the love seat where she could deposit them. 

She smiled anyways. Like he had actually offered to do something helpful. And not just annoying. 

“Thanks.” She beamed. 

He set it down on her loveseat, peaking in for the stuff he had asked for. A yoga mat. A foam block. A resistance band. And a pull-up bar. 

“Are you sure that it won’t break the molding?” Hinata questioned, watching him nervously. 

“Nope. I promise. I used this back at my place everyday.” He meant it too. It would hook onto her door frame no problem. “I’ll show you.” 

He walked the couple feet to her bedroom door, twisted the handle to open in up. It was just a little maneuver to click it onto the framing. “See.” He even shut her door, to show her that it was still useable. 

“And that can hold you?” 

He turned around. She was crouched down on the kitchen floor, rubbing Argus affectionately. 

“How many times today are you going to call me fat?” He glared. 

Her eyes flew open wide. “I didn’t-”

He smirked quickly to let her off the hook. He smiled even wider, when she realized he was joking and pouted her lips and narrowed her own eyes. She was cute like that. 

He cracked her door back open so he would have room to actually complete the pull-up. He grabbed the two ends, hoping to god that something didn’t go wrong and he ripped the molding right off her door. It has never happened but just his damn luck he’d pull himself upwards and just drop to the damn floor in wood and dust. 

Like he couldn’t possible ruin her life any more.

He breathed out, feeling his arms and his back flex. “See,” He asked, after his chin was above the bar, his eyes level with her still in tact crown molding. The top was a little dusty, he’d add that to his list for tomorrow. 

He dropped back onto ground, turning back to her. 

She was looking at his shoulders, a little. He beamed inwardly. 

“Were you checking me out?” 

Her nose scrunched, her chin leaned back, cheeks flushing red. “Stop.” She frowned. 

He smiled a little, walking back over to her and Argus. 

“I should take him out.” Hinata scratched Argus one more time behind the ears. 

“Alright, no worries I’ll chill in here.” He mumbled awkwardly.

Like he could chill anywhere else. 

He peaked back into the box she brought. It wasn’t just his stuff she had grabbed. 

But groceries too. 

He remembered that they used to go shopping together. It wasn’t that big of a deal. But it was kind of their thing. They’d walk around and Naruto would point out different things he’d never had before or things with exotic names and joke around and Hinata would just laugh and roll her eyes and make sure to get things they actually needed. 

Right before they broke up… when she left… he remembered that she went without him.

To be fair, he wasn’t all that helpful. 

He never had been with anything. Honestly. 

No wonder it was just easier for her to just go by herself. Was that the catalyst that made her think her whole life would be easier without him? 

And what about now? Was he still making her life harder? Was she going to come to the terms that she would be better off without him again. 

Naruto peaked down into the bag. 

“Stuff for dinner?”

“Yeah.” She smiled. “I figured you’d be kind of tired of take out.”

She was going to cook him dinner? After working all day. And coming to check on him. Stopping at his place. And going to the grocery store?

Had he always been like that? Always letting her do everything. Putting everything on her. All the time. 

Yeah. Yeah he had. He really, really had. 

“I can cook it.” Naruto said it abruptly, quickly, so he could get it out. 

She was already over at the door, hooking Argus up to his leash. Her eyebrow raised a little. Naruto didn’t cook. In her world. He told her a couple stories about him cooking with Mr. Umino. But, in their dynamic, between Naruto and Hinata, he didn’t cook. 

Wasn’t that the fucking problem? He didn’t do anything except drain her. 

No. Not this Naruto. 

“Common, stop looking at me like that. I promise I won’t poison you.” 

She stood up next to the door. “Um, yeah okay. Sounds good. I’ll be right back.”

She reached up to unlock the door, but Naruto stepped over and grabbed her arm, at the elbow. She leaned back, a little shocked, until Naruto planted his lips right onto hers.

Hinata blinked a little, cheeks pink, her lips curling a on the edge. 

“Sorry. Just missed you.” Naruto ruffled up the back of his hair.

Her face changed, like she was watching a baby kitten yawn or something.

“I missed you too.” She promised. 

She stepped closer and wrapped her tiny arms around his torso, leaning the side of her head against her chest. He hugged her back, rubbing the side of her arms for a second. 

“Okay, okay. Take Argus out. I’m going to fucking Dave Ramsey this dinner.”

“Babe, Gordon Ramsey.” She correctly softly. 

“Fuck.” Naruto laughed a little to himself.

“Are you going to debt snowball the dinner?” She teased.

“I’m gonna get this dinner some mutual funds. Maybe an income property.” Naruto smirked, headed back over to the groceries.

“I’ll see you in a minute.” She promised, shutting the door behind her. 

He smiled, sucking in a breath through his nose. His day was infinitely better when she was back at the place. 

He gathered all the groceries out of the box, and plunked them down on the counter. He did have enough skills to make her a dinner that was palatable. He could at least manage not to ruin their evening.

“Are you sure I can’t help with anything? I’d be a good sous chef.” She said, after coming back in, toeing off her shoes. 

He smirked. “Nah, babe it’s fine.”

“Okaaaay.” She smiled, coming up behind him, wrapping her arms around his middle, resting her head on his back. “Do you want to watch a movie after?”

Naruto nodded.

“Rocky or Creed?” 

Naruto smiled, pausing what he was doing on the stove. His two favorite movies. “Nah, we can watch whatever you want.”

“Rocky or Creed?” He could hear her smile as she leaned in closer, her whole body flush against his.

Fuck, he really, really loved Hinata. 

“Creed.” 

“Good choice.” She breathed, still not letting go.


	62. One plus one equals

And that’s how life went for a little bit. 

He always woke up at the same time Hinata did. Gave her a kiss. Maybe a couple. Started her coffee. Fed Argus. Cream and sugar, he had it memorized now. Sometimes they even had a little bit of breakfast together. If Hinata had time. 

She must’ve had a bigger load at work, because she seemed more stressed than normal. Pouring over her papers, checking emails. He knew that her stuff was really official, some even with the government, so he never asked questions about it. Before, because he was kind of a lazy fucking asshole and just wasn’t interested. But now, because he respected her and didn’t want to compromise her, or anything like that. So he just chilled, not bothering or prodding her. Just sitting in silence or sometimes just rambling on about nothing, cracking a few jokes to help relax her.

She was stressed. More stressed than normal Hinata. Before, when he had been constantly fucking up, that had been a major stressor. And then they broke up, and she’d said she wasn’t doing fine. Which made him feel bad because he had been sure that she was having the time of her life without him, dating other people and shit like that. Not that it had been very comforting to know that she had been struggling either. Anxiety. Naruto kind of knew what that felt like. 

Hypomania and mania weren’t always something happy or “good” feeling. It just meant heightened or elevated feelings. Those had easily manifested as anxiety or just freaking the whole fuck out before.

He didn’t want to take away or discredit her feelings by saying he knew exactly what she felt like. He knew he didn’t. Everyone’s experience with mental health was different. 

What he did know, was that she was definitely suffering a little extra right now.

The extra coffee. The little trips to the bathroom, a shake of a pill bottle, so quiet nobody else would notice, but not Naruto. Not someone with his background. He could sense pills a mile away. 

He didn’t know if it was because of him. Or work. Or from nothing but just anxiety. 

But he knew he couldn’t fix it. He knew he didn’t want to smother her. He just wanted to do his best to make her life easier. 

So during the days, he made sure to let her know that he was fine. That he was there. That he wasn’t planning on fucking up. 

He’d kept to his workout routine. Every morning. All morning. But he’d keep Hinata up to date, sometimes with which workout, or a picture of Argus, who was always silently observing him, watching over like a coach.

Sometimes she came home for lunch. Sometimes she couldn’t, but she always told Naruto in advance, just so he wouldn’t be disappointed. Which game him enough time to pack her a lunch. The first time, she was so surprised. 

“You packed me a lunch?” She asked quietly, peering down into the bag, like she was looking for a snake or something. 

“Yeah.” He laughed. Of course he had. Did she think Argus could do that? 

“Thank you so much.” Her thanks was more intense than he was expecting.

He didn’t mean it that deeply. He just wanted to make sure that she’d have lunch, while she was so busy. 

It apparently meant a lot to her, though. 

“‘S no problem baby.” Naruto promised, giving her a kiss, making sure she had her thermos of coffee. 

He trained all morning. Brainstorming new workouts. Sometimes YouTubing some guided ones, when he felt like he needed some extra motivation. 

He took a shower before lunch time, whether Hinata was there or not. He just needed to keep to a schedule. 

Then he searched for anything to clean up. Vacuuming. Moping. Sanitizing. Organizing. 

He’d take out the stuff from her drawers, wipe everything out, refold everything or organize everything, straightening her stuff out. 

He vacuumed out her couch. 

He wipes up all the tops of the door frames. 

He bleached her entire bathroom so strongly that he felt like he killed a couple dozen brain cells, had to open her window and air it out for awhile. 

A couple days in, he was going through Hinata’s bedside drawers, not in a snoopy way, but just trying to clean up. It didn’t even cross his mind that he probably shouldn’t be going through her personal things like that, until he found her journal. Or something along the lines of a journal. 

He knew he should put it back. It’s rude. He didn’t want her up in his notebook. It had been mortifying, when he asked Hinata if she had looked through his and she didn’t deny it. 

He opened it anyways. He didn’t want to read her writing, because that felt too violating. But he could feel, all throughout the papers, that there was little inserts. What had she felt was so important she wanted to save?

Pictures of her sister and Ino here and there. High school photos. He paused, looking at Hinata. Short hair? Hmmm. He forgot she used to have short hair. He liked it. Not that he didn’t long her long her. 

Photos of her in college. Her and Ino. 

And some of him. 

He was thin, with dark circles under his eyes, the blue faded out with the bloodshot veins. He’d been perpetually strung out back then. 

There was a little strip of three small photos of him and Hinata, from a photo booth at the movie theatre. 

Their first real date. A couple weeks after he went home with her. 

He still looked pretty fucked up still. Definitely not okay. But Hinata was so cute, tucked in close to him, her arms wrapped around his, practically beaming. 

How did she like him? What had he ever done for her? But make her life harder, more messed up. 

Naruto had won the fucking lottery with Hinata. If he hadn’t had her, he wouldn’t even been alive. She saved him. Literally. 

Even her leaving him helped him become... not a piece of shit. 

He won the goddamn lottery twice when she said she would date him again. He remembered how horrible his life got after he found out she was dating people, people that weren’t him. He didn’t even want to take her phone calls. Didn’t want to talk to her at all. He was such a fucking dick. 

But then he’d got her to go out with him. Their it was so great to see her, after months of just being a piece of shit in his apartment. 

Their dinner was awkward but the best time he’d had since she left. 

Then the movies. 

His fight.

Speaking of his fight. 

His hands fingered a cut out piece of newspaper, and his photo, of disbelief of knocking out Yahiko. In a fight he was always expected to lose in. 

He’d won by knockout. 

She kept his photo.

He was so, so fucking lucky to get her back. So lucky that he got to propose to her. To be with her again. 

They were still in this limbo, suffering from the consequences of his actions against Yahiko. 

Could he really just win the lottery again? Get off scot free, marry the love of his life, and just ride off into the sunset.

He fucking hoped so. 

He flipped a couple more pages, running his hand down a picture of Argus in a field.

Fuck he loved Hinata. And she loved him. 

but he couldn’t dwell on her personal notebook that he was snooping in, violating her privacy. 

He had dinner to cook. Which he did, every night. 

“You don’t have to always cook dinner.” Hinata rested her head on his shoulder, her fingers around his biceps.

“I don’t mind.” He didn’t. 

He was struggling for things to keep him busy. He couldn’t let go of it. 

She didn’t seem to hate his cooking. So that was a plus. 

The evenings were his favorite. Watching movies, or playing card games, or just hanging out.

Or trying to get into her pants. Respectfully. 

Kissing, snuggling, cuddling. All those things were something he just naturally wanted to do. It was a plus that by doing that, he was just telling her how much he loved her. How much he wanted to be with her. 

It was just a massive bonus that he could use his physical affection as a tool to destress her as well. Or at least try. 

A hug and some neck kisses when she was rubbing her forehead too many times, reading over documents. 

Pulling her close, digging his fingers through her hair, kissing her temple when she was tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep. 

Or actually getting lucky. 

So he liked to have sex with her? Sue him. There was never a time in his life that he’d turn down getting to sleep with Hinata. Not ever. 

He'd already missed out on months. He had time to make up on. 

So the nights when Hinata felt like entertaining him - those were the best. 

When he was kissing down her chin, she could’ve rolled over, pulling up the blankets to her chin. He’d understand. She worked early. She had a lot of responsibilities. If she needed sleep, he’d pull her close and hold her all night. 

Instead, when she shifted around, pulling him closer, hovering on top of her, her arms running up his biceps, over his shoulders, around his neck, pulling him close. Their kissing getting deeper. 

Fuck yes. Nothing better, in the entire universe, than getting to make love with Hinata. He didn’t even give a fuck how sappy that sounded in his own head. It was the truth. Nothing could get in the way that. 

Except-

Naruto pulled away from the kiss. “I can’t do this.”

Hinata’s head jerked back, eyes snapping open. “What?”

“Argus is just staring at me. I can’t maul his mother in front of him.”

Hinata’s eyes rolled, her thick eyelashes fluttering. “He’s a dog, Naruto.” 

“He’s smart. He knows. He’s watching.” Naruto pressed, looking at Argus’ face. 

He was sitting at the bottom of the bed, his one front paw laid out in front of him. His head perked up upon hearing his name, ears pointed high, tongue out, breathing. 

“He doesn’t know anything.” Hinata pressed, grabbing for Naruto’s shirt, trying to pull him back down.

“Take him out. I can’t work under these conditions.”

“Work?” Hinata’s eyebrow quirked, but her voice was the way all girls voice got, too even and leveled. The question wasn’t a clarification. It was giving him a chance to switch his word, to a less offensive one, lest he face her wrath.

And he would take that chance. “Perform.” He corrected. “Common Hina, no kid wants to know someone’s banging their mom.”

“Stop putting human constructs on him.” Hinata scolded, her cheeks to ears, cherry red.

“Maybe he can call me daddy.” Naruto smirked.

“Oh my god.” She huffed, letting go of Naruto’s neck to cover her own face. 

“Maybe I’ll make you call me daddy.” Naruto bit the corner is his lip, watching the color bloom on more than just her cheeks. 

Her other hand joined the other, hiding herself. “Stop. That’s so gross.” 

He laughed. “Gross? Some people are really into that.”

“Ew, Naruto, stop.” She uncovered her bright red face only for the amount of time it took to reach over and pinch him. 

Which only fueled him on further. “Come on. You don’t know if you like it until you try it.” 

She rolled onto her stomach, pressing her face into the pillow, groaning inaudibly, but the sound was conveying severe mortification.

Naruto himself didn’t have any kind of kink like that. His person kink was teasing her. Not humiliating her in front of other people or anything like that. He just like the way she looked when she was flustered by something he said.

Her melting into a puddle into the sheets though was maybe a little too far. 

“I’m just kidding, I’m sorry.” He promised,l, brushing some hair away from the edge of her face, kissing her cheek next to her ear. 

Her turned her face, only slightly, so she could glared at him with the corner of her eye. 

He tried to hold down his little grin, the part of him that thrived in mischief. 

“You’re not sorry.” Hinata called his bluff immediately.

“A little bit.” Naruto argued. 

“Not even.” Her mouth was still muffled by her own hand.

“You just get so cute when your like that.” Naruto smiled, kissing her nose. 

“I’m never going to call you that.” Hinata vowed, dropping her hands from her face. 

Naruto snapped his fingers in mock disappointments, leaving his face blank, so she knew he was joking. 

“I’m serious.” Hina pressed, wrinkling her nose. “I don’t know how people are into that. Like, that’s what our kids are going to call you. It’s weird.”

Naruto swallowed. ‘Our kids.’ Their kids.

“I dunno, what if they call me something weird, like Papa? Or what if we’re just like real chill and they call me Naruto. Like, ‘hey, what’s up Naruto?’” 

Hinata’s eyes narrowed. “You’re being weird.”

Naruto leaned back. “Psssht. What? Me. I’m being weird?” 

Her eyebrow raised. 

“I am not being weird. You’re being weird.”

Her lips pursed. 

“What? I’m just saying like,”

“Do you not want kids?” Hinata asked suddenly, pushing against his chest. 

He sat up quickly, making room for her to sit up too. 

The question seemed important to her. Like a serious one. One that he shouldn’t mess around with. 

“I uh, I don’t not, not want them.” He shrugged helplessly. 

“Naruto.” She pressed. 

“I don’t know. I mean sure, objectively, they’d be like kinda cool. Like, but-” he trailed off, shrugging awkwardly. 

“But, What?” She asked, leaning forward. 

He knew that he was not saying the correct thing. He was not saying the things she wanted to hear. But he wanted to be honest. He was usually honest with her. Or he tried to be. But this particular topic made him feel more uncomfortable than usual. 

“I don’t know. It’s just… like… once you have them, you can’t unhave them.”

She didn’t move. Didn’t even blink. 

He cleared his throat. “Like, what if it doesn’t work out? Or I’m not good at it.”

“Doesn’t work out between you and me?” Hinata asked quickly, voice quiet. 

“No. No. Not that. That’s not going to happen. Don’t say that.” Naruto frowned. 

She tucked her hair behind her ear. She was being really patient with his ass. He felt all over the place. And ridiculous. 

“What are you worried about?” She finally asked, softly. Her voice was kind. Light. She was just giving him room to try and get all the scrambled up feelings out. 

“What if I’m a shit at it? A shit dad. I never had a good one. So, like, what’s the likelihood that I’ll be a good one? Ya’know?” 

Naruto knew what it was like, to grow up with less than stellar people raising him. And he had so, so many flaws. Endless flaws, really. What’s the likelihood that he’d manage to pull it off? Slim to none, it felt like. So why try? Why try if he knew he was going to fail?

He couldn’t do that to a kid. Couldn’t make a helpless little kid be his test subject. He couldn’t have a little science experiments to see if he could be a passable father. Because if he failed, the kid didn’t go away.

There’d be a kid out there. Another one. Fucked up and abandoned. But this time, it would be all his fault. 

“I never had a good dad.” Hinata spoke abruptly. Cutting through his thoughts. “My mother died when I was little. So I never really had that either. Do you think I can’t be a good mother?”

“No! What? No, not at all.” Naruto snatched her hand quickly. “You’d be the best mom ever. Are you kidding me?”

“So why couldn’t you be a good father? You were a child. You can remember what it feels like. You can remember what you needed.” She squeezed his hand back. “You can be what you needed for our children. I know you can. And I think, because you’re worried about failing, that’s precisely the reason that you won’t. You care so much. I know it might make you nervous, but I know that you would do your absolute best.”

Naruto watched Hinata for a long second. She was beautiful, in her pajamas, sitting on the bed across from him, holding their hands in each other. She had turned the tables right on him. Flipped his flimsy little argument over like a deck set in a windstorm. 

His stomach felt jittery. Nervous. Like something exciting or scary was about to happen to him. 

“What if I fuck it up?” Naruto asked her quickly. “Cause, you know I fuck stuff up, sometimes. Even when I don’t mean to. Ya’know. Sometimes it just happens.”

“Baby,” Hinata got up on her knees, to scoot right into Naruto’s lap. Which was definitely more than welcomed. He wrapped his arms around her, feeling her body contour onto his. Her beautiful grey eyes just inches away from his own, their noses almost bumping. “That’s life. You don’t think I ever ruined anything?”

“No.” 

“Are you joking?” She glared. 

“No! I’m being serious.” Naruto promised. 

“How many times have we gone out and immediately had to leave because it was too loud or too crowded?”

“That doesn’t matter.”

“How many times have you wanted to do something but cancelled because you knew I’d be too uncomfortable?”

“That’s not the same.” Naruto frowned.

“My anxiety has stopped us from doing lots of things. Has held us back from a lot.”

“That doesn’t matter to me!” Naruto promised. Maybe a tad too loudly, because Argus ducked his head quickly, pressing up next to their thighs. He lowered his voice to accommodate. “None of that stuff matters to me. I don’t care if there’s stuff you don’t want to do because you have anxiety or whatever. I still love you. You’re still amazing and great and-”

“Now, why can’t you see that I feel the same way about you?”

Naruto froze. “What?”

“You can love me, even though my anxiety affects our life. Our relationship-”

“It doesn’t.”

“It does. But you love me anyways. You think I’d be a great mother anyways. How could you not possibly see that I feel the same way about you?”

Naruto scanned her face again. Looking for anything fake. Anything disingenuous. Which was ridiculous. So beyond ridiculous. It was Hinata. She wasn’t a liar. She would never. 

“You,” Naruto licked his lips. “You think that about me?”

Her face tilted a little sideways, her eyes softening. “Of course I do.”

She was still in his lap. Arms wrapped around his neck. Her face so close to his that he could feel her breath, softly on his face. Smell her. 

Fuck. She was right. She was always, always fucking right. 

He nodded softly. Hoping that she understood what he was saying, because he was still a little shell shocked from the bombs she just detonated on him. 

But yes. He got what she was saying. He understood, at least the best that he could. 

“Don’t you still want to marry me. And have the house in Jersey. Two kids.” She smiled. 

Naruto could feel his cheeks heat up. He blinked quickly, mortified that Hinata had remembered all that. 

“Don’t forget the minivan.” He deflected, almost awkwardly. 

She kissed his cheek, softly, over and over for a moment. She trailed them over his cheek bone, down his jaw, onto his neck, making him shiver. She left out a breath, her nose bumping into his ear. 

“Having kids is a really big step.” She whispered. 

Naruto paused, nodding a little. He had no idea what’s she was getting at. Because, yeah, obviously having kids was a big fucking step, isn’t that what they were just talking about? And also, she was straddling him, kissing him. He was getting super turned on, and he was not going to be able to have anymore deep conversation getting this fucking horny that’s for sure. 

“But, practice makes perfect.”

Naruto’s eyes almost rolled back into his head once she started sucking on his neck. He couldn’t leave the house, hickies were no problem anymore. His fingers dug into the back of her pajama top. 

“Hold on.” He reluctantly broke away. “Just one thing, real quick.” He held up a finger, almost falling off the bed. 

He turned around and opened the door as fast as possible, his hands shaking a little.

“What! Where are you going?” Hinata gaped. 

“Argus,” Naruto called, patting his legs quickly. “Argus.” He could hear the thump, and patter of their furry friend obeying dutifully. “Lay down boy.” He pointed over to the dog bed that was literally never used. Argus listened anyways. 

Naruto dug his treats out of Hinata’s purse and dropped three on the ground right in front of him. “Thank you so much for being a good wingman. I owe you one.” He pat him between the ears once and quickly. 

He didn’t want to waste anymore time. He backed up quickly back to her room. “I’ll come get you in a little.” He promised before hurrying back into their bedroom.


	63. Making room

“What should I do about my apartment?” Naruto asked quietly, during lunch time. 

Hinata looked up from the salad that Naruto had made. She’d gotten mostly used to the Naruto that didn’t sit around all day and do nothing. But she still seemed bewildered by the Naruto willing to eat vegetables.

“Okay.” She muttered quietly, blinking. Reorienting herself from quiet eating to a more business conversation. 

It had been longer than Shikamaru said it would be. Naruto was too afraid to ask if that was a bad sign or not. So he hadn’t. He just decided to focus on the things that he could. His variables. That’s what his therapist had told him, when he was still floundering around without Hinata. 

His variables. 

Like his apartment. 

“How much money do you have left? Do you have enough for next month?” She asked quietly. 

Naruto swallowed. “No.” 

She blinked for a second, he knew she was trying not to freak out. 

“I would’ve. If I had been working.” Naruto tried to defend weekly. 

Hinata tucked her hair behind her ear before clasping her fingers together. She let go, shifted her fingers, clasped them again, before letting go to just twist her bracelet. “What happened to your savings?” 

Naruto glanced pointedly at her ring finger. 

Her eyes followed his, her small chin tilting down to glance at her tiny hands, and the little ring, on her left hand. She nodded, quietly acknowledging him. “Okay.” She breathed again. “Well, I guess we could sublet it. Or have someone take over the lease.”

Naruto swallowed again, his eyes darting around the kitchen real quick. He shifted in his seat, reaching back to run his fingers over the back of his neck. He wasn’t used to his hair being this long again. He scratched the baby hairs for a second, clearing his throat. 

“Um, are you sure?”

She evened her lips out, watching him. Not answering. 

He needed her to be sure. He needed to make sure that she wasn’t just saying that to he nice, to take care of him. 

She left him. To find her own safe haven. And here he was, trying to shove himself back into it. 

He had to make sure that she was actually read for that. For this situation to become more permanent. 

He had to make sure that he wasn’t going to push her away again. 

Her hand reached across the table, holding his hand in hers. 

“It’s okay. It makes sense, for us to move in together. We’re engaged now. It seems like, a normal transition.” 

Naruto looked at her, his mouth feeling dry. “Are you sure?” He needed to make sure that she was sure. 

“Yeah I’ll call the landlord tomorrow. I’ll need to go take some pictures of it, put it online.” She let go of his hand to start going through her phone, probably make a list of everything she needed to do. 

“Do you need me to do anything? Or sign anything or something?” He asked, feeling guilty, adding another thing onto her plate. 

She shook her head no. “I’m still on the lease.”

Oh. He hadn’t thought about that. He nodded. He took another breath. His variables. That’s what he needed to focus on.


	64. I just want you to know who I am

Naruto stood in front of Hinata’s miniature fridge and freezer with a box of frozen chicken, spinach and mixed vegetables. 

Why Hinata thought it imperative to keep his frozen food, he wasn’t really sure. She was probably just trying to save as much of his things as possible. Evident by the little carton of egg whites in with the freezer food. The only thing that hadn’t perished in his fridge while absent. 

It’s not like he thought it was weird that she saved it. Hinata was usually the more frugal one out of the two. Which actually wasn’t saying a lot because Naruto was terrible with money. But she clipped coupons and bought value meals and waited for sales and things like that. 

No, he was more worried about the real life Tetris game he was now forced to engage in with the previous contents of the mini freezer. 

Argus, who had now taken to just following around Naruto anywhere in the apartment, when Hinata (his first choice) was not available, had abandoned him for the companionship of his own kind. He was comfortably cuddling in a pile of fur with Akamaru, at least until Hinata’s door kicked in.

“Jesus fucking Christ this thing is heavy.” 

Naruto turned, vaguely annoyed at the loud disruption.

Kiba, back bent out awkwardly, trying to balance his bright red standing bag. He was lifting incorrectly, Naruto noted. 

He didn’t need to keep his furniture. It was all shit. Stuff he’d barely even paid money for. Not that it would even fit in Hinata’s place.

But there was still a lot of stuff to shuffle around and move. Still a lot of his stuff that had to fit into Hinata’s apartment. 

So much stuff that Hinata couldn’t do it by herself.

And Naruto couldn’t really help. 

So instead, he watched a red face Kiba Inuzuka struggle under the weight of his standing bag. 

“You know, you could’ve taken the sand out of the bottom.” Naruto smirked. 

Kiba dropped it to the ground, the echo of the black base, clearly empty, thumping. The base tilted a little, a less sturdy without the weight to hold it down.

“Yeah, you fucking try hauling all this shit around you lazy ass.”

Naruto shrugged, drumming one hand on the side of his legs. “Just trying to help.”

Kiba’s eyes flared. “Helpful my fuckin-” 

“Okay,” Hinata interrupted, stepping in the kitchen. Her voice was a little strained, weighed down by the box she was carrying. 

She had clearly heard them from the hallway. But she had easily gotten both of their attentions, strategically stopping their fight before it happened. 

At least for now. 

“Babe, here.” Naruto stepped over quickly, taking it back from her. 

“Thank you.” She breathed, whipping her hands on her hips. 

Hinata was way more in shape than Naruto had ever seen her. Stronger and more endurance. But it was still a lot of work, her and Kiba had done that day. And she was still a petite woman. Really, she was so small. 

After taking a couple breaths, she glanced back to Kiba. “There’s a couple more boxes, so-”

“Yeah, Naruto. Why don’t you wait here.” Kiba sneered, before ducking out of the apartment. 

Hinata sighed, looking at the door Kiba had exited from for a second. “I’m sorry. About him.”

Naruto shrugged it off easily. 

Hinata nodded, brushing her bangs off her forehead for a moment before flattening them back down. “Okay, I’ll be right back then.”

Naruto had been in charge of dog watching, while Hinata and Kiba had done the heavy lifting. He had to admit, he understood Kiba’s gripe. Sitting on the couch with Akamaru and Argus was a lot more enjoyable than packing his entire apartment.

Kiba and Naruto had always had a very... volatile “friendship.” They fought a lot, actually. Naruto didn’t even really count Kiba as his friend. He was Hinata’s friend.

Past Naruto had not really cared about how getting in fights in the middle of dinners or events would ruin Hinata’s evening. He’d been too reactionary. Too selfish. 

Naruto with consistent medication was not like that. At least not as much. He had no desire on getting into an altercation with one of Hinata’s friends. It was rude, and he didn’t want to disappoint her like that ever again. 

But also, he kind of got where Kiba was coming from. Naruto had always kind of been a piece of shit, leaking off Hinata. The anchor, dragging her down. And being on house arrest, losing his apartment, wasn’t a good look. He wasn’t really putting up a good front for his “changed man” thing he was trying to work on.

He got it. He really did. Naruto felt the same way about all the fuckers around Sasuke. Soaking up his money like a sponge. Keeping him in his sick routine. It was easy to always be high if all of your friends were high too. 

He had never understood Kiba more than right then. 

He couldn’t manage to fit all of the chicken into the freezer so he got a container and placed a couple pieces in the fridge. He could make it for lunch or dinner the next day. Or both.

He told her that she could get rid of everything. She’d thrown out all the food in his fridge that had gone bad while he had been gone. But his frozen spinach for smoothies and frozen chicken and veggies had survived. Plus the egg whites. Which was okay. He could start cleaning up his diet now.

The rest of his workout equipment was also something she had saved for him. He scooted everything into the corner of tiny little living room. It took up so much space in the already filled room. He was going to have to figure something else out. They almost wouldn’t be able to fit on the loveseat and still watch her TV. 

He breathed out, a little bummed. He’d missed his bag so much. He felt his legs weakening, being unable to get a good kick out since he’d been arrested. 

But - he’d probably have to get rid of it. It took up too much space and he was just about done with imposing on Hinata’s life. 

“How many ratty shirts do you need?” Kiba grumbled immediately upon entering back into the apartment, dropping the boxes onto the kitchen floor.

Naruto shrugged.

“Have you gotten rid of anything since college?” Kiba kicked the box with a striped hoodie on top. “You had that when we were freshmen.”

Naruto never really got rid of clothes. If it fit, he kept it. Maybe a little after it didn’t.

He just never knew when he was going to be able to afford to get more. When he was little, he could only have as much things that fit into a trash bag. Between having a blanket, pillow, backpack, jacket and shoes, it didn’t leave much room for clothes. Definitely never had any toys. So when he got some, he couldn’t just get rid of them. What if he couldn’t get more? Money and him had always had a sketchy relationship. 

“It’s not a big deal.” Hinata defended, following up behind him, setting down her own box on the loveseat.

“Not a big deal? Where are you even going to put it?” Kiba rebutted. 

“The pizza should be here any minute.” Hinata replied instead. 

She had ordered it before she and Kiba had driven over to the apartment. So it really should’ve been there by then. 

Naruto grabbed the box off the love seat, and replaced it with himself, sitting with the box on his lap, peering down onto the folded clothes. 

He breathed out, slowly, quietly, not to draw attention to himself. Which was ridiculous because both Kiba and Hinata were just watching him from where they sat down at the table. He was used to Hinata watching him. It didn’t bother him as much anymore. She loved him and always wanted to make sure that he was okay. It was really cute and endearing. Yes, one day he hoped to reach a point that Hinata only watched him to check him out, because she thought he was sexy as fuck, and not because she was worrying about him. 

Kiba on the other hand, was a fucking dick head.

“So when’s your court date?” Kiba asked. 

“Soon.” Naruto deflected.

He didn’t want to think about him impending court date. Because Shikamaru had specifically informed him, that going to court would not be a good idea. But they had not replied to the tapes Shikamaru had sent him. If Naruto thought about it too much, he would lose his shit. And he could not lose his shit, because is gorgeous fiancé was watching him like a hawk, and she would notice him losing his mind immediately. 

He didn’t want to stress her out anymore than she already was. 

He glanced over at her, sitting at her little table, in a hoodie and leggings. Hair tied in a loose bun. Small bags forming under her eyes. She wasn’t sleeping very well. He knew that because he slept right next to her, and she was tossing and turning and staring at the ceiling. And taking pills. Which Naruto took it upon himself to find, just to make sure that they were prescribed to her. Not that Hinata would ever take illicit drugs. But living with junkies long enough was kind of a stressor and it was nice to read, ‘Hyuuga, Hinata’ on the orange bottle. And ‘as needed’ so at least her sneaking away to take it more than once a day was also okay. 

Well… not okay. He wished that this whole court thing could be fucking over with so she could go back to her normal amount of stress.

Which was a lot as is. And a whole other battle to tackle. 

The knock at the door interrupted Kiba and Hinata’s side conversation. Naruto, even though he was furthest from the door, stood up first, dropping down the box. 

“I’ll get it.” He offered quickly. 

“Why? You didn’t pay for it.” Kiba grumbled, not so under his breath. 

Naruto decided to also ignore that. But Hinata’s eyes narrowed, shaking her head slightly, questioning. And just as Naruto had decisively decided to ignore Kiba, Kiba glanced away, over at Argus and Akamaru, laying together, as friends in the corner. 

Hinata stepped behind Naruto, adjusting her baggy sweater lightly. Naruto’s heart fluttered just a little. Ugh, she was super cute. He just wanted to wrap her up in a fluffy blanket and kiss her all over. Or something along those lines. 

But first, pizza.

Naruto opened the door and nearly screamed like a middle school girl.

“Ayame!”

The sheer joy of actually seeing a friendly face- no, scratch that, basically a family member. After almost two weeks alone. Of course he had Hinata. And if he could only pick one other person in the world to be alone with, a thousand percent he’d pick Hinata. But still. It was hard. And lonely. 

He took a step forward, to glomp onto his friend, before Hinata grabbed his arm abruptly, and in surprising strength, stopped him short. “Naruto-” She gasped, both in surprise and in reprimand. 

Whoops. He almost walked straight out of the fucking door. Which he was specifically not allowed to do. He felt the weight of the black cuff heavy on his ankle for a moment, weighing him down, already to snitch on him the second he slips up. 

He stepped back, giving Ayame enough room to breach the premises herself. Naruto quickly took the stacks of steaming boxes and plopped them down on Hinata’s counter, before wrapping up Ayame into a very tight, side hug, lifting her off the ground for a moment before setting her back down, only to shake her slightly in excitement. 

She laughed at his ridiculousness easily. “I missed you too.” She snorted. 

Naruto quickly launched into snappy, rapid fire questions, one right after the other, about Teuchi, the restaurant, his replacement.

“Poor kid is awful.” Ayame rolled her eyes. “Dad can’t wait for you to come back.”

The quick pinch of anxiety struck again. When will he come back? Will he ever be able to come back?

Like Argus, ducking into Hinata anytime Naruto forgot to keep his voice down, he glanced over quickly to his fiancé. Firstly, because, like Argus, she was obviously comforting to him. And secondly, he started to realize, to see if she didn’t look mad, or sad or horrified. Because - HELLO NARUTO - you’re not supposed to go around man handling other women, especially not right in front of your fiancés face! 

Before he could mentally, or physically facepalm himself, his brain registered, that instead of the look on Hinata’s face from the last time he ruined his relationship with her, instead, he found a look of sneaky, concealed pleasure. Like a mother on Christmas watching her kids open presents. 

Had she ordered from Teuchi’s on purpose so he could see a friendly face? Of course she would. Because she’s a wonderful woman, and there’s no amount of groveling Naruto could ever do in the world to actually deserve her. Naruto felt like he could squeeze her cheeks and eat her like a cream puff. 

Instead, he just casually wrapped his arm around Hinata bringing her closer into him. She smiled a little, wrapping an arm around his back.

“I can’t wait either. Hinata misses my sweet tips.”

Ayame and Hinata laughed a little as Kiba snorted. 

“Yeah, Kiba wishes that pet store tips even came close to my mad tip skills.”

“Getting tips isn’t a skill.” Kinda scoffed.

Naruto smirked hautitly. “Don’t know whatcha don’t have huh?”

Ayame rolled her eyes at the banter and instead, turned to wave politely at the other man, still seated at the table. “Hey Kiba.”

She had maybe only seen Kiba once or twice, with Hinata, at the store, but she was outgoing and friendly enough. 

Kiba sat up a little straighter off the table, eyebrows raising slightly, looking over Ayame quickly. “Hey.”

Naruto could definitely see Kiba hitting on Ayame. Brunettes were his type. But, Naruto loved Ayame too much to subject her to that dog. 

“Ayame,” Hinata cut in softly, turning to look at the pizza on the counter. “I think I only ordered two.”

“Oh, don’t worry Hina. My dad threw in a cinnamon one for you.” 

Hinata’s cheeks turned pink a little as she smiled. “Thank you so much. Here, give me the receipt so I can add a bigger tip for you guys.” 

She must’ve called in with her card, and added a tip when she ordered it. 

Instead of handing over the receipt, Ayame pulled back an inch. “No, receipts. It’s on the house, dad says family eats free.” 

The back of Naruto’s throat constricted slightly. He wanted to clear it, or cough or something but didn’t want to show any cracks in the armor. Instead, he laughed a little. “Aye, careful, if that’s the case, I’ll eat your poor dad right outta the store.”

Ayame rolled her eyes. “Yeah right, I know that physique wasn’t built on pizza.”

“Wow Ayame, you can't be checking me out right in front of my girl.” Naruto teased.

Ayame did not blush. She scoffed instead, rolling her eyes a second time. Hinata did though, her cheeks turning pink as she looked down to the floor, her feet shifting.

“You wish. It’s good to see you, Hinata.” Ayame leaned over and gave Hinata a quick hug. 

Hinata’s eyes opened wider, her mouth dropping slightly in surprise as she moved to accept the hug. 

Yeah, Ayame was a lot different than Hinata. 

“Get a haircut.” Ayame chastised before making her exit. 

Naruto huffed, ruffling the back of his hair, turning to Hinata. “Does it look that bad.”

Kiba stood from the table, stepping towards the pizza at the counter. “Yes.”

Hinata’s lips pursed, as she shook her head ‘no’. “It reminds me of when I met you.” She reached up touching a piece of hair next to his ears. 

“You were a dork.” Kiba smirked.

“Please, you didn’t think I was a dork when you were trying to come over to every party we had.” Naruto smirked.

Kiba had already taken a bite of pizza before returning to his seat at the table. He swallowed, still holding his pizza by the crust, folding it so it didn’t flop. “If still think it was me that wanted to come, you’re dumber than I thought.”

Naruto turned slyly to Hinata, who had decided to eat a piece of frosted, dessert pizza first. Her cheeks were flaming hot Cheetos red, and she looked at Kiba like he had committed an act of deep betrayal. 

He suddenly felt entirely too chummy. “Did you wanna come to my parties?” He teased, a little sing songy.

“They weren’t even yours. You just lived there.” Kiba huffed. 

The division of assists between himself and Sasuke had always been a sore spot and none of Kiba’s fucking business, but he had a women to tease right now. 

“You don’t even like parties.” Naruto smirked, pressing her further.

Hinata blinked, deciding to ignore him entirely as she took another bite of her pizza.

“So is Ayame single?” Kiba asked switching the subject.

Naruto shrugged before grabbing his own plate of pizza and making his way back to the love seat. “Dunno.”

“How long did you work for them?” Kiba asked. 

“A long time.” 

“You ever date her?”

“What?” Naruto glanced over at Kiba. “Ayame? No, never.”

“Yes you did.” Hinata cut in. 

“Huh? No I didn’t. I’ve never dated - Oh my god! Are you kidding me?” Naruto stared at his fiancé incredulously. “I told you! I only asked her on a friend date, because I lied to you when I said I dated people all the time and I didn’t date anyone.”

“You lied and said you dated people all the time?” Kiba snorted. “That’s pathetic.”

Yeah. It had been.

Hinata’s silver eyes glinted, devilishly. She was teasing him?!? Minx.

“Is she single?” Kiba pressed. 

Naruto shook his head, his mouth too full of pizza to talk. He swallowed it down. “She’s too nice for you though, nice try slick.”

“I can be nice.” Kiba smirked, his voice dipping suggestively.

“I thought you were seeing someone?” Hinata cut in. 

Naruto looked down at the boxes at his feet, suddenly becoming less interested in the conversation. 

He looked at the ratty hoodie Kiba had mentioned. Objectively, he could tell that he was going to have to get rid of it. He never wore it anymore, really. It had a hole it on. A part of the sleeve was actually burnt from passing out with a blunt when he was younger. He would need to get rid of it. 

His stomach twisted uncomfortably. 

It was hard to remember that he wasn’t the kid with his clothes in a trash bag. Hard to remember that he didn’t need to horde clothes when he still only had two pairs of shoes. 

He picked up the sweatshirt, feeling the pilled material. 

He knew he wasn’t the poor little kid standing outside alone in Hell’s Kitchen, walking with prostitutes and gang bangers, and feeling familiar.

Even when shit got really bad with Hinata, he was inside an apartment. He’d been working at Teuchi’s. He wasn’t trying to justify the shit bag he had been previously. It was just some perspective. That their bad relationship had still been the best part of his life.

He knew that now, being more mentally healthy, and capable, they could start having even better times in the future. 

But it was reminders like these that he would still have hang ups. It wasn’t that big of a deal. Just throw away the sweatshirt. He could feel his stomach clenching. 

He had to fucking work it out though. There were boxes of clothes, and one drawer to put them in. 

“Naruto?”

He blinked, looking back up to Hinata. “What?”

“You were veggin’ out.” Kiba informed him. 

Naruto shrugged. “Have you heard of the Konmari method?”

“What?” Kiba frowned. 

“Marie Kondo? The ‘this sparks joy’ lady. Know what I’m talking about? She’s got a special folding method.” Naruto tried to demonstrate a fold on the old material but just clumped it up weirdly. He didn’t actually know the fold. 

Kiba looked at him like Naruto was actively trying to give him a migraine. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Hinata shot him another glare.

“She helps people get rid of clothes. Other stuff too. But I don’t really have a lot of other stuff.”

“Yeah that pile of junk over there says otherwise.” Kiba nodded to his workout equipment.

“Naruto needs that for training.” Hinata corrected. 

“Well, it only needs to be here for a little while I guess.” Kiba shrugged.

“Why a little while?” Hinata asked.

Kiba turned away from Naruto to look back at her. She was standing closer to the counter, but she was so short that they were still pretty close to eye level. 

“Well, like it’s one of two options. Like, he’s going away for awhile or he can get his own place again.”

“He’ll stay here. Until we can get a bigger place.”

Kiba paused, looking Hinata over for a moment, weighing what he was going to say. “Moving in together for real? That’s pretty permanent.”

Naruto could feel his temper spike, from the moment Kiba had even mentioned him going away. He could feel his jaw tightening. ‘Like they haven’t fucking lived together before?’ He wanted snap. He didn’t snap though. Instead he took another bite out of his pizza before speaking. “Getting married is pretty permanent too.”

Kiba stopped, blinking for a moment, as if having to process what he had just said. “What?”

Kiba and Naruto both turned to look at Hinata, like she was the only corroborating witness. 

She nodded, her hands twisting together nervously. 

“What are you doing?” Kiba asked her abruptly. 

Hinata didn’t answer. But her eyebrows narrowed and her gaze held his just as cooly. 

“I’m fucking serious Hinata. What are you doing? Are you just pretending that all the shit that happened just doesn’t exist? Like that night didn’t happen-”

“That’s not Naruto’s fault.” Hinata cut him off, sounding actually mad.

Kiba nodded. “Right, right. Because nothing is Naruto’s fault? Huh Hinata?”

Naruto watched as Argus lifted his head off the ground next to Akamaru’s, shifting with an almost silent whine. Feeling the tension between them.

“You said that you respect my decisions. And you knew we were going to get back together.” Hinata snapped. 

Naruto could feel himself pouting. Kiba knew that and he didn’t? He definitely, 100% did not know that. There was definitely a long stretch of time where he was convinced that his life was completely over and that nothing would be great ever again because he was convinced that Hinata specifically did not want to be with him ever again.

“Yeah, because I thought that you were going to be smart. And take your time. And think things through. And not just jump back into the same exact position that you were in before.”

Hinata set down her pizza on the counter. “You’re being rude.”

“You’re being stupid.”

Naruto stood up, abruptly. 

That’s when things got awkward.

Hinata’s eyes snapped open wide, her hands came up defensively, like she was trying to calm down a wild animal. “Naruto,” She pleaded.

“Shit,” Kiba scooted his chair back, leaning away from him, ready to step back towards the door.

Oh…. they thought that Naruto was going to fight him? 

Naruto could feel the weight of all his past bad decisions weighing him down. Cause he had actually gotten into altercations with Kiba before. It wasn’t like they were acting crazy without reason. 

But - but he hadn’t been planning on it at all. Yes, Kiba was being a gigantic dick. But all Naruto had planned on doing was go to Hinata’s room to give them some privacy. Because Kiba was Hinata’s friend. Not his. 

So he nodded awkwardly, accepting their reactions in silence. He gestured jerkily over his shoulder to the back room, his old ratty striped sweatshirt hanging in his hand, his half eaten pizza on his plate in the other and turned quickly and ducked into the room. 

He knew that Kiba was Hinata’s ride or die friend. And he knew that Kiba honestly did not like him all that much. That was putting it nicely.

Which, Naruto thought, was ironic, since Sasuke wasn’t really a big fan of Hinata. Kiba was much more deserved. Naruto had been a piece of shit for a long time. Hinata, on the other hand, had only been super chill and nice to everyone. Naruto could never really get to the bottom of why Sasuke couldn’t see that. 

He could hear them arguing. Which was only about five feet away because her apartment was New York sized and there was only a couple steps between and the thin bedroom door. 

He dropped the sweatshirt on the ground , listening to the quiet sounds of them going back and forth. Well, at least they weren’t yelling. Naruto would probably actually have to do something if Kiba yelled at her. Maybe he should’ve said something when he called her stupid? 

Naruto wasn’t sure what his role was in protecting Hinata. Physical violence. Definitely. But Kiba was her friend. He wasn’t supposed to interfere between her and her friends right? She was a strong and capable woman. She could decide that? Right?

But what was his role as her fiancé? He didn’t want other people to think that they could just insult her. It was confusing. He had very few rational disagreements with people while he was angry, he wasn’t used to all this…. thought process. 

How ironic that the most clear headed he’d ever been in his life was when he was in the most trouble. 

He dropped his plate on Hinata’s dresser, flipping onto the bed. Fuck, he was kind of mad. Mad at their reactions. Mad at himself, really, for making that precedence in everyone lives.

He needed to focus on his variables. Well, if he wasn’t the worst fucking variable of them all. He was the root of all his problems. Bipolar was just his convenient excuse. 

If he could just… be better? Do better? Do… something? 

What else could he do? What more could he try? 

He’d been taking his medication. He kept up with his doctors appointments. He held down a job until it was over and then got a new one. He thought he was working on a new “career”, something that he thought made his life better, something he thought he could finally be good at. 

And he was finally having a normal, healthy relationship with Hinata. 

So, why, WHY, did he have to ruin it?

To be fair, he didn’t do it on purpose. Yahiko attacked him. And, he wouldn’t have done so much damage if he hadn’t threatened Hinata.

That feeling… he’d never felt anything like that. 

Not even when he had been fighting. It was like a switch went off, and he wasn’t himself anyone. The only thing that mattered was protecting Hinata. 

And now look at him? On a fucking ankle monitor, packing her freezer with chicken and taking over her living room with workout gear. Being charged with multiple accounts of aggravated assault. 

All his hard work had amounted to this?

He rolled onto his back, feeling his heartbeat thump too loudly in his chest. He was getting worked up. He could feel it. 

He took a long, deep breath out of his nose, held it for a moment before exhaling. He repeated. He couldn’t go to the bathroom and interrupt Kiba and Hinata, which now sounded much quieter out there, so they were probably fine. But he was not. So instead, he turned on his side, resting the side of his face on his orange pillow, wrapping over the other half of it to cocoon around the back of his head. He closed his eyes, focusing on his pulse. His thoughts. Both of them racing. He needed to reign himself in, before he actually got upset. 

It was helping a little. When he got like this, worked up, he wished that he could get into something like a sensory deprivation tank, or something. Just strip everything away. Like the Ben Affleck Daredevil trying to sleep. 

He had music too. 

Quickly Naruto grabbed his cellphone, trying to shuffled through his playlists one handed. 80’s pop. Sure.

Bon Jovi - Livin’ on a Prayer was the first one up. Well… that song was a little too close to home for enjoyment currently. He skipped quickly, he wasn’t in the mood to hear about Tommy’s problems and his sad, overworked girlfriend, he was already fucking living it. Hungry Like the Wolf would do. 

He took another deep breath. 

He couldn’t fucking do anything about any of that stuff right now. He had to remind himself. It doesn’t help to get worked up over something that he can’t fix. 

“Duran Duran?”

Naruto startled for a moment. He hadn’t heard Hinata come in. 

He let go of his pillow, letting it flop back onto the bed. He turned to see her. She shut the door behind her before she climbed onto the bed next to him. 

Naruto shrugged.

“I thought you were a more of an Ozzy fan.” She scooched up higher, pulling her own pillow she was an inch from Naruto’s face. 

“All aboard. Ha. Ha. Ha. Haaa.” Naruto replied, half heartedly. 

She smiled anyways. “I remember a lot of Guns n’ Roses. Scorpions. Bruce Springsteen. Kiss. Van Halen. Pink Floyd.”

Naruto wrinkles his nose. “I didn’t like Pink Floyd.”

“Another Brick In the Wall?” She corrected. 

Naruto rolled his eyes, smiling a little. “That’s their only good song.”

The edges of Hinata’s lips twitched. “Oh, baby. None of those songs were good.”

He knew that she was probably just teasing him to take his mind off of… everything. 

So he decided to play into her little game. He didn’t mind a distraction. “Like your music was any better. Mr. Jones? The Dixie Chicks?”

“I didn’t listen to the Dixie Chicks.” Hinata corrected. 

“Cowboy Take Me Away! You’re gonna look in my face and tell me that you didn’t play Cowboy take me away on your CD player.” Naruto presses, watching Hinata’s eyes squeezed shut as she giggled. Which only fueled him further on.  
“That 90’s trash. The Goo Goo Dolls?”

“You said you liked Iris.” Hinata pushed his shoulder, laughing.

Naruto acted like her push had more weight behind it and rolled onto his back. He stared at the ceiling, putting on hand up dramatically. 

“And I don’t want the world to see me! Cause I don’t think that they’d understand!”

She scooted closer, shifting her head onto his shoulder, still laughing as she shushed him.

Naruto glanced up quickly, looking around for Argus to console. God, he really had to stop yelling in the apartment. “Where’s Argus?” He shifted to sit up. Maybe he hid under the bed?

Hinata scooted further on top of Naruto’s body, pushing his flat down, straddling his waist. Her face ducked down, kissing the side of his jaw. “I left him out there.”

“Oh?” Naruto let his hand trail up Hinata’s hip, onto her ass, appreciating the change of pace. 

“Don’t worry, I gave him a treat.” She promised before kissing his lips, softly. 

Naruto hummed approvingly, feeling Hinata grind down on him, his hands copping a feel of her behind encouragingly. His other hand tangled in her bun, cradling her head as the kiss got hotter. 

Fuck Kiba. Fuck his anxiety. Fuck the clothes.

Now, it was time for Hinata. 

Everything else could wait.


	65. Cite your sources

Argus had to pee.

He knew it. Argus knew that he knew. He knew Argus knew he knew it.

Hinata had a meeting today. She told him this morning. She’d be late today. She wasn’t coming home for lunch. 

He knew that Kiba was usually the person that helped with anything Argus related. But he didn’t really know how the argument between Kiba and Hinata had ended the other night. 

Everyone else was working.

Expect one person.

Yes, Hinata would flip her fucking lid if she knew that Naruto called him. Not only that, but if she invited him to her apartment. He didn’t even want to think about that. 

Argus whined, tilting his head to the door again. 

If it was for Argus, maybe she wouldn’t be as upset. 

Naruto held his cell phone in his hands, twisting it around, weighing his options. Sasuke probably wouldn’t even answer. So if he tried to call him, it probably wouldn’t even work out. At least he could feel better for at least trying to help Argus.

He punched in the memorized numbers quickly, pressing call before he could chicken out. 

It rang almost seven times until he picked up. “Hm?”

Naruto could feel his eyebrows dip. “Hello?” Had Sasuke actually answered or did he answer by accident. 

“What?” He snapped. 

Oh, he had answered. He was just an asshole. Same as always. 

“What are you doing right now?”

“I was sleeping.” He grumbled, pointedly on the ‘was’.

Naruto frowned. “Dude it’s almost four pm.”

“I have a fucking clock.”

“Alright. Sheesh.” Naruto shifted on the loveseat to double check and make sure Argus was still acting like he needed to go out. “You don’t have to be such an ass all the time.”

“Did you just call me to tell me the time or complain?” 

“God damn, why don’t you pull the stick out of your ass. I was calling you for a favor.” Naruto rubbed his forehead to put off his impending head ache, then raked his fingers through his hair absentmindedly.

“Hinata’s dog needs to go out.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Sasuke‘s mood seem to sour even more than usual. 

“I’m on house arrest. I’m staying with her. She’s working late. Her dog, she has a dog, Argus. Anyways, he needs to go out. And I can’t take him out, y’know. House arrest. Everyone else is working, except you.”

Sasuke was quiet for a minute, until he took a congested sniff. “House arrest? At Hinata’s? You guys are still together?”

Fucking dick, Naruto frowned. “Uh yeah, I got in a fight like two and half weeks ago. Got busted.”

“What’d you get charged with?”

Naruto was mildly surprised that Sasuke even asked. “Couple counts of aggregated assaults.”

“Couple?”

“Yeah five or six. Something like that.”

Sasuke snorted. “You don’t even know?” 

Naruto fingered the edge of one of Hinata’s throw pillows absentmindedly shrugging. “The details don’t matter. I’m looking at five years minimum on good luck.”

“What’s your bad luck?”

“Life.” It wasn’t technically. But enough. If he got his maximum sentence he would die in there. 

“That’s a shit deal.”

“Ain’t it always?”

The settling silence as Sasuke “hn”ed dipped between them. If anyone understood it was Sasuke. They shared the burden of misery together, the way that nobody else would understand. Not even Hinata.

“Two weeks ago?” Sasuke asked suddenly.

Naruto hummed in affirmation. “Almost three, I’m getting stir crazy in here-”

“I saw Hinata.” Sasuke cut him off. “About two weeks ago.”

“Since Saturday?” Naruto asked, evenly. 

“Yeah. That’s why I didn’t think you guys were still together.” 

Naruto frowned again. “What do you mean.”

“I saw her, maybe on Friday or Saturday. With some fat fuck.”

Naruto paused. A fat guy...

“Are you sure?” Naruto licked his lip, feeling his pulse quicken.

“Yeah. Some Asian restaurant.”

“Korean?”

“Yeah. BBQ. How’d you know?”

How’d he know? Naruto’s throat felt thick as he swallowed. “They’re just friends.”

Sasuke hummed again, clicking his tongue. “Didn’t look like it.”

“What do you mean?”

“They were holding hands. Sitting close, looked like a date. They both got really defensive when I mentioned you. The guy even threatened to kick me out. I thought it must not of worked out between you.”

Naruto felt tilted. Like he just fell off the tire swing when he was little. Dizzy. Gut punched. Confused. Upset. He tried to take a breath, reorienting himself. 

“What day exactly?”

Because Friday was the day he got in the fight with those fucks. And Saturday was the day he got arrested. And he wasn’t out until Monday? Maybe? He only knew those days because that’s when he was planning on proposing. And he did propose. Hinata was his! She told him. 

Sasuke must be lying. Maybe Hinata was right about him. Maybe there was nothing good left. 

But... but Sasuke didn’t know Choji. Didn’t know he owned the Korean BBQ place. Didn’t know that’s who Hinata dated. 

“Friday or Saturday. Maybe even Sunday. Around there. Days get fuzzy.”

Naruto couldn’t breathe. He felt physically ill. Like he was going to be sick. 

“Hinata wouldn’t...”

“She wouldn’t?” Sasuke mocked. 

Naruto could hear the smile at the end of his lips. Like an insidious snake. 

“I gotta go.” Naruto amended, abruptly. 

“Sorry I couldn’t help with the dog.” Sasuke smirked before hanging up. 

Naruto stared at his phone for a moment before throwing it onto the floor. Like it was the thing that shattered him. 

He tried to close his eyes and take a breath. He could think about this rationally. 

Naruto knew Hinata. Trusted her above all others. If she said Choji was just her friend, no matter how much it bothered him, that it was law. They were just friends. He would honor that. 

But... would she really just galavant around town with him while he was locked up? Or on house arrest? While he was in a ISO cell, or doing sit ups, would she really be hitting up other guys. 

Not just other guys. 

That guy. 

The one that Shikamaru had already tried to warn him about. What would Shikamaru get out of lying to him? Nothing. They were friends since college. Shikamaru got him his raise working for Kakashi. Shikamaru didn’t even practice criminal law and was sticking his neck out for him. 

And Sasuke. 

Sasuke was the only thing to family that Naruto ever had. Deeper than family. Naruto had nothing before Sasuke. And it had been just them versus the world for years. 

Sure. Things had gotten rough, later on. In college, they both drifted to new friends. Naruto to Shikamaru, Ino and Hinata. Sasuke to Karin, Suigetsu and Jugo and later any person who worked for his drug dealer. 

Things got real rough when Naruto’s mental health took a nose dive and Sasuke’s drug use peaked. They started fighting a lot. Naruto tried to OD. Sasuke seemed indifferent.

Yes. Sasuke was fucked up. Deeply. Naruto had never, ever pretended it wasn’t the case. 

The question remained though. 

Would Sasuke lie to him?

After all the years. After everything they had been through.

Would Sasuke lie to him?

Maybe. 

But would Sasuke know Choji? No. But the description was completely accurate. Sasuke wouldn’t know to make him up. Wouldn’t know the timeline of his arrest. 

Yes, there was something between Sasuke and Hinata. Bad blood. He didn’t know where it started. But it was definitely there. Definitely a possible motive of Sasuke’s, to make a wedge in between them. 

Sasuke didn’t know about Hinata dating while they weren’t together. Sasuke didn’t know Choji. Didn’t know enough to make it up. 

He could hear Sasuke’s voice in his ears again. Holding hands. Sitting close. Looking chummy. They both got angry when Naruto was mentioned. 

That didn’t sound like friends. 

He felt like his world was thrown off kilter. 

He could feel his hands start to shake, so he started tapping them against his thighs. And old familiar quirk. It didn’t help. 

He stood up quickly, pacing around the room. Feeling his heart beat rush in his head, his brain pounding. 

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” He slapped his cheeks a couple times, trying to ground himself. “Come on man get it together.” He could hear his own voice crack, pathetically.

Was he really going to cry? 

Well finding out his only love of his life was possibly seeing someone else... it was more heart breaking, more earth shattering than when she had left him. 

Hinata told him she loved him. They were supposed to get married. They were going to have a house together. Have kids. Have a life.

Naruto wasn’t going to be a piece of shit forever. He was better. He was working on himself. He was trying so hard. 

Hinata believed in him.

She did. She said she did.

Naruto felt his fingers reach into his hair, tearing at the blonde tuffs. He could feel feel the agony in his body taking over, like some sort of possession. “Fuck!” 

He watched Argus back up into the door, ducking his head low. His heart broke all over again for a different reason.

He was losing it. And he couldn’t. He couldn’t ever do that again.


	66. Call for help

Naruto gave his therapist the full and complete rundown, sparing no details.

“So what do you think? Hypomania. Mixed-state? What are you thinking.”

“I’m thinking... that you just got out of jail, you’re cooped up inside on house arrested, you’re stressed about your case, you’re stressed you girlfriends cheating on you. Stress is never good for bipolar.”

Naruto rolled his eyes. “Okay, but I can’t make those things go away. So what the fuck should I do?”

“Take a calming bath. Meditate. Maybe do some yoga.”

His teeth ground together. “Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

“I know that sounds simplistic and dismissive, but stress is terrible for your mental state. If you’re not already pushing into hypomania or a mixed affective state, then you can trigger it yourself.”

“Well that’s fucking fantastic news. That’s definitely not going to stress me out anymore than I already am. Thanks pal.” 

Naruto rubbed his forehead between his eyebrows, roughly before slapping the side of his cheek not propped against the phone. He took a deep huffing breath. 

“Avoiding stress is very serious Naruto. It’s maybe more important than your diet and exercise. Maybe try a walk-”

Naruto’s eyes felt like they were crossing “I’m on house arrest.” 

“Perhaps-”

“I gotta go. Thanks for the help.”

He could feel his nerves sizzling. Calling his therapist made him feel - WORSE. Take a bath? Go for a walk? If fucking only pal.

He took a couple deep breaths, letting his hands tap on his pants. 

Okay. Okay. He had one more place he could call.


	67. Caught in the undertow

His psychologist wasn’t in the office that day. A medical assistant took his “complaint.”

“You’ve been taking your medication consistently?”

“Yes. I missed two days a couple weeks ago but I’ve been taking it every day for months.”

“Well, that could be part of the problem, along with the stress.”

Naruto rolled his neck, trying to relax enough to focus on the conversation. 

“Do you think I’m going into an episode?” He needed to know at least that. 

“I’m sorry Mr. Uzumaki, it’s impossible to say over the phone. This is usually self evaluated as well. If you think you are, it’s possible.”

Fuck! 

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Track your moods. If you think you’re experiencing elevation, you need to be careful that you don’t peak into full blown mania. I see in your chart that you’ve experienced mania before.”

“But, I’ve been taking my medication for over two weeks now and I haven’t missed any since then. I won’t go into mania.”

There was a pause on the phone line. “Mr. Uzumaki, you are aware that you can experience episodes while on you medication.”

... 

“Excuse me?” Maybe he had heard her incorrectly. 

“You didn’t know that?”

“Are you telling me,” He swallowed, licking his lips. “That I can go manic while on my medication?”

“Yes.”

No. No. No no no no nononononosmjsjaksjd- 

“Following a consistent routine of medication, clean diet and exercise can greatly improve your likelihood of symptom management.”

“Symptom management.” That’s what he was working towards? That’s what his best life could be?

“Don’t forget, can also experience depressive states. Most people with Bipolar type one experience depressive states much more often than manic. So you’ll need to watch out for that as well.”

That was a load of bullshit. Depression? Sleeping all day? Fine. Whatever. Honestly, might even make his house arrest easier, if he didn’t want to do anything.

Mania was the fear.

He told Hinata that he was better. That he could help her as much as she could help him. 

He told her that he could get married. 

Maybe, he thought maybe they’d have the normal life that they talked about at the park. 

The minivan. Jersey. Their kids. 

It was a lie. It was such a fucking lie. 

“Is,” Naruto took a hard breath. “Is there anything I can do right now?”

“If you’re experiencing a manic episode, you’ll have to go to the hospital to be monitored.”

“I’m on house arrest. I can’t leave. Can you fill a prescription maybe? I can have someone else grab it.”

There’s clicking on the other side of the phone. “I’m sorry Mr. Uzumaki, but your chart has notes specifically prohibiting this.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re last suicide attempt was with pills, and there’s a tab here that says you used to abuse prescriptions in your late teens, early twenties. This is correct?”

“Yeah, but that was a long time ago. I’m not looking to get high I just-” don’t want to lose my mind. Don’t want to lose myself. Don’t want to lose Hinata.

“Is there anything you can do?” Please help me.

“I’m sorry Mr. Uzumaki. Perhaps you can call your lawyer, see if they can make a medical intervention.”

“I can’t.” He already knows how lucky he is to be remanded on a monitor. There’s no way they’d do him any favors.

“Well, I can have Dr. Senju give you a follow up call when she’s in again.”

A follow up call? A follow up to what, exactly?

Naruto hung up.


	68. If no one, than me

Naruto felt Argus’ fur brush against his face, as he moved to wipe his nose. It tickled from the hair, but he couldn’t move away. He held the dog in his lap, cuddled into his chest. One part apology for scaring him, the other to keep himself from actually losing his mind. 

He took in deep, steady breaths to try and ground himself back into reality, before he let himself spin out of control. 

He was lucky. Hinata wouldn’t be home for awhile. Her late meeting meant he had time. Time to devise a plan that wasn’t just walking straight out of her apartment building, getting taken back to central booking and pleading guilty to all of his assault charges. Because even though he knew that he wouldn’t ever have to bother Hinata again if he was confined to Rikers Island for the rest of his miserable life, the only sane part of his brain knew that he himself would be completely miserable there. 

There had to be a way to just let Hinata go, and live her own life happily without him tearing her down. 

Who was he fucking kidding? He dug his face back into Argus’ fur. The last time him and Hinata broke up he wanted to die. Literally die. Sure, apart of that had to do with him not being mentally stable, but the greater part had just been her absence. 

But… maybe he could find some solace that she was having a good life. Choji was nice. He owned a business. He was a normal human being. 

Naruto’s eyebrows knitted together as he felt his stomach clench. His whole body, absolutely revolted at that train of thought. He didn’t like this. Didn’t like anything about it. 

He should’ve never fucking called Sasuke. 

He felt a grunt of pain slowly ease out of him, completely out of his control. Argus whined in reply, moving to lick Naruto’s cheek. 

He took another deep breath, letting it out quickly. “Fuck, get it together man.” He tried to coach himself. 

Sure, Hinata wasn’t home yet. But that didn’t mean he had all the time in the world. She would be home eventually and he had to figure out what he was going to say. What he was going to ask. How he was going to approach any of this. 

But his thoughts just felt so scattered. He wasn’t ready. He needed time to just fix himself real quick. He needed-

The dead bolt flopped over. The door handle jiggled. The door creaked open. “Naruto? Argus? I’m home.”

Naruto could feel his whole body sink back into the couch. His arms fell dead from Argus, freeing him, letting the dog immediately bolt over to Hinata, barking, moving his head erratically. 

“My meeting was cancelled. Argus, calm down. How lucky, right? Babe? What’s wrong?” He could hear Hinata behind him.

“He needs to pee.” His voice was flat. Heavy. His chest felt like it was wearing a weighted training vest. Like Argus’.

He could hear Hinata pause. Because of course she heard it. He couldn’t hide it even if he tried. There’s nothing he could hide from her. 

“Are you okay?” She asked him quietly. 

“No.” He answered. Flatly. Resigned to his misery. 

Because even through everything that had just transpired in the last half hour, the universe couldn’t even give him five minutes to get himself together.

‘How lucky, right?’

Honestly, he really couldn’t be surprised. The universe had just given him one big fat ‘Fuck You’ over and over since his life began, that this couldn’t possibly be any different.

“What’s wrong?” He could hear her stepping closer to him. 

Naruto blinked, slowly. “Did you know, that I can still experience mania while taking my medication?”

He could hear Hinata stop. 

She didn’t say anything. 

“I didn’t know that.” Naruto supplied instead. “So I googled it. Apparently the average cycle is twice a year.” He let out a cold, lifeless laugh. “Fucking twice. How about that?”

“Naruto-”

“No matter what I do. I can go to bed early every night. Not drink. Not smoke. Not abuse pills. Work out. Eat right. Keep my appointments. I can do all of that… and I could still go psycho twice a year.”

“You don’t know that.” Hinata argues. “You’ve never been this healthy before. People go into remission for years. You could be fine-”

“What if I’m not?” Naruto cut her off. “What if, no matter how hard I try, what if I’m not fine?”

“We take those times as they come.” She pressed. “Naruto, what’s going on?”

“Are you seeing someone else?”

The question escaped him before he could stop it. Well, balls to the wall was always his MO. Cards slammed on the table.

“What? No! Why would you-”

“I’m not, I’m not going to freak out. I’m not going to yell at you. I won’t punch your walls or break your stuff. I won’t threaten to hurt him. I just-” Naruto could feel the tightness of his chest, constricting down, making harder to breathe. “If there’s someone else. If they can be a better boyfriend, or fiancé, or husband or dad or whatever you need, just tell me so I can-”

“No! No, what are you talking about?” She stepped quickly, crouching down next to him, grabbing his shoulder. “Naruto, what is going on? Please, tell me.”

Naruto finally turned to look at her. For the first time since she had stepped into the apartment. He had avoided it. Because he knew, as soon as he saw her, that he was done for. 

She was still pressed in her pant suit. Her long black hair, silky down her back. Her face - eyes looked watery. He was going to make her cry again. Her lips pressed together tightly. 

He didn’t want this. He wanted all of this bullshit to just go away. He wanted to make it better but he didn’t know how. There was so much swirling inside of him that he didn’t know how to get it out or calm it down. 

Maybe, maybe if he just started at the beginning. She could help him. She always did. 

“I called Sasuke.” Yeah, he could start from there. 

But that’s where it really ended.

It ended as soon as her eyes widened. As soon as the look shifted from confusion to fear. 

It was true. What Sasuke said. Everything. It was all true.

“No.” He sounded like a little kid. The one that just wanted to be held. Or to be loved. Or to be taken care of. Acknowledged. It was almost like a question. No, please don’t look at me like that. No, please tell me it’s not true. Please, no. “No. No no no-”

“Naruto,” She reached out with her other hand to grab him but he already slipped away from her. 

Because all the time in the past that Hinata had spent watching Naruto, he had gotten to see her as well. The telltale signs. There was something that she was afraid he knew. 

And boy did he fucking know it.

“Fuck.” He grunted, standing up quickly. 

“Naruto. Naruto just stop,” She stepped towards him, trying to latch onto him. 

He evaded her quickly, stepping around the loveseat, using it as a barrier to keep her at more than an arms length.

“I can’t do this.” Naruto choked. Really, he couldn’t. He didn’t have the mental capacity to have this much heartbreak again. He wanted it to stop. 

Just stop. Just stop. “Stop.” He huffed angrily and she desperately tried to latch onto him.

He had meant what he said. He didn’t want to yell. He didn’t want to break things. He didn’t want to be the bad guy. The bad guy she thought he was. Like when she thought he was going to throw hands with Kiba. Was it true, that not even she really had ever believed in him?

Oh fuck. That was not a thought that he could emotionally handle right now. 

He planted his foot quickly and twisted around, sprinting two steps back to her bathroom. She was fast though, that Bagua was quicker than most.

“Naruto! Don’t!”

He slammed the door so quickly it was a miracle that he didn’t shut her fingers in the door. He pressed the lock in as fast as he could, before she could grab the door knob. He could hear her try to giggle it, trying to press the door open. 

“Naruto, open the door. Please, please open the door. 

She began knocking, hard, then banging on it. “Naruto, please just calm down! We can talk about this, just let me in. Please.”

He paced the length of her bathroom tiles quickly. His breathing had reached a level that was not sustainable. Breathe. He tried to exhale the air out of his chest but his mouth just tried to keep sucking it in. Breathe. Breathe. Bre- fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.

“Calm down.” He grunted quietly. “Fuck, just calm down.” 

What had he used to do to calm down? Take pills. He couldn’t do that. Cut himself. He couldn’t do that either. Drink? Nope. 

He sat down quickly putting his head in his hands. He could do this himself. He could pull out of this. He’d come out of much, much worse before.

And honestly, he could probably salvage things with Hinata too. She had loved him though far worse things than having a mental breakdown in her bathroom. He could say sorry. He could never ask her about Choji again.

He could probably live with her cheating on him. Probably. He might have to take back his promise in not fucking him up. Maybe… he’d leave that to future Naruto to handle. He needed to compartmentalize. He could not focus on the raw fury it felt to think about Choji Akimichi. 

He finally exhaled out, and forced himself to pause, before rapidly sucking back in the air. Again. He rubbed down his forehead to the bridge of his nose. 

“Okay.” He huffed, finally blinking. It was much easier to think when his brain was getting the right amount of oxygen. “Okay.”

Now. What was he going to do about Hinata? He formulated a rough plan. Step 1. Apologize profusely. Step 2. Make a pact to never talk about what just happened ever again.

Naruto sighed softly, wiping away some tears that had escaped that he would just pretend were never there. 

That plan was fucking stupid. He was fucking stupid. This whole thing was fucking stupid.

“Get it together man.” He slapped his cheeks a couple times. 

Alright. Recalibrate. The plan. He needed to figure out his-

The door gave a little ‘ping’ as the spring on the inside the lock popped open, unlocking the door. It swung open so fast it almost hit his knees (her bathroom was actually super tiny - hello it’s fucking New York). 

And honestly, Naruto couldn’t really be surprised by Hinata unlocking it. It was pretty on brand for her. What he was surprised by, was her own tears. Not just tears. She looked like she had actually been sobbing. Hard. How had he just blocked her out?

Hinata looked more surprised than either of them to find him just sitting on top of the closed toilet. Her eyes immediately went to her bathtub. She dropped the tennis shoe she was holding by the laces, the plastic end she must’ve used to pop open the lock. 

That’s weird, he thought for a second. Why would he be in the bathtub - Oh. Oh. Oh. That. 

He felt the very same feeling as when she thought he was going to attack Kiba. 

He was never going to be the guy that he wanted to be. He would always be the piece of shit kid, wandering around the theatre district at night alone. The one cutting open his skin in the public bathrooms with $1 shaving kits. The one popping pills before class and drinking on weekdays. The one that got kicked out of every bar for fighting. The one that couldn’t hold down a part time job. 

The one that Hinata found in his bathtub and taken home like a feral kitten.

All the work that he had done, amounted to nothing. 

Naruto nodded to himself for a moment. Yep. That sounded about right.

But Naruto was still Naruto, and even in one of the worst moments of his life, he was still him. 

“Well,” He shrugged a little, leaning back to face her better. “I guess you’re just lucky I wasn’t taking a shit.”

That seemed to break the little spell that was forcing her to just stand, staring from the doorway. She stepped to him quickly, reaching her hand out to him. He flinched back immediately, eyes shut, bracing. Sure, if she wanted to smack him in the face, he’d give her one. He deserved it. But he’d watched her Bagua before. She had enough force behind one good hit to snap his nose. 

Instead, he could see her hand go past the corner of his eye, grabbing the back of his head. Oh dear god, was she going to knee him in the face or something? Okay that seemed a little excessive.

Instead of his nose being obliterated by her kneecap, it smacked straight into, soft. Plush. Perfumed. Boobs? He could feel the buttons of her white collared shirt and the lapel of her black jacket over top. He could feel her fingers splayed out into his hair on the back of his head. 

She was… hugging him. 

His arms went around her quickly, holding her narrowed midsection, his arms resting on the flair of her hips like a lifeline.

Okay. This was much nicer than he thought. 

“How could you ever think that?” She sniffed, her hand, moving from the back of his head to rub down his cheek affectionately. 

“There’s nobody else. There can never be anyone else. There never was anyone else. It’s just you. It’ll only ever be you.” She bent down to kiss his forehead, her nose pressing into his hair. 

Her words were like a warm blanket, wrapping him up. 

He felt similarly.

He’d fucked other girls. A lot. There used to be a time when that was his main goal in going out at night. Because it was fun. And it felt good. And sometimes it was just so goddamn hard to feel good. 

He’d also hung out with tons of other girls. Because he liked to have fun. And he didn’t like to be alone. 

But nobody was like Hinata. He had never felt love or acceptance, the real kind, until Hinata. Never felt like a real person until her. Never loved anyone until he loved her. 

And after that kind of love, it just could never be replicated. He would never be able to find that in someone else. Wouldn’t even want to look. 

“I’m sorry.” He choked, trying not to sound like a blubbering baby 

“But, if you keep trying to break up with me - I’m going to start taking it personally.” He could hear Hinata’s small smiled, as she rubbed between his shoulder blades.

Naruto pouted, huffing like a grumpy baby, squeezing Hinata a tiny bit closer.

“I had lunch with Choji. On Friday. You made me nervous when you said you wanted to talk. So I left work early. Remember, I got to the gym early to be with you.”

He nodded, feeling the grain of the fabric against his face. 

“And Sasuke was there. He was incredibly rude.” She added as an afterthought. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“You aren’t responsible for the way Sasuke behaves.” She reminded him. 

The thin, blurred lines of Naruto’s ties to Sasuke would never be truly understood by Hinata. He didn’t blame her. She just wasn’t there, didn’t see the things that they saw, the things they went through, together. There was a long part of Naruto’s life when he didn’t have Hinata. It had been horrible. Awful. But he did have Sasuke. And similar to the way Hinata changed his life, Sasuke changed his as well. He had a friend, for the first time in his life. Someone that cared if he got hurt or if he was safe. Someone that shared his misery.

Hinata wouldn’t understand the bonds that would forever tie him and Sasuke together. He was just going through it. Naruto knew, more than anyone, that sometimes, you just couldn’t handle what life had to throw at you anymore. But Sasuke would pull out of it. If Naruto could do it, Sasuke could do it. 

“Why didn’t you call me or you doctor?”

“I did!” It choked out of him, his voice catching like he was about to cry again. “I called them as soon as I started freaking out. But - They told me they couldn’t help me.”

He could feel Hinata go rigid under his arms. There was a pause, just for a moment, like a snap between then. She pushed back off his shoulders, making enough space for her to lift his head towards her. He didn’t really want to stop holding onto her, nor did he really want to look at her in that moment, have her see him for the pathetic, sniveling mess that he was. 

Her voice was razor sharp, laced with something almost deadly. Not in a way Hinata normally spoke. Or ever spoke. One word, hissed out in measured, frothing demand. “What?”

Did she not believe him?

“I did. I called both of them. My therapist told me not to stress and psych office told me to ‘take a walk’.” Naruto felt the bitter, emptiness of the “advice”. The hollow feeling of calling out for help and being so heartlessly denied. 

Hinata stared at him for a long moment, steady, in both disbelief and rage.

“Where is your phone?” She finally asked, in the same, scary tone. 

“Uh,” Naruto paused trying to remember. “I think I left it out there on the floor.” 

He could feel Hinata try and detach from him, but his arms just sunk in, tightening around her. 

“Don’t.” He pressed his face closer into her chest, his brow bone digging into her clavicle, his cheeks cushioned onto her breast. 

Not in a sexual way. More like a hug from a teacher or a grandma or-

‘Don’t you fucking dare say mom!’ He snapped inwardly, again cursing ever seeing the therapist that mentioned that dynamic. Stupid fucking prick. 

“I’m going to call back your doctors office. I cannot even believe- the nerve!” He hadn't heard her sound so mad, not since he got his phone back, after she left him.

‘I can’t take care of you anymore.’

Well, fuck if only she could see them now. Right back to where they started. 

“Please don’t.”

“No, Naruto. I’m not just going to let your doctors, the people that are supposed to help you, ignore you! This is ridiculous!”

“No,” Naruto shook his head a little. “I don’t care about that. Yell at whoever you want, just, don’t let go.”

She paused, putting her hands back on his shoulder and the back of his head. “Baby,” She asked, quietly. 

“I’m sorry.” Naruto tried to take in a breath, his fingers digging into her shirt. “I’m really sorry, I - I - fuck, I can’t calm down. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’m sorry Hina, I don’t know what to do-”

“Shhhh, hey, hey, hey it’s okay.” She rubbed his scalp through his hair, cradling him closer to her. “It’s okay. Everything is going to be fine.” She promised. 

He believed her. Hinata wouldn’t lie to him. She wouldn’t. He knew, deep down, that Hinata wouldn’t, even though he had just gone off and basically accused her of cheating on him, he knew that Hinata would never lie to him. 

“Okay.” He accepted easily. 

But trusting her didn’t take away the pounding in his chest. The spinning in his head. The feeling of the walls falling in on him. He clung to her smaller frame for dear life. She said it was going to be okay. Okay, but how? 

“Okay. Good. Okay. Here, hold on.” She tried to shuffle over to the mirror, Naruto didn’t loosen his hold on her but scooted to the edge of the closed toilet to give her more room to look through the shelves behind the mirror. The only time having such a tiny place was convenient. 

“Here.” He was expecting her to give him his own medication. A large white pill big enough for a horse, and even though he had pretty much gotten used to the side effects, it still made him pretty drowsy and ready for bed, which is why he took it at night.

But instead of larger and white, it was small, thin and a green/blue capsule.

“What?” Naruto looked at the pill in stupid confusion.

“It’s mine.” She admitted.

He knew that she was taking something… but… what was going on.

“I think you’re having a panic attack. This is for that. It’s to help manage spike of anxiety. Or stress.”

Naruto’s eyebrows knit together, still not taking his eyes off the pill. “I don’t understand.”

“I have panic attacks too. It’ll help you. I promise.”

There were two things he wanted to touch on. She had panic attacks? She said that she wasn’t doing that great. That she was seeing a therapist. That she was getting better. 

But this? This feeling. She had that two?

Maybe, the whole time that Naruto was suffering after she left, maybe she was too?

He had always kind of thought that when she left him, she had dumped her garbage. Left her baggage behind. That’s why it hurt so much to find out that she was dating. It felt like she was doing amazing and moving on without him. Which is probably why he clung on to all that animosity towards Choji as well.

But is Hinata was struggling just as bad as he was… that definitely changed things. Especially if Choji was just someone that she could confide in. As a friend.

Of course he would always hang on to the jealous, the wish that he could’ve been the guy to do that for her. But-

He did what he could.

They were here now though.

“I’m not like that.” Naruto declined the pill quickly.

Hinata sighed a little under her breath. “Naruto, it’s okay to have panic attacks, it’s not-”

He shook his head. She misunderstood him. He wasn’t denying her diagnosis or judging her for having them or anything like that.

“No. I’m not a junkie anymore. I know I used to use and shit, but I promised you I was better. And I know I did a fucking shit job,” He had the last couple weeks to show for it. “But I promise. I’m not like that. I’m not a piece of shit.”

Hinata grabbed his chin quickly, maneuvering his face and tilting it up towards her. “You were never a piece of shit.”

He frowned a little. “Come on Hinata.”

They were both there. They remembered what it was like.

“No. I know that you’re not like that anymore. You’ve done so well staying clean. Don’t think I haven’t noticed. And I’m so proud of you. But you can’t just hold yourself to some unattainable standard.” She defended him hotly.

Naruto scoffed a little. “I don’t think not being a drug addict or an alcoholic is an unattainable standard, Hinata.”

“That isn’t fair! You didn’t have parents. There was nobody there for you. You were abused. And you have a mental illness. Do you know how common substance abuse is with mental illness? High, because you don’t know what to do and you’re just trying to feel better. That’s what you were doing Naruto. You were just trying to get by, and survive in a world where nobody taught you how.”

Hinata’s passion and her intensity were too much for him in that moment, so he moved his chin out of her hand, and laid his head back onto her chest. 

“I think Kiba was right.”

“What?”

“That you just make excuses for me. I know it’s because you love me, but I was just a piece of shit, Hinata.”

“That’s bullshit.” She snapped. “I know you. I know you’re different. I know you’re doing better. I love and respect you so much for it. But if your doctor isn’t going to help you, I am. At least until we can get you into a new one.”

Naruto pouted a little, letting her words sink in. 

“Trust me. This is basically just like Benadryl. It’ll make you a little drowsy, and calm you down. Then we can go from there, okay?” 

She shifted the green capsule in her hand, holding it closer to him. 

“Just this once.” She promised. “Trust me.”

Naruto looked back up to her face quickly. He had always trusted Hinata. Even before she was his girlfriend, she was his friend, and he had always, always trusted her. 

He let go of her with one arm to hold his hand out next to hers. “Okay.”


	69. Who are you (me to me)

Like Benadryl, she said. More like a tranquilizer. It only took ten minutes to start kicking in and he knew he was going to be down for the count, so he took his own medication as well, he couldn’t forget, and basically passed out at six pm. Which, he was too loopy to be embarrassed at the time, but now, in the light of day, he felt the slamming wave of defeat and guilt. 

But first he had to get all the blankets off. It felt like Hinata had got every blanket in her apartment and tried to smother him to death with them. He sat up, wiping the sweaty hair off his forehead, blowing air up onto his face, patting his cheeks for a second. 

He had overslept. He could feel it in his body, the ache of too much sleep. He stretched his back out a little, careful of the part that still hurt a little more than it should’ve, from the scuffle that had got him into this mess in the goddamn first place. His pain had always been his penance though, so he took it in silence. 

Throwing his legs off the bed, he sat there for a moment, trying to get his bearings.

He had fucked up last night. He could feel the guilt swimming inside of him, not letting him forget. Not only had he fucked up, he had acted pathetic. The whole thing had been beyond humiliating. 

For what? What had that whole, stupid espisode even been about? About Hinata eating dinner with her friend? Really? 

He could feel his hands itching to turn into fists. Nope. He flattened his palms out, letting them tap on his thighs. 

And then calling his doctors office. That had also been stupid. He knew, he always knew that his bipolar would never go away. He wasn’t so out of touch with reality that he thought that he was somehow cured. But hearing just how often he could lose it, how futile his efforts were, it was… depressing. 

Why? Why did he have to be himself? Why did so many shitty things have to happen to one person? What had he ever done to anyone to deserve this?

He slapped his right cheek quickly. “Cut the shit.” 

Life also could’ve been a whole lot worse. He was still alive. He wasn’t living on the streets.

Having a ‘woe is me’ pity party wasn’t going to fix any of his problems. And he definitely had problems right now that needed immediate fixing. 

Hinata.

He needed to apologize. She had sounded so happy when she came home early. And he had totally ruined her evening. He had accused her of cheating on him, which was totally uncalled for. He needed to make it up to her. 

And then, to top it off, he didn’t even wake up when she got ready for work. He wasn’t that guy anymore. The one that slept all day while Hinata was working. The one that did show her that he cared. The one that was still a piece of shit.

“You’re better than this, Uzumaki.”

He was. 

He took another quick breath. 

Alright. Back to the basics. The variables. What could he do right now to get back on track.

Eat breakfast. Work out. Call Hinata. Well, maybe not call. She could be in a meeting. He would text her to call him. But then she might think it was an emergency and she’d freak out.

Maybe he could text her something like, ‘hey, sorry about everything, call me later’ - that was so dumb. 

Whatever, he’d think of something. But, where was his phone? It wasn’t plugged in next to him. What had he done with it yesterday? 

His brain wracked through the several unpleasant phone calls he had made yesterday evening, but what had he done after that?

Thrown it on the floor, maybe? He had been so upset that it was hard to tell but he could go check.

He stood up, rolling his shoulders. He felt a little cramped and tight from sleeping in. The bruises on his back felt mostly healed, he barely even remembered it besides sometimes when he was working out, stretching and straining those particular muscles. Even the scratches on his knuckles and face were mostly gone, maybe a couple of small scabs remained, but they itched more than anything, really. 

He headed to the bathroom first. He wasn’t going to take a full shower, because he usually did it later. But he splashed his face with some cold water and brushed his teeth really quick. 

He let his hand pat the outside of his thigh while he walked around the living room/kitchen, humming nervously to himself. 

What was he going to say when he called her? He felt so unbelievably stupid. 

He’d apologized for worst things, honestly. The time he tried to rip out their kitchen cabinets or when he totally thought he could run for president, those two things were just a long list of weird or crazy shit he’d done that Hinata had to deal with. Not to mention all of his bar fights, or fights with Kiba. Or when he yelled at her and punched a hole in their wall. 

All of those apologies had been empty though. He just didn’t want her to be mad at him anymore. But an apology didn’t count unless the person made actual effort to change. 

That’s probably the worst part. Why this feeling felt so much worse than the other times. 

Because Nartuo had tried. He had. He meant what he said to her. He didn’t want to be the old him, he wanted to be normal and nice and a good boyfriend. 

He had tried so fucking hard and he was still a full blown basket case. 

He shook his head, trying to locate his phone. The living room wasn’t that big. On the contrary. There was only so many places that his cell phone could be. And he couldn’t see it anywhere. 

He huffed angrily, flopping back down on the loveseat. 

Even though he didn’t know what he was going to say to her, he definitely had to text Hinata something! He couldn’t just pretend that it never happened. He couldn’t let her think he was ignoring her all day just because he couldn’t find his fucking phone.

The door clicked open, and he jumped off the loveseat, his heart in his throat. 

He was not prepared to confront a burglar right now. He was pretty sure that adding another assault to his rap sheet while on probation would probably be the last nail in his coffin.

But he was even less prepared to face Hinata with Argus on a leash. Sweat pants, long sleeve, she had slipped on a pair of worn boots to take the dog out. Clearly not ready for work. She hadn’t gone?

“Oh, good morning sleepy head. Wait, did you look at my laptop?” She asked quickly.

Naruto blinked, trying to calm down from the full roller coaster whiplash he just received.

Argus padded up next to him, brushing his fur into his palm.

She was… here. And he still had no clue what to say to her. And- “Why would I look at your laptop?” He blinked.

She side stepped off the welcome mat and gently shut the open laptop on her little table. 

He hadn’t even noticed it was there. That probably would’ve tipped him off that she was here. She wouldn’t go to work without it.

“I don’t know, sorry.” She amended quickly. 

Why was she apologizing? He was supposed to be apologizing. 

“What were you doing?” She asked, watching him stand awkwardly between the love seat and her TV set.

“Looking for my phone. To call you.” Might as well just be honest. 

“I plugged it in for you.” Hinata’s cheeks warmed just a touch. “Um, you were going to call me?”

What the fuck? Was she blushing? Was he in some kind of parallel universe? She was supposed to be mad at him. Or upset. Or pretending that she wasn’t upset so she could hide her feelings away from him while she secretly planned some other way to leave him or something. 

“Yeah. To apologize. For… yesterday.” He hadn’t wanted to talk about it. He was dreading in really. But now he needed to bring it up, just so he could know that it actually happened and he wasn’t having some weird, twilight zone episode, fever dream. 

“Oh. You don’t need to apologize.”

Naruto narrowed his eyes at her. She wasn’t like other girls. She didn’t play mind games with him. But he couldn’t help feeling like he was falling into some kind of trap. 

He licked his lips a little. “But, but I accused you of cheating on me.”

“Because your friend told you I was.” She argued. “Isn’t that what happened?”

Naruto frowned for a second before he nodded.

“If Ino, my best friend, told me that she saw you with someone else, it would be hard not to believe her. And at least bring it up to you.”

“You’re just making excuses for me.” Naruto pressed.

Hinata frowned, setting down Argus’ leash before stepping closer to him. “We already had this conversation. Yesterday.”

“I didn’t apologize.”

“What could you possibly need to apologize for, Naruto?”

“For everything.” Obviously.

Hinata stared at him blankly. “You didn’t really do anything.”

“What are you talking about. I freaked out like a psycho.” 

“You got upset.” Hinata corrected. “How could you need to apologize for getting upset?”

“You’re not my punching bag. It not okay for me to just unload on you-”

“Punching bag? What are you talking about? You didn’t yell at me. You didn’t break anything.”

He winced a little, because he might not of that time, but he had before.

“You got sad, Naruto.” She enunciated slowly, taking the last steps to him. He has been using the loveseat as a barrier again, but when she stepped around it, he let her stand in front of him. “You were sad and upset. That’s really all that happened. And you did everything that you were supposed to. You called your doctors. You talked to me. That’s not something ‘psycho’ that you needs to apologize for.”

“I ruined your night.”

“I’ve ruined dozens of yours.” Hinata smiled, a soft, sad smile. 

That wasn’t the same. Not wanting to go to the movies late a night or declining invitations to bars or concerts wasn’t on the same level as having a complete mental breakdown. 

Naruto frowned. “No you-”

“Don’t.” She shook her head. “I have. And I probably will again someday. And it’s okay. Because I love you. And you love me. And we’re both just working on being better.”

“That’s not true.”

Hinata stopped, looking back up at him, searching for what he meant. 

“You don’t think I’m better.”

Argus whined, uncomfortable by the change of pace in the conversation. The atmospheric shift. 

No more hiding. No more tiptoeing. Fuck fake. Fuck the bullshit. 

“That’s not true.” She pressed, immediately.

“I can see it, Hinata. You still watch me the same. Still making sure I’m not going to fuck something up.”

“Naruto,” she grabbed onto him, holding him by the triceps, like a little kid you don’t want pulling away. “Don’t be silly. You’re so different. It’s like night and day, really. In a good way.”

He couldn’t stop the eye roll. She couldn’t lie to him. Not when they knew each other like that.

He watched her swallow a little, licking her lips. “It’s true. And I’m sorry if you feel like I don’t think that. Or, if I’m smothering you. It’s just… it’s just my own problems. My anxiety… I - I worry about you. Not because I don’t trust you. I just, I love you.” She said it so softly, so sweetly and honestly that Naruto felt his chest clench a little. She still loved him. He felt the wordless, ‘I love you too’ right on his lips but couldn’t bring himself to interrupt her. “It’s not all your fault that I worry. It’s mine. The stress, from work, from your case, from, everything. I’m sorry. But don’t even think for a second that I don’t see how different you are. Or how amazing you’re doing.”

“Yeah,” he scoffed. “Pretty bloody amazing.” 

“That’s not fair. You’ve been cooped up inside for weeks. This stress is enough to drive anyone crazy. I can’t believe how well you’ve done, everything considering.”

Naruto looked down at the floor. He didn’t feel like he had done anything well. Not even close.

“This is why I wanted to stay home today.”

‘Because I ruin all aspects of your life, including your job which you love.’ Naruto raised an eyebrow. 

“So I could make sure you knew that I loved you and that you’re doing so good.” She smiled. “And I’m sorry. That this has gone on so long.”

“That’s not your fault.” He dismissed quickly. How could Hinata control the bullshit that was the New York City judicial system?

She bit her lip a little. “Are you hungry? Let me make you breakfast.” She kissed his cheek. 

He usually made her coffee in the morning. But it looked like she had opted for tea instead. Less caffeine need if she was going to be home. 

“I was thinking pancakes? And maybe some eggs.” She smiled, taking him by the hand and leading him over to the little table. 

“Sounds like a lot.” Sounds like guilt cooking. 

“I’m really hungry.” She smiled, letting him sit down, brushing her fingers down the back of his head, pressing his hair down before kissing the side of his temple. She scooped up her laptop out of his line of site and the place the computer on the counter, taking up half of her already cramped counter space, along with his little black box, trying his ankle and the rest of his body to the place. 

He rolled his eyes a little. He had never once while they had been together looked at her work computer. He knew that she sometimes had government contracts and things like that. Super important things, that people just couldn’t look at. And even when he was a shitty boyfriend, he had never tried to jeopardize her job. 

Plus it was probably just a bunch or boring, business jargon, it’s not like he’d even be able to understand it.

But whatever. Who knows? Maybe her work got stricter and is making her more on edge. He wasn’t going to question it. He had already stressed her out enough, lately, he didn’t want to add to it.

Hinata’s cooking was pretty amazing. Considering he’d been surviving off the skills that Iruka gave him for the last couple months. Plus, nobody had ever made him home cooked food before she had. It was his favorite. 

“You didn’t have to do so much.” He looked down at his plate of food with a little unsettling guilt. 

Pancakes AND an omelet?

Hinata shrugged him off a little. “My favorites.” 

Naruto rolled his eyes a little. That wasn’t true. He knew her favorites and these foods were more along the lines of his than hers. “Are you sure you’re not just trying to make me fat again?”

“Shush.” She glared at him from her spot across the table. “Eat your food.”

He did. And it was just as good as he knew it was going to be.

“So what do you usually do in the morning?” She asked, causally.

“I work out.” He had already told her before. 

She nodded. 

“Then I take a shower.” 

“And then?”

He shrugged. “Wait for you to get back.”

Hinata looked up, quickly at him, as if to double check if he was lying. Joking. Playing her.

He wasn’t. What did he have to be embarrassed about, he had cried himself to sleep last night into her chest. He couldn’t get much lower than that. 

“What? Why don’t you watch TV or something?”

Naruto shrugged. “I dunno. I don’t wanna waste your cable.” 

“What? Waste it. It’s already paid for.” She frowned.

He shrugged. 

He hadn’t wanted to be like the old him. He did want to sit in front of the TV all day while Hinata was at work. He wasn’t like that anymore.

“Well, let's definitely watch something then tonight.”

“Why tonight? You can watch anything whenever.” That’s how TV worked now days. Not like back in the day, when cartoons were Saturday morning only. 

“Nuhhuh.” She hummed, smirking a little at him.

“What?” What was she being cute for.

“We have to workout first.”

“We?” Naruto raised his eyebrows.

When he first met Hinata, she wasn’t what one would call “physically fit”. Her face got red going up stairs cases or walking to another building (though in retrospect maybe it was because he was there). Her arms and legs used to be stick thin, which was quite a contrast to how well rounded some of her other assets seemed to be. He had seen the change in definicion before, like when she had rocked that amazing dress for Kakashi’s election night, her arms curving with her deltoid, into her biceps. She was still soft, still femine, but stronger. More powerful. 

He’d seen her Baguazhang. Sometimes it looked more like a yoga workout, but she had done some serious damage to the chick out back of Jiraiya’s gym. She was downright lethal now. 

And was completely able to keep up with his little home workout he had carved out for himself. 

“You do this everyday?” She asked, her breath a little more labored than usual, her cheeks pink, dabbing some sweat off her forehead with the hem of her sweatshirt.

He nodded. It wasn’t the hardest workout he had ever done. The confines of her apartment could only yield so much. But even he heaved his chest a little as he breathed, his shirt lick against his back. 

“Yep.” He licked his lips. He didn’t need his notebook anymore, he had it memorized. 

She blinked a little. “I don’t know why you’re so worried about me trying to make you fat.”

Naruto’s eyes narrowed on her. “I knew it.”

She giggled, leaning back. “Ugh,” she glanced at her soiled sweatshirt hem. “No wonder you need a shower. You weren’t joking about being sweaty.”

“Nope.” He laughed, raking his hair up, the sweat sticking it in all different directions.

She smiled a little, quietly looking from his face up to his hair. 

She was… so pretty. Pretty was a dumb word for what she looked like. Her cheeks pink. Eyes wide. Her lips plump. A little dimple in her cheek.

“Ya know, we could take a shower.” 

She blinked a little at him, like ‘yeah dude we were just talking about that…’

“Right now.” He amended. “Together.”

Her cheeks went pink to red as soon as the words left his lips. Her chin tilted down and her lashes looked heavier as she blinked again. So shy, even after all this time?

“Okay.” She albeit whispered.

Naruto could feel the blood pumping through his veins and it wasn’t because of the workout. “Let’s go.” He reached over to grab her wrist, but stopped short real quick, realizing that it was the wrist that stupid bitch had messed up a little. So instead, he reached over for her other hand, further away from him.

He pulled her up off the living room floor with him, pushing her down the hallway to the bathroom, towing her along in her giggles.

Argus padded along with them softly, before Hinata held her hand out at the door. “Sorry bud, we’ll be out soon.”

“Soon?” Naruto scoffed. “What, ‘soon’? I’ll show you soon.”

Hinata covered her face quickly as she snorted. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Suuuure.” Naruto drawled out, teasingly, pressing the door shut behind her. “Sure you didn’t.”

He grabbed the hem of her shirt, pulling it up, over her head, almost getting stuck, making her bangs flip, landing askew. She giggled, pulling him down into a kiss. 

It was nice. To kiss her. Touch her. The water was burning hot, but kissing her was hotter. Touching her. It was like a remider, that he was still a fucking man. That he wasn’t a little baby crying into her button up. He was a fucking man. And he could fuck the shit out of her. Which he did his best at.

He trailed kisses down her neck. His hands, rubbing down every part of her body that he could reach. His hand tangled in her wet hair. 

“I love you.” He breathed into her ear, boiling hot water hitting his back, one hand bracing on the cold shower tiles.

Her breath hitched back in her throat as a reply.

After she rinsed the conditioner out of her hair, he wrapped her up in a fluffy towel. The mirror looked like a frosted window in the winter, and the air was cold outside of the bathroom. They cuddled on the bed for awhile with Argus, getting the pillow wet, but being altogether unbothered by it. 

After awhile though, Hinata needed to get back to her day job. 

“I have to go work on some stuff. For work.” Hinata played with the hem of his shirt, reluctantly. 

He nodded. He understood what she was saying. ‘Can you stay in here?’ It was the least he could do. She stayed home all day for him.

“Yeah, I still have some boxes to go through.” He nodded down to the foot of them bed

“I told you we could get a bigger dresser.” She frowned.

He shook his head. “No, it’s okay it’s mostly trash.” 

“But… you love those.” She tried to argue, quietly.

He shrugged indifferently. He didn’t love them. He was just terrified to not have things. He wasn’t a therapist by any means, but he was pretty sure that wasn’t a healthy way to accumulate a wardrobe. Especially when it was obstructing his fiance’s bedroom. 

“Well, it’s up to you. Okay?” She left him with that. 

He googled the KonMari checklist. It wasn’t just “if it sparks joy” because Naruto’s emotions were a little frayed at the moment and he wasn’t really sure what was bringing him joy, besides Hinata. But there were other ways to decided to keep something. If it had holes or rips. If the clothes were stained. If he didn’t wear them. 

Honestly it was almost all of the extra boxes. Hinata really nailed it with the first box she had when he got out. He only wore a couple outfits out of the whole thing. He didn’t really need any of the extra stuff. 

But he also didn’t want to tell her that, because then she’d had to haul it all down herself. She hadn’t mentioned Kiba since their little tiff in the kitchen so he wasn’t sure what was going on with that, and he wasn’t sure what if it was his place to even ask her. 

The lines of their business and just her business was confusing to him. Especially when he was new to boundaries. 

He sighed, feeling the weight of unease. He hated this feeling. Like a slushy inside of him. It reminded him of little kid Naruto. The Naruto he wanted to erase completely from his mind. From existence. The scared, unsure little boy.

He grabbed his notebook from his drawer. He started to write and stopped, scratching it out. He tried, started, stopped. He rolled his neck, trying not to get frustrated about it. This, figuring out his feelings, its always been hard for him. Sure he’d get upset, but why. What was he really worked up about. A lot of things. One thing. Just his emotions out of whack. 

Nobody really understood him. Let alone even himself. He’d try to reread his previous pages. Fragmented sentences. Anger. Deep eches of the pen. 

‘I hate being myself.’ He wrote down quickly. 

“That’s not true, fucking brat.” He chastised, but left it there on the paper. To remember. Or to forget. 

‘I hate that I have bipolar.’

That was true. 

‘I hate that I can’t trust myself.’

‘I want to be better. To be normal. I want to be what I promised Hinata that I was. I want to make HInata happy and proud.’

He swallowed down a lump in his throat, trying not to get worked up. Worked up over fucking what? Writing? Was he really that unhinged that just writing down works made him feel the never ending, sickening abyss of loneliness. 

‘I wished that Hinata understood me as much as she pretends that she does.’

He crossed it out quickly. That wasn’t fair. He really was acting like a brat. He knew she did. He could feel it, deep in whatever the fuck his soul was. She understood him and he understood her. 

‘I love Hinata.’ He wrote instead. Because that would never not be true. 

‘I love Argus. I like Hinata’s apartment. I wish I could fight again. I want to train. I want to see Ayame and Teuchi. I want to win more fights. I want to marry Hinata. I want to try and be normal.’

That was true. He knew that.

‘I don’t want to go to jail. I don’t want to disappoint Hinata. I just want-”

He wanted to move out of the city. He wanted to learn how to drive. He wanted to get a minivan. He wanted to have a couple kids that had cool, pretty grey eyes. Even though that was also terrifying to him. 

Terrifying because it held so many oppertunites to fuck it up. To completely ruin everything. 

But he still wanted it. Maybe that was really selfish. Bipolar could be hereditary. What if he passed it onto his kids. What if he lost his shit and then lost his family?

‘What if I didn’t? What if I could do it right?’ He wrote down.

He hoped he didn’t forget what he was talking about when he wrote it. Because he needed to remember that. 

He wanted to make Hinata happy. That’s also what she wanted too. So he needed to make it happen. He needed to make it work. For her, and for him.

It was a lot of pressure.

He put the notebook back and laid down on the bed, though he was more on her spot than his. He wasn’t planning on sleeping. He slept enough last night, and he tried not to take naps anymore. 

He just laid there. Thinking. 

He had so much stress, boiling at the surface of his mind. 

His court case. Hinata’s life. 

Was he really doing anything right?

“Hey, babe?” Hinata asked, knocking on the door for a second before entering, standing at the doorway. “I just finished up.”

Naruto glanced over at her, waiting. 

“I thought, maybe for dinner, that I’d order ramen.”

Naruto could feel those words right in his salivary glands. Like a dog. “Whaahhn?” He questioned idiotically. 

Hinata covered her mouth, hiding a giggle. “I’ll go order it, okay?” She stepped over to the bed and kissed his temple before crawling back off the bed and walking out of the bedroom.

He rolled over to follow her, but stopped on his side of the bed. He let his head flop back on his orange pillow. Ramen was one of his most favorite foods. He could still remember the time that Hinata had told him about it. 

She was at one of the parties at him and Sasuke’s apartment. “You really like top ramen, huh?”

She asked, a little quietly. 

“Huh?” Naruto had almost not even heard her over the music and other conversations. He followed her eyes over to the orange box on his counter. “Uh yeah.”

“Just as good as the real thing, huh?” She asked.

“What?” Maybe he hadn’t heard her over the music. Did she like Maruchan over Top Ramen? He honestly didn’t give a fuck. He liked the styrofoam Cup Noodles best any ways but they were put away in his room. Sasuke was having way shadier people over then and he wasn’t risking the food he bought to some fucks he didn’t know. He grew up in a group home, he knew better than that.

Growing up in the group home was probably the reason he only ate ramen noodles. And cereal. That’s the only thing that was ever in the fucking house, that the foster kids were allowed to eat. All too fucking often, the parents would have something entirely different, something that smelled like a restaurant, outside. Not for him though. Not for the trash kids. Cereal and noodles. The only time they got something different was at the city sponsored events for foster kids, like park days or some shit like that, and they’d have pizza. 

“Real ramen. Like, Japanese ramen?” She started twisting her fingers nervously when he didn’t nod.

“Oh, shit. I’ve seen signs for ramen at some places. But why the fuck am I going to buy a bowl of ramen for $10 or $15 bucks when it’s fucking ten cents.”

“You’re a fucking idiot.” Kiba rolled his eyes on the couch a couple feet away from them. 

“Why don’t you mind your own business you fuck.” Naruto snapped.

“N-no. No. It’s not the same kind of ramen.” Hinata stepped in between Naruto’s line of sight to the couch. “It’s really good. You should try it.”

Naruto shrugged. He probably couldn’t afford to buy it on his own. He could talk Sasuke into going but he wouldn’t want to go if he found out Hinata was coming. Naruto didn’t know why he didn’t like her, maybe because Ino had just dumped him, he wasn’t sure. 

“We could uh, we could go, um, after class. If, uh, if you’re not busy?” 

Naruto closed his eyes, on the bed. 

How much courage had it taken to ask him out? She had been so nervous. He hadn’t noticed then. He was probably drunk. Or high. Or both. Or just too fucking oblivious to notice anything off about his nice new friend he made. 

Girls didn’t like him. Had never liked him. Girls liked Sasuke. If a girl had ever wanted to hang out with him, it was because they really wanted to hang out with Sasuke.

That’s what happened with Sakura. 

Nobody really liked him.

Hinata was just nice. 

Hinata was just his friend.

He had been so fucking stupid.

“Babe?” 

He opened his eyes, looking over at the same girl, leaning on the door frame. How long had he just been sitting here? How long had she been staring at him?

“I thought you fell asleep but your jaw looks… intense.”

He shifted his mouth, not realizing how much tension he was holding. 

He did get mad. Mad when he thought about how things had been between them. How selfish he was to not notice her, to put her off all the time.

“Are you upset?”

“No.” Naruto promised quickly. “I was just thinking.”

“About what?” 

Naruto shrugged instead of answering. 

He could feel her tensions now. The kind she always got when she was worried about him. He could hear her shift her weight, the double question, the unease.

“A lot on your mind?”

He took a breath. “What movie do you wanna watch tonight?” He asked instead. 

“Whatever you want.” She smiled.

Naruto purses his lips a little, shaking his head. “You pick.”

“Me?” 

Naruto finally rolls over to face her. “Yeah. You.” The only other person here. The woman that I love. My fiancé. You.

Her cheeks darkened. “Okay. Well, come help me.” She held her hand out to him.

Naruto lifted his hand up lazily. 

She rolled her eyes, before stepping closer to help him up. “Don’t pull me down.” She warned

“I won't.” Naruto smirked. 

His fingers laced fully in hers before he yanked her down on top of you. 

“You!” She wrinkled her nose.

Naruto laughed a little before- “Ow!” He rubbed the spot on his arm she had just pinched.

She stood back up, giving him a little glare. “Come on.” She tugged at his arm, refusing to allow him to lay in bed any longer. “Up.”

“Alright. Alright.” He smiled.


	70. The reckoning

"Your court date's been moved up."

Naruto can't stop watching her face. Because somethings wrong. Somethings very, very wrong.

"I think I'm going to stay home until then."

This is bad. He knows it deep in his gut. He's not spinning his thoughts out of control. This is real. It's real in the way she holds her mouth too tight. The way her eyes are shiny, blinking quickly, looking at him like she's afraid he's going to disappear.

Somethings happens. In his case. Somethings she isn't telling him. Something she's afraid to divulge. For his benefit, surely. It must be bad.

Shikamaru said going to court would be worse case. Maybe, this was worse case.

He feels like his whole life has been worse case.

He can't think like that though. If this his last few days with Hinata, he's not going to ruin them. Not like he had, with his bullshit 'are you cheating on me' tangent he got all worked up over for no reason. No. He wouldn't ruin any more days with her. He'd just have to cherish every second. He'd need it, for his time in lock up. He'd need to remember the good times.

"That's great." Naruto smiles. Even though he knows it's not. That it couldn't possible. Not when she's about to cry, her hands fist into the hem of his own t-shirt like she's afraid he's going to float away. "Can't wait to get his bullshit over with."

She smiles a sad, tiny, watery smile. "Me too." She chokes, in a quiet, breathy squeak.

Naruto nods. Because he knows. He knows this is bad. So, he decides to pull her into the hug he knows that she wants. She curls into him, quickly, tucking her head into his chest, molding herself into him. His arms rub down her back, trying to soothe her.

Looks like his limbo is ending.


	71. Can’t stand it. I know you planned it.

Hinata won't leave the house. She's paying for food to be delivered for all their meals, which is actually insane thinking about how much she clips coupons and shops sales and always shops for herself. Ordering delivery is not cheap, but apparently right now, she can dismiss the price. She's popping anxiety pills like nobody's business. She's not sleeping, she's crying. Naruto, of course, does his part as the dutiful fiancé and both holds her tight and pretends he's still sleeping.

The only thing Hinata can stomach is green tea or heavy comfort food. Not that comfort eating is her worst habit. It's actually kind of cute. Cute if she wasn't doing it out of extreme, dire stress. Cinnamon rolls, pasta, pizza, chips, mashed potatoes, mac and cheese. It's not the worst kind of way to indulges.

Naruto spent a good chunk of his life using self-harm, drugs, alcohol and sex to try and numb his own problems.

Prescribed anxiety meds and carbs are a much better way to deal with stress. It is actually comforting, to know that even at the worst, Hinata still fairs better than he does. It doesn't make him jealous or insecure anymore, that she's better than him. It makes him happy. To know that, through all of it, she's probably going to be okay. It's one of the only thoughts that brings him any real peace at night now.

She's probably going to be okay without him.

That's as dark as he lets his thoughts get. Because she needs him right now. She needs him to give her lots of forehead kisses and cuddles. She needs him to make jokes. She needs him to make sure they watch silly movies and talk about anything that isn't what's really going on.

He's not used to being the guy that she needed him to be. It's what he's wanted, for so long now. To show her, to prove himself. It to nobody but her. So he's happy for that, the little opportunity to show her that he wasn't lying, that he wasn't full of shit. That this is what he wanted and what he had been trying to work for. At least he could do it for this short amount of time.

"Why don't you go take a bath, before dinner gets here." Naruto offered, quietly.

Hinata's been acting much more like a cat than herself lately, curled up on top of his body, flinching at noises, laying around the house in different places. She's sad. She's stressed. She's worried out of her mind. A bath is the least Naruto can offer (pressure) her.

She sniffs a little, pulling closer to his neck, he can feel her breath on his collar bone. "Come with me."

It's definitely tempting. But she needs some decompression time. He knows it. "I would, you know I'd love to. But I should stay out here, to hear for the food. You know?" He runs his fingers through her hair, a couple times, letting his fingers massage her scalp for a second.

She nods but doesn't let go for another minutes.

"I won't be long, okay." She promises him.

He smiles, and nods. He knew she wouldn't. But even a short bath, a little while to just trying and relax, not worry about covering her emotions in front of Naruto would make her feel better.

"See you when you get wrinkly." He waves her off down the hall.

Argus scoots into the empty space Hinata left on the loveseat. Naruto gives his neck a good scratch, he is a good boy, scratch that, the best boy. "Puns." He laughed, quietly to himself, then caught a quick glance down the hallway to make sure that Hinata didn't think he was going bat shit again.

Nope, just him and Argus.

He stood up, stretching his back. It felt almost completely better now. No more lingering twinges really.

He took a deep breath, scanning the apartment for anything he could do for her while she was taking a bath. Anything to help her out, make her less stressed.

He could clean up a little while she was in there. Not that the place got too messy. He had shortly run out of things to clean when he first moved in, when that had been his one-man mission, waiting alone in her place all day. But he quickly ran out of things to do, and maintaining the cleanliness was pretty easy because Hinata wasn't messy, and it turned out, the biggest culprit to the mess had been himself. Surprise. And once he had changed some habits, it got a lot easier to maintain the little place.

He still tried. Pushed some of his equipment tighter together in the corner. Dusted off her TV and stand. Straightened her loveseat and fluffed the pillows. Put away Argus toys next to his mostly unused dog bed. Pushed in the kitchen chairs. Wiped off the counter tops. Bagged up the empty takeout boxes from their previous meals. He didn't touch her laptop on the counter, because he knew if he so much as moved it that she would mentally combust. He packed down her trash as low as possible, so she didn't have to feel like she needed to take it out yet.

The knock on the door was earlier than usual. Delivery was convenient but very rarely timely. He had told Hinata he'd wait for it, just so she could have the alone time, not because he really thought he'd need to get the door.

Not a big deal, though. Hopefully she paid by card, so he didn't have to go get her out of the bathtub or go through her purse without asking. She really needed the time to decompress. To feel the things she can't in front of him. He gets it.

What he didn't get, was the person he actually saw when he opened the door. It's wasn't the standard, delivery guy. No bro with a Grub Hub bag.

Orange hair. Too many piercings. Lifeless eyes.

"Knock knock." Yahiko smiles, chewing on the edge of a snake bite piercing.

It's a surreal moment. One where his brain takes too long to process what's actually happening in front of him. Yahiko grabs the front of his sweatshirt, yanking it towards himself, pulling Naruto away from the threshold.

That can't happen though. He can't violate his parole. Can't go outside Hinata's door. He's still beyond confused, bewildered, blinking. He plants his hand on the door frame to try and stop himself from getting pulled right out the door. It works, for just a second, until he realizes he played into exactly what Yahiko wanted him to do. Yahiko used Naruto's own shift of weight to shove his chest back, squeezing his way into the apartment.

Naruto steps back quickly, at least to put push Yahiko into the kitchen and to keep himself in between Yahiko and Hinata in the back of the apartment.

"Cute place." Yahiko appraises the apartment, relaxed. Too relaxed.

Naruto is not relaxed. Naruto feels every single hair on his body, stiff. At attention. Afraid.

What is he doing here? What did he plan to do. To hurt him? To hurt Hinata? Does he have a gun, or a knife? Are there other waiting outside the door? How'd he get in through the security door?

He can't breathe.

Argus has skittered away from the two men, backing up further into the apartment.

"So this is where you've been hanging out? Looks… cute."

Naruto doesn't feel like playing along with whatever bullshit Yahiko is going on with. But he also doesn't want to switch whatever sick, playful joke he's doing into actual violence. Not until he can fully suss out the situation. Get his bearings.

"Should've called before dropping by. I'm not really prepared for entertaining."

Yahiko laughs a little. Like Naruto is a cute, stupid little kid. "You really are dumber than you look."

"Good thing I look pretty good."

"A lot's been going on outside while you've been here, knitting."

Naruto thinks he's still making fun of him, until he follows Yahiko's gaze to one of Hinata's unfinished projects sitting on top of a basket of yarn.

"And? You stop by to give me some daily news or some shit?"

"Maybe a little weather report. For tomorrow. Fighter to fighter. You never know how these court cases workout. Judges can be, fickle."

"Fancy word." Naruto finally smirked. "Something you're actually trying to tell me?" Because he knew now. Knew why Yahiko was there. He was scared. He felt cornered. The case was tomorrow and Yahiko didn't feel good about the outcome either. 'Well, welcome to the club mother fucker.'

Yahiko's dark eyes narrowed. "Careful. Once you're gone, who's going to be there for Miss Priss?"

Hinata? Naruto's jaw set, like stone. Did he really come into his house and threaten his girl?

"What's she going to do without you? She might need to look around for a new man to protect her."

Naruto knew now. New what Yahiko was doing. Goading him. Playing him. Trying to get him to attack. To fuck up again. Sabotage. To get him out of the apartment, to violate his parole. Or to get Naruto to assault him again. Anything to incriminate him. Because Yahiko was scared. Scared to go to trial as much as Naruto was.

"I hear a lot of people are headed to Brooklyn these days. Better real estate."

"My girls good here. Thanks though."

"Well see." Yahiko winked at him.

"Well, if that's all you came to say-"

"Get out." Naruto startled, only turning slightly to see Hinata, standing in the hallway, clean yoga pants and one of his t-shirts, a towel wrapped up on top of her head. Her voice was hard and cold and it didn't even sound like her. "Right now, or I'm calling the police."

"Cold, Miss Priss. Chill a little. Just got finished talking." Yahiko stepped towards the door, but Naruto wouldn't be relaxed until he was out, the door shut, all locks turned over. "See you tomorrow."

Naruto slammed the door behind him, locking the dead bolt. He stopped, his heart pounding into his chest.

"H -how did he get in here? What did he do? What, what, what did he say to you?" Hinata's voice was an octave right below where sound becomes too high for the human ear. Rushed, flustered. Scared. So much for the relaxing bath.

Naruto tried to take a breath, still staring at the locked, willing his heart rate to go down. "I don't know." He settled for that.

It was hard to wrap his mind around what just happened. Yahiko waltzed right in. Tried to pick a fight. Warned them against the court date. Left. Why? He was scared, but scared of what? Surely not his own problem that he created. Yahiko and his goons attacked him. They went to the police to frame him. They started everything. What was he afraid of?

"How do they know where you live?" Naruto turned to around to face her.

Hinata's face when from scared and open to stone face and guarded as soon as the words left his mouth.

Oh.

There's something he doesn't know. Something that she's hiding from him.

They reached another impasse.

Is he going to ask? She clearly isn't in the mood to let him in on it. Is he going to make a big deal about it? Get upset? Ask her why she's putting herself in a position of danger?

"Okay." He says, quietly. Surrender. If she doesn't want to tell him, then fine. She doesn't have to.

She blinks at him, another moment, waiting to see if he actually meant what he said. Or if this has somehow changed the dynamic. Ruined their peace.

He's not lying. He's not hiding. If this is the way it is, he'll deal with it.

He only has one more day with her. One more day that's promised. The court case will decide after that. He isn't going to waste his last possible day with the only love of his life on something that she deemed not for him.

They both jump from the knock at the door. Naruto turns around to quickly check the fish eyed peephole that he should've fucking done before opening it for Yahiko.

"It's just the food." Naruto clears his throat.

She nods, letting him know it's okay to open.

He won't let this ruin it. He refuses to let anything ruin his time. Not even himself. Not anymore. So after thanking the delivery guy, Naruto turns around, bags in hand. "Did you pick which movie you wanted?"

Hinata fiddles with her bracelet around her wrist a few times before swallowing. "You can pick."

"Nah, I want you to pick."

Hinata bites her bottom lip, like she's going to cry again. Naruto drops the bag of food on the table and walks over the long space between them, to pull them into a hug. "It's okay." He promises her.

She nods into his chest. But he doesn't think she feels it, he know's. Not even a little.


	72. The reasons why we lie

His whole entire body felt clammy. He felt so light headed he thought he would pass out if he tried to stand up. He wiped away the cold, sweat from his forehead, slicking his hair out of the way Hinata had combed it.

'It's going to be okay.' He coached himself. 'Everything's going to be okay.'

If Hinata said it, it had to be true.

The sinister, stalking, slithering thread of doubt, weaved its way through Naruto's entire being. 'What if it wasn't? What if it wasn't okay?'

What if this was the last time he got to be in Hinata's apartment. What if this was the last time he'd even walk outside. What if… what if he went to jail. Last time had only been bearable, because, his best friend was there with him.

This time, he'd be alone. This time, he'd actually be missing out on life. This time… it would be worse. There was a crazy psycho threatening Hinata. He knew it, in his gut. He wasn't going to be able to handle this time. Not like this. Not with her in danger.

Naruto slid off his position on the edge of the bathtub, his knees hit the ground, he wrenched the toilet lid open in time to upchuck all of his breakfast. His whole body felt shaky, like he was actually ill, but it wasn't the flu. Just raw dread. And terror.

"Naruto? Are you okay. They'll be here soon." Hinata's voice was quiet through the door, and he could feel the wood shift in pressure as she leaned against it.

He wanted to snap. To fucking scream. 'No! I'm not fucking okay!'

It wasn't her fault though. He wasn't mad at her. He was just a cornered, scared animal. That's all he'd ever been.

"No, I'm not." His whispered, quietly to himself, so she wouldn't hear. He wasn't a fucking animal. He took a quick breath, wiping away the newly beaded sweat on his face. He spit the taste out of his mouth before flushing.

He stood up on shaky legs, running the water, cupping a handful to his mouth to gargle.

"Babe?" She called again.

He knew she wanted to open the door. That she was probably itching for it. She was doing better though. At giving him space. She was doing really good actually, considering how she was feeling as well. She had put herself together very well today. Probably a brave face, for him.

Naruto stopped, to look at himself in front of the mirror. He could remember, what Shikamaru said, about not looking like a thug the last time he had to face the judge. The same feeling of hopelessness. He knew what he looked like. Everyone could see. The scars. The face tattoos. His arms were so muscular in his button up shirt that he had to roll the sleeves, if he left the at their original length they were comically and pathetically too short. He could see the thick, bubbled scars, tattooed different colors and swirls to hide what he had done to himself.

He looked guilty. He looked like a guy that attacked six people. He looked like the bad guy.

The trial. Shikamaru had said this was worse case.

"Naruto?" The worry had set into her voice.

What if this was the last time they were together. Like this. The last time he would hear her voice, in real life. Not through a phone call or through a glass window, or a room full of dozens of other people, sitting across the table from each other, unable to touch. She'd want to visit him. Naruto didn't know if he had the willpower to say no.

He didn't know if he had it in him to cut her off. To force her to move on without him. He didn't know if he could do it. He didn't want to.

Life was rarely about what he wanted though.

He tried to brush down his hair, like she had done for him that morning. Tried to make it look like he hadn't completely ruined it.

He started at himself, just giving himself a second longer. He had already tortured Hinata enough.

He looked at the reflection. At his blonde hair. Blue eyes. Tan skin. Face and neck scarred by small scars here and there and dark tattoos. Naruto Uzumaki. Had he done enough? Had he tried hard enough? Had he overcome enough to get through this?

He exhaled a whole breath through his nose. "Time to fucking find out." He was done waiting. Done hiding.

Hinata jumped back from the door, to let him open it. Her eyes darting all over him. Was he okay? Had he taken anything? Had he hurt himself? He remembered that from the first time he moved in. The constant look like a mother cat, giving him a lick down.

"Are you-"

"Okay? Yep." He smiled tightly. He really, really didn't want to talk about it anymore.

"Okay." She conceded, softly.

He wasn't trying to hurt her feelings. In fact, he was trying his absolute best not to do that. His body felt like something was trying to rip out of it, and his legs itched unless he was pacing. His heart was palpitating so hard he could barely hear anything over the drumming in his ears. But, through all that, he did not want to snap at her. He didn't want to make Hinata another casualty, run down under the feet of his misery.

He forced himself to sit down at the table. Argus, dutifully sitting next to him. His hands shook a little as he pet his fur. It felt like a cocaine high. Or amphetamines. Naruto hated uppers. Hating the jittery feeling. He was after a more numbing, forgetful kind of high.

He wasn't high though.

"Baby, everythings going to be okay." Hinata promised again, sitting down across from him.

He nodded, letting his other hand go off on a tap solo on his leg. "Yep." He replied. There was nothing else for him to say. He wasn't going to dispute her. He was just trying to not lose his mind.

He could save that for later.

Hinata took a deep breath, and opened her up mouth. "Naruto, I-" She choked on her words for a second. "I need to tell you something."

He looked over her quickly. What? What could she need to tell him? Why was she so worried? Fuck, he was already wigging out what could she possible add to this.

Before she could open her mouth, the knock on her door startled all three of them. Hinata stood up to answer it, Argus followed her quickly to inspect. Naruto stood too, for no other reason than to move around. The anxiety was like worms burrowing in his skin, making it crawl and itch.

"Sorry. I overslept." Shikamaru huffed, sleepily. "I still can't smoke in here?"

Hinata shook her head.

"Coffee?"

She nodded, immediately going over the counter to get him a cup.

Shikamaru slumped into her seat, leaning back onto the wall. He yawned, a little before glancing over at him. His eyebrow quirked, which was fair because Naruto was still standing in the middle of kitchen, tapping his hands on his thighs like an idiot.

"You look like shit."

Naruto shrugged. Felt about right.

Shikamaru leaned back into the chair, yawning a little. "Relax a little, jeez."

Naruto could've snorted, or scoffed, if he wasn't giving one hundred percent of his effort into trying to work like a normal human being until this day was over. If he could even manage it that long.

No jokes. No way to deflect how he was feeling. Like drowning.

"They should be here by now." Hinata set down the steaming mug of coffee in front of Shikamaru and he shrugged.

"They're usually late."

She nodded, turning her attention back to Naruto. Her steady hands slid into his shaky ones and she gave him a soft squeeze. He nodded to her even though she wasn't asking a question. He was mostly doing it for himself. 'I'm going to be okay. I will. I-"

Another knock on the door stilled him completely.

Shikamaru huffed. "They're here already?" He looked down at his coffee regrettably before taking another long drink.

Hinata answered the door.

Four of New York City's finest. Just like last time. He would've rolled his eyes if he wasn't terrified. Not of them. Fuck them. Terrified of a mistake he could make. Of what mistakes he usually made with them. That could condemn him.

'Don't fuck this up.' He breathed.

"Hands."

He looked down at both of his shaky fists. His hands were more pale than usual. Making the tattoos pop. His forearms looks ropey as he held out two balled up fists.

"Behind your back." The cop corrected.

His teeth ground down. He had to listen though. No matter how much he wanted to tell them what he really fucking thought about them.

He complied, turning around, getting one last glance at Hinata's kitchen. He probably should've done more with her in there. They could've cooked together. He could've learned how to make cinnamon rolls for her.

He felt the metal click around one wrist. Actual cuffs this time instead of zip ties. He hands crossed his other, cinching them down tight. Like the fish in the net.

The two other officers were busy dismantling the black box, his prison warden. Either way it went today, he wasn't going to be needing his ankle monitor. He would go away or be free.

"We'll meet you there, Naruto." Hinata promised. "We'll be there as soon as you get in okay? I promise."

He nodded, glancing over at Shikamaru who was still trying to drink his cup of coffee.

"What, aren't you supposed to give me some advice or something. Isn't that why you're here? Aren't ya'll called advisors or whatever?"

"You want some advice?" Shikamaru yawned tiredly. "Keep your mouth shut and your hands to yourself? How about that?"

"Play nice. Got it." Naruto promised.

"Let's go Uzumaki." The was flanked by both officers, their hands on his arms, prepared for him to run.

New York City detainee trucks were bigger than the regular, run of the mill squad cars. Traffic was shit, and there were dozens of being have cases today at the courthouse. It was more efficient to round them up around the same time and pack them into the truck. Each person had their own spot, like bench seating, cuffed down into their own seat, so not to bother each other. An officer rode in the back, just to over see. No mischief.

It was cold back there. He should've worn a jacket.

He tried not to look at anyone else in the back. He wasn't there to pick fights. Just there to get this over with.

It took some time, to finish filling the back of the truck, before getting to their final stop.

Opening the back of the truck made it even colder. Naruto shivered down in to his collar. At least holding would be warmer.

Each person was uncuffed, escorted out, and cuffed in a line. One hand in front. One hand in the back. Like a group of preschoolers crossing the street. But, when it went to Naruto's turn, they skipped him.

'Really?' Naruto wanted to ask. 'What the fuck had he done?' These weren't even the same guys in the initial arrest. Were they having some stupid bullshit, NYPD, thin blue line, dumb ass solidarity thing? He didn't even hit that cop! He pulled on his wrist, big fucking baby. He shivered, his teeth clattering angrily as he watched every single other person get on the line, leaving him alone in the truck.

"Let's go." He heard one of the cops, moving the line towards to courthouse entry. Well, the entry for the them. Not the front door.

"Hey? Uh, did I do something?" Naruto asked, cautiously.

Because this could really go bad. If these cops had something against him. Or if Yahiko had done something. Bought off some cops. 'Judges can be so fickle.' He shivered again, this time not from the drop in temperature. His hands were cuffed down into the seat. His ability to defend himself was severely handicapped. And anything he did in self defense would immediately be labeled as assault on an officer.

"Were waiting." The officer folded his arms, leaning on the door.

"For what?"

"Wait and find out." He snapped.

He tried to take a breath of cold air, trying to sober his thoughts. Calm himself down. 'Don't freak out. Keep your head man.' He exhaled the air out of his nose. Still cold and stingy.

"Is here still in there?"

Naruto leaned back, closing his eyes, exhaling a sigh of relief. Shikamaru.

"Excuse me. It's freezing out here." Hinata pressed, quietly.

"I'm hurrying." The NYPD officer huffed, who definitely didn't even know what 'hurrying' meant.

Not only did the officer unlock him from the seat, but turned him around and unlocked each wrist. Naruto looked up at him, confused. Wasn't he being charged with six different accounts of aggravated assault and battery. Deemed unfit to walk the streets of the City of New York until his trial. That was inside. That protocol called for him to be detained for.

"I don't have all day man." The officer huffed.

'Okay?' Naruto moved out of the truck, jumping down himself, half expecting to be shot in the chest for trying to escape police custody or something.

That didn't happen.

What did happen was Hinata quickly wrapped up one of his arms in her's rubbing down his bicep. "You're so cold."

He nodded. He was.

"We can head inside to talk." Shikamaru tilted his head towards the front entrance. Not the gated, guarded, side entrance for prisoners.

"What's going on?"

"I just said inside." Shikamaru huffed, walking towards the entrance without them.

Naruto looked down at Hinata.

"It's okay." She promised, drawing him towards the door. "I'll tell you everything. I promise."

Naruto followed them in, looking down the street, looking at the outside world. Feeling the cold of the outside. He was uncuffed. He was walking around fee. He was… what the fuck was going on?

The hot air from inside the building was a stark difference from the outside.

"I'm sure you're confused." Shikamaru talked over his shoulder, walking over to a table of hot water pots and instant coffee. "I don't miss this gruel." He lamented while still preparing it for himself anyways. "I can't wait to get back to my office in DC. I have a Keruig. Not the best coffee but so fucking easy."

"Shikamaru," Hinata pressed.

"Right. Ugh, this is such a pain. 'Pain.' Ha." He used a red, string stick, mixing in the cheap, powdered creamer. "Look, the DA unofficially dropped the charges against you awhile ago. But they wanted to 'tie up any loose ends' so to speak. So we wouldn't just put away a couple goons but then, like, find you two floating in the river a couple weeks from now, you know what I'm talking about."

"I can honestly say that I do not." Naruto frowned.

He was found not guilty. And they still kept him inside. Locked up in Hinata's apartment. Never letting him know that. Letting him worry that his life was slipping away from him until he spent the rest of it in fucking prison!

"You were right." Hinata told him quietly. "About other people being upset. About you beating Yahiko. There was a lot of people. Organized crime."

"Yep. And we got all of them. Thanks to Hinata." Shikamaru tilted his styrofoam up towards her.

"What?" Naruto looked at her. That didn't make sense. What could she have done?

"Hinata pulled some very powerful strings. Not to mention her own testimony."

"What? Her testimony of what?"

"You know, being stalked. Threatened."

Naruto swallowed, making sure he had at least heard him correctly before freaking out. "What. The. Fuck?"

So Yahiko coming to their apartment had just been the tip of the fucking iceburg?

"You know, you probably should've told him at least that." Shikamaru sighed, letting his shoulders sag. "So we could avoid this little temper tantrum."

"I was going to tell you." Hinata promised.

"Uh, when, exactly?"

"Right now." She replied, quietly, almost a whisper.

"I do need to let you guys know though. Both Yahiko and Nagato made a plea deal early this morning, on the murder charge. So this sentencing is just on the reaming 'loose strings'."

"Jesus fucking Christ. They murdered somebody?" Naruto stopped glaring at Hinata, feeling the cold seep back through him, for an entirely different reason. Yahiko in their apartment yesterday. Someone that had the ability to take someone's life stood across from him, making jokes, threatening Hinata. How bad had that encounter could've gone if Naruto hadn't kept his cool or said the wrong things.

"Yeah, don't worry. They're still getting life." Shikamaru promised. "Their plea is for other bullshit, like the level of security on their prison and other dumb, clerical shit like that. But it's just another nail in the coffin for the rest of them. I don't see how any of those people will walk out today free. Or any time in this decade."

"Fuck." He breathed quietly, trying to let out a lot of pent up tension. And some new as well.

"Yeah, how'd you not know that?" Shikamaru stopped taking a deep drink of his cup, before sniffing. "Didn't you know the guy?"

Naruto stopped, turning to face Hinata. He could feel her nails dig into his arms. The looks exchanged were quick, and pleading. Naruto, begging her to tell him that it wasn't true. That it wasn't the person he was thinking of. Or that she didn't know. That she didn't keep that from him. That she wasn't lying to him.

Her eyes filled with tears. "Baby," She tried to calm him down. Tried to plead with him. To placate him. To soothe the pain that was erupting through his chest. "Baby I'm so sorry."


	73. Hold me close, whisper in my ear

What? You don't want to stay?" He can hear Shikamaru ask, tiredly from behind.

No, he does not want to fucking stay.

"Baby? Baby where are you going?" Hinata clings to him, desperately, refusing to let go of him, even though he's probably taking longer strides than her tiny legs and high heels can really manage.

Where is he going? He could go anywhere now? He's free. Apparently. He doesn't feel the release of freedom. He's crushed, destroyed. Hallow. Hurt. He's been lied to, but does that even matter as much as what was lied about.

Jiraiya's dead. His coach his dead.

What had he been waiting for. Yearning for. Training. Fighting. The only thing he's managed to be good at. The only thing that he had ever fit into.

Which is such a selfish fucking thought because the man was murdreded and there Naruto is, wallowing about his missed oppertunites.

Jiraiya was dead. Yahiko killed him. Jiraiya had trained him. He knew him. Someone so cold, so ruthless as Yahiko could attack an old man. Sure, Jiraiya knew his stuff technically enough to teach it, but he was old. Frail even. Not in spirit but in body. Naruto knew he was an alcoholic, knew it but accepted it as easily as Saskue was a drug addict. The way you did when you grow up with nobody caring about you, you just accept people for their faults and excuse them. Maybe he shouldn't have, but he did. Jiraiya snuck drinks, his hands shook, he hacked a cough that never really left.

Yahiko and that red head fuck killed him.

"The gym." His mouth decides for him. Jiraiya isn't there anymore, but that doesn't mean that Naruto can't take care of it for him. Until the bank seizes it or something like that. Naruto's not sure how all that works out.

But it's the least he can do for his coach. For the man that took him under his wing. The man who believed in him. One of the only people who ever has.

"You're already freezing. Please let me drive you. Naruto, please." He can hear the desperation in her voice. She not just hanging onto him with her arms. She's afraid. She's afraid that what's happened is too much. Too much to forgive. Too much to forget.

Hinata has always loved Naruto to a fault. Was this the fault line?

He shrugs, not answering but letting her drag him to her car.

Naruto's actually not sure. He's not sure what he feels at all. A common side effect, to something like bipolar. Getting overloaded. Not understanding what from. Not being able to compartmentalize and piece apart which thing it was that is causing him to feel this way.

Maybe being cooped up inside did more of a number on him then he was ever willing to admit.

Maybe itw as the stress of thinking that he was going to receive a six to life sentence for days on end.

Maybe it was learning that Hinata, the person he loved more than anything in the entire world, had been stalked and harassed by an entire gang capable of murdering people for days on end.

Maybe it was learning that she had kept it from him.

Maybe it was learning that one of the very few people that had ever believed in Naruto was taken away from him.

Maybe it was all of it.

They drove in silence. Hinata, though more shatty once you get to know her, wasn't one to usually fill the silence. That was Naruto's job.

But he's afraid right now, of what he'll say. He knows now that the things he says and the way he acts has meaning, and effects Hinata. But he's also angry. And hurt. And maybe he wants her to know that.

He's not the best decision maker though. He's ruined more good things in his life than have been offered to him.

So he won't say anything.

The doors locked, when they get there. Naruto didn't bring his keys. Didn't know he was going to need them. Because, when he left the house today, he wasn't even sure if he was ever going to be able to come back. Let alone need his key to the gym of all places.

Naruto knows how to open it. Usually he tries to keep these little tidbits of his life away from Hinata. Doesn't want her to see him as the hoodrat he really it. But now, he doesn't really care. She can think and do whatever she wants to. She will anyways. Doesn't matter what he thinks.

"Wait,"

He grasps the old handle with his hand, bracing the other against the wood. Quick, efficient, he times the shift of his body into the door and pushing down on the handle. He can hear the little crack, of the metal and wood. The handle falls down in front of him, broken now, but new ones are like $20 at the nearby hardware store.

It wouldn't have worked if there was a deadbolt there. But the security is low. Jiraiya is, was, old school. Plus, once someone breaks in, what the hell are they going to take? Going to look pretty suspicious walking down the street with a whole speed bag, and nobody is getting away very quickly hauling out weights.

The rest of the metal handle pieces fall to the floor after he fiddles with them and the door swings open. He steps over the mess, leaving that for later.

He flips the lights one, it takes a few seconds, as the high gym ceiling lights up in sections, some quicker than others. They'll need new bulbs soon. He doesn't know if this place will still be around when that time comes.

"What the fuck?" Naruto eyes all the mats.

It's filthy. Nothing has been cleaned in what looks like weeks. Weights left out, unorganized. Things in the wrong place. Grime. It's not been taken care of while he was gone. It wasn't left alone, while him and Jiraiya have been absent. People have been using it.

"This is the place they were operating out of. After-" Hinata drops off the sentence abruptly.

Those fucking people had the audacity to use Jiraiya's place for their bullshit after they fucking killed him?

Naruto takes a quick, and deep breath through his nose.

He's going to clean the place. Jiriaya would've never accepted this. Not in his place. And Naruto won't allow it either. Won't allow them to fucking desecrate it anymore. He's going to get rid of any evidence that those people were ever here.

He pushes up his sleeves and decides to get to work. He needs his spray bottle and rags. Needs to sweep and mop. Needs to rearrange all the free weights. Needs to sanitize all the bags.

Hinata follows behind him, shrugs off her suit coat and rolls up her own sleeves.

"You don't have to stay." Naruto dismisses her.

She doesn't need to. If she feels some sort of guilt about it, she doesn't need to. She can go.

She doesn't, of course. Because she's Hinata Hyuuga and she'll never leave. Not unless she decides to. And then there's fuck all Naruto can do about it. Funny how that works.

Naruto hits another wall once he goes back into Jiraiya's office. He sees the actual evidence of those fucks being there. Being in his space. It was one thing to hear about it and another to see it. To see their papers and books laying on top of Jiraiya's desk.

Naruto grabs the small trash can next to him and starts throwing everything into the trash.

"Maybe, maybe we should save that. It looks like a lot of handwritten notes. Maybe they could use that as evidence or something-"

"Shikamaru said they were all going away already." Naruto snapped. "Maybe that's your problem. That you don't know when to fucking stop. You don't know when enough is enough."

It's the first time he's really went head to head with her. Since she's been waiting for him to. He knows she has. He's been trying to hold it in, but his anger is like a monster ripping out of his that he can't control. Like a werewolf under the full moon.

"Naruto, I know, I know I shouldn't have kept all this from you. I was just afraid that you'd do something-"

"Yeah, that's always been the problem hasn't it? That you keep things from me, because I can't handle them. You do that. You do that until you don't want to anymore, and then you fucking leave. Then you decided you 'can't take care of me anymore'. Isn't that right?" He's throwing things into the trash can indiscriminately now. Just grabbing stacks of paper and folders and chucking them into the trash can as fast as he possibly can. It's filling fast.

"No Naruto, baby. No I promise it's not like that."

"You promise lots of things. So if you're going to fucking go again then just do it already okay? Fucking, GO!" He drops the trash can and sets both of his and onto the desk, and in one quick swoop, throws every single thing on the desk, against the wall and onto the floor.

He can see it, before he realizes that he's messed up. Then he can hear the crunch of glass as hit shatters.

"Shit!" He drops to his knees, trying to sort through the papers to find what he's broken. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." He picks up the face down frame, pieces of glass already displaced from the frame lay on the ground.

It's an old black and white. An action photo, of Jiraiya himself, back in his prime. "I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm sorry. I don't want you to go. I - I don't know what I'm fucking doing. God damn!" Naruto doesn't know if he's yelling or crying. He doesn't know if Hinata already left when he screamed at her or not. He doesn't even know if he's talking to her or Jiraiya's picture. Both maybe.

He feels so lost. So carved out. He feels like so much has already been taken away and life still keeps taking more. Demanding more. Uncaring of what he's left with. Maybe life will keep taking until he's really alone. Until there really is nobody there. And he gives up again.

Quickly though, he's reminded, that it hasn't happened just yet.

Because Hinata kneels down right next to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and shoulders, cradling his head into her hold. She's not gone yet. He's not alone just quite yet.

"I don't know what I'm doing." He chokes out again. Like a desperate question, a plea into the abyss. He's lost. He needs help.

"Its okay." She promises, shushing him, soothing him. "It's okay."

He doesn't know how. He really doesn't. Maybe he's just being dramatic. Maybe he's just gaslighting himself. Maybe he's losing it. He doesn't know. He just hurts so fucking bad.

"It's okay. We'll clean the place up. Okay?Together. Then we can go from there. Okay?" She whispers into his ears, petting down his hair on the back of his head.

His grip on her is tight. Maybe it's too tight but he can't make himself let go. At least just yet.


	74. His variables

Naruto does eventually calm down. He does apologize. Because he is sorry. He's still mad, and sad, but he is sorry that he yelled at her. Sorry that he threw their breakup in her face. Sorry that he didn't live up to his promises, live up to what he told her he could be.

To be entirely fair, he also never thought these string of events would ever occur. Altogether. Like this. But that's just life, really. And if she wanted to hold this against him, that's her prerogative.

He does stay to clean the place. Because that's the least he can do for Jiraiya. He cleans every piece of those mother fuckers out of Jiraiya's place, like they were never there. Spotless. Jiraiya wouldn't have accepted anything less.

He does tell Hinata she doesn't have to stay. It's not the mean way he said it before. It's not because he's afraid she's just going to leave him anyways, and if bad things are going to happen to him, he'd rather them happen all at once so he doesn't just have to spread out his misery into the eternity. This time, he tells her she doesn't have to stay because this is what he's decided to do. Not her. This is on him.

She doesn't leave, though. She cleans down every single inch of the building with him. She walks down to the little hardware store a couple blocks away, and they pick out a new door handle. Hinata also tells him that there's a hole in the wall that needs patching.

Naruto has patched a wall before. He remembers it every time he lands a punch onto the bag, the small, twinge in the middle of his hand. A memory to always remember to keep his fucking emotions in check. A memory to remind him that Hinata needed to be loved and respected. Something that he needed to work a little harder on remembering, so it seems.

It's dark out, by the time they're done.

They walk, side by side, back to the dumpster, with their trash bag. They also don't have the keys for that, and unfortunately, Naruto doesn't have any more 'up to know good' tricks for bending the metal bars back to open it. So they drop the trash in front of the dumpster, and if they get a fine, it won't matter after the place is closed.

The windows in the shop owned by the couple from Taiwan are fixed now. Naruto doesn't know if he'll ever be able to show his face in there again though. That is where Hinata and Shikamaru got the tapes of him attacking all those people. It makes him a little sad, cause he did really like the ramen from that place.

That street feels weird, to be walking there with Hinata again. Not just because the last time they were there, they got jumped. This whole part of the city. It's where they used to live. Together. But, it's different. They're different.

Hinata orders dinner again. Because maybe she's still a little stressed. Her fiancé did just freak out and scream at her not too long ago. So, he gets it. It's fine. He's not picky.

And, his weight doesn't really matter anymore. He won't be fighting.

He could still go back to working at Teuchi's. He can't wait to see them. See people that still care about him. Losing Jiraiya made him miss everyone a little more. He wanted to go see Iruka too. Maybe call Kakashi, ask him how DC is. If there's any good fights over there, not just in the Senate.

He needs to get back to working. Needs money. And speaking of money-

"We need to go get your bond back tomorrow." Naruto reminds her quietly.

"My bond?" She asks quietly, confused. "Like… our bond?"

"What? No." Naruto snorts a little, remembering how cute Hinata could be. Her eyes confused and almost worried. Befuddled. Always stressed. "The bond. For bail. Those places are total assholes so you better get it back as soon as possible."

Bondsmen were the closest things to shark Naruto had ever seen in human beings. And he grew up knowing actual gang members. Bail and bonds was probably the worst part of the criminal justice system, if he had to pick. Pretty close to police officers. And prison. Fuck the whole things was shitty and shady.

"Oh," Hinata nodded. "Right, that."

'Right, that.' Says the woman about six thousand dollars. He knew she would care. Bondsmen would do anything to try and make a bond forfeit. When she wasn't under this amount of stress, he knew that she would care. She was budget oriented and frugal. Practical usually. All of this was just fucking with her, he knew. If he was going through a lot, she had been going through it longer. He couldn't forget that.

"Um," She chewed at the bottom of her lip.

"Hmm?" He rubbed his forehead absentmindedly, waiting for her to say what she wanted to.

It took a moment. He didn't know if it was being mentally tired, from the day. From all that had happened. But she hadn't said anything.

She was twisting the bracelet around her wrist.

That wasn't a good sign. "What?"

"I, uh," She floundered around, looking down at her hands.

What was going on? She hadn't acted like that around him in a long ass time.

"What's wrong?"

"I didn't pay your bond." She blurted out.

He blinked for a second. Oh, just that? He thought she was going to break up with him or kick him out or something. But, just that?

"Who did?" Who would pay six thousand dollar for him?

Sasuke? He didn't even know he had been arrested.

"I paid the whole thing."

He blinked for a second. "I thought you just said you didn't?" He stopped for a second. Was he not following her correctly. Was he wigging out without noticing. Was he having some residual episode. She had said that, right?

She took a breath before speaking again. "I paid the entire bail."

"The entire thing? Sixty thousand dollars?" Naruto choked. "How the hell do you have sixty thousand dollars. Fuck! Did you borrow it from somebody?"

Maybe Naruto had been wrong in thinking bondsmen were worse than loan sharks. Than gang members. Because the only thing that could possibly be worse than getting stalked and threatened by criminals was owing them money.

"Nobody."

"You had sixty thousand dollars!" Naruto choked. "From what? Where? When did you get this?"

"I… always… had it…"

"What are you talking about?" Naruto squinted, still not sure if it was him or her making communication confusing.

"My dad," She swallowed.

Her dad had always been a touchy, mostly off limits topic. Which was fine by him, he had never particularly liked talking about parents in the first place. They had discussed a little, about her dad passing. About Hinata having to take care of some things at her old house. Which must've been hard because the entire time he had known Hinata, she had never gone back home. It was one of the things they had in college. Not going home for holidays. Sometimes she went with Ino, but never herself. Never to her home. She had made her own home, herself. That had been something he liked about her. Something that he was jealous of.

"He had… a lot of money." She settled on.

Usually, if she wanted to drop a subject, he'd comply. He didn't like pushing her or making her uncomfortable. Making her pull back. But he was going to need a little more information than that.

"So, you're rich?" Naruto blinked, looking at the woman that he thought he knew everything about.

"My dad had money, yes." She corrected, her cheeks reddening.

"He's dead." A little insensitive. Maybe not the way he should've said it.

Hinata just gave him a nod.

"So, you and your sister?" Naruto prompted her.

"I never took any of his money. Well, I borrowed some from my sister. For the apartment. But I paid all of it back."

Of course Hinata would. He understands. He knows that even when her dad was alive, he wasn't really her dad. He didn't know what happened, but he knew that Hinata had decided to live her life without him. Had made everything in her adult like on her own. Herself. He loves and respects that about her.

"But, I couldn't chance bonds. I needed to make sure you were really out. All the way. That nobody else could possibly mess with anything."

He couldn't even imagine her anxiety about all that. So much stress that she was willing to spend ten times the money on him. Just to make sure that he was really out.

She cared so much about him.

She had done so much for him.

She had put her life on the line for him. Not just her fucking money. Everything, every single thing she had done, since he had messed up and attacked Yahiko, had been for him. To help him. To keep him safe.

Even when she was lying to him. It was to protect him. From himself.

She loved him.

And how had he ever repaid her for any of that? By getting angry. By screaming at her. Making her stress a thousand times worse than it already was.

Things had been tense since Jiraiya's. Sure, she had stayed with him. Helped him. But things had not been good. They hadn't really even been talking.

Shikamaru was right. He was throwing a temper tantrum.

He could change that though. But he could stop being a big fucking brat right then. He could appreciate her for the goddamn miracle that she was in his life.

"So, are you like, my sugar mama?"

Hinata eyes widened, her lips pursed together. The change in the mood was abrupt. Like a full u-turn. More than a u-turn. Like maybe a u-turn going ninety. He wasn't sure, he didn't know how to even fucking drive.

Car analogies aside, he did have the power to change the situation. To stop being angry. To stop holding things against her. To let it go.

"I mean, you've always kind of been my sugar mama but like, I just didn't know exactly how much sugar we were talking about."

Her cheeks slowly shifted into blooming, bright red.

"Oh my fucking god!" He shouted, making both her and Argus jump. "Do you have a place in the Hamptons?"

"What?" She shrunk back, almost covering her face with one of her hands. Her face was cherry red. She looked completely mortified. But also, was there a little smile on the edge of her lips.

"Can I get Sperry's?"

"What?" She snorted again, covering her mouth.

"Boat shoes, Hina! For the Hamptons." He insisted, waiting for the snort to catch. To become a laugh. "And I need some polo shirts. Some khaki shorts."

"You hate Long Island." Her voice shook with a little laugh.

"That was before."

"Before what?" Her voice sounded humorously exacerbated.

"Before I found out you were super freaking rich!"

"You hate rich people." She pointed out.

Okay. Maybe Naruto had a bone to pick with the ultra rich that hoarded wealth and voted in Republicans that kept giving them tax cuts and refused to subsidize programs to help the downtrodden. The lowest among them. Maybe, in history class, he felt a little more sympathetic to French and their revolution. To the Labor party, to unionizers, to the people that fought for the masses. Maybe he had really loved campaigning for Kakashi, someone that cared about the individuals he represented, someone that fought for increase in minimum wage, health care, civil rights, increased opportunity.

Maybe also witnessing Sasuke inherit literal millions of dollars and using it in the worst possible way had also left a bitter taste in his mouth.

But-

"I don't hate you."

He never would.

Not because of how much money she had.

Not because of what had happened, with his trail, with the secrets.

"There's nothing that could make me hate you." She needed to know that. Because he had already apologized for yelling at her, not that he didn't need to do more, but she needed to at least understand that.

He reached out his hand on the table between them. She glanced down at it and up to him. An olive branch. As before, up to her.

She placed hers in his, interlacing their fingers, squeezing.

"I love you." He reminded her. Because he still did. Because he always would.

"I love you too." She promised.

They were going to be okay. He knew it. They would get over this. There was still a lot that he needed to work through. But he knew that they could do it together. Be the shoulder they both needed. Two halves of the whole.

"Okay, but like, exactly how much money are we talking here?"

Her cheeks flushed again, almost on command. "Stop," She begged, placing her free hand on her lobster colored cheek.

"Did you go to private school? Did you wear a uniform?" He squinted, watching her cover her eyes. "Oh my god you did, didn't you."

"Stop!" She tried to pull her hand out of his but he clamped own, hanging onto her.

"Oh shit," His voice dropped. "Do you still have it?"

"Oh my god! Stop, you're being gross again!"

"Okay, okay, hear me out-"

"NO!"


	75. Shoot your shot

"I don't have to go to work today." Hinata offered.

Naruto shook his head, measuring the coffee grounds into her French press. He was mostly fine now. He was pretty sure he was mostly fine at least. Which, he guessed, probably wasn't very reassuring. So he just kept shaking his head.

"I'm just going to be at the gym. No mischief. Scouts honor." He promises.

"You weren't a Boy Scout." She points out.

He shrugs, getting out the sugar and creamer, that's she'll need once the coffee is done. Her thermos is ready.

"What's wrong?"

"I told you. Nothing. I'm fine. I'm just watching the coffee… cook?" Naruto scrunched his nose shaking his head. "No, not that. What does coffee do?"

"Steep?"

"Yeah, just making sure it's, steeping, correctly." Naruto rubs his eyes, holding back a yawn.

She gave him the side-eyed. Probably wondering what he was deflecting from her.

"Is it, legal, to keep the gym open?" She asked, her voice was soft, slow, deliberate.

Naruto had already told her that he was going to keep it open until he couldn't anymore.

"Once the city actually does their job, which will take awhile, they'll have to put a thirty day vacate order. And then after that, it's trespassing, but only if you get caught."

"Isn't any crime only a crime if you get caught?"

He shrugged. "I've been evicted from loads of places. It's fine."

Naruto turned to make sure that she wasn't too disapproving. Because even though he wanted to do it, he wouldn't if it was a big problem.

He was sick and tired of problems.

"Listen, you sexy, rich, heiress. I know all about how poor people get kicked out of places. I'm a pro." He snorted as her eyes narrowed into slits, her pouty lips, puckering in anger.

"If you don't knock it off-"

He reached down quickly, grabbing her by the waist and hauling her up, holding her against his chest. She squeaked, in the change of altitude, Argus nails clicked on the tiled floor, moving around excitedly. Hinata settles her hands on his shoulders, and once she regained her composure, she went to a neutral, slightly perturbed look, less glare same pout.

"Hina; super nice, gorgeous, supportive, hard working, stellar rack- ow!" He saw the pinch coming but couldn't block it, lest he risk dropping her. "All around perfect woman. Then, then I find out, is absolutely swimming in the dough!"

"Stop." She begged, squeezing her eyes shut, refusing to look at him.

"I didn't even mention your ass - ow!"

"You brat." She scoffed. "Put me down."

"Call me a scoundrel first." He begged.

"Stoooooop." Agrus whined to match her octave.

Naruto lowered her only about halfway down to kiss her pink cheeks.

"I'm serious, none of that money is mine. It never has been." She pouted, her voice serious.

"I know, I know." He gave her a kiss on her grumpy pout. "I'm just teasing you baby."

She blinked her eyes, a little quickly. "I just," Her bottom lip flopped out. "I just feel like, all you care is about my money." Her voice cracked at the end.

"What? No. No no no, Hina. No I-"

Her pout slipped into a little, pretty smirk. Her eyelashes fluttered, blinking at him.

"You!" He gasped, pinching her butt.

She giggled, leaning away from him.

"You're tricky." He accused.

"I think my coffee is done cooking." She smiled, wrapping her arms around her neck.

"Oh is it?" He replied in monotone. "Is it also Make Fun of Naruto Day?"

"You big baby. Coming from every single day being, Make Hinata as Mortified as Humanly Possible Day."

He sighed in a long, extra huff. "That's my favorite day."

Hinata offered to drive him all the way to the gym, but it was on the other side of town. Traffic there and back to her work would've been complete bullshit.

"Just ride over to my office with me." She pressed.

Naruto squinted, thinking about it. It wasn't really a bad deal. It would put him closer to where he was going, not directly halfway but closer. Plus he'd get to spend more with Hinata before they were apart all day.

"Yeah, alright, lemme go get my coat." He went back into their bedroom, trying to sort through his stuff.

He could actually donate his extra clothes today. He could do anything he wanted to now.

He grabbed the ratty sweatshirt off the top of the boxes, slipping it on before his coat. It wasn't gone yet so might as well make the most of it before it went. His gym bag was already packed, this time with his keys and wallet tucked into his jean pocket.

Hinata had Argus ready on the leash when he emerged back out with all the things that he would need today, so he wouldn't unnecessarily have to come back to the apartment. Argus seemed more excited than usual, bobbing his head next to Naruto as he slipped his tennis shoes on, putting his paw of his thigh.

"Yeah, buddy, I'm coming with you." Naruto ruffled up his neck, making the big puppy even more excited.

It felt so good to leave the apartment with Hinata, her fingers laced in his, holding Argus' leash, his gym bag shouldered. They let Argus out on the grass for a couple minutes, giving him time to sniff around and socialize with another dog that so happened to be out there. It was nice to be out, in the city. It was cold, a little cloudy, still smelled like shit, but it was still nice to be out. Nice to be able to walk around, free, with his little family.

He held Hinata's hand in the car, rubbing her palm absentmindedly, looking outside at the street.

He wasn't going to go to jail. He was going to be able to walk around, leave, whenever he wanted. Any day he wanted. They could walk Argus to the park. They could go out and grab some food, not have to order it in.

They could go get pancakes.

He could take them on their date that they missed. He'd need to get a job though, to save up for it. But at least now he wasn't paying all the bills for his previous apartment. He still needed to talk to Hinata, about what he would be paying for this one.

The previous Naruto-Hinata dynamic was: Hinata pays for everything and if Naruto manages to make a dollar then we'll have a happy dance and hope he doesn't blow it on something stupid.

He wasn't like that anymore. He had managed to pay for their old apartment all by himself. It had been tough, and tricky to match up all his hours. But he figured it out and he'll do it again.

Hinata parked in the parking garage for her building, but didn't turn off the engine or unbuckled. She looked down at their hands for a second before looking up at him, pressing her lips together.

"What?" Naruto prompted her.

"Are you sure it's safe to walk? It's still early. There's still scary people out."

"Baby I used to deliver in the middle of the night."

"Yeah, I know, it's just," She trailed off, looking around a little.

She was scared. A different kind of scared than her normal, anxiety riddled mind. She had just been stalked and threatened for weeks by gang members, how had he forgotten. Of course she would still have some residual fears.

They didn't just suddenly disappear because they went to prison.

"Baby, I've been walking alone on the streets for like, twenty-six years. Or is it twenty seven. Shit, how old am I?"

Hinata delivered one of the most lady like snorts he had ever heard from her.

"Do you even know how old I am?" He gasped.

"Of course I do! I'd never forget your birthday. But can you at least take the bus?" She redirected the conversation back on course.

"There's weirdos on the bus." Naruto pouted.

"It's safer than walking." She pressed.

"Nothings 'safe'. It's the Bronx. We're all stuck here because we can't afford to live anywhere else in New York."

She frowned even more.

"Baby, I can beat up multiple people at once. I'm the scariest thing walking around." He joked.

But maybe that was what she was really afraid of.

"Hey, I'll meet you after work, and we can work through your little checklist you made."

She wrinkles her nose a little, eyebrows furrowing. "What checklist?"

"The one in your head that you're amassing." He smirked, watching her eyes turn into a glare again.

There was stuff he needed to do. Get new doctors for one, after Hinata sweetly fired them for him. Plus, he needed to figure out actual work again. Not just operating Jiraiya's now for free. It would probably only be open for a couple more weeks before getting shut down and Naruto would get forced out. Teuchi replaced him for the night time shit, no hard feelings on his part at all, but maybe he could work opening till evening. It wasn't very busy, shitty tips, but it would be the same time as Hinata, so they could spend time together.

They really did need to spend some normal, healthy couple time together. Not her trying to make him feel better while he was stuck in there all day. They needed just regular time, to get used to being normal again. A normal, boring relationship. One that was very much needed for them.

Since he wasn't getting a massive assault charge on his record, maybe he could still hunt for a new job, something a little higher paying, steady. Nothing too good, he still had plenty of misdemeanors to ruin anything too good for him. But maybe he could find something. He could work on it though.

"Then we can talk about my birthday. How old I am exactly. What you should gift me." He winked.

"I swear to god, if you mention my uniform or the Hamptons again-" Hinata left off the threat unfinished.

"Alright, alright." Naruto threw his hands up, surrendering. "Honestly, you being sassy is kind of a turn on."

"Ugh!" She covered her eyes again, her cheeks flashing crimson. "That's it. I'm going inside." She turned the car off with her free hand, grabbing her bags quickly.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He snorted, sounding a little less apologetic than he let on. "Come one, let me walk you in."

He grabbed his gym bag, and this time handed the leash over to Hinata. Argus would be staying with her today. He had to remind himself that Argus was, in fact, Hinata's dog, not his own. Which was a bummer because he had come to love Argus and hanging out with him.

He couldn't hold Hinata's free hand because she was fanning her flaming hot face, shooting him a reproachful pout.

"It's not even bad." Naruto lied, tugging on her jacket sleeve.

Her lips pursed, side eyeing him, but still letting him pull her hand into his again.

"I can text you as soon as I get there." Naruto offered, to make her feel better about him walking.

"Thank you."

"And you can call at lunch time, if you don't have a meeting." The gym wasn't very intensive work. Plus, he wasn't getting paid anymore. Nobody to fire him.

"Okay."

"Love you." He leaned in to give her a quick kiss on the lips, nothing too crazy they were outside, in public, in front of her office building. But after, he stayed leaning in, next to her jaw and whispered. "Try not to be so sexy while I'm gone."

Her watched her eyes go from normal to silver dollar sized, her cheeks heating right back up. "Naruto!"

"Save that for tonight." He winked, sending her finger guns, taking a step backwards, away from her down the street.

He probably should lay off on making her so flustered. He didn't want to make her too annoyed at him. He just really liked that he was the guy that made her like that. Sure, she got embarrassed pretty easy talking to anyone, but not as much as him.

The walk across town wasn't bad at all. Same as usual.

Even walking up to the gym felt the same. His old routine. He hadn't forgotten it yet. He had just been there the night before, but he had been too upset. The gym too wrecked. It didn't feel the same. Not like coming in, in the morning. Not flipping the lights one to find the place just as he had left it. Spotless. The faint scent of bleach and old equipment.

It was perfect. Ready for any of the guys to come in.

But right then, it was just him.

He placed his bag in the back office. He shucked off most of his clothes, putting on some of his shorts. He stepped on the scale that Jiraiya had up front. Sure enough, all the eating and sitting inside had done just what Hinata had wanted. He was definitely one-ninety. He snapped a picture of it to send to Hinata later, just to tease her.

It would just be a joke.

Because his weight didn't matter. Not for fighting. Not anymore. The only thing he'd need to worry about physique wise after today was trying to say shapely enough that Hinata still thought he was hot.

That thought felt bitter as he taped up his hands. Muay Thai had bridge some gap for him. It turned him away from being an angry asshole that picked fights one too many times. Who got into trouble. It molded him into using his anger, his aggression into a purpose. A relatively safe and legal one. Not only that, he had finally been good at something. Finally found something that he could work on, something he could win at.

He thought that this was going to be his thing. That this was going to be him.

He was sad, having to let it go.

He had to do warm up kicks. It had been a good long while and he didn't want to bruise his shins like a noob. One hundred on each side. Not too hard. Just the motion of his body. To remind his muscles how to get it done.

Then the real kicks. Punches. Combos.

He didn't realize quite how angry he really was. Just a couple combos is enough to tire him out, even when he was in shape. But he could feel it. The raw rage inside of him.

He was angry that he had messed up so bad. That he had fell right into Yahiko's trap. That he got Jiraiya killed. That he had to stay on an ankle monitor for weeks. That Hinata didn't feel like she could trust him with the truth. Angry with himself for making her feel that way. And for proving her right so many times. Angry that Jiraiya was gone. Angry that he lost another person that had meant so much to him. Angry that he lost the future he thought he was going to have.

Before he realized what he was doing he could feel the pain in his bad hand, the strain in his muscles, the impact in his his wrist and elbow and shoulders. The heave of his breath into each blow. The pouding, he could feel the blood pushing through his veins. He huffed with each hit.

Anger. Raw rage. Nothing close to what he felt after Yahiko threatened Hinata, but something dangerous. Something that was more than him. Something that could rip out from me. He wasn't even hitting correctly anymore, not rotating with his hips, using his shoulder, following through with the extension. He was just pounding fists. Like chopping wood. Trying to work out all that he was bottling up.

"You're Jiriaya's star student?" Someone hacked behind him.

Naruto turned around startled. Not because someone was in the gym, he'd opened it so people could come in. But the only woman that Naruto had ever seen in the gym had been Hinata.

The voice was older than he thought.

The woman was rather tall, blonde, heavy chested. She was sitting on a stack of mats furthest away from him, close to the door, leaning back like she was about to pass out. Her face was caked with makeup, nothing like Hinata's fresh face. Well, there was nothing about this chick that remotely reminded him of Hinata.

"You can't even punch right." She smirked, taunting him.

"I've won both my fights by knockout." Naruto defended, completely glossing over the fact that he had actually kicked Yahiko in the head to knock him out. Some chick just walks in and talks shit? What the hell?

"Heard you knocked out that piece of shit brat out back too." The smile falls from a face a little. "That fuck head deserved it. I'm glad there was someone to do it. Jiraiya should've never coached that kid in the first place."

"You knew Jiriaya?" Naruto blinked.

She nodded, taking a long sip from a coffee cup, before setting it back down on the mat next to her.

"For a long, long time." She sighed, leaning back against the wall, closing her eyes. "I came here to clean this place out. Supposed to be closed. But low and behold," She opened one eye, scrutinizing him.

"I uh," Naruto rubbed down the back of his head. "I, I felt like taking care of it still. While I could. To, I dunno, um-" Naruto swallowed, trying to get it out. For him. "Ya'know." He ended it awkwardly, shrugging a little

She closed her eye again, rubbing her forehead for a minute. "That old creep really mean that much to you?"

"He wasn't a fucking creep." Naruto snapped. Maybe he was. Definitely was. But he just fucking died, she could have a little respect.

"Please, kid. I knew him better than you. I can say whatever I want." She took a long deep breath, before looking around the place."He said you were going to be great. The best he ever coached." She informed him, blankly.

Naruto shifted his feet uncomfortably. Jiraiya had said that? About him?

"He never took on a personal student. Not after Yahiko. Not after he realized what he taught him had been used for. Just kept to the gym. And group classes. But you… I remember the first night he called me about you. He said 'This kid has it.' That's all he said. 'This kid has it.'"

Naruto felt his jaw muscles tighten down, felt the lump in his throat choke him out. Burning him. Jiraiya thought that about him? The hole in his heart deepened a little, wishing that he could thank his mentor. Thank him for believing him. Taking a chance on him.

"So are you going to keep going? Actually learn how to punch right?" She asked him, abruptly.

"What are you talking about?" Naruto sniffed.

"Are you going to keep fighting or what?" She huffed, flinging an arm out.

Naruto shrugged, defensively. "I dunno? I don't have a coach. And who the fuck are you?"

"That's not important. You can find a new coach anywhere. Finding the teacher isn't the problem. Finding a student that has what Jiraiya said you had - that's the problem. So are you just going to give up? Piss away his memory."

"I don't know who the fuck you think you are," Naruto snapped.

"I'm Tsunade fucking Senju." She snapped back, leaning off the of the wall.

He shrugged dismissively. Like she was the fucking Queen of Sheeba? How the fuck was he supposed to know her?

Her amber eyes rolled, before she picked up the coffee cup and took a long drink. So long Naruto was starting to suspect if there was more than just coffee in the cup.

"Whatever, you little fucking brat." She huffed. "Look, I was coming here to close the place down. But, if you're not going to give up like a little baby, I'll leave it open. I know this place was staying afloat at least. And, I know you were basically running if for him at the end. If you're willing to keep going, to keep this place alive for him, then I'll do it. I'll keep it open."

Naruto couldn't believe the conversation he was having. With this Tsunade chick, whoever she was. She was offering to keep the gym open. Offering him his old job. Pressuring him to keep going? Who proposes job offers of business venture to strangers?

Well, she was strange to him. She on the other hand, seemed to think she knew Naruto, second hand at least.

"You'd really do that for him?" Naruto asked. He meant Jiraiya, but also himself.

Tsunade stood up from the mats, swaying a little, holding her coffee cup haphazardly by the lid. She rubbed the corner of one of her eyes tiredly. "I'll be back in a couple days. Let me know what you're going to do, okay?"

She didn't wait for Naruto to reply. She just walked straight out of the doors, letting it slam behind her, not looking back.

Naruto stood there for a few minutes, blinking. Quickly he sprayed down the bag he had been drilling on and slipped back on his sweatshirt. He texted Hinata quickly.

'Hey can we meet for lunch? Something weird just happened to me.'

She sent back quickly, 'What? What's wrong?'

He smiled a little, shaking his head. Some things never really change.

'Don't stress out! It's fine. I'll tell you at lunch.'

It's not like she'd ever believe him over text anyways. He was having a hard time trying to formulate what had just happened into something she would believe in person. It was weird. Some old blonde chick that new Jiraiya had just waltzed in. Sat down. Insulted his punches. Told him Jiraiya had believed that he had something special, and she would personally keep the gym open if he kept fighting. That was weird as shit. She was going to think he was off his rocker again. Full crazy or some shit.

He let out a breath, rubbing his forehead.

Well, weird shit was better than bad shit so at least there's that.

He spent the rest of the morning just doing the normal gym work. What he had wanted to do. The mundane labor that this place needed. That he needed.

He knew that he probably shouldn't have texted Hinata for lunch. He hadn't planned on it at the beginning of the day. She missed a lot of work. For him. Already. He wanted her to be able to get her stuff done in peace.

But, that had been weird, right? Who the fuck was that chick? And she was guilting him? Into fighting? That was super weird, right? Hinata would know.

"What?" She blinked at him, sitting side by side at the little desk in the back room.

By the time it was lunch time, guys had shown up to actually work out and stuff. Music was playing, metal clinking, guys yelling. It was just quieter from back there.

Hinata had shown up with salad, which was not Naruto's most favorite food but he was supposed to eat vegetables so he thanked her anyways.

"Yeah, that's super weird right?" Naruto double checked, gauging her reaction.

"Maybe she was his wife or something? She'd have to be something like that to have power of attorney over Jiraiya's assets." She glanced over at him. "Right?"

Naruto shrugged. "I don't think he had a wife." Not even close.

"Maybe she's his ex-wife?"

"What person is that invested in their ex?"

Hinata's tilted her head, side eyeing him.

"Okay, rude." Naruto huffed.

She filed her head back, her lips pursing almost amused. "I was thinking about myself but if you're projecting that's not my fault."

"Bish, please," Naruto scoffed, mumbling bitch because even in jest he wasn't sure he could bring himself to actually call her that. "You know I was obsessed. I called you every single day."

She looked back down to her styrofoam container, poking her salad, her lips curling into a suppressed smile. "I know." She whispered.

"And then I made you go on a pity date with me." Naruto remembered, both uncomfortably and almost fondly. Now that it was over, and he only had some residual feelings about it, it was almost a happy memory. To get to see Hinata again, after so long of not seeing her.

"It wasn't a pity date." She frowned. "I wanted to see you."

"You wanted to see me?" Naruto smirked.

Her lips pursed again, glaring from the corner of her eye.

"Cause you like me?" He goaded. "Cause you think I'm sexy? Ouch!" He laughed, pulling his hand away from her.

She held her fork, ready to strike again.

"Well, I won't be sexy for long. Take a look." He whipped out his cellphone, scrolling for his picture on the scale.

She set her fork down on the edge of her salad, taking the phone from him, letting her eyes adjust to the photo.

She smiled, nodding. "Nine more pounds to go."

"You're a slave driver Hyuuga." Naruto smirked grabbing his phone back and setting down onto the desk. "I knew you wanted me fat. I knew it!"

"Shut up." She rolled her eyes, laughing quietly. "Is there even a piece of fat on you?" She reached over, pressing her hand against his sweatshirt, until she hit his stomach.

"Are you trying to cop a feel, Hina?" Naruto grabbed her hand, pulling her closer to him. "You want a piece of this?"

He leaned over to kiss her cheek, hoping she didn't poke him with her fork again. She didn't. She leaned back, letting him kiss her. It started with a peck. Then more. Then more. His fingers dug into her hair, bitting at her bottom lip, breathing her in.

"Hey, you know," He pulled back quickly. "That this door locks."

He could see her blush, rush to her cheeks, as she blinked, trying to keep her composure. She swallowed, quietly. "Does it?"

"Mmmhmmm." He went back to kissing her, letting one of his hands palm her hip, let it run up to her ribs, to the small of her back, pressing her closer to him.

Her fingers curled into his sweatshirt, her tongue pressing against his.

"And I bet, nobody would hear us." He whispered into her ear, kissing down her neck, letting his teeth drag over her for a moment.

She pulled back, her nose bumping his, their eyes so close he could see the endless depth of her grey. So beautiful.

"Okay." She whispered, quietly.

His whole body felt like electricity. 'Holy shit' he wanted to squeal.

He got up quickly, disengaging his body from hers, feeling the lack immediately but know it would be rectified momentarily. He clicked the lock shut, then flipped the light switch off.

They were both bathed in pitch black momentarily, before the light from the door crack and the computer screen saver made it dim enough to see just what he needed to.

Hinata liked it better like this. In the dark. And he liked what she liked. Like when she was comfortable.

He grabbed the edges of his sweatshirt, ripping off the hoodie and the shirt underneath in one foul swoop. He grabbed her around the waist, hauling her out of her seat, pushing back their salad and the keyboard on the desk, setting her on the surface, grabbing her legs around his waist.

He pushed open her little suit coat, feeling down the sides of her torso, the thin white button up separating flesh on flesh, but still felt more than sexy. He loved her in her work clothes. Always had. Her getting ready in the morning was a major turn on. Watching her get ready to take on the world, being a boss, making bank. He loved her, getting it in life.

His fingers curled into the material, their kissing getting heavier her fingers pulling into his long hair, her fingers curing over his shoulders, stroking down his biceps.

He reached between them, undoing the top two or three buttons of her shirt, wanting her to keep it on but also wanting access to her chest. He kissed down her neck, nipping at her collar bone, dragging his tongue over the hill of her breast. Hinata didn't particularly like hickies, but maybe if he did it where no one would see, he could get away with it.

Her fingers fisted his hair, pressing his face closer into her chest. Which only brought a smile to his face because he was more than happy to accommodate her. His hands grabbed onto her hips, around her butt, palming her, pulling her closer, which he was content to do into eternity. But he did not have eternity. Hinata did have work that she needed to get back to. He let his hands drag around her waist, back to the front of her pants.

She had a slim little belt on top of the buttons, undoing them as fast as he could, tugging at her pants.

"Wait," She breathed, pulling away from him.

"What, what's wrong?" He gulped, stepping back, feeling a little guilty. Too much? Too loud? Not into it?

She grabbed onto the top of his joggers, her finger curling into the edge of his pants, into the elastic of his boxers. Once he realized what she was doing, he helped her pull them down, happy that she still wanted him.

Carefully, it was still dark, she pushed him back down into the office chair. Naruto's lips circled, letting out a surprised and happy "ooohhh", letting her shimmy her pants further down before straddling him.

He could not have foreseen his luck when he had proposed this idea. He had assumed that she would, blush, say no and pinch him. Which was cute. But this. This was different. He loved when Hinata was like this. When she had enough confidence to finally do what she wanted to. It took some time, some patience, but he would give her all that she needed. God knows she had endless patience with him.

His hands curled around her hips, kissing her hard on the mouth, which was finally right in front of his. The only time they seemed to align. She was SO short.

She sunk down hard on him, he bit down gently on the bottom of her lip. "Fuck," he hummed, trying to steady his breathing, taking in a short breath a breathing out.

He tried to give her the best positive reinforcement that he could, when she was like this. But sometimes that was just expletives. He tried to keep his cussing at a minimum, as she usually tried to keep his praises on topic.

He kept his hands on her hips to guide her, not that she needed it. Her hands steadied on his shoulders, near his neck, her finger brushing the hair on the base of his neck. Setting her pace, soft and steady.

"So good, baby." He promised.

She was. He could do that all goddamn afternoon if he could.

"That's it. You, fuck-"

His eyebrows knit together as she came down particularly hard, the pleasure sending tingles down his back, causing it to arch.

She rolled her hips, seductively as her shoulders scrunched up like she was pulling away. Embarrassed.

What the fresh fuck?

The pleasure from his dick was making his mind go numb, but he had to stay on task.

"Just like that." He meant it to come out as praise but squeaked into a beg.

She kissed his cheek, drawing him closer to her, doing just as he asked. Working him. Working him good.

"Naruto," her voice was soft, quiet.

He pressed his face into her shoulder, nuzzing into her neck, smelling her hair. One of his hands moved from her hip, pressing into her back, pulling her as close as possible to him, heeling her love against him.

"Tell me more." He pressed, speaking into her skin.

"You feel so good." She promised, letting her arms wrap around him tighter to match his hold.

"You're so big-hm," her voice caught mid stride.

Usually, hearing something like that would make him smirk out of sheer chumminess. 'Oh, you think I'm big do you?' But the last little whine albeit attacked him right where it counted.

"I'm going to cum." He felt like crying.

It wasn't his fault. Dirty talk? Her on top? His dick couldn't prepare for that! Plus she was setting the pace. He couldn't even slow her down if he wanted to. Which he didn't at all.

Maybe he could do just her tonight to pay her back or something?

"Cum in me." She whispered into his ear.

What. The. Fuck? Yes please. Well, he did usually. She had been on birth control since forever. But asking him?

He came not even seconds after that, wondering how the fresh fuck his life had come to this. Took a left turn straight out of shitsville to his fiancé dirty talking him to completion at work.

He leaned back, only for a second to try and catch his breath.

"What the fuck was that?" Naruto asked in between quiet gasps.

"What?" She pulled back.

"No no no. You don't get to be shy now. Not after you just went all… sexy goddess."

"Don't say that." She squeaked.

"It's true!" Naruto pressed. Kissing her chest again, catching a piece of her button up on his lips.

She didn't reply. Instead she slowly entangle herself from him, trying to stand up.

"No," Naruto frowned, trying to hang onto her.

She laughed breathily. "We can't stay in here forever."

"Yes we can."

"Naruto," She scolded.

"Mmmmm." He pouted, letting her go.

"Put your clothes on." She pressed, he could hear her shuffling hers around and back on.

"I like it when you're bossy." Naruto stood up, trying to situate himself.

She flicked the light on after she was ready. Her eyes blinked to adjust back to the light. Their eyes met and quickly lowered hers to the ground, her cheeks already cherry red.

Naruto kissed the side of her head, on top of some of her bangs.

"I think we should have lunch together everyday."

"Don't get greedy." She smiled.

He helped her get all of her stuff ready to go back to work, and opened the office door for her.

"Hey! Naruto! You're back!"

Naruto glanced up from across the room to see Konohamaru and Udon at a drill bag.

"Hey, are you leaving? I wanted to talk to you!"

"I'll be right back. I'm going to walk her to her car." Naruto gestured to the very sexy, petite woman in front of him.

"You don't have to." She quickly promised, looking up at him.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, Hina. I can't let you walk. There's scary people out."

She rolled her eyes, turning to leave him behind.

"Wait, wait," He laughed, grabbing her hand and following her out.

He gave her a kiss at the car. "I'll see you tonight." He promised.

"What do you want for dinner?" She asked, moving back to business instead of cutesy.

"Let's go get pancakes."

She stopped to look up at him, blinking softly.

It was a tender moment. Between two people. That loved each other very much.

It was a simple thing. Pancakes to celebrate a rushed engagement proposal.

It had been hampered by the worst possible set of events.

But, they got through it.

Together.

"Okay. Pancakes it is." She kissed him again.


	76. Ain’t nobody wanna be like me

"He wants to quit school and work at the gym!" Naruto stabbed his pancakes with venom.

Hinata watched him evenly, judging but silent. She was letting him vent out his frustrations.

"He thinks he can make enough money fighting, ya'know, cause his family is going to cut him off if he quits." He continued, stabbing another piece of pancake. "Fucking idiot."

"You make enough money fighting." She spoke quietly.

Naruto scoffed, trying to stab more pancakes but his fork was full. "I worked at Teuchi's, and for Kakashi and still only had enough money to scrape by. My power and heat were out for days. Fuck, weeks. I sat in the hallway to charge my cell phone. Even working for Jiraiya barely gave me enough money to pay bills. Plus, I was already in the apartment. There's no way I could've saved up enough money for first and last months, deposit, shit like that."

Hinata smiled, almost sadly. "He probably just wants to pursue what makes him happy."

"He's got more goddamn money than anyone could want. If that doesn't make someone happy then nothing will."

"Money doesn't make you happy." She corrected him, softly. "Plus, he looks up to you. I think he wants to be like you."

Naruto could distinctly remember Konohamaru gushing over the nine move combo he made, and was awed by his confession of how much time he had worked on it. Maybe he did have a tendency to romanticize his life every now and then, but to actually want to be like him? He couldn't imagine anyone really wanting that, if they knew the real him.

"You know what I ate if there wasn't any food around when I was a kid? Those little saltine crackers and ketchup packets I took from the mall food court. You ever have a ketchup and cracker sandwich? It's disgusting." Naruto held his fork in his hand, staring at the pancakes.

How anyone could give up security and family and throw that away… it was ludicrous.

"A lot of nights, my dad didn't even let me eat dinner."

Naruto stopped his little self pity tirade to stare at Hinata.

Hinata, who had grown up with probably the same amount of wealth and still wasn't protected from the pains of the world. No amount of money could bring her mother back or change the relationship with her father.

He looked away from the truth in her eyes, back down to his fork. He shoved the too big of bite into his mouth and nodded his head, chewing. "Fine, you win."

She shook her head, still smiling. "It isn't a competition. It's just the truth. Don't mask your worry for Konohamaru for anger. He's just looking to be happy, like you."

Naruto rolled his eyes, going back to stabbing pieces of pancake. "I don't care about Konohamaru."

This time Hinata hid her all knowing smile in a bite of her own plate of pancakes.

"He's just some brat that follows me around."

She chewed with her mouth closed. She reached for her mug of coffee, holding it her hands. Her eyes still on his, watching him, her cheeks dimpled in her hidden smile.

"Plus, if he wants to be happy like me, he's going to have to find a pretty dope fiancé. And let me tell you, Moegi is definitely not going to cut it."

Hinata hid her blush behind her mug of coffee.

"By the way, when are we going to start planning that wedding?" He smirked, taking a sip of his ice water. "Isn't that your job?"

Hinata wrinkled her nose when she frowned.

"Come on Hina, you already said yes." Naruto shifted his foot underneath the table so he was kicking her shoes lightly. "You can't back out now. I mean you can, but it'll definitely bum me out."

"Stop." He watched her lips pout as she toed him in the shins.

He knew that if Hinata was really going to call it quits with him, it probably wouldn't be when he was the most emotionally stable he'd ever been.

There were other things they needed to work out before planning their wedding though. Their apartment was too small for both of their things. Argus could barely walk around the boxes and the workout equipment.

He needed a stable job. He needed a new therapist. He needed a new psychologist.

"What's wrong?" Hinata tilted her head a little to the side, brushing her bangs over with her index finger. It looked like she needed a trim.

He needed a haircut too.

"Just thinking about all the stuff we need to do."

"For the wedding."

Naruto smirked, for no other reason than just being happy to hear Hinata say that. Their wedding.

"Other stuff too. I need to donate those boxes. Get a haircut. I need a new doctor too." Naruto rubbed his shaggy hair, leaning back onto the booth. "Since someone really sexy fired mine."

She shrugged, unapologetic.

"Have you started on the list yet?" He knew that Hinata would also think of other things that he accidentally let slip through his memory.

He was trying his best not to let the emotional load of their relationship to solely rest on her shoulders. They were a two teamed ox cart this time. With those wooden yokes and everything. But the fact of the matter was, she was just way better at keeping track of things than he was. He was still going to try his best though.

"Actually, I have." She looked down, poking her half eaten pancakes, but without the intention to continue eating.

"Yeah?" He prompted.

"I know that you said that you wanted to do this on your own, but, I asked my therapist for a referral, for someone he trusted. I'm not trying to do things for you again, or over stepping your boundaries. I was just worried about - I just wanted to make sure that you got a good one. Just in case - If you needed help, they would actually be able to help you. I'm not trying-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, babe-" Naruto held out his hand, cutting her off.

Hinata looked way too stressed for just a normal conversation over pancakes. Her face tight, her fingers fidgeting, the rushing of her words.

"It's fine." He promised.

Hinata had been beyond livid to find out that his doctors had not been very helpful in his last little break down. And though he hoped to have that all figured out, the fact of the matter was, that at some point in his life, he was probably going to have another breakdown. Quite a few more. And it was important to have someone that wasn't just Hinata to help him. Someone qualified.

She was worried. He understood. He'd be pissed as hell too if Hinata needed help and her doctor ignored her. He'd want to find the best possible one in the city for her.

"Who is it?"

She bit the bottom of her lip.


	77. I thought the mind was a private place

Ibiki Morino's office was not like a normal doctor's office. No sterile white everything. No bleach smell. No generic posters. No waiting room.

It was one office. Decorated almost like the DMV. Plain. Utilitarian. There were no personal photos, either, like a private office. It looked like a display. Impersonal. Practical.

He looked dark, imposing, like some kind of ex military. He wasn't taller than Naruto, but he felt like it. He also didn't look stronger than him either, but unlike most people he met, he was unsure who would actually win in a fist fight between them.

Ibiki opened his office door and held out his hand, like Naruto was coming over for a cup of coffee or something. The handshake was like being crushed by a boulder.

"Sit." It was less of an offer and more of a demanded as he stepped back, holding his hand out to the chair on the other side of the desk.

Most therapist offices that Naruto had been in before had multiple different options for seating arrangements, to make the patient as comfortable as possible. He was getting the feeling that comfort wasn't Ibiki's style.

"So, you are Naruto Uzumaki."

"Uh huh." He nodded awkwardly, messing around with his sleeves.

"And what are you here for today?"

Naruto paused, waiting to see if this was some kind of trick question. "...Therapy?"

"What are your goals for therapy?"

Naruto blinked again, feeling drastically unprepared for this meeting. Goals for therapy? Mostly his goals had been remembering to go, so Hinata wouldn't be upset. That was before they broke up. After that was continuing to go, to prove to her that he could be a grown adult and take care of himself without her.

But what was he supposed to get out of therapy. He tried to wrack his brain for something Hinata must've said to him before about it.

"I've heard that both medication and therapy, together, work best to help manage my," he stumbled a little on the word and cleared his throat. "Me."

"Manage your what?" Ibiki cut through him immediately. "Your bipolar?"

He pressed his lips together and nodded.

"I have all your forwarded files." Ibiki reminded him.

Of course he would. Naruto had to sign those release forms. He felt his fingers drum lightly on his thigh, but he didn't even notice the subconscious movement until Ibiki's eyes glanced down at them pointedly and back up to Naruto's eyes.

He stilled his hand on his pant legs, smoothing it down on the jean fibers.

"Your therapy goals." Ibiki prompted.

"Right," He laughed awkwardly, settling for just one finger tapping on his knee. "Um, well, my fiancé told me that therapy is important for people with bipolar to help gauge what kind of mood I'm swinging too. Same for journaling and stuff like that."

"Your fiancé gives you medical advice?" The voice was too disapproving for Naruto's taste.

"She gives me all my advice."

"Is she your mother or your fiancé?"

Naruto could feel his whole body freeze. Taught. His jaw clamped down and his lip curled. He remembered distinctly, one of his first therapists making that first connection. Naruto had flipped his lid, screamed at the mother fucker and stormed out. He couldn't do that this time. He needed this doctor, Hinata had made a personal recommendation. Plus, he just wasn't the type of guy to freak it on people anymore.

Instead, he tried to take a calming breath out through his nose, trying to lower the flare of his nostrils. "She's my fiancé."

"You don't have a mother though, do you."

And Naruto thought that he was blunt. "No. I don't."

"You grew up in the system, correct? You didn't keep in touch with any of your foster parents."

"No."

"Why not? They couldn't have been all bad."

They weren't. Some were horrific. Others were just a boring, over crowded apartments. If the parents weren't terrible, it as the other boys, and if it wasn't that it was Naruto himself. He had been a bad kid. He had too much anger, too much hurt. Even if his foster parents could've been decent, he held them back, an arm's length, pushing the boundaries, pushing them away until they passed him on and he started it all over again.

"Do you keep in touch with anyone from your childhood? Or are you just one of those people trying to pretend it never happened?"

What a prick. Naruto worked his mouth for a second, willing himself not to say something rude.

"I do actually. I have a friend that I stay in touch with. I've known him since I was eight or nine. Something like that."

"Is that the friend that you used to live with. Before your fiancé?"

Even though Naruto was a dense idiot most of the time, even he could read that the question was leading somewhere else other than a yes or no answer. So instead of playing into the little mind game, he stayed silent. Waiting.

"The same friend you went to jail with. The one's bathroom you tried to comment suicide in."

"Those things are kind of unrelated."

"Do you really think that, or are you just trying to defend your poor choice in friends?"

Naruto sat back, trying to keep the scowl off his face. Ibiki was intimidating. In stature and in mental prowess. But Naruto was feeling the edge of his anger sharpen, and was maybe starting to think that their physical capacity might be more evenly matched.

"I'm not going to lie, you have quite a file." It felt like some sort of compliment. But maybe he was just appreciating it from a doctor's standpoint. Appreciating how fucked up he really was. And interesting patient perhaps.

"Your fiancé is the one that found you. You overdosed, correct?"

Naruto didn't reply. The guy already fucking knew, why did he have to join in the conversation. Especially one as distasteful as his own possible death.

"Were you together before that?"

"No."

"So, after? What happened after that?"

Naruto shrugged. He felt defensive. This was his second least favorite part of this life story.

He woke up from the hospital with Hinata sitting right next to his bed. He didn't even really know where he was at. He thought maybe he had slept through their studying session or something.

And then suddenly she was crying, hard sobs, about how much she loved him and how amazing he was and how she was sorry she wasn't there for him.

It still didn't register to him what had happened. Not until his nurse had informed him that he wasn't allowed to be discharged until he spoke to a trauma specialists about his attempted suicide.

He had laughed. Hard. Hinata's hands still clutching one of his. "I didn't try to commit suicide."

The nurse looked at him like she just didn't have time for his bullshit. Hinata though, looked so pained, so sad, tears continuing to trail down her face.

He remembered it though. His fight with Sasuke. The shaking feeling of the world collapsing all around him. Not being able to breathe. Just wishing that he could all make it stop. The terrifying and freeing realization that, yes, he did in fact have the ability to make his feelings stop.

The trauma specialist was a social worker. After Naruto refused to be set up for any follow up appointments, she flat out refused to discharge him. It was Hinata who offered to watch him. To make sure that he would come back for his follow ups. Offered him her address for the discharge paperwork.

He still hadn't processed her love confession. It honestly felt like maybe it was some kind of delirious, drug induced fever dream. A side effect of the come down.

It hadn't been though. Hinata wasn't just one of his best friends, hell bent on making sure he passed his classes, she was a one woman team, taking him to doctors, making sure he was comfortable, buying his favorite food.

He had felt like the biggest asshole in the entire city after that. Because, of fucking course Hinata liked him. How had he not seen it? How many times had he hurt her, treating her as just one of his best friends. He was such a dick. He couldn't even stomach it.

He had tried to leave her place in the middle of the night, profusely apologizing for being an asshole, for being stupid, for being himself. That she was gorgeous, and nice and smart and probably should like someone that wasn't him.

And all she had said was, "I, I don't like you. I, I'm, I love you." She had been so nervous, her voice cracking and stuttering.

She was the first person who had ever said that to him. She wasn't sobbing, blubbering it out in the hospital, she was holding his hand, at the door of her apartment in the middle of the night, begging him to stay.

And he did after that. He stayed and never left.

He had found someone who loved him. Through the shittiest circumstances possible. But still, he found it.

"We got together." Naruto summarized the story. Those details seemed too private, even for a therapist.

"And that seems healthy to you?" Ibiki pressed.

"It doesn't matter, that's what happened."

"What happened to your biological parents?" The question seemed out of left field. They had moved on from the 'You don't have a mother.' statement, and the thought that's all that would be said on that. At least for today.

"I don't know."

"Do you have a birth certificate?"

"No. I never needed it. I have a social security card, so-"

"Don't you think that would say your birth parents name? You can just request it downtown."

Naruto knew he could. He just didn't want to.

When he was a little kid, he had wanted to find them. He looked out for every blonde woman that he saw. Just in case. Anyone that might look like him. But when he realized that he was in a searchable database, in foster care. That his parents could've found him anytime they wanted when he was under eighteen. And they didn't…

Especially considering his first memories. Left alone in that stupid fucking pack and play for god knows how long. That was either his parents themselves, ignoring him, neglecting him, or they had already given up on him. Either way, it was their fault.

If they didn't want him, then he sure as fuck didn't need them.

"I don't need it."

He knew that Ibiki would read in between those not too hidden lines. They guy had already basically extracted everything he wanted from Naruto's brain and files so far.

"What has your previous case plan involved?"

Case plan. Naruto wasn't sure if he ever had a case plan. Or if maybe he was just being obtuse again.

"My previous therapist wanted me to focus on my variables."

"Variables?"

Naruto nodded, shifting in his seat. "Yeah. Like, the things that I can control, in my life. And to not worry about stuff I can't."

Ibiki stared at him for a long time, before crossing his arms over his chest. "I can work with that."


	78. It was fine, and other lies

Hinata was cuddling Argus on the loveseat when Naruto finally got home. She had already changed out of her work clothes. Argus jumped down first, padding over to him, waiting patiently for Naruto to get his shoes and jacket off. He dumped his gym back next to the door, reminding himself to grab it later.

"How was your appointment?" Hinata asked, staying of the loveseat but reaching her arm out to him. "Did it go long?"

He was late. His appointment had been after he closed the gym, but he had gone back, to kick the ever loving shit out of one of the standing bags.

"I had to go back to the gym and check on something." Check on his sanity, that was. There's no way he could've come home to Hinata, as wound up as he had been after.

He sunk down into the loveseat next to her. She opened her arms, letting him cuddling up against her, his head resting on her shoulder.

"Tough session? I heard he was a lot." She rubbed her fingers through his hair, resting her cheek on top of his head.

"Tough?" Naruto blew a raspberry.

Ibiki bringing up everything that Naruto liked to forget about in life. Hinata as his mother figure. His testy friendship with Sasuke. His childhood. Who/where his biological parents were. His suicide attempt. The rocky, maybe unhealthy beginning of him and Hinata's relationship.

"Not too tough." He promised.

"I told you he was a Nurse Practitioner, right? I thought you'd like that better, because he can prescribe your medication. So you only have to keep up with one doctor."

He nodded, as she continued dragging her fingers through his fluffy hair.

"I already told you that, didn't I?" He could hear her frown, even though he was staring at her throat.

She had already told him that, but it was okay.

"That is convenient." He settled for.

Argus rested his face on Hinata's lap, cuddling up to them. If that was the only thing he missed from his house arrest, was the long stretches of just getting to hang out and snuggle up with Hinata and Argus.

"But, do you think it's going to work out?"

He nodded.

No matter how shitty it had been, Naruto would make it work out. He had tried too many doctored to even count, and he didn't want to disappoint Hinata anymore. Ibiki was some kind of mind he flaying freak, but he'd make it work out.

"Good." It was nicer to hear her smile this time. "I'm glad."

He smiled too. Yeah, that's what he was shooting for.


	79. Responsibilities

There was a lot more that went into the gym that Naruto had ever given Jiraiya credit for. Piles of paperwork. Numerous utility bills. Insurance – so much insurance. Locker fees, classes, scheduling.

Trying to pay the bills were a pain in the ass. Apparently Jiraiya had been super old school, and mailed in checks, in literally envelopes. Naruto didn't have a check book, and even if he could get one from his bank, he didn't have nearly enough money in it to pay for the steep amount of utilities.

Even if he could get everything figured out, there was still a void in classes. Naruto might've have been good enough to actually fight and win a couple matches, but he wasn't nearly technical enough to teach other people how to do it. Jiraiya had been his only network into the world of martial arts, besides Guy and Lee at Eight Gates. But that was through Hinata, and Guy had his own gym, his own classes to teach.

Naruto leaned his forehead onto his palm, trying to take a relaxing breath.

There was a gym full of guys, working out, counting on Naruto to keep it open as long as possible. He couldn't let them down. He couldn't let Jiraiya down. He owed a debt to this place. To him.

"Uh, hey boss," Konohamaru ducked into his office.

He groaned, rubbing his temples. "Not right now, okay Konohamaru. I have a lot-"

"It's not about the job. I promise. But do you know that Tsunade Senju is in the gym?"

Naruto snapped up, swiveling around in his chair. "The drunk blonde lady?"

"Yep. That's her." Konohamaru nodded. "How do you know her?"

"How do you know her?" Naruto countered.

Before Konohamaru could answer, the old blonde hag herself stumbled through the doorway knocking Konohamaru into the door.

"This place looks way cleaner than I remember." She righted herself, blowing out some air, blinking, turning to look at Konohamaru. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Uh, just, working out?" He laughed nervously.

How did Konohamaru know that Tsunade chick? She had said her name last time like it was one Naruto was supposed to know it. Even Konohamaru said it like it was one he should obviously recognize.

Tsunade slumped down into the extra chair next to the desk, the one that was usually only occupied by Hinata. "Scram, precious grandson." She waved Konohamaru out the door.

"Grandson?" Naruto snorted, watching Konohamaru slink back out of the office.

"So, kid, did you think any more about what I said?"

Naruto appraised the older woman for a minute. She looked much the same as last time. Drunk or hungover. Tons of makeup. Dressed kind of skanky for her age.

"That I have a bad punch?"

She smirked, leaning all the way back into her chair, resting her head onto the wall. "Well, besides that. I see you're still taking care of the gym."

Naruto just nodded. He said that he would, and he meant it. He'd take care of it till she, or the city, forced him out of it. Or all the utilities shut off because he wouldn't figure out to how to pay them.

"Look, kid. I was serious. I know he trusted you to run the place. It looks like it's still going strong. But I don't want shit to do with it, really."

Naruto blinked, watching her. "So, you want me to like, manage it?"

"Whatever the hell you want to call it." She shrugged, almost disinterested. "I'll keep it in my name, so you can't run it into the ground or sell it off or whatever. But I don't want anything to do with the day to day. You'd have to run it. All of it. Pay roll, utilities, whatever. All of it."

He'd be in charge of the whole gym. Everything. Not just a month or so, until it closed down. He'd be in charge every day, of every part. That was a lot to ask of a pizza delivery guy.

Plus, he couldn't just make life decisions by himself anymore. Him and Hinata were partners. He had to ask her what she thought as well.

"Can you give me your card or something?" Naruto sniffed. "So I don't have to just wait around for the next time you stumble up in here?"

"What, need to ask your mom for permission or something?"

Naruto could feel his eye twitch in the corner.

Hinata is not his mother. Hinata is not his mother. Hinata is not his fucking mother.

"My lawyer." Naruto improved, trying to think up something official on the spot.

Tsunade scoffed. "Whatever, fine." She reached over onto the desk, grabbing a pad of little yellow sticky notes. "Pen, pen," Her hand hovered around longer, looking for a stray pen on the desk top.

"Here." Naruto handed her over his own pen.

She scribbled down a line of numbers, before dropping them back down onto the desk. "Call me when you figure your shit out."


	80. All the apologies that can’t be made

"What if it's some sort of scam, or something?" Naruto asked, flopping down onto the bed.

"It would be a pretty weird kind of scam." Hinata commented, snuggling up next to him.

"I don't know. She's a pretty weird kind of lady. Konohamaru seemed to know her though."

Hinata looked up at him, blinking. "Well, his family is pretty deep into politics. It's not weird that he'd know her."

Naruto could feel his eyebrows knit together. "Politics?"

"Her name's Tsunade Senju, right?" She asked, scooting further up onto the bed so instead of looking up at him, she was closer to eye to eye.

He nodded, feeling less interested in the old lady and more and interested in how clear and smooth Hinata's skin was. He watched her thick eyelashes blink slowly. Her eyes on his, still clear and attentive to the conversation.

"Well, there was a congresswoman by that name. She might be the same person, especially if Konohamaru knew her."

Naruto watched her lips moving. It was kind of early in the evening, but maybe Hinata would go for it. He could give her a little kiss. He could brush her hair over her ear. He could-

Hinata grabbed his chin and tilted it up, putting his eyes back level with hers.

"Sorry," He smiled, sheepishly. He blinked trying to focus back into the conversation. "That makes sense, but how did she know Jiraiya?"

Hinata shrugged, but didn't comment.

"I mean, think about it. The old man owned a gym in the Bronx. And this Senju chick is like Konohamaru's family? How do those paths meet?"

"I mean, you and I are together." She scooted a fraction closer, snuggling into his body.

"Ahh, yes. You, the benevolent, charitable saint, forsaking fortunes for true happiness. And I, the out of work pizza delivery guy."

"Stop," She frowned, setting her hand hard on his chest. "Shikamaru is a lawyer. Sai is an artist. You met and worked for Kakashi Hatake. People meet and befriend all kinds of different people."

She was right, so he shrugged, nodding.

She smiled again watching his profile. "I'm really excited for you. I think this will be really great."

"Yeah, maybe. If it actually works out. She could just be some crazy chick, like I said, scamming around."

Hinata smiled again, tucking her head under his chin, hiding her face from him. "It still seems silly. What could she possibly scam you for?"

"I don't know. But I told her I wasn't going to decide anything until I talked to my lawyer." Naruto wrapped his arm all the way around Hinata's back, pulling her closer to him, more into his chest, letting his hand run down her back rhythmically. "And by lawyer, I meant you."

She let out a little breath, like a silent laugh. "I don't think I'm qualified."

'She gives me all my advice.' 'Is she your mother or your fiance?'

Naruto forced himself to glance down at Hinata, wrapped up in his arms. He couldn't get pissed off again, especially while they were just chilling, cuddling, no problems in the world.

He took a breath, blinking through the frustration. "Maybe I should talk to a real lawyer."

"Well, you do know one."

Naruto scrunched up his entire face thinking about Shikamaru. "Fuck."

She leaned off his chest, her eyes narrowing. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I-" He let out a breath, scrubbing his fingers through his hair. "I need to fricken call him and apologize for ditching him at the courthouse."

He had just left, without even saying thank you. Shikamaru had done so much for him, helping him and Hinata out of that sticky situation. For free. And he had his own full time job to worry about.

"I'm such a dick." Naruto sat up, pushing Hinata off to the side gently, letting her lay down on the pillows.

"No you aren't." She grabbed onto his shirt sleeve to stay him in his spot. "You were going through a lot. I'm sure he can understand."

Learning about Jiraiya's death was really hard. Still was. Knowing that he was never going to see the old man again. Thinking through all the bullshit that he had said to him. Never thanking him for taking a risk, sticking his neck out for him. Jiraiya had seen something in him and all Naruto had ever done was bitch about everything.

Not only that, Jiraiya had tried to warn him against pissing off Yahiko. Not it so many words, but he had. Naruto didn't listen. Jiraiya was dead because of it.

He wished he had just one more chance to speak to him. To thank him. To say goodbye. To say he was sorry.

It hurt, deep into his chest, knowing that he would never get that chance. Ever.

That's why he had wanted to take care of the gym. Never mind the fact that fighting had been his own saving grace. His light in the dark place.

But that was the way he could try to make it up to the old man.

Still, it didn't change the fact that he had been an ass to Shikamaru.

Not to mention the way that he had treated Hinata that day either.

Naruto grabbed her wrist softly in his hand, gently disconnecting it from his shirt. Squeezing her hand in his. "I'm going to take Arugs out."

"Are you sure?" She sat up to follow him. "You don't have to."

"I'll call Shika when I'm out there." Naruto finally stood from the bed, grabbing the old ratty sweatshirt from the top of the boxes that he still, really, really needed to donate.

One thing at a time.

"I'll be back in a couple minutes. I can make dinner tonight too if you want."

He turned around in enough time to catch the tail end of Hinata's look. The sideways eye glance. One arched eyebrow. Her lips pursed.

"I can make dinner!" He huffed.

"I never said you couldn't."

"Hmmm," Naruto glared at her. "It was the eyes."

She blinked up at innocently.

"Just you wait. Just you fricken wait. My dinner's going to be so good, it'll knock your pants off." He pointed at her, using his other hand to grab his cell phone off the side table.

"Is my pants coming off your only desire in making dinner?" She asked, laying back onto the bed.

She looked cozy and inviting and definitely like something he didn't want to just abandon by going out into the cold. But there was things he did have to do. He could wait till after dinner. He could just knock her pants off himself if he had to.

"Look, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a contributing factor." He pulled the hoodie over his head. "Is there something specific you want? I can walk down to the place on the corner and grab something."

Hinata shook her head, the static sticking her hair to the pillow she was laying on. "You don't have to do that. Whatever we have here is fine."

"Okay. I'll be right back." Naruto promised, making his way out of the bedroom. "You better loosen those pants up. I wasn't joking. They're getting blown right off when I get back!"

"I thought it was after dinner." He could still hear her muffled voice in the front room.

"Tomato - potato. Either way. Pants are coming off."


	81. Truth, boundaries and other hard things

"Did you really just pick this place so you could smoke?" Hinata frowned, staring at the booth in distaste without sitting down.

Shikamaru smirked, leaning back into a red cracked vinyl booth. "The foods not too bad either."

Hinata glanced back at him, her eyes openly searching his face for anything.

Shikamaru suggested a bar. A very tame, old person-ish bar, but a bar nonetheless.

Drinking had always been a sore spot between him and Hinata. Always been a "Sorry, I know I messed up, but I'm trying." kind of bullshit that went on for way too long. He wasn't supposed to drink, and he had, a lot.

But he didn't anymore. Really, he didn't. He had never specifically told Hinata that he didn't. He thought living his life sober would be proof enough. He thought that after all the empty words he had given her, that finally the actions would be enough.

Not drinking at Kakashi's election night party, not drinking at the bar with Ino and Sai. Hinata had never said anything about it, but he had lived with her for long enough to knew that she had noticed. Her choosing to not say anything about it was up to her. Maybe after all the fights and tears about it, it was just a topic she didn't want to dig up again. Especially if it looked like it wasn't going to be a problem anymore.

Hinata slid into the booth first, Naruto followed close by. He wait for her to shrug her jacket off before he slid his arm around her.

"I got this all printed up for you." Shikamaru held up an entire packet of white paper and let it flop into the table with a hefty thud.

Guilt pitted at the bottom of Naruto's stomach. "That looks like a lot."

Shikamaru shrugged the comment off with a wave of his cigarette. "There's tons of prewritten templates for this shit. I basically just input your information like an Mad Lib. It was nothing."

"Still, I feel like I should start paying for this shit." Not that he had any money to do that right now. He'd have to ask Hinata, which was normal for their old relationship but that was definitely part of his past that he wanted to shed and leave behind.

"Meh," Shikamaru shrugged again, sinking back into the booth. "Just buy my dinner or whatever. We'll call it good."

That was nice. Really nice. He hadn't really noticed it before. But Shikamaru had a done a lot for him. Before this. Before his case. Getting him that raise at his job. He'd known Shikamaru since college, and they'd been pretty good friends then too. They partied together a lot. Studied sometimes. Shot the shit.

But he really had done a lot for him. Naruto didn't even know how to digest that. The way he was raised, the way he grew up, you didn't just go around doing things for other people.

Hinata. Shikamaru. How were nice people like that even created? How'd he even find them?

And, as per usual, when Naruto couldn't get his feelings in order, he'd punt them off into the aether with some jokes.

"What, Temari doesn't wanna see anymore bars on your account?"

Shikamaru let out a huff of a laugh, blinking through the dim, smokey light. "Well, you're not wrong."

Naruto knew enough about that. Bar recipes. Card transactions. Or just coming home smelling like booze, a stumble in his step. Nobody cared that he drank a lot in college. It was to be expected. Plus, he was usually a really fun drunk. Life of the party. But after he moved in with Hinata, after it became pretty apparent that his mental health was not stable, that there was something wrong with him, drinking became a taboo. Especially after a doctor suggested it. Even worse when his medications would react negatively with it.

But still, he drank. Even when it was bad for him. Even when Hinata asked him not too.

He tried not to. Really, he did. And he'd do a good job. A couple days. A couple weeks. Heck, he'd even be able to manage it for a couple months. But there was always a relapse. Always a slip up. Some worse than others. Some managed better than others. Some HInata didn't even know about (or so he thought).

Others so bad it ended up with the cops being called. Spending a night in the drunk tank. Starting fight. Things like that.

He had managed it pretty well, right before he went off his last meds. Well, he THOUGHT he had managed everything pretty well on his last meds. He never would've changed them if his liver-whatevers weren't all jacked up. He ate pretty well. He worked at Teuchi's, mostly just weekends. He ran in the treadmill a couple times a week. He didn't hang out with Sasuke too much. He went grocery shopping with Hinata. They went to the movies.

It was pretty damn pathetic that he had thought that was a him doing well. He almost couldn't even stomach thinking about it. That old Naruto had been so fucking selfish, such a piece of shit. It was mortifying to even think of being that kind of guy. No fucking wonder Hinata had left him.

Especially when he went off his meds. When he refused to listen to Hinata or his doctor. When he went over to Sasuke's and put himself in a position he should've never been in in the first place.

He's not that guy anymore. Not even close. And he never will be again. Even if he runs into Mania. Even if/when the depression comes. He'll never, ever be that guy again. He had stopped trying, and he never will again. No matter what, Naruto knows he has it in him to keep trying. To keep going. To work through the bullshit.

"You need a drink?" Shikamaru took another breath through the cigarette, making the butt end glow red. "What was your old go to? Jack and coke?"

His old go to had been whatever was around. But Jack and coke wasn't an uncommon drink of his.

"Sure."

He wasn't even watching her, but he saw it quickly. Hinata's freezing tight. All of her, stiffening. Her arms, her fingers holding the tiny menu, her jaw, even her eyes. She was unmoving but he saw it.

"Sans the Jack." It had meant to be a joke. He didn't mean to stress her out. But not all of his jokes worked the way he wanted them to. This one certainly fell flat.

Shikamaru shrugged him off and took a drink out of his own tumbler. He had gotten there before them and was already nursing a dark brown liquor.

"What are you going to get?" Naruto squeezed his hand that he had on her upper arm, pulling her closer into his chest.

"I don't know." She shrugged, shifting closer to him in the booth. "How hungry are you?"

"Starving." He answered quickly.

He had added weight lifting to his work out. There was more to scaling weight classes than just putting on pounds. Those guys in Cruiser and Light Heavy were going to have way more muscle on their body. Hinata was right, his natural weight was more situated in the 190's but that didn't take away from the fact that he had leaned himself down twenty pounds. He couldn't just gain that weight in French fries. He needed it in muscle. So he had written down a rough weight lifting regiment in his notebook. On top of his Mauy Thai exercises. He also needed to get back to Eight Gates for his Jui Jitsu. He needed to find a live boxing partner, too.

He needed a new coach, but he'd think about that later.

Hinata read along the menu with her finger, so Naruto could follow along. There wasn't an extensive menu. Regular bar food appetizers. "Whatever you want. Just like, a lot." He wasn't an eloquent speaker but she understood him.

"Naruto,"

He hadn't noticed it at first. The way Shikamaru was watching them. He had something else he wanted to say. And holding back wasn't really part of Shikamaru's shtick.

"What?" Naruto straightened up.

"I added in a clause for a second person."

Naruto blinked for a second. A second person? Had he asked for that and just forgotten? What does that even mean? A second person?

"Just in case you need someone else to make decision on behalf of the establishment, in case you're… indisposed."

Indisposed? Like if he got hurt or died or something. Wow, that was really some thinking a head. And a little morbid? But whatever. I mean, it's his job to think stuff like that through so-

"Okay, relax." Shikamaru huffed, holding up a hand at Hinata.

Naruto leaned back quickly, much more surprised by the glare on his fiancée's face.

"We're all living in the real world, and the fact of the matter is that sometimes, Naruto," Shikamaru left off the sentence with a vague flick of his wrist.

Oh. That.

This was always a toss up. What did his friends actually know about him? What had Hinata told Ino? Ino was her best friend. Ino was her closest confidant. He wouldn't hold it against her if she had told her things about him.

Even more annoying though, was what Hinata could've possibly told Choji. Her "friend" that she had dated when they weren't together. It would also make sense if Hinata had bitched about him to her new dude, though that one stung much more than the other.

Both Choji and Ino were friends with Shikamaru. Both of them could've told Shikamaru any number of things about him. Not to mention the front row seat Shikamaru had on his life since he was eighteen. Had seen Naruto drop out of school their senior year. Seen him lose job after job. Day drink. Get in fights. Cause problems. All the things Naruto wanted to forget. Shikamaru had seen.

And he was smart. He could at least figure out that something was wrong with him. The hand gesture was enough.

"Look, the last fucking thing you want is to be the only person that can make decisions ] for the gym. If something happens," He paused, this time no hand motion but the inference was there. "I think it would be smart of you to have someone else. As a… back up, if you will."

Naruto nodded. He understood. It was smart. Even though he was bummed that it was reality. He would experience hypomania, mania (god forbid), depression, mixed states. Having a back up was a good idea.

"I can do it." Hinata offered. Because, of course she would.

That would be the easiest choice. The most convenient for him. But -

"No."

Hinata's head snapped to him, her eyes wide, her mouth slightly parted. Shocked. Hurt.

He wasn't trying to hurt her. Far from it.

But Hinata wasn't his mom. Hinata wasn't his care taker. She had her own life. Her own job. This was his. He had vowed to stop pilling onto her plate. She was his parter. In life.

But not in the gym.

Naruto pulled Hinata back to his side, squeezing her arm again affectionately. "Don't worry, I know a guy. He's dying for the job."


	82. Function to functional

Naruto sat back in the office, strumming through all the paperwork that Shikamaru had written up. Every line for his signature had already been signed and initialed. He had called Tsunade.

There was just one more thing he needed to do.

He drummed his fingers on the desk. He had already did the majority of his workout for the day. Not many people came in early, he usually had the place to himself until around lunch time, when there was a smattering of guys that came to burn some of that work stress off before they had to go back and finish the day. After work, around five or sixish, was the main traffic.

Naruto’s neck snapped up to the doorway, hearing a little knock on the frame.

“Hey boss.”

Konohamaru had always called him ‘boss’. Naruto had ignored it at first, but after awhile it go more and more annoying. Especially when they weren’t even working together. 

But now,

“Do you still want a job?” Naruto asked before he could even sit down.

Konohamaru stopped short. “I thought you said no.” 

He had said no. None too kindly either. 

“I did. You can’t quit school and become an Ultimate Fighter or whatever bullshit you have dreamt up.” He stood by that. He wasn’t going to let him just throw away his future for fighting.

He needed a college degree. 

Naruto knew from first hand experience how many doors were shut to him because he had dropped out right before getting it. Even if Konohamaru wanted to become a fighter after he graduated, at least he would have something to fall back on.

“But, if you’re looking for a part-time, there’s work for you.”

“Really?” Konohamaru blinked. “Like, for reals?”

Naruto rolled his eyes turning back to his desk. “Yes, dude. Chill out.”

“Holy shit! This is great!” He was almost bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Seriously, thank you so much! You won’t regret it.”

“I already do.” Naruto muttered, just quiet enough for Konohamaru to hear.

As always, Konohamaru was unperturbed. “So when do I start. Can I start now?”

Naruto yawned, rubbing his eyes absentmindedly. “Um, Tsunade is gonna come in a little later and sign some paperwork. Give me a little to figure some stuff out.”

He needed to finish up his financial spreadsheet, and figure out a rate of pay that was good enough.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever works for you. Thank you so much!”

Naruto shook his head, trying not to laugh. “Yeah, no problem. Now get out.”

“I can’t fucking wait. Udon’s going to flip.”

“I don’t care. Get out.”

“Right, right.” Konohamaru laughed, taking a couple steps backwards. “Thank you so much.”

“Whatever - hey wait!” Naruto turned back to the doorway where Konohamaru was still loitering. “The offer only stands if you stay enrolled in school.”

The brunette deflated marginally.

Not that Naruto cared. “And you better be passing those classes. You don’t need straight A’s or whatever. But If I find out you’re failing, then I’ll cut your hours. Or fire you. Or, something.” He didn’t know exactly but the threat still stood. 

“Are you allowed to do that?” Konohamaru frowned.

Naruto shrugged. “I don’t give a fuck. Do you want the job or not?”

“Yeah.” Konohamaru nodded. “I got it boss.”

“Good. Bring me in you class schedule too.” Naruto turned back to the paperwork again.

“Why?”

“So I can schedule you around it, genius. Now go re rack the weights I know you left out.”

It didn’t slip pass Naruto that Konohamaru was suddenly interested in weight lifting right after he had started up.

“You got it boss.”

He’d have Konohamaru sign his part of the documents after Tsuande did. And maybe after he got his schedule. 

He still had a lot of work to do. Not just for the gym, but all the administrative stuff that went into it as well. Utility payments. Insurance. He couldn’t keep all of that stuff straight on his own. Let alone all those different due dates. So he had to make a spreadsheet, with amounts and pay dates. 

It wasn’t very polished or pretty, but it was at least enough to see everything, get it all straight in his head. 

By the looks of it, there was way more money than he ever expected to be unaccounted for. Left over. It was more money than Naruto had ever had his hands. Even when he “helped” Sasuke sell some pills on the side. 

He was immediately flooded with all the possibilities. 

His wedding, for one thing. He didn’t have to be a wedding connoisseur to know that they were expensive as hell. A lot of those nice ones cost a small fortune, especially in the city. 

After getting married, he’d also need the house. Maybe not the one in New Jersey. That was still kind of a stretch. A pipe dream. But they could at least get a bigger apartment for their stuff. One where Argus had enough room to get around and not be crowded and forced to hobble over all of Naruto’s stuff.

But… this money wasn’t for him. He still needed a teacher, for classes. At least one. Maybe two, he wasn’t sure. Plus, he’d have to have a set amount for savings. A rainy day fund, for the just in case scenarios. Like if some pipes burst or something like that, and he had to front the money to get them fixed before insurance reimbursed. 

After all of that, then maybe he could figure out a salary for himself. He wanted to have enough money to split all the payments for the apartment with Hinata. He was such a jackass that he didn’t even know how much they were. 

Plus he had his old student loans and medical bill payments. Not to mention the heaping pile of late fees. The old him had let that shit go to the wayside, and now responsible Naruto was there to deal with it. It was discouraging, knowing that it would take years if not decades to pay all of that off, but maybe he’d get it all done before he died. 

In an ideal world, he’d also like to have enough money for savings. Not just for his wedding or a new place. But to just be responsible. He’d never been very good with money, and had struggled almost his entire life. Be had only gotten by for so long because of Hinata’s ability to manage and save. He wanted to do that too. 

He’d be able to figure all of that out once he got the positions at the gym filled. 

For now, he’d just leave all the extras in savings. 

It wasn’t just Tsuande that came in a little before lunch time. A shorter, slighter, women with a brunette bob, that for some reason, vaguely reminded him of Hinata. Not that there was anything too similar about them. Maybe it was the anxious, exacerbated face she made anytime Tsuande said or did anything. 

Not that it wasn’t warranted. Tsunade was wearing thick, black sunglasses today. And a very low cut shirt, which contrasted terribly with the aging of her skin. She wanted to immediately sign the paperwork. “The faster we get out of here, the better.” And seemed completely disinterested in anything that wasn’t getting out of there as quickly as possible.

“Excuse me, Mr. Uzumaki, if you don’t mind?” The brunette glanced down, pointedly at the stack of papers.

Mr. Uzumaki? That was something his doctors usually called him. But he shrugged, handing it over to her. “Knock yourself out.” He’d read it himself more than once, just to make sure everything was tip top. Not that he didn’t trust Shikamaru.

“Sorry about Shizune. She’s my assistant.” Tsunade leaned her head back against the wall, her sunglasses so dark that Naruto wasn’t sure if her eyes were opened or closed. 

Assistant. Huh. 

“I see there’s a clause for a second person. Do you have an associate?” Shizune glanced up at him, over the brim of white papers in her hand.

“Yeah, I have a guy starting soon.” Associate was a stretch. “Konohamaru S-something.”

“Sarutobi?” Shizune blinked.

Naruto nodded. He forgot that Tsunade had recognized him, and he forgot to ask Konohamaru himself how he knew her. Hinata was probably right though. She usually was. 

“Hmm,” Shizune hummed, her eyebrow raised, but she continued reading.

Naruto sat awkwardly at the desk, drumming his hands on his pants. Shizune read the entire thing, not skipping a single page, and Tsunade wasn’t one for small talk. She looked like she was suffering through a hell of a hangover and didn’t seem like she was up for conversation. 

“How’d you know Jiraiya?” Naruto asked, unable to sit through the silence.

Shizune paused in her reading, looking between Tsunade and himself, like she was waiting for something. That peaked his interest. But he was let down when Tsunade herself didn’t even move, head still tilted back like she was sleeping.

“An old friend.” She quipped.

“A friend that’s in charge of his estate?” Naruto probed again.

“Yep.” She snapped back, shutting any more questioning down, still without moving.

Fine. Naruto leaned back in his chair, accepting defeat. A little bummed that he wouldn’t have any more juicy gossip to tell Hinata. Maybe a little insight on the Old Man’s personal life. 

“This looks fine.” Shizune handed it back, almost begrudgingly. Like she was disappointed that it all checked out? “You can sign, if you’re really sure.”

Tsunade scoffed before, sitting back up, tipping her black sunglasses on the top of her head. “What’s the worst thing that happens? The kid fucks up and then I close it down?”

Naruto gave her a little half shrug. Yeah, that was kind of the worst that could happen. 

Tsunade went through, signed on the appropriate lines a little sloppily. Both her and Shizune got up to leave before Hinata stopped at the door. “Invite me to your next fight, kid.”

The sentiment seemed familiar. Oh yeah, he needed to invite Kakashi too. “Alright.” An easy enough request. And with that, the ladies were gone.

And the gym was essentially his.

His body wasn’t made for sitting at a desk all day. Every hour or so he’d get up, stretch his back and maybe go do a couple combos at the bag or jump rope. He tried to clean up as the day went on, making sure nothing got too messy or out of hand. 

He didn’t even notice how late it was until Hinata called him. She wasn’t just getting off work, it was well passed the time that she should be getting home.

“Hey,” He could hear her smile through the phone, her voice soft. “I haven’t heard from you in awhile.”

“Sorry,” he rubbed the back of his head down. “I’ve just been working on stuff.”

“That’s okay. When are you going to be home? Do you want me to start on dinner?”

Naruto leaned back into his chair and glances out into the gym. He might have done some cleaning here and there to keep the gym looking tidy throughout the day, but he hadn’t even started on the nightly deep clean.

He holds back a little sigh. “I probably won’t be home soon.”

He was used to working the opposite of Hinata. Nights and weekends. That’s how it had always been.But, he’d just spent days with just her and him, even if they were stuck in the apartment, stressed out of their minds. It was hard to get back to just a couple hours a day of seeing her. Most of it just in passing.

“Do you want me to come there? I can help you.” Her offer is so sweet and tempting. 

But, “You’re already at home. You don’t have to come all the way over here.”

There’s a quiet pause. “How do you know I’m at home?”

Naruto smirks and rolls his eyes even though she can’t see it. “I know.” Like he, after all those years, doesn’t know how much of a homebody she is. Come on, now.

“You think so?” He can hear the tease in her voice and it makes him smile. 

“Yup.” 

He can hear her quietly pat for Argus, and the gingling of her keys.

“You really don’t have to come here. You can just chill at home and watch a movie or whatever. It’s boring here.” 

Plus it might be nice for her to have some alone time. Hinata was always one to watch Naruto’s favorite movies, eat what he wanted for dinner. Maybe just having some time alone from him to do her own thing would be good for her.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She sniffed, like Naruto couldn’t hear her shutting and locking the door in the background. 

“Oh, you don’t do you? I bet you’re already in some leggings. And a sweatshirt.”

There was another pause before Hinata sniffed. “It’s not a sweatshirt.”

Naruto laughed, leaning back into his chair. “Alright you win.”

“Have you eaten yet?” 

 

“Nope.” Naruto shook his head. He had hardly even packed lunch, which was really bad since he was trying to put on weight right now, not lose it. “But really, babe. You don’t have to come over here.”

“Hush you,” She scolded lightly. “I’ll see you soon. And I’ll bring you some food.”

Naruto smiled, actually very happy that she was coming to hang out with him. “You’re the greatest, you know that?”

He knew that she was would be wrinkling her nose at the compliment. “I’ll be there soon.” She promised.

He got up off the chair again, quickly going to grab the disinfectant spray and some rags. He could at least wipe down the equipment that wasn’t in use right now. Cut down on some work them when she got there. There was still quite a few guys in the gym so he just cleaned what he could and got back to working on his spreadsheet. He’d have her look it over when she got there, just to make sure he didn’t mess anything up.

“Hey Boss, your girlfriends here!” Konohamaru yells from outside of the office, near the training mat. He had been there that morning, but came back in the afternoon with Udon, and handed in a printed calls schedule for him. 

“She’s my fiancée, dipshit!” Naruto yelled back, standing up from his office chair. 

He had left the door open just to monitor the gym, make sure none of the guys got too rowdy. Spars could easily turn into a full fledged fight with one bad aimed punch. Also, he wanted them to know where he was at, in case they needed him for something. 

“Is that workplace harassment?” Hinata asked, popping into the door of the office. She carried a large, white square pizza box in one hand, and the leash of his bestest buddy in the other.

“He can bring it up to HR.” Naruto smirked, taking the pizza box out of her hand and shutting the door behind her with the other, so he could kiss her without any comment from the audience of a dozens testosterone fueled men.

She kissed him back quickly and reached down to unlatch Argus. 

“Pizza. And my girl? And my best buddy! What?” Naruto smirked, as Hinata tilted her head to the side, giving a cheesy little smile. 

Her fake smile is just as cute as her real one, and he loves her fake smile because she’s being playful. Playful Hinata was previously a scarce commodity to come by. There was now less stress, less anxiety weighing her down. He liked that.

“Oh, and Ayame is mad that you haven’t come in.” Hinata informed him, sitting down next to him. 

He had been wanting to go see Ayame and Teuchi. Mr. Umino too. He had just been too busy with the gym. He made a mental note to do both of those things in the coming week.

He nodded, reaching for the pizza box. “I can’t face her till I get a haircut.”

He grabbed a piece of pizza, folding the crust a little so the end wouldn’t flop down. The pizza tasted very familiar, like the smell of his old apartment or something. Working for Teuchi was the longest job that he had ever held down. Teuchi had employed him through a lot. Had been way more understanding than any other boss he’d had. Kakashi was cool, but Teuchi let him keep his job even went he went to the hospital for a week at a time unannounced. 

Argus sat next to Hinata, panting quietly, before laying down on the ground next to her chair. He’d probably need to buy him a comfier dog bed for him to chill on while he was here. 

His thoughts were mildly interrupted by Hinata leaning over and rubbing a longer piece of hair near his ear. 

“I know, it’s getting ridiculous.” He said, after swallowing his bite before taking another. “You think you can fit it in a man bun?”

Hinata smiled, taking the piece and pulling it up near the front of his head, like a fist full of hair making a unicorn horn. “Not quite.” She giggled.

“Eat some pizza.” Naruto scolded, pulling his head further away. “You’re too skinny.”

She frowned, giving him a glare. “I am not.”

She wasn’t. Not really. She was small but she was pretty curvy, and had gained a lot of muscle since going to Eight Gates. But Naruto’s absolute favorite thing to do was tease her.

Naruto grabbed her wrist with his free hand, circling her wrist between his thumb and pointer finger, holding it up as his exhibit A.

“Those are always small. And careful.”

“Oh yeah, shit. Sorry.” Naruto let go of her wrist quickly. She had stopped wearing the brace a couple days back and he had kind of forgot about it without the visual reminder. 

Kind of like his own hand. Completely forgotten until he punched the bag wrong and felt the twinge that had plagued his fist since he put it through their bedroom wall. 

“Is it feeling any better?”

She nodded, finally reaching for a piece of pizza. “Yeah. It just feels kind of tight sometimes.”

In Hinata language, that totally meant it still hurt. She was the queen of downplay. But Naruto let it slide. He would just have to remember not to grab at for the foreseeable future. 

“So what have you been working on?” She prompted, taking a bite of her slice.

“Here,” Naruto took his chair and scooted it over, making room for her to scoot closer to the screen. Argus stayed in his spot a foot away, unbothered by the distance. 

It wasn’t the prettiest spreadsheet he’d ever seen. He had barely passed any of his computer classes. (Any of his classes.) He had actually had to google how to do it. He knew, one hundred percent, that Hinata would be able to do it way better, but she’d never say that outright.

“It looks good.” She answered immediately.

Naruto rolled his eyes, leaning back to let her have more room. “You can fix it if you want.”

Hinata blinked over at him sheepishly. “It is really good.” She promised again.

“Mmmhmm.” He hummed, waiting.

“It is. It is. You did a really good job.”

He held his free hand out to the computer pad. He watched her look over the screen again. 

“Well, there is just a couple things I’d fix.”

Naruto nodded, trying not to laugh, lest she go back to just saying how great it was. He watched her expertly delete extra rows, fix a typo in one of his tabs.

“Did you manually input the sums?” She asked quietly.

He shrugged. “Uh, yeah.”

“Oh,” She smiled. “Here I can teach you how to - Oh my god!” Her voice cut off with a little gasp.

Naruto jerked back from the pizza box, to look at Hinata. She had never been one of those Clueless girls to just throw that around. Had he done something wrong on the spreadsheet?

“Is that really the overall total?” She asked, blinking, moving her face closer to the screen.

Oh. Naruto smirked. Yeah, he had kind of thought the same thing. Thinking of all the things that he could do with it. 

“Yeah, huh. Guess I can take you to the Hamptons now.” It’s a joke. Even if he could keep the entire total, it still isn’t as much as Hinata makes. Before she can pinch him, he amends it quickly. “I’m just kidding. I still need to find some people to teach some classes, and I still don’t know how much I should be saving. For like a rainy day fund type of thing.”

Hinata glanced at the screen and back at Naruto again quietly. 

“What?” Naruto prompted her quickly. He never liked when she seemed hesitant towards him. Like she was holding back. She was better than before, but still.

“Well, I don’t want to tell you what to do at your own gym.”

He blanched, feeling almost embarrassed. “It’s not, whatever. Just tell me.”

“Well, it’s just, don’t people usually pay for the classes?” She asked quietly.

Naruto stopped, looking down at the ground, shifting his jaw.

“Like, didn’t you pay to do your first Muay Thai class?” She asked again.

He… had.

“Oh.” He blinked. “Fuck, I’m so dumb.”

“No you’re not.” She promised quickly. 

“Yes, I am. God, how did I not remember that?” He leaned his elbow on the edge of the desk and let his forehead hit his fist. 

“It’s okay. You just started. There’s got to be a learning curve to something like this.” She shifted to wrap her arm around his back, rubbing between his shoulder blades. 

“And if you’re worried about savings, you can just check the gyms insurance plan.” She continued.

“The insurance plan?”

“Yeah,” She nodded. “It’ll tell you up to how much is covers, how much you’re expected to pay out. Like your deductible.”

Naruto closed his eyes again, groaning. “You’re so smart.”

“Shh,” She giggled. “No. You’ve been doing a lot. You’re probably just overloaded. You would’ve thought of it eventually.”

“No I wouldn’t have.” He shook his head, knowing full well that he was acting like a baby. “I don’t think I’m cut out for this. I’m going to run this place into the ground.”

“You will not.” She promised, letting her hand trail up to his shoulder, squeezing it lightly and pulling him closer to her. “If Jiraiya managed it, than you definitely can.”

Naruto frowned, letting himself slump closer to her, if only for the affection. “That’s not even a compliment.”

She laughed, kissing the side of his head. “I believe in you.”

It’s not a new sentiment. Hinata had always said that she believed in him. He had just never felt deserving of it before. 

 

“Thanks.” He sat back up straight, shaking off his self hatred for his idiot man brain. “Okay. I’m not going to lie, I’m glad you came over here. Thank you for being so smart, no - brilliant. Intelligent and beautiful. How can I ever repay you.” 

Hinata tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, her cheeks warming. Her eyelashes fluttered, as she blinked for a moment, like she was mulling over what she was going to say. “Im… sure you can find a way.” Her voice lowered, softer.

Was she? “Mmm,” Naruto hummed, moving in for a kiss.

She turned her head quickly, giggling. “Not right now.” She scolded.

He kissed her cheek, unbothered. 

“After. We have to clean.” She got her hand between them, pressing it softly on his chest. 

“Okay, fine.” Naruto sighed, before getting himself ready to stand up.

“Wait hold on. Let me show you something on here really quick.” She grabbed onto his arm, pulling him back into the chair, and closer to her and the screen.

Naruto sat back on the chair, watching her. She grabbed the mouse in her hand. “Okay, look here’s the function button, right here.”

Her hair had been pulled up, and some of the bangs that frame the side of her face were pulled away. He could see her smooth skin, the curve of her jaw down to her small chin, the warmth subsiding in the apples of her cheeks. 

“And then you can just click each cell, so then if you change it, it will automatically change the sum for you. See - hey,” She frowned, catching his eyes, which were not on the screen. Her glare was a little playful as she reached up with her free hand to grab his chin, turning his face back to the screen. “Pay attention.”

“Sorry.” He smiled.

“You are not.” She huffed. “Are you paying attention?”

“Yes, yes. I promise.” He laughed.

“Okay, look. Right here is the function button-”


	83. Spacey

Eight Gates was exactly the way that Naruto remembered it, and so were Guy and Lee. It was like a time capsule, not that he had been gone that long. A couple weeks. The gym was still set up, perfectly, Guy and Lee still there ready for sparing, clad in green spandex and blinding confidence. 

“Get off your phone.” Hinata scolded, holding out a water bottle for him. 

They were still sparing. Just taking a quick break before getting back into. He should be concentrating on getting his heart rate down and catching his breath.

“Konohamaru is fine.” She pressed, pushing the bottle into his hands.

“I don’t give a shit about Kono. I care about the gym.” Naruto corrected, taking the bottle from her, tilting his head back and guzzling it down. 

He made a mental note to drink more water during the day. He hadn’t upped the intake since he was training again and he definitely feel the negative effects. 

He was also a little out of shape. He had tried to keep up his strength by working out in the apartment, but there really was no substitute for a live partner. Especially someone like Lee.

“Here, I’ll hold your phone for you. And if there’s a text from Konohamaru, I’ll tell you.” She offered, holding out her hand to him.

“Yeah, alright.” He gave it before taking another long drink.

“Are you ready, Naruto!” Guy shouted much louder than the distance between them deemed necessary, but he’d gotten used to that a long time ago. 

He nodded, shoving back in his mouth guard. It was small and clear and he had cut it way down under regulation, but Guy was strictly by the book and surprisingly safety conscious and he was not permitted to live spar without all the proper equipment. As always. 

Hinata had done her own workout before Naruto had even got there. But she stayed to watch his, even though he had told her several times that she didn’t have to.

Lee was still a master constrictor, and was the most uncanny ability to grape vine himself around any and every part of Naruto’s body and squeeze down until he had to tap. Naruto was slightly larger than Lee when he had been at his previous fight weight, and even with the weight he had managed to pack on, it didn’t give him a sliver of advantage against Lee. 

Jiu Jitsu was. like that. The way it was designed, that even a much smaller person can take down and submit someone much larger than them in size, so long as they have a good enough understanding of the body and of the martial art. Lee was a master, in his own right. If he really wanted to, he could take down Naruto, put any of his limbs into a bar, or choke him out in seconds. Even when Naruto could defend him off, which he was getting better and better at but still not great, Lee was still able to get in on the ground, wrapped around his body and squeezed the air out of him. 

It wasn’t an immediate tap, but there was only so long that Naruto could just lay on the ground, letting himself suffocate. 

Naruto had developed a deep respect for Jiu Jitsu, and he knew he needed it to be competitive in MMA. But he would much rather be kicking the shit out of someone. 

Lee hadn’t taken him down yet this time. The grip he had on his leg wasn’t looking too great, but he wasn’t down on the ground yet. 

“Spin, spin, spin!” Hinata coached from the sideline. 

It almost made him smile, if he wasn’t hopping around on one leg, spinning around exactly as she said. He liked when she cheered him on. Of course he did. He was a simple man. But the hot sauce on top that she actually knew what she was talking about. The only way to keep Lee from getting a good grip onto him was to keep moving. And the only place he could move on one foot was around it. 

“That’s really good Naruto!” Guy applauded. 

It wasn’t often that Naruto could really fend off Lee. Without actually drills where Lee was going a little less hard so Naruto could actually learn the get away techniques. But to really keep him at bay was something he couldn’t often do. 

It took a lot of balance to keep himself upright like that, fighting against Lee. It was times like these, resisting his center of gravity, his arm roped around Lee’s, keeping himself up right that he realized how much he could actually do. 

His lame ass old self got his ass kicked in probably every bar right he had ever been in. 

Now? Now his body could actually do things. Things that were cool as fuck.

He felt the give in Lee hand, and as fast as he could get it back down on the ground, Lee was grabbing him around the waist, using his perfect understand of the body to flip Naruto’s much bigger body down on the mat. Naruto sucked his shoulder to roll safely down, not fighting it, but instead grabbing onto his arm.

“Don’t let him connect!” Hinata yelled quickly. 

If Lee laced his fingers, he’d be done for. Not right away, but Jiu Jitsu was kind of like chess and the game would be decided moves ahead. 

He had both hands on one of his, the other digging into him in a perfect perch. But it didn’t matter. As long as he kept his other hand away from the other. If he was in the cage, he could’ve slunk against it and used it to shimmy to a stand up, where he could engage him from there. But there wasn’t a cage in Eight Gates. But practicing on the ground wasn’t bad for him. On the contrary. 

“Roll out, baby.” 

Yes, what he needed to do but was currently unable to. Even if he was having a good night, Lee was just better than him. Plain and simple. And he was currently fending him off and not losing, but that didn’t mean he was winning. 

He had been getting more muscular than his natural frame called for. It didn’t help him now though. 

“Knee up, arm down. Come on!” Guy clapped.

Yes. He knew the move. It was executing it that was the problem. 

It was one of the longest half hours until they called it quits for the day. 

“You did really good.” Hinata promised, handing him one of the mini towels he had packed him his gym bad. 

He didn’t have enough energy in him to dispute her. She still had his water bottle too, full of fresh, cold water.

“Thank you.” He sighed tiredly before downing half of it in one go.

“Tired?” She smiled.

He nodded.

“Ready to go home?”

“No.” He frowned even saying it. Because he did want to go home and take the hottest shower the apartment could offer and just collapse into bed with Hinata and Argus. “I need to go make sure that the gyms closed up right.” 

Hinata frowned a little. “Konohamaru knows how.”

“Yeah but if he forgot something.” Naruto pressed. “You know how easy it is to break into there.” 

He did it himself. Maybe he should invest in a security system. How the fuck you could have a place in the city without one is shocking on its own, but he was reluctant to spend anything until he got the gym sorted all the way out.

“I’ll drive you.” She offered.

Naruto shook his head. “Argus has been alone long enough. I’ll just run. I need it anyways.”

“You ran there this morning.” 

He had. He wasn’t really expecting to gain as much weight as he had lifting weights. Slowly he was trying to clean his diet back up. Chicken, egg white and protein shakes paired with green veggies. He felt like the more he cleaned up his diet voluntarily, the more Hinata was lenient on him. Which was weird because she had spent the last few years basically begging him to eat a salad. 

He really couldn’t broach the weight class into heavyweight though. He wasn’t a good enough fighter technically to avoid the amount of damage he currently took. And the punch power from heavyweight was a way different ballgame than light heavy. His whole boxing style was hard kicks, quick combos and being able to take a hit to the face and not get knocked out. That strategy would not transfer over well to a two hundred pound man landing a fist kiss to the mouth. 

“I won’t be too late though. I’ll just go there and back to the apartment. I promise.” He held out a pinky finger. 

He knew that she didn’t want him to. Her little pout was almost enough to sway him away from it. 

“Okay,” She drew it out a little. “Let me take your gym bag for you at least.”

He gave her a quick peck in a lame apology. He thought about her cute little face, her pouty lips, her clear desire for him to go home with her all the way over to the gym. It was warming up now but the air was still cold on his cheeks, people loitering on the sidewalk, the darker night life coming out. He could’ve been back at the apartment cuddled up with Hinata and Argus. Why had he wanted to go all the way back to freaking gym? And he declined a ride?

The self loathing increased exponentially when he arrived to the gym, finding it perfectly closed up. 

“Idiot,” He let his forehead hit the door frame.

Now he had to run all the way back home. He had wasted so much time. He let out a deep breath before turning back down the stairs. He checked out the Taiwanese convenience store where he used to go buy ramen with Hinata, when they had lived over there.

That seemed like some long distant memory from right then. 

It was easy to think of his relationship with Hinata as how it had always been. Happy, healthy, a nice job, nice apartment, nice dog. 

Hinata leaving his now felt like some distant memory, one that he could forget and pretend never happened.

He couldn’t do that, though. As tempting as it was. He had to remember that pain, so he wouldn’t forget. He couldn’t let himself slip. Get lazy. Stop working on being stable, being the guy that she could count on. Like he promised her. 

Their previous relationship hadn’t been all bad. If it had it probably would’ve taken her longer than the years it did to drop his ass. They had fun times too. Going grocery shopping together. Mostly just the two of them together, hanging out in the apartment. Sometimes going to the movies. 

It had honestly been the best time of his life (besides now). The first time that he had lived with someone who loved him. Cared about him. It was the first time he had really lived with a decent human being, let alone the first time with love and affection. Yes, he had struggled, with keeping up with appointments, depression, drinking, having seedy friends. But Hinata loved and cared about him and he was happy.

He knew that she was happy too. At least for a little while. In a different way, he thought that maybe Hinata was looking for the same thing as him. Someone that loved her. And he did love her. More than he had ever loved another person. Sure, it took some shitty situation to find out that he loved her, but he did. He had never stopped since then, not a single moment. Once he loved her, he knew he would love her forever. Until the day he died. 

His biggest regret was how it ended. Of course. He wished that he had figured out how to take care of himself before it had got to that point. That he could’ve been a partner with Hinata, and not someone that she had lost herself in taking care of. 

He let himself job the opposite direction for a couple block. Back to their apartment. It had been a long time since it was theirs though. A little while even since it had just been his. The area seemed a little worse than he remembered, but better than any apartment that he had grown up in. He was probably just getting a little spoiled staying at Hinata’s, which was located in a much better area. Not Hinata’s though. Their place.

Well, he needed to make it their place.

He stood outside, taking a deep breath next to the payphone that he had called Hinata on a could hundred times. She hadn’t answered. Not until he had got his cellphone back. 

He could almost see himself. Skinnier. Coming down, halfway from manic. Lost. Heartbroken. Left and abandoned. If that poor fucker could see him now, he might not even recognize himself. Beside the obvious blonde hair, blue eye, face tattoo give away. That old, messed up Naruto had thought that it was the end of his world. It kind of had been. But his world grew and changed and he came out better for it. 

He took another deep breath.

“Naruto?”

Naruto turned quickly blinking down the sidewalk. 

Iruka Umino stood closer to the entrance, his hair pulled back, in a green sweater vest. Carrying more than an armful for groceries. 

“Hey Mr. Umino!” Naruto smiled on recognition. 

“What are you doing over here? Are you okay?” Iruka turned, concerned.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m really good. Believe it.” Naruto smiled, walking over to him. “Here lemme help you bring those up.”

Naruto grabbed all but one of his bags and following Iruka into the lobby. Hinata used to bribe him with coffee cake from the there when he didn’t want to do things. He smiled at the almost forgotten memories. 

“I heard you were staying with Hinata.” Iruka made some small talk as they walked up the floors. 

Naruto nodded. “Yeah, I had to because of my ankle monitor, but we got back together for reals, so it just made more sense to pay for one place.”

“That’s great to hear. I knew it would all work out.” Iruka smiled.

‘That makes one of us.’ “Yeah.” He laughed. “You always know what’s going on.”

Iruka laughed back at that. “I don’t know about that. But how have you been? I’m assuming your trial went well.”

“Oh yeah, that. Yeah, it went great. I didn’t know till the end though. Hinata really hit it out of the park, she got all those guys locked up. It was pretty wild.”

“Wow, that’s pretty impressive.” Iruka whistled. 

Naruto nodded, smiling kind of stupidly to himself. “Yeah, she really is.” He waited for Iruka to fumble with his keys, letting them into the room. “Oh, and I’ve been working at the gym, since-” He stopped on the unexpected tightening at the back of his throat. 

“I heard. I’m so sorry for your loss, Naruto.” Iruka’s voice was earnest and sincere. 

Naruto nodded again, not knowing what else to say about it. Instead he pilled the groceries on the counter. He cleared his throat quickly. “And I’ve got a fight coming up. If you want to come.”

He smiled again, nodding. “I’d love to.”

“Sweet! Sounds good. I’ll send you the details then.”

“Okay. Do you want to stay for dinner?” Iruka asked, gesturing to the groceries. 

Eating dinner with Iruka had been some real high points, during his low period. Iruka had checked on him, and helped him to get to work on time. Let him charge his cellphone in his apartment. Gave him a lot of support to keep going.

“I would,” Naruto promised. “But Hinata’s already miffed that I’m out this late. So, I gotta head back.”

“Oh, okay. Are you running? Do you need some bus fair?”

“No, no, no. I’m trying to keep my fight weight down. Hinata doesn’t want me cutting the day of, so I gotta be more responsible and shit.” Naruto laughed. “But lemme have a raincheck for dinner though. We need to catch up. And I might need you to teach me some more dinners. I gotta impress Hinata, ya’know.”

Iruka laughed. “Alright, sounds good. I’ll talk to you soon then.”

“Yep. Have a good night Mr. Umino!” Naruto waved, making sure that Iruka shut the door and locked it behind him.

He decided to buy one of the coffee cakes in the lobby area. Just to surprise Hinata with. He didn’t know if it would remind her of sad stuff or good stuff, but he hoped it was good. Hoped that there was enough old good memories to weigh out the bad ones. 

He did feel ridiculously stupid trying to run while holding a palm sized coffee cake wrapped in celophane. “Fucking idiot.” He frowned down at his hand halfway through the run. He had half a mind to just eat it and never tell Hinata about the dumbass kind of idea that ran through his brain. 

A flower shop about a block away caught his eye though. Maybe getting her a boquet of flowers would hide his idiotic coffee cake idea. ‘Always get your girl flowers.’ Iruka had counseled him, weeks before. 

White ones. That’s what he got last time. Because they reminded him of the flowers that Hinata had pressed into his school books during college. Back when she loved him and he didn’t even know it. He had thought she was funny. And nice. She was funny and nice but that wasn’t even the tip of the iceberg with how amazing Hinata was.

“How much for the white ones?” Naruto asked. 

“Twenty dollars.” The guy replied back.

“Twenty?” Naruto scoffed.

The guy blinked back, unaffected. “You want some or not?”

“Fucking twenty,” Naruto fished out his wallet with one hand.

The guy blinked, almost bewildered. “Are you running with a cake?” 

Naruto glared back, flicked the twenty at him. “Mind your business.” He huffed, grabbing the bouquet, deciding that running with a coffee cake and a bouquet of flowers would just be too much. Which was fine because he was less than a block away. He’d probably ran enough for the day. 

Hinata was sitting with Argus on the couch with a pile of yarn and some knitting needles when he walked in. “I was starting to get worried. What took you so long?” She went to rearrange her project in her hands, but Argus jumped down immediately to greet him. 

“Hey buddy,” Naruto scratched the back of his ears with his free hand, but instead of panting, Argus let out a small, uncomfortable whine. “What’s wrong? Does he need to go out?”

“He just went.” Hinata corrected, standing up from the love seat, adjusting her sweatshirt. “I think he’s nervous about the V-E-T tomorrow.”

Argus whine again, pressing his head into Naruto’s hands.

“I can’t save you from her buddy. She makes me go to the doctor too.” 

Hinata let out a little laugh, rolling her pretty eyes. It was a lot funnier joke when it was satire and she actually wasn’t forcing him to go to the doctor. Anymore. It was on him now. 

“Yes, I’m the mean old lady that forces everyone to the doctor-” She paused in front of Naruto, finally seeing the stuff in his hand. “Is that a coffee cake?”

“Yeah,” Naruto laughed a little awkwardly. “Um, I ran down, to the old apartment. And then I saw Mr. Umino, and we talked for a minute.”

“Oh really?” Hinata smiled. “That’s nice. Did you catch up.”

“Just for a little. You were right about the gym. It was fine. I should've just come home with you.”

She stepped closer to him, wrapping an arm around his non-present holding side, and leaned her head against his shoulder, lightly. “That’s okay.”

“So I you some flowers. And a coffee cake. Cause you always got that for me.”

Hinata blinked up at him, her nose wrinkling a little, the apples of her cheeks warming with a flush. “You ran with it all the way over here?” 

Naruto let out a little breath, looking over and the kitchen, pursing his lips. “Yeah, I know. I’m dumb.” 

“Stop. It’s really sweet.” She leaned up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. “But if you were going to run across town for a dessert, you should’ve got their cinnamon rolls.”

Naruto stopped, blinking. “...the cinnamon rolls are your favorite.” The blindingly obvious realization felt like it stabbed him in the chest. “You got me the coffee cake because I liked it, but the cinnomon rolls are you’re favoite because they’ve always been you’re favorite and I’m so fucking dumb.”

Hinata blinked up at him in the student change of tone.

He stepped away from her, over to the table and slumped down into the chair.

“What are you talking about?” Hinata followed him over to the table. 

“I got that because I thought you liked it, because, you always got it, but you got it because I liked it, and I should’ve known that but I didn’t ‘cause I’m an ass.” Naruto dropped the flowers on the table, frowning. 

“I also like coffee cake. I was just saying - it was really just a joke. I know I’m not as funny as you are, but-”

“You are funny. You’re funny and great and I don’t even know your favorite flower. I got my favorite flower. I don’t even know your favorite flower.”

Argus sat down across from him on the kitchen floor, tilting his head to the side. 

“Naruto, what’s going on?” Hinata grabbed his arm, turning him to face her. 

What was wrong with him? “I, I went to the old apartment. And, I was just thinking, about stuff.”

“What? What kind of stuff?”

“Just, like… it wasn’t all bad right? Like, the whole thing wasn’t terrible, right?”

“What are you talking about?” She blinked, grabbing his face, and angling eyes at hers. “Have you been drinking?” She asked quietly, glancing at each one of his eyeballs. 

“No! I just,” he knew he wasn’t making sense. But- “I just wanna be a better boyfriend and I feel like I’m not doing a good job.”

She smiled down softly at him, rubbing her thumb on his cheek bone. “You ran a coffee cake across town for me. And bought me flowers.”

“Not your favorite kind.” Naruto insisted, feeling like a whiny brat. 

“Any flowers you get me are my favorite kind.” She kissed his lips softly. “And you probably just forgot the cinnamon rolls because you’re not eating enough calories and it’s making your brain spacy. Here, share half of it with me. And you’re not my boyfriend, you’re my fiance. Don’t forget it.”

Naruto smiled, wrapping his arms around Hinata. “I know. I won’t.” He reached up, kissing her back.

“Okay, let’s eat this coffee cake.” Hinata tried to pull away, but Naruto tightened his arms down. 

“Hey, you know what else I could eat?” Naruto smirked. 

“After.” Hinata tapped his nose.

“Wait, there’s something I actually really did want to talk to you about.” He pressed.

Hinata went from relaxed back to eyes alert, staring back down, analyzing his face. “What? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Relax. I just wanted to talk about bills and stuff.”

“What do you mean bills? Do you need money?”

“Oh, my god. Ma’am, can you relax please? Okay? No, I do not need your millions, Mami - ow!” He didn’t loosen his grip from the pinch. “Okay sorry, but seriously, I wanna pay half the bills.”

Hinata blinked back at him, almost blankly. “What? You don’t have to-”

“Hina, that's what normal people do. Normal people that are going to marry each other share bills. And I can pay bills now. For real. You saw my shitty spreadsheet.”

He might not make as much as she did, but it was more than he had ever made before. And more than enough for him to start helping out. 

Hinata pinched his cheek softly. “It was a good spreadsheet.”

“I wanna pay half the rent. I wanna save up for a bigger place for Argus. I wanna do the real things with you, baby.”

Hinata wrapped her arm back and around his neck, staying quiet as he spoke. Finally she nodded her. “Okay.”

“I love you.”

Hinata leaned down to kiss him again, softly, feeling feeling her lips against his. 

“Now, about that snack.” His voice felt husky, even to himself. 

He watched Hinata’s cheek bloom cherry red. He was half expecting another pinch. For them to just chill out and share the coffee cake, give Argus a little piece, maybe put the flowers in water. What he wasn’t really expecting was for Hinata to reach down and kiss him again. Her lips pressing into his, her fingers digging into his too long hair. 

Her mouth opened, her tongue pressing against his, scorching hot. Breathing through his nose, he was consumed with the sent on Hinata. Just her, all of her, that’s all he could think about, his fingers digging into the back of her hair, the other pulling her closer around the waist.

It wasn’t until he could hear her breath in, he paused. He pulled back quickly, feeling his cheeks heat up. “I need to take a shower.”

Hinata, who was already staring at him in surprise for pulling away, blinked, her lips, freshly kissed, poured again. 

It almost made him want to just say ‘fuck it’ and get nasty. But he had ran to the gym that morning, working out in multiple ways, including lifting, ran to Eight Gates, sparred with Lee, back back to the gym and back home.That was just too much. Especially for someone as clean as Hinata. “I’ll be quick! I promise.”

She untangled herself from him, still pouting, sliding into the seat across from him. She grabbed the almost smushed coffee cake and started fiddling with the plastic wrap. 

“Save me some,” Naruto joked, knowing full well that Hinata would never eat all of it without him. Especially since he didn’t even get her favorite one. 

“Better hurry up.” She blinked, a little teasing smile playing off the quirk of her cherry lips, her skin taking on a peaches and cream complexion.

She looked so gorgeous that Naruto walked backwards right into the side of the hallway wall. If he had any shame, he’d be embarrassed, but he was too busy ripping off his shirt, readying for the fastest shower of his life.


	84. All that I can see

For once, it was Naruto's turn to sit at home and wait up for Hinata. Argus' appointment was after her work, though Naruto had offered to take him in during the day, she had declined. Probably didn't want him fighting with Kiba or something. Which was fine. It gave Naruto some time on work, since there was still no teacher for the gym. It was definitely work better left to solitude A lot of googling and cold calling other gyms and whoever had a website. It was easy to get off task when his beautiful fiancée was around.

And as immediate proof, he ditched his laptop at the table the second he heard her keys in the door handle giggling. He was there to greet her with a quick kiss on the lips. She blinked surprised, though her own lips puckered against his.

"Missed you guys." He smiled, watching her cheeks turn the familiar pink, before changing his target to the other person he missed. Even though the apartment was still crowded, it felt terribly empty without Argus' nails clacking around. He moved to give the dog a welcome pet but stopped short. "He's okay, right? I can pet him? Or is he, like, sore?"

Naruto had his fair share of shots, some so bad they numbed his entire thigh and it ached for days afterward.

"He's fine." She promised, taking his leash off. "He took it like a champ."

"Course he did. He's a good boy. The best boy." Naruto praises, mostly to Argus as he ruffles up the fur around his neck and pets it back down a couple times. Argus breathes excitedly, his head bobs, his paw comes up, almost like he's going to pet Naruto back. He loves it when Argus does that, but he knows Hinata doesn't like it when he riles him up too much inside the apartment. He glances at her quickly, just to make sure she's not too disapproving.

She gives him a smile back but it's all wrong. It's tight. Fake. Sad.

Shit. Had he done something? Had he forgot something again or said something wrong? "Are you okay?" He abandons Argus with one last pat, and instead changed his focus to Hinata. What could've made her upset. Was it Argus appointment? She would've told him if it was bad. "Kiba being a dick-face again?"

Instead of a disapproving look, which he excepted when he insulted her friends, she flinched away, like he had called her the name.

"No. He, um, he wasn't even there." She clears her throat, it's tight, he can hear it in her voice. "We haven't spoke since… not since.." She glances over at the kitchen, blinking quickly like she's about to cry.

They haven't talked since Kiba was here? Since they moved his stuff in?

"I'm going to take a shower." She announces quickly. "I probably smell like dog."

A common Hinata tactic. The bathroom. Endless time of privacy. To hole up and suffer alone in silence. She's already making her way over to the hallway.

"Hina-" She doesn't have to do that though. She can talk to him. He'll understand. He's there for her as much as she is for him.

"When I'm done, maybe we can watch a movie." She cuts him off, expertly. It's an old dance. One she has mastered and the door shuts him out before he can say anything else on the matter.

He's left alone in the hallway with Argus, pressed against his legs.

His eyes blink as he hears the shower start. He doesn't know what to do. What would Hinata do? Unlock the door and come in anyways? No, he won't do that. She deserves privacy if that's really what she wants.

He leads Argus over to the loveseat to mull over what he's supposed to do. As her fiancé. As her partner. What differentiates her business to his. Like what he thought last time. Should he have said something to Kiba when he had called Hinata stupid? Should he say something now?

He didn't want to interfere in their argument. But if it's gone on this long, and she's still this upset, then maybe this is the line. Maybe this the part where he calls the asshole and tells him not to treat his fiancée like this.

It's just a phone call. Hinata has done far more in protecting him than one measly phone call.

Plus, it's not like the guys going to answer. He knows he's going to get bitched out. The pussy will definitely let it go to voicemail.

Except,

"What the fuck do you want?"

That's not a voicemail. Maybe Kiba had more balls than he thought. He's momentarily thrown for a second and doesn't know what to say.

"Hey," Naruto wants to face palm himself into the next century. 'Hey?' God this was going terrible already.

Kiba sounds confused enough for the both of them. "Hey?"

Naruto blinks for a second, trying to re-right himself. Get back in the groove.

"Look, I know you're probably pissed at Hinata for getting back together with me, but you're being an asshole. So just get the fuck over it." Yeah, that was basically the gist of the message.

"Really, Naruto? You really think I fucking care that you and Hinata are together? Right now?" Kiba sounds so mad and angry that Naruto is caught off guard again.

Naruto had miscalculated a lot of things in life. He's probably miscalculated more times than he's calculated correctly. This is probably one of them, he thinks to himself, for the third time in the short, short conversation of not being smacked speechless.

"Do you really think, that all the fights. All the times you've gotten arrested. All the times you broke shit or went AWOL. The months and months of you not having a fucking job or being a piece of shit, that I'd finally draw the line now? Of all times?"

"Well, it certainly fucking looks like it." Naruto flubs, feeling all the more stupid for it.

"The fact that you think this is about you is even," He can hear Kiba pull the phone away from his face, scoffing. "God, you are fucking something else."

"Well, if it's not about me, then what-"

"EXACTLY! Dipshit. You don't know what it's about. You don't know because Hinata hasn't told you. And you know what. She should. Not me. So why don't you go talk to her and-"

"Cut the shit, fuck-face. Hinata and I are getting married, okay. Get over it. Be her friend and stop being a fucking dick."

There a pause on the phone. Naruto can't even be mad that he's the one that doesn't know what to say.

Because that's not the kind of silence. It's dark. Brewing. The cold breath of someone holding something back.

He hears Kiba take a deep breath, and begin.

"Honstley Naruto, honest to god, I really don't give a fuck about you." His voice is so even. So calculated. He's not caught up in the argument. Not yelling out of passion. "I never have. I don't give a fuck about your sad little childhood, or the fact that you have no mommy or daddy. I don't give an ever loving fuck that you have something wrong with you or you're sick in the head or any other of the hundreds of excuses that Hinata has for you. I really fucking don't. What I care about, what I've always cared about, is Hinata. She's my best friend. I care that she cares about you more than herself. I care that you're some sick disease that's slowly killing her. I care about her, not you. And if you think, somehow, someway, in your twisted fucked up brain, that you think you love Hinata enough to marry her, then,"

Kiba stops, and Naruto is too shell shocked to interrupt. He doesn't have to though because Kiba finishes it not a few moments later.

"Then you should really know what happened between us."

Naruto freezes though. Because that sounds suspicious. Suspicious of things he knows Hinata isn't capable of. Knows she wouldn't do to him.

"Fuck off."

"Really. I fucking dare you. Just ask her." Kiba spit back. "Ask her what happened between her, and me, in her bedroom. If you really fucking trust her, then just. Ask."

"You know what?"

"God, what?" Kiba albeit screams back.

"You being Hinata's friend is the only fucking reason I haven't kicked your crooked fucking teeth out of your goddamn face. So just keep that in your fucking tiny mind for the next time I see you, asshole."

"You're a fucking psycho-"

Naruto hangs up before Kiba can finish.

He's left there alone with those kind parting words.

Hinata wouldn't sleep with Kiba. She wouldn't. And if she did, there's no way that she'd keep it from him. No way she'd still hang out with him after. Parade him around, have him help move his stuff in. What had he said to her that day though? "Like that night didn't happen."

"Fuck," Naruto leans over like he's going to throw up. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." He grips the side of his head with his hand and his clutched cellphone. He's got to calm down though. He knows what can happen to him if he doesn't.

He can digest this rationally. He knows he can. "Okay," Naruto whispers over to Argus, who whimpers uncomfortably in response. "Okay. Worst case scenario, Hinata actually fucked dog-boy." He frowns even saying it. "Okay, can we live through this?"

Yes. He knows the answer. He doesn't have to say it. He's not sure what Hinata would have to do for him to not want to be with her anymore. Maybe if he actually wanted to be with someone else. But she's here, with him.

But she'd have to promise to cut Kiba off. It's only fucking fair. Hinata left him because another girl kissed him. Yes, yes, he knows there was more leading up to that, but that was the last straw. And he hadn't even kissed the chick back!

He wasn't even hardly allowed to mention Sakura, let alone hang out with her and he had never slept with her.

He's mad though. He knows he can forgive her but he's so mad he's not sure he can stay around her right now. He'll have to sleep in his gym office for a couple of day, until he can get a handle on himself. He doesn't want to say or do something that would really hurt her. He doesn't. He hasn't really figured out how to calm himself down when he gets like this, so distance is the safest option.

But he doesn't have distance right now. Because the shower is off and the steam is rolling out of the room and Hinata, boiled lobster pink, wrapped up cozy in a robe, is so beyond beautiful that it hurts his chest.

She's probably looking for a movie and some cuddles, but she left that reality when she entered the bathroom. Now that she's finally emerges, it's like she's coming out of a portal to a different place. It's not light, happy to see you again. He knows now that they're going to fight. About something big. The static in the air before the storm.

"Sorry I took so long," She glanced down the phone in his hand. "Did you order something for dinner?"

Dinner? He can't even think about stomaching food.

"Nope." His jaw feels hot with tension. He doesn't even know how to broach this subject. Doesn't know what to say, how to tailor himself. He's too mad, too unhinged. He knows that he can't blow up on her for real, but he is angry and he does need some answers. "Decided to call dick-face and give him a piece of my mind."

He can hear her breath catch in her throat. "Naruto–"

"You know, I didn't actually think he'd answer. Kind of expected to bitch at his voicemail."

Hinata shifts, in the hallway, fidgeting with her fingers. "But he answered?"

He just nods, staring at her. "He answered."

"Naruto." She pleads. For what though? What does she want him to do? Stop talking?

He can't. He needs to know.

"So, I ask him, what the fuck his problem is, y'know. Because he's supposed to be your best friend and I can't imagine what you–smart, sweet, kind–Hinata could have done to piss him off so righteously–except be with me. So I think it's because of me. I think I'm the reason you two aren't friends anymore."

"That's not true." She promises, shaking her head.

"Isn't it?"

"No," Her voice is barely above a feeble whisper. "What, uhm, what did he say?"

What did he say? Oh, the things he said. "He said a lot of shit. Mostly about how I'm a fucking idiot–which isn't anything new–but you know what else he said?"

She shakes her head.

"He says, if I'm really going to marry you, then I'd better know what the hell happened between you two in that bedroom–" The bedroom that him and Hinata are supposed to share. The bedroom that's supposed to be just for them. Their bedroom. "So, Hina? What the fuck happened?" He ignores the fact that his voice breaks, pathetically. Because he is sad. He's very, very sad. But he's also unbelievably angry. So angry he can't even sit anymore and he had to stand to face her. "Did you and Kiba…" He can't even finish it. He tries to swallow it away. "Fuck, did you?"

"What?"

That reply makes him even more angry, because she knows exactly what he's talking about. Exactly what he's asking. She just doesn't want to say it.

"I mean it makes sense, right? He's been around you for, like, forever. I always thought he had a thing for you. He's always been a jealous fucker– And then after we got back together he became even more of a fucker." It makes so much sense that he's starting to feel sick.

"Naruto!" she cuts him off stepping towards him. "No. No, never!" She grabs at his hand, the only part that she can bring closer to him and kisses the top of it, squeezes it in her own, smaller hands. "I already told you, there's never been anyone but you. I love you. I've always loved you. Just you."

He's not going to lie, that's what he wanted to hear. And he believes her. Maybe that foolish. Maybe it's just convenient, for his own heart, to believe whatever she says. But he can't. Because the fucking asshole dick-face is right. Something did happen. And if he truly loves Hinata (which he does) then he needs to know about it. "Then I am fucking confused, Hina. Because he's really pissed and you're really edgy, and something fucking happened." The swears are leaking through before he can filter them. He's not trying to be unreasonable or abusive or anything like that. In fact, he's giving it all he has not to scream or break things or storm out and make her worry. The fact that this is the best he can do is something he needs to pack away and until he can bring it back up to Ibiki in his next session.

He watches her. He can't take his eyes off her. He doesn't know what he's looking for but he's afraid if he even blinks he's going to miss it. She takes and breath and nods. "Yes, baby. Something happened…but not…not that." She glances at the seat he was previously sitting in. "Can we, uhm… Can we sit down?"

He licks him lips, trying to digest the truth. The real truth. That there really is something, "That bad, huh?" He tries to smile but he realizes that he can't. He can't do anything but just stand there and watch her, waiting for what she's going to say.

They sit down, she wraps both of her hands in his. She stares down at them, rubbing her fingers on his palm, waiting. Finally, when she's mustered the courage she takes a breath. "Do you remember how I told you that I had a hard time after we broke up?" she asks, whisper soft.

He'll never tell her that, but it's always a little annoying to hear. She got to pick that they weren't together. He knows why she had to leave, he does. But she still picked it. Everything was on her terms. When she would answer his phone calls or see him, it was all up to her. And then he had to hear about the bad time she was having? "Wasn't a picnic for me either."

Her eyes meet his. "I'm sorry." It's almost like she's read his mind and he feels guilty. Guilty for being mad at her. He doesn't think about how much it must've hurt her to leave. He just dwells on how much it hurt to be left.

"S'okay." He squeezes her hand. It's over. It's all over.

Except for this.

"The truth is that I wasn't in a good place. I was really struggling," she admits quietly, like some terrible sin and they're in a confessional booth. But she stops, like she can't continue.

"Okay, so you were in a bad place?" He supplies for her.

"And, uhm, we were fighting." Her hands are squeezing his hard now, so he gives her a little pulse squeeze back. He's here now. He's not running away. "I…One night…I…" She bites her lips together.

"What happened?" He's not demanding anymore. He just wants to know. What's to help alleviate this pain that it still currently affecting her.

"I can't really explain it. I just…couldn't anymore. I just wanted to stop hurting. To stop crying. To stop feeling that awful, empty, ache. I just wanted to…" He watches her shrug helplessly. Like she can't name the word.

But he can.

"Stop," He knows that feeling. Knows it more intimately than she might think. "You wanted it all to stop."

"Yeah." She whispers, almost silently.

This is honestly worse than her fucking Kiba. Really it is.

Naruto knows what it feels like, to have so many feelings that they're crushing your chest so hard that you can't breathe. He knows what it feels like to buckle under that pressure. To find the way to end it.

"What…?" He knows. He doesn't have to ask. But he does anyways. "Hina…What did you do?"

She ducks into his side, like Argus does when he's upset. "I took some pills. Sleeping pills."

"How many?" He already knows though.

"Too many."

"You tried to–" Tried to make it stop.

She just nods. "I gave up. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please don't be mad at me."

He can't be mad. All of the anger feels vacuum sealed right out of him. Because he knows what she's felt more time than just the time he ended up in the bathtub. He's felt it every time he's had to cut himself, to clear the fog. Every time he needed a drink, because the day was too much. Every time he popped a pill, to numb the feelings. He knows this pain intimately, like an old friend. He's honestly just lucky he only really tried kill himself once. He knows the tippy scale that feeling is. He's not mad. He doesn't think she's weak. He understands. He understands her so well.

But-

He wraps his arms around her, pulling her onto his lap, holding her as close as he can.

"Fuck. Not you. Never you. You can't leave me, okay, Hina. Baby, no." He presses his ear closer to her chest, the sliver white of her skin peaking through the bathrobe she was still wearing. "Don't leave me."

"Shh. Never, okay? Never. I promise. I'm sorry. I'm better now. We're better. Shhh. I love you." Her fingers run down his back and his hair, calming him down.

It's fucked up that Hinata has just admit an attempted suicide, and Naruto has managed to make that about himself, and how he can't live without her. It's selfish. Selfish and true. What would he have done if he had found out about it. Or if she actually died. What would happen to him? How far off the rails would he go? Would he follow her into the great unknown?

They cuddle like that for a long time. Longer than Naruto actually excepted. It's a lot to take in. A lot to digest. He hadn't noticed that he was just listening to her heart beat. Holding her to him. Reminding him that she was still there. But after awhile, after he remembers that they're still there in reality, the sun is setting, the room is darkening and they're still there in the quiet, holding each other.

"And Kiba knew?" He asks, if only clarity for the story.

He can feel her nod above him. "He found me. It was…it was a bad night. Choji called Ino, Ino called Kiba. He tried to call me. I didn't answer. He came over. He kicked the door in. Woke me up. Forced me to stay awake. Stayed the whole day, until Ino got off work…He was…he is…a good friend."

"A good friend wouldn't be pissed at you–"

"That's not fair. He…he just wants me to be happy and he thinks–"

"He thinks I ruin it." Which was also something that Naruto thought sometimes too.

"He thinks that I need to be protected. You have to understand…he was there. When I was little."

And Naruto wasn't. "You barely talk about your childhood. Probably less than I talk about mine."

"It's not a time I like to dwell on, no. But Ino and Kiba…they were there. They saw…they saw me. When no one else did."

It feels like something pointed. Something barded. Something blamed squarely at him, laid at his feet. Because he hadn't.

"Naruto–"

"Nah, it's okay. I was a fucking dumbass." Because it was true. No matter how much she tries to sugar coat it for him, it was still the truth. He kisses her on the collar bone. "I'm not anymore, well I am about other stuff but not about this. I see you, Hina." He pulls back to look at her face. "Sometimes, you're all I can see."

It's the truth. He honest to god can't imagine his life anymore without her. It's not a life if it's not with Hinata. That also might be something he should bring up to Ibiki but honestly fuck it. It's the truth. Hinata saved his life. Saved him, more than once. More times than she knows. He doesn't want to even entertain any thoughts without her. Ever.


	85. Take a moment

“I want to be a more reliable person.” Naruto blurted out. 

He had his hands laced together in his lap, this thumbs fiddling in an action that reminded him a lot more of Hinata than himself. 

He was back in Ibiki’s barren, police-esq interrogation office. Nothing to look at, nothing to distract from the proceeding tourture. 

Ibiki’s face didn’t change. Like Naruto was a little child, just saying random “adult” things.

“Have any tips for that?” Naruto prompted.

“Be more reliable.”

Naruto leaned his head back, not even hiding the eyeroll. “I can’t believe I pay you for this shit.” 

Ibiki was unphased as ever. “Being a reliable person isn’t complicated. Take responsibility for things and then actually deliver on them. There’s no secret formula to that.”

Naruto let out a long, huffy breath. “I’ve been trying to do that.” He had. That was the kind of thing he had been working on since Hinata and him broke up. He got a job. He got sober. He paid the bills at the apartment. He took her one some dates. He took control of his doctors appointments and stuff. He got a pretty cool hobby. Even though he messed up and got in trouble fighting Pain, he had done his best at staying on the ankle monitor, it had made him kind of depressed and he had freaked out on Hinata once and that was shitty of him but he had tried to make it better. Now he had a new job at the gym, he was now paying half the bills. For the first time in his life he had even put money into a savings account. Which was kind of embarrassing considering how old he was but whatever. 

He had a wedding and a bigger place for his dog son that he needed to save for.

Wait, was Argus actually his dog son or his dog step-son? Labels wouldn’t change his love for him either way.

“If you’re worried about getting your money's worth, why don’t you talk to me about something real.” Ibiki cut through his idiot inner monologue. 

Naruto blinked. “What do you mean?”

“You’re skating on the surface. Get to the real meat. The nitty gritty. What was your last fight about?”

Get to the nitty gritty? Every second he spent with Ibiki felt nitty gritty.

“With Hinata?”

Ibiki gave him a bored glare. 

Right, who else?

“Um, well we just kinda had one. But not like a real one. We don’t fight a lot anymore, since I’m not as much of a piece of shit.”

Ibiki didn’t even blink at the self deprecation. In fact, he ignored it. 

“What was the fight about?”

“Um, she was fighting with her friend, that isn’t a big fan of me. On account of, well, he knows me and he’s her friend, so-” It was obvious enough. 

“What were they fighting about?” 

“Uh, I didn’t know at first. I didn’t even know they were fighting until she came home all sad and stuff. She didn’t want to talk about it. So I ended up calling Kiba. That’s her friend's name. And-”

“You called him behind her back?” Ibiki’s voice was even but just questioning enough to alluded to it being the wrong things for him to say. Or have done. 

“I didn’t know what else to do.” He defended. “The last time they hung out, he found out that we were engaged, he like flipped out and called her stupid and shit. So I thought he was mad that we were together. I was just gonna call him and tell him to knock off his BS, and be a good friend, and not make Hinata sad.” 

“He called her stupid? She told you that?”

“No. I was there.”

“What did you do?” 

Naruto looked to the side, fiddling his thumbs again. 

“You didn’t do anything? Really?” 

“Well, what was I supposed to do? I don’t want to be the crazy asshole that freaks out and tries to fight her friends or something. Like, I’ve been that guy and it’s shitty.” 

“But you’re the guy that called her friend behind her back?” Ibiki countered.

“So, going behind her back is a no-no. Letting people call her stupid is also a no-no. Got it.”

Ibiki blinked slowly, annoyed. “It’s common sense.” 

“Okay, well I don’t really,” Naruto pressed between the bridge of his nose to alleviate some pressure, letting his hands rub passed his cheek bones to the back of his hands, rubbing through the too long hair. He cleared his throat, placing his hands back on his thighs, taking a breath. 

Ibiki stopped, not that he was really doing anything in the first place. Besides staring him down and trying to analyze everything he said and twist it up, drawing cards out of his hand he was sure he wasn’t showing. 

“How have you been handling your anger management problems?”

“I don’t-” Naruto stopped at the tilt of Ibiki’s head.

“It’s common, in men like you. You’re not taught the proper coping mechanisms and lash out. What have you done?” 

Naruto chewed at the inside of his mouth, shaking his head minutely. What had he done? Lots of things.

“You’ve done something. They always do something. Something that went a little too far. Too out of your control.”

“I’ve never hit Hinata.” Naruto sapped. He would never. Ever. He might’ve got upset, or even punched a hole in the wall, or toss all the things off a desk. But he’d never lay a hand on her. 

Naruto had been hit. He’d been hit a lot of times. By other kids. He’d have a couple girls smack him here or there. He’d been hit in a ring quite a bit so far as well. But nothing was quite like having an adult hit him. When he was small. Little. He wasn’t trying to be like ‘whoa is me, I was abused, wa, wa, blah, blah, blah’. But there was something scary about someone hurting you when there was absolutely jackshit that you could do about it. When you can’t run away, when you can’t fight back, and the terms of the pain aren’t up to you.

He would never do that to her. 

“There’s other people in the world that you can hurt. She’s not the only person out there.”

She was just the only one that really mattered.

Naruto swallowed, trying to think of the ‘too far’ the ‘out of his control’. Because, yeah, sure, he’d tried to fight a lot of people before. Mostly drunk him. But sometimes other people, like Kiba. That’s what he had been trying to avoid when he called her stupid.

Maybe he had been right when he miscalculated. Not that he should’ve fucked him up like Hinata or Kiba thought he was going to do. He could’ve at least told Kiba not to say that to her. 

“Um, well, there was, when I got arrested.”

Ibiki nodded, like an all knowing god, like Hades, trying to condem his soul. 

Naruto swallowed, rubbing his clammy palms together. “I didn’t mean to, ya’know. The chick that rolls with them, she was like screaming for help, and I just- it was really stupid, but I just couldn’t walk passed her, ya’know? I couldn’t just leave her there.”

Ibiki didn’t say anything, didn’t interrupt. So Naruto continued. 

“So yeah, I ran over there, I got jumped. Which is okay, actually. It’s happened to me before. I mean it had been awhile, but still. I probably would’ve been fine and stuff, but Hinata was with me.”

His throat felt tight again. He hated remembering that. That she had gotten hurt. That it was Naruto’s fault. 

 

“Hinata being with you made it different?”

“Yeah,” Naruto scoffed. “I put her in harms way. That stupid bitch, the one that I was trying to ‘help’ fucked up her wrist for awhile. And the guy,” Naruto stopped, remembering what Yahiko said about Hinata. 

All of Naruto’s false bravado had zeroed down into the most intense fear that he had ever felt until something in him snapped, and he wasn’t himself anymore. 

“Did he hurt her?” Ibiki asked, like he was waiting for more narration of a story and not one of the scariest moments of his life. 

“I didn’t give him a chance. I fucked up all of them.”

“Even the girl.”

“Uh no. Just the guys. Even the redhead prick that looked like a toothpick. That only took like one kick though, lightweight. But nah, Hinata did the girl herself. She knows Baguazhang. Don’t tell her this, okay, but to be honest, I kinda thought that shit was fake. I looks cool as fuck when she does it, but. Like, you see all these videos online of MMA versus Kung Fu, and those poor guys get their fucking asses kicked one handed, ya’know? But nope, Hinata’s got mad hands, that chick was out on the ground. It’s nice I don’t gotta worry about her out on her own, ya’know. She’s so cool.” Naruto paused, realizing that he had turned his conversation into beating multiple people unconscious into how amazing his fiancee was. He cleaned back in his chair, clearing his throat, trying to get back to task. “Um, but yeah that was the last, big one. Besides yelling at Kiba on the phone, but he made it sound like he slept with Hinata so honestly he’s just luck that I’m not Naruto from like a year ago or I would’ve showed up to his house with some shady fucks.”

“He made it sound like he slept with her?” Ibiki’s stone mask broke a little with the quirk of his eyebrow.

Naruto shook his head slowly feeling the headache come on. “I don’t wanna get into that.”

Surprisingly, he let it go. “So there’s a difference, you and a year ago.”

Naruto shrugged, messing with his lips in his mouth uncomfortably. “I’d like to think so, yeah.”

Ibiki nodded once, narrowing his eyes. “What’s the difference?”

“Between me now and then?” Naruto shrugged. “I don’t know, I try to just take a minute, before I freak out about stuff. It’s hard sometimes, but I just try and calm down the knee jerk reaction. Sometimes it goes better than others, but - yeah.”

“So you take a moment?” Ibiki clarifies.

“Try to.” Naruto nods. 

“That’s actually pretty impressive that you worked that out yourself.” Ibiki delivers the compliment with the same voice he says everything.

He doesn’t know how to take a compliment from him. Going to Ibiki had been more of something he forced himself to do for Hinata. Half the time he thought Ibiki hated him. 

 

But it’s the first session that Naruto leaves from that he doesn’t have to go beat his hanging bag to death after. He goes straight home.

Hinata is still in her work clothes. She gives him a big hug and kiss and he gives Argus a couple of good scratches too before walking over to the loveseat, grabbing the magazines on it and collapsing down on it. He takes up the whole thing, manspreading, but it’s with the strategy of making Hinata cuddle him if she wants to sit down too. 

Fluffy white dresses. Towering cakes. Flowers. Wedding magazines. She must’ve hung out with Ino, maybe for lunch or something. He keeps them on his lap, because he wants to look through them too. He’s getting excited to actually start planning things, concrete plans, making more real. 

He flips it open, but Argus places his one front paw on the magazine, trying to get his attention. Naruto slides his hand between his paw pads and the paper so he wouldn't rip it, and gives his dog son a little handshake. 

“Oh,” Hinata squeals quietly. “I’m getting him a treat.”

“I want to give him the treat.” Naruto pouts.

“You always give him treats.” Hinata countered. “He’s going to start loving you more.”

Naruto watched her walked around the kitchen, holding the bag of treats, Argus long abandoned him after he heard the word ‘treat’, was following her around, breathing loudly, staring at her in awe. Like she was the most important person in his life. She was. Naruto knew the feeling, could practically embody him. Hinata was great. Hinata was the most important person in his life too. She made sure that they were okay. That they had a house, that they had food. That they were warm, and safe. 

And what did she ask for in return?

Not a whole lot. Love? No. When she told him she loved him, there was no pause. No expectation that he was supposed to say it in return. Her confession was just her own love, just pouring out her heart and giving it to him (in her shaking hands and cracking voice and the tears streaming down her face). 

She didn’t even wait for him to say it back. Because that’s not what she wanted. She just wanted him to be okay. Her eyes, wide and watery, watching him laugh off the doctor after she said the ‘S’ word. She’s the one that waited that listened to everything the nurse and the doctor said. Signed out his discharge paperwork. Took him back to her apartment where her shitty roommate was bailing on the rent. “She’s moving out,” Hinata had blinked, unable to even talk shit about someone that was so shitty. “So I got the couch?” He had tried to ask as nonchalantly as possible. It was a fine couch. A normal couch. But he was coming down from the high of hundreds of pills, even if they had pumped him out and tried to drain him, sucking everything from him like a Capri sun juice. They had given him some pain pills, cause a giant ass tube down the throat and draining his stomach felt like the worlds largest dick deep throating him against his will. Plus, the fact that they thought he was depressed-- what a fucking laugh, depression? He’d probably be better right now if it was just that-- so they gave him prozac. And what they didn’t know, what they would come to find out, was that he ACTUALLY had rapid cycling, type 1 bipolar, and the antidepressants they prescribed him would actually make him worse, pushing him into mania that Hinata would be bringing him back to the hospital for very soon after. 

Strangely enough, she did not leave his ass after she found out that he was completely, forever going to be, never going to get better, fucking batshit crazy. Instead, what she did, was ask for more information, Naruto watched her, not the doctor. Watched as she calmly, asked careful questions. “What does that mean?” “What is the typical treatment?” “How often does he need to come in?” 

“I don’t have any money.” He wasn’t trying to lie to her. To get her to pay for it. He really wasn’t. He hadn’t gotten his job at Teuchi’s yet. He had actually just got fired, which probably contributed to the mental break that had just taken place in his mind not a week previously. 

Because the one person in his life that did have money, was currently not on speaking terms since he had downed his stash and had it forcibly puked out via large straw in the emergency room. It hadn’t been peaches and cream right before that either, since the big fight about a stupid girl that didn’t give a fuck about his this way or that-

Then, then there was his study buddy. His friend. Who apparently was in love with him? He was trying to wait her out. Trying to get her to just say she was joking so they could move on, and just go back to being friends. Because she was actually a really important friend to him. He knew he was pretty shitty friend in return, that he didn’t pull his weight enough to during school projects, that she offered to pay for his lunch or dinner way too many times and he never had enough money to pay it back. 

She turned to him, and he didn’t know it at the time, but it would be something that would happen a lot, so many times, too many times. She placed her small, pale hand on his arm, over the material of his ratty striped sweatshirt, and gave him a look that he had never seen from another person before. A tight smile. A blink of her beautiful (where they always this beautiful?) eyes at him and gave him a little nod. A polite way to tell him to stuff his gourd. And she would be taking care of it. 

He needed someone to take care of him. She desperately needed to take care of someone. 

They were perfect for each other.

A match made in heaven.

“What’s wrong? Are you tired?” She leaned against the counter, Argus laying at her feet, chewing his treat.

Naruto had needed her. Really. He probably would’ve died without her a hundred times over. 

But, that wasn’t a healthy life to live. And it broke in spectacular misery. 

That was over, though. And they were different. Maybe he would always kind of need her, and maybe she would always want to take care of him, but it was different. They were more normal now. Healthy. 

“I’m good. These from Ino?” He held up the magazines.

“Is that why you’re being weird?” He watched her body freeze up a little, the narrowing of her eyes.

“I’m not being weird,” He laughed, because some things don’t seem to change. “Can you relax for like five seconds.”

“I am relaxed,” She pressed.

“I wanna do something with you.”

He watched her cheeks warm. “Is this like a sex thing, cause I’m still dressed-”

“No!” He cut her off laughing. Like that had ever stopped him before. Had she even seen herself in those clothes? He had never been playing when he called them sexy. “No, I wanna do something new.”

Hinata looked to the side for a second blinking. “This still sounds like a sex thing.”

“Later. But first, why don’t we do something that you wanna do?”

She laughed a little, the kind of laugh you do when you’re uncomfortable, or trying to deflect. “What are you talking about.”

“Let’s do something that you want to do tonight.”

“I like doing what we usually do.”

“We don’t do anything.”

“We do things.” She pouted. “What kind of things do you want to do?”

“This isn’t about me. I wanna do what you wanna do.”

She bit her lip, breathing in through her nose, her eyes blinking for a second. He knew what she was doing. Searching for something that he wanted her to say. But it wasn’t like that. 

He wasn’t the asshole, throwing away the dinner she made, punching the walls. He wasn’t trying to make her do something she didn’t want to do. If she really said that she just wanted to stay in and order food and cuddle on the couch with Argus than that was fine. 

He got up quickly, feeling guilty. This was exactly the opposite of what he wanted to do. “Hey, hey, never mind. I’m sorry. I’m not trying to psych you out or anything-” His hands wrapped around her waist, pulling her close. “I just wanted to do something nice with you. It’s okay if you don’t wanna do anything. It wasn’t like a trick question or anything baby.”

She leaned her head on his shoulder. “Sorry.”

“No, what the f- you don’t need to be sorry. I should’ve just talked like a normal human being and should’ve just asked what you wanted for dinner or something. Sorry.”

“Wait,” She blinked up at him. “There is, one thing I want to do.”

Naruto smirked a little until she pinched him. “Ow,”

“It’s not a sex thing.”


End file.
